Enjoying (Still) Being Young

I came to the realization the other day (with the help of "older" friends) how awesome it is to still be in my mid-twenties. At this stage, I can still manage to do these things that I (probably, but don't count me out) won't be able to do in around 5 years (aka when that magical "big 3-0 birthday) hits:


1.) sleep on command. It's great to be able to fall into bed and just fall asleep. No tossing, turning, no nothing.

2.) Take a trip to Japan on a whim. A little planning and booking flights needed, but really didn't have to answer to anybody, bring anybody along (more under the "I'm still single" benefits list, but that comes with the "being young" package, I guess.

3.) Run everyday. Still could do this later, but at a higher opportunity cost (of doing other things like spending times with kids, let's say)

4.) Being active in dodgeball. It's one thing to move around and throw, but getting low to the ground and diving on to the floor to make catches: that's a different story. Elbows, knees, and other body parts will NOT be happy later on.

5.) Driving with complete coordination. Hand-eye coordination, how I enjoy you now and how I miss you. That said, I just got into a (very minor) accident the other day, but really generally being able to see all around naturally and follow your movements over are

6.) Eat whatever......I've always got the safety blanket that whatever I eat (as unhealthy and fatty as it may be) I can always burn it off later.

7.) Watch football on Sundays with "the guys" (and play fantasy football).......Who am I kidding I'm never giving this up.

8.) Being able to make fun of older people........yea even now doing this feels weird because you know one day you're going to be one of those people (if you're lucky).

9.) Healing from a cut quickly.........the other day I very stupidly reached into my bag where I had left a shaving razor and cut my hand on it, making a suprisingly deep cut on my middle finger and losing some blood. It healed in about 24 hours and I have no more pain. I've always said I'm kind of like Wolverine in that department, but even Logan's got to lose his healing powers as he gets older, right?

10.) Make some bad decisions. When you're young, you can take risks. And taking risks sometimes means making bad decisions. Those are Ok when you're young cuz you learn from them. You don't get that luxury when you're older. Make those mistakes now, Robert, and learn, LEARN!!!!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Getting Back in the Flow

Seems I've missed out on a year of news stories. And being as this is the last month of the year and the time when all the "Top Things of 2012" come out including "Top News Stories of 2012," etc., it's time to recap all the stories in order of what I think are the top news stories, as well as questions I ask that show how uninformed I am, but may be on the minds of the typical American/ fantasy sports blogger.




Greece on brink of financial meltdown: My question is, how did Greece get this way? And why is it Greece? Not like Germany, with a history of economic stagflation and catastrophic events? Or Russia, with its transition from a socialist to capitalistic society? No, Greece.....a country known more for its rich history and mythological gods and creatures. Not even sure who the president/leader of Greece is, but certainly whoever it is hasn't done enough to be famous as the butt of jokes for all international economic study. What's going on, Greece?

Hacktivists: Don't these people have anything else to do with their lives? Like getting a real job? I am not a fan of the fact that these hackers are considered "cool" or "hipster."

Hurricane Sandy: That's tough. Just saw "Twister"  and realize the extent of damage storms can cause. Different storm, but that must have been an unbearable week. I've so far dodged all weather-related catastrohies in the U.S. for the last 20 years........can I keep dodging these bullets?

Batman shooting: Every year there's random acts of violence like this: See school shootings, Gabrielle Giffords shooting in Arizona, this. Makes me wonder about gun control, especially deadly assault weapons. He wouldn't have killed 12 people and wounded 58 others if he just had a pistol. Also, I know the pool of U.S. citizens is huge, but is there any way to monitor and control the crazies. Probably futile, but we're all at risk because of a few of these people.

Jerry Sandusky: This year's Casey Anthony trial, except a lot more insidious. My prediction that more child molestation stories would come out came true, but on a much lower scale (fortunately). Sandusky was the head of the beast, and it was ugly. May that stuff never happen again.

U.S. Presidential Election: 
One where the media probably made the election closer than it seemed. According the media, the race was down to the wire. According to the media, Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, Colorado, and any number of swing states were in play. According to the media, election night was supposed to be tense, and may not have been decided for many weeks. And then election night came......much like a heavily hyped Sunday Night Football game, the election got one-sided really quickly and suddenly, Ohio was projected for Obama, Pennsylvania was projected for Obama, and then about an hour and a half into the election coverage, Obama was projected to be the winner. As I expected all along. Like a lot of commentators stated, the bottom line is, the incumbent has an advantage, especially one as charismatic and sophisticated (at the same time! Wow!) as Obama, who's one of the country's biggest celebrities at this point, and his exquisite handling of foreign policy was sufficient to overcome the problems with economic deficiencies (rightly or wrongly attributed to the President). O and Mitt Romney was just not strong enough of a candidate.

What's actually more important are the local elections, actually. Your vote actually matters (especially for people in California, let's say) and they much more directly affect you. As a guy who has never voted before, I resolve to vote in the next election (no matter where I am) if only for the local (and state) politics.

Lessons from Japan, Part II

11.) No matter what, no matter where you are, no matter what time of the day it is, be at a computer with internet access 15 minutes before 10:00AM Pacific time on Sunday morning. You never know what might happen right before the first NFL games kickoff, especially for fantasy football. I personally braved the langugage gap and the deepest of nights in god-knows-where Japan at 3:00AM to set my lineup. Lesson here: fantasy football comes first. 

12.) Here's an idea: a monkey park where anyone can come and see about 2 hundred monkeys in their natural habitat, as well as get peanuts/fruit/chips to give to the monkeys in an enclosed area to get the experience of "feeding the animals." Also included: a very scenic view of an entire city whence you just came. Good idea or bad idea? Well, this worked n Kyoto, Japan.......probably the highlight of my trip, feeding monkeys and watching them mess with each other/scratch their behinds/urinate freely while getting a great glimpse of the whole expanse of the second largest city in Japan. 

Picture that same monkey park.......in Los Angeles, CA. Up high, somewhere around Griffith Observatory or right near the Getty Center. I think it'd work. 

13.) Don't go to Himeji castle: not open after 4:00PM, far out of the way of anything, main building not open until 2015. Jus check it out on the internet or something. 

14.) Take out all the money you think you mae at the beginning of the trip, at the airport. The currency exchange process is unnecessarily difficult, in my opinion. I had to go to a post office, give my name, my passport, social security number, life savings deposit, favorite color, etc., etc..........just not a great experience; it was like I was checking into prison or applying for a heart transplant. Guys, it's real simple, I give you $100 American dollars, you give me 8000 Yen, minus a little for your commission. I'm not trying to rip you guy off or anything, seriously. 

15.) It's probably me, but I LOOOOOOVVVEEEE getting on a train right before it closes its doors and get off. Knowing that I JUST made it it somewhere really excites me. Like I got away with highway robbery. All right it's definitely just me. Plus, half the time I realize I'm not even on the right train. 

16.) But that leads to my next point: you can afford to get on a train without knowing exactly which one it is, or go towards a shrine without knowing where it is, try a new food you've never heard of before, or talk to someone with the proper training in Japanese.....you can afford to take risks. If you ge off or on the wrong train, you can always take the next train, arriving 5 or 7 minutes later (even in the reverse direction). If you go towards the wrong shrine, that shrine could be just as beautiful. If you talk to one Japanese person and they just stare at you with a blank look, you can just ask someone else. Doesn't hurt to try new things. 

17.) Japan is PRECISE: the gardens are managed precisely, the trains run on time, the Japanese language is spoken with precision. No shortcuts or unfinished jobs in this country, they know what they're doing. 

18.) Another idea based on animals: a city fully devoted to the deer, who is a holy messenger and considered an honored guest of the city. Deer roam all around the city; people, buses, and cars all have to stop for them. Tourists come from all around to see them; they go to tourists whom they know have food and want to feed them. GREAT IDEA! Imagine if you're a city like Milwaukee, you don't have much tourism, you're not really known for anything, and you have a sports franchise named the bucks. Get a city permit for the deer, avoid animal strict liability lawsuits, ship 1000 deer from like the Minnesota backwoods, cut off horns of the males to make sure they don't gore somebody, and have a great home court advantage for all Bucks games. The advertising campaign is already made: "Fear the Deer." TNT cutaways to the deer munching on grass outside the stadium. If you're Milwaukee, why WOULDN'T you do that? This message was approved by Robert, running for mayor of Milwaukee 2020. 

19.) NEVER take the Kodama train. It's technically a "Shinkansen" line meaning it's a "bullet train" and should go really fast, but I really wanted to just take a bullet and apply it to myself, cuz it stops at each station and is parked a LONG time at each of those stations. As if people don't have somewhere to be. Take the Hikari or Sakura instead if you have a JR pass. 

20.) Have fun. Don't stress about money, schedule, language, food, and (definitely not) work during vacation. Take a vacation. Especially now that I'm a "responsible adult" and realize how rare vacations come along, I value these things a lot more. Fantasize about something: fantasize about living in a foreign country, living a different lifestyle, being a different person. Lose yourself. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan. 

The movie gluttony 2012

On my way to and from Japan, I watched exactly 10 movies, of varying qualities. Btw, Korean Airlines, for having tickets available for $800+ to Japan round-trip, has nice service, including a nice selection of movies, and up-to-date, a lot of 2012 hits and new releases. I tried to select a wide array of releases, genres, and actors/actresses. This is NOT including the 5 minutes I gave "Out of Africa" (couldn't bear with it) or "The Life of Timothy Green" that I literally fell asleep through. I honestly gave these movies an honest viewing and neutral mindset going in, not what I usually do, which is try to watch a movie while doing other things. I also hadn't seen the IMDB ratings for these movies, so

Watching 10 movies (4 on the way over there, 6 on the way back) has its percs: you've really got nothing else to do: reading gets boring after awhile, sleeping requires being in the right state, and and daydreaming is only exciting for so long. You get small screen, the screen can move depending on the person in front of you, and the headphone quality can get spotty, and the captain always wants to interrupt you with the completely extraneous news that "Hey we hit turbulence again!" I mean, what else are you going to do when sitting in the middle seat of a double-digit hour flight in economy class, with no legroom, poor lighting, and no access to the internet? the airplane movie probably was one of the best inventions in airplane-related history; it's like the the armchair sofa to the TV.

Without further ado, here are my top 10 movies that I saw, in order from worst to first:

10.) Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - seriously, what was this? Besides being completely unbelievable even at the end of the world that a 55-year-old boring dude whose wife just left him would fall in love with a 28-year-old hyppy woman within about 36 hours, this a character development movie that had Steve Carell and Kiera Nightly being the wrong characters. And unlike the other cruddy movies on this list, it didn't have any comedy or action to even salvage it. It's like right before one of your friends is about to make a horrible decision and you just wanna yell, NO!!! NO!!!!....that's what I wanted to tell the producers when they decided to make this movie. I wholly wish I could have had my 90 minutes back. (Rotten Tomatoes 55%- they had an extra 5 in there).
9.) Men in Black III - you'd think with all those years in between and the "Back in Time" storyline it'd be good, especially as a 3rd movie in a franchise, but this was really just bad. I coulda sniffed the plot a mile away, no love interest for either J or K, the time travel thing had more holes in it than Spongebob Squarepants. Wasn't there a time when Men in Black was good to watch? Maybe that was just me as a kid liking all movies (Rotten Tomatos 69%- woulda went MUCH lower)
8.) The Watch - was barely watchable. Ben Stiller and Vince Vaugh not funny, Jonah Hill kinda funny but not enough to salvage it. Once the aliens started popping up, the plane ride and this movie mercifully ended. (17%- about right, maybe a little higher for a tad of comedic value if you were in a lonely, lonely place and needed something, anything)
7.) Snow White and the Huntsman
- This got really weird to me, and half the time I kept thinking how Charlize Theron looked worse than she did in Monster, Kristin Stewart is just in some bad movies, and why there's like talking birds and mass violence in this Snow White story I used to know. Manageable with a bit of intrigue, but it's like a butterless piece of undercooked toast......you can do better.  (Rotten Tomatoes: 49%- I'd have went lower)
6.) Brave - seriously one of the worst Disney movies I've ever seen, and that's a euphemistic insult (the opposite of a backhanded compliment) in the sense that I at least grouped it as a Disney movie (commonly known as instant classics the second they came out). This was not. I couldn't feel any empathy for the main character (bad sign), the Scottish accents were horrible, and nothing was even solved. And there wasn't really even a villain!!!!!! No wonder Brave, for all the hype going in, got no pub after it came out. Disney/Pixar probably just wants to pretend that one never came out and start publicizing the next one.
Note: Instantly regretted not seeing Ice Age 3, which was also available as my "cartoon flick". (Rotten Tomatoes 78%- I woulda went MUCH lower)
5.) Safe -at this point watching a Jason Statham movie is like going to the zoo: You know you're gonna get a bit of excitement, you know exactly which roads to take and plot twists you're gonna get, but you go anyway and you still get some pleasure out of it. And there was a bit of a plot here, not great but made you watch.(Rotten Tomatos 57%- about right, a very bread-and-butter formula for mild success movie)
4.) Celeste and Jesse Forever (Rotten Tomatoes 70%)- also another one that Rotten Tomatoes got about right. Interesting stories, very believable (including the artsy-guy-has-awesome girlfriend and good looks but-doesn't-wanna-get-a-job part) that isn't heartbreaking but good enough to get me a glimpse of another lifestyle and all the rough edges of living out life. I'll say that it was a very interesting ending given the name of the movie, but like many good movies it wasn't about the ending, it was how they got there).
3.) The Amazing SpiderMan (Rotten Tomatoes -73%).... once again, Rotten Tomatoes, spot on. 20 minutes in I realized I knew the exact plot of this movie having seen the cartoons and Doc Croc (they called him the Lizard, which is just factually inaccurate but I'll live), but the movie still was pretty good, which is a good sign. Seems like the start of a great franchise with a better (than Tobey McGuire as Spiderman and the That-70's-guy guy as Green Goblin) Spiderman.
2.) Ted- great. Lots of toilet humor, sexual humor, crude humor to the point of being excessive, but that just made it excessively funny. Exactly what I was looking for to start off my trip to Japan, a laugh-out-loud comedy with at least one hot chick (Mila Kunis never disappoints, although there were some lookers amongst the co-workers). (69%- the movie was better than that, America's just a bunch of haters on this movie.....a great comedy and a great lesson on growing up).
1.) Safety Not Guaranteed- accidentally clicked on this just searching desperately for a good movie after having endured through Brave. No. 1 choice and boy was this movie a surprise. It wasn't a great start, and there were parts I was plenty confused about and "where is this going?" but the ending was just great and just tied everything up before that, one of the better endings I've seen for a long time that made me going "Wow" at the end of it. I'll say that it's a movie about believing, about trying something new, and a little laughter and romance in between. It's somewhat a movie about time travel, and it handled it miles better than Men in Black did: it built it up, it gave reasons for the time travel, it made the time travel realistic in terms of real life, "Can this time travel thing actually happen?" Absolutely smart and well put-together, you actually feel smarter coming out of it (unlike many of the movies on this list). Just like the theme of the movie, it made you consider trying new things again and taking a chance on things (and people). Can't recommend it more highly.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Lessons from Japan, Part I

Just came storming back from a trip to Japan...Tokyo, Kyoto, Nara, Hiroshima, Osaka, Narita, the little sushi stand at the train station in Himeji....you name it, I went there. A whirlwind of a trip (not of the hurricane or tsunami kind) and left quite an impression. Not really, unless you count the number of Japanese natives who were frustrated and impatiently waiting while I tried to understand what they ere saying or showing my inability to conjure up basic Japanese greetings and phrases.

Anyway, here are some life lessons when visiting Japan:

1.) Stay to the Left! Like the little-known and less-remembered Rihanna hit "To the left, to the left," that's what you should be singing to yourself walking (or driving) in the streets of Japan. Can't tell you how unnatural it felt to do so, fighting my every instinct, as well as how many times I almost collided with an incoming stranger because he (rightly) went left and I (not rightly) went right. (See what I did there?) That should be in every traveler's manual and tourbook about Japan. It's irresponsible not to.

2.) Sewer systems in Japan leave something to be desired. First night in Tokyo, big downpour. My Nike shoes were not well-equipped, but the real problem was the puddliness on the streets of Tokyo. I didn't see sewers or gutters anywhere. One would almost think they're not well-suited to handle water!


3.) Flip a coin when you have to talk to a random Japanese person..........about a 50% chance that person will know English and be able to converse. Relatively good odds, I'd say, for a non-European/Australian country with no history of being dominated by an English-speaking culture.

4.) Most toilets (the ones that aren't just squat-and-go, i.e. just a pit) have a Japanese symbol that means "big" and another one that means "little." Not sure about what that meant, but I have some ideas. I think it has to do with how much water is needed for flushing, if you get my "drift."

5.) unlike a lot of places I've been too (many of them in China), it smells......neutral.

6.) Subways are Amaaaaaaaaaaazing. L.A. city developers, here are tickets to Tokyo, Japan....please go through the subway system and learn from the efficiency and convenience of that city. The subways get anyone from anywhere to anywhere else, and fast.......the trains run on time, there are a lot of them, and Los Angeles needs them. NOW.

6a) Subway stations are its own little city. They have food, internet cafes, etc.... even its own map in case you get lost within the station (which I did). Quick traveler's tip: If you don't know where your hotel is yet and need to drop your luggage off somewhere quick, use the "coin lockers" at subway stations so you can just explore a city and then get out quick-like.

7.) Shin- (insert city here in Japan) is NOT the same as (insert city here). Don't make the same mistake I did and wind up in the wrong city altogether and 2 subway lines away from where I wanted to be. Not a pleasant experience.


8.) Shhhhhhh......don't talk on the trains!!!!! In fact, don't talk to anybody anywhere, is the general vibe I get. Not very communicative, except for the tourist-industry people.

9.) Sumo wrestling: Yea, not the most inventive sport ever invented. It's like when a little kid gets their first pair of monster truck toys and mashes them together to see which one will win.....it's really just brute force, in my opinion. Also, it's like horse racing or MMA fight: a LOT of build-up for not much action. The "wrestlers" throw salt around, prance around, and do the crowd favorite move (apparently): slap their naked abdominal area. The crowd cheers. O, and what's that about collusion and fixed matches? Yea, definitely rumors of that.

9a) And how do the wrestlers get so humongous? Most of the people in Japan are, for a lack of a better word, shrimpy, definitely not wide or fatty. And that's because of the food........there's just not a lot of it .They eat delicate, they eat exquisite, they eat seafood. They don't eat fatty, they don't eat a lot (judging by the amount of food I received every time I bought udon noodles.

10.) I wonder sometimes if a Japanese speaker, knowing that a tourist doesn't know a lick of Japanese and having been adequately provoked, just says "screw you" to that tourist. Can't believe that's never happened, certainly I gave enough reason to.

11.) Lot of "Hai's" meaning yes. No, thy're not saying hi to you, and you saying "hai" to them is just the equivalent of going around to everyone saying "Yes," "Yes," "Yes" to everything. The epitome of a Yes Man.

FantasySportGuru Headhunter Letter, Part IV

Dear Fantasy Basketball Manager,

We are pleased to bring you our fourth annual headhunter letter, longer and better than before. We at the Fantasy SportsGuru Headhunter, Inc. do not promise any results from our recommended candidates; individual results may vary. Last year, for instance, we were in error when we brought to you Russell Westbrook and Jrue Holiday, who true to their UCLA Bruin ways, failed to live up to expectations, especially in the instance of one Mr. Holiday. The lesson was, in this instance, to never trust anyone named “Jrue.” Here in 2012, we have thoroughly researched the diverse applicant pool and come to conclusions on several remarkable candidates.

One Alfred Joel Horford Reynoso (a.k.a. Al Horford) has thoroughly impressed us this season due to his dedicated work ethic, ability to work with colleagues, and positive contributions in multiple capacities (points, rebounds, assists, steals, FG%, etc.) Now separated from cancerous former colleagues (Joe Johnson), Mr. Horford will be coming back strong from a injury-plagued season

Another strong candidate is a young man with great credentials who has already reached the highest level of the college ranks is one Anthony Davis, who has thoroughly impressed all experts while winning the national championship in his first year. He will have quite a challenge adjusting to the professional ranks, but his elite skill set has really never been witnessed before in our industry. Do not be put off by his massive unibrow; Scoff at the rumors that he is not even human; enjoy this man’s role as the backbone of your organization’s defensive strategy.

Emerging from the backwoods of Timberwolves country, Luke Ridnour is a renowned sharpshooter who distributes passes with the precision of a proficient hunter during duck season in the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes. He has proven to be a strong adhesive in any team environment, and his salary demands will be very miniscule. He will provide his own lunch and bring his lunch pail to work. Please consider this underrated candidate as a source of glue to solidify your organization.

As always, we must caution you against some fraudulent candidates who will only weigh you down. This is our official statement that we cannot sign off on these candidates.

Tyreke Evans is a very exciting professional and can create flickers of hope for the downtrodden masses of Sacramento with some aesthetically-pleasing performances, but upon a closer look at numbers, he weighs down the team in various capacities (FG%, FT%, TO) and may do more harm than good. Steer clear.

We have always appreciated Mr. Dwayne Wade’s “Fall Down Seven, Get up Eight” attitude and charitable spirit in giving Sports Utility Vehicles to random children, but we believe he has engaged in a downward spiral and is not keeping up with the new age. His demeanor has also shifted for the worse, becoming abrasive at neutral officials and testy with other colleagues not named LeBron James. Mr. Wade’s best years, as can be said about Mr. Bryant and Mr. Duncan before, are behind him.

Finally, despite his heroic efforts and superhuman shows of ability, Dwight Howard has never been able to cure his biggest weaknesses (lack of offensive skill and charity stripe work), and now entering his 9^th season, a change of scenery to the bright lights of Hollywood and the sharp criticisms of Kobe Bryant might be a turn for the worst. Recent reports are that Mr. Howard is not yet ready to work, and even does pass a physical he will not justify the price that you must pay for his services. Please do not invest in the services of this man.

We know that you will have many questions and doubts throughout the season about your employees, invovling many trials and tribulations, and you will develop personal relationships with the employees that you do eventually hire. We recommend that you hire mostly with cold hard facts and our numbers, (partly because if you don't in real life there's bound to be employment litigation in your future), but also so that you can have fun with your employees (short of finding yourself in a closet with your pants down with them); you will enjoy yourself if you enjoy those you surround yourself with.

Fantasize on,

Fantasysportguru Headhunter, Inc.

Chairman, President, and Omicient Ruler

Playoffs? We Talking bout Playoffs?

In this post I flip the whole  playoffs notion on its head.  

First off, About 2 weeks ago I endured one of the most taxing experiences in human life: going through a fantasy baseball playoff season. It was only 2 weeks, but it felt like forever. Happened 2 weks ago,but I’m still recovering from it.

1.)    Have to set your lineup every day.

2.)    Have to interpret weather patterns and cold fronts moving through the Midwest to the East Coast to see how it will affect the evening Tuesday games.

3.)    Makes me interested in Astros v. Marlins at the end of the season when both teams are a combined 64.5 games out.

4.)    There are some young guys who EXCEL at the end of the season for various reasons, either because they’ve finally been given some playing time, they’re playing for a new contract, the pitchers they face are September call-ups, etc.

5.)    Pitchers’ starts get moved around a LOT. And at a whim.

6.)    You get texts from your opponent all the time regarding what happened.

7.)    Anything can happen in a one-week playoff. Unfortunately, the best team doesn’t always win. (Just ask the managers in my USC Law league, who saw a regular season with 2 dominant teams who got byes as the #1 and #2 seeds only to see the #6 seed beat the No. 3, No. 2, and No.1 seeds in a epic run in the playoffs where each matchup was decided on the last day, even the last game, of the week.  *See note below about playoffs.

8.)    You need to be not working to fully enjoy it. Unfortunately, I won’t have that luxury for about 45 years.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you like them,) a playoff system is an imperfect way of deciding who the “best team” is. The playoffs are exciting, they get great ratings, and they provide some sort of way to “resolve” the season in an elimination format, in a sort of “do-or-die” system where there’s a winner, or a loser. As exciting as it is, its flaws are that it 1.) neutralizes the regular season as almost irrelevant besides determining “byes” and who actually makes the playoffs. Important to narrow a 30-team field to say, 16 teams (like in the NBA), but it really doesn’t reward the teams who had a great regular season, as 2.) the moment the playoffs begin, the regular season becomes irrelevant. Basically, 80% of the season (in most sports) is the regular season, and it’s totally made irrelevant as soon as the playoffs begin. 3.)There is no “clutch” playoff team. I’m in the camp where teams don’t magically “become a great playoff team because they’re clutch,” it’s just luck. Teams get hot all the team, at the beginning of the season, in the middle of the season, whatever, “great playoff teams” just happen to get hot at the best time, the end of the season. There’s ways to increase that chance of “being great in the postseason,” by saving your studs or trying to get the most favorable schedule, for instance, but teams inherently don’t just “get to another level” in the playoffs. 4.) It gives random, less-deserving winners. There’s been a rash of teams both in my fantasy leagues and real sports. 2011 St. Louis Cardinals, 2012 New York Giants, 2010 San Francisco Giants, 2011 Green Bay Packers, just to name a few: had mediocre regular seasons, barely squeezed into the playoffs, then made epic runs through the playoffs. Great television, certainly, and in a way “deserved” because they beat the so-called “best teams,” but were they really the “best” team that year? What if their one-month run happened in the early parts of the regular season? It’d just be a “nice winning streak,” nothing special. It makes us totally forget about the teams who were “best from start to almost-finish (right before they lost in the playoffs) of those years, including the 2011 Philadelphia Phillies, the 2012 Green Bay Packers, etc. Certainly we like playoff system in that they “pit the best teams against each other at the end of the season and may the best team win,” but let’s just remember what it is: an imperfect way of determining a champion of a sport.

The most “pure” system of determining a champion of a league, in my opinion, is actually the college football system. (where there’s no playoffs---- I know, like 85% of the world disagrees with me). Remember, though, I’m saying “purest” or “most pure” (whichever one is grammatically correct), not “ the best.” In college football, EVERY game matters in terms of trying to win a championship because if you lose, you are out of the national championship hunt. The regular season IS the playoff; no games are irrelevant, every game could end your season. (Witness USC @ Stanford 2012). The best 2 teams that play for the national championship at the end of the year are the 2 teams that have played “the best” throughout the season, managing no losses or one loss to a worse team. Now, obviously the BCS has BIG problems like why a certain 12-1 team gets to go to the national title game rather than another 12-1 team, but in terms of allowing the regular season to dictate the champions, that is pure.

However, for my sports viewing, I’m all for playoffs. It means high stakes, great action, and an excuse to sit around with friends watching athletes compete at the highest level with everything on the line. I’m a fan.  

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Jury Duty

The Jury Duty system is one of he many things wrong with America.

Yes, from the negative tone of this first sentence, I was summoned to jury duty yesterday, and I did NOT like it. 2nd time in 3 years.......the first time, my name actually got called and I was pulled into a courtroom, but I wasn't selected as part of the panel. This time, I literally sat in a room all day for 8 hours watching my life flash before my eyes, trying to read my book(s) comfortably but failing to do so due to the sheer number of people around me and the noise level, as well as the fact you're in jury duty and just don't want to do anything anyway.

The jury duty process is just an inane abuse of time. It happens first because America is one of the only countries to use a jury system, a trial by a group of one's peers that somehow "reflect the general consciousness of society, as the theory goes. Never mind that these peers could be vastly uninformed, know nothing about the law, and could be the most despicable people on the face of the earth; or worse, they could be lawyers. In the system, the judge, the lawyers, in fact the whole judicial system, comes down to what happens in a room where random people select what happens to one person. It really unnecessarily puts the power of deciding things in a group that really doesn't deserve to, nor should.

The next problem of this "jury" process is getting all the jurors: I counted at least 150-200 people selected for jury duty on the day I was there. About 90 of those people (about half) were actually called into a courtoroom, much less actually paneled, so that out of 180 or so 20 people probably got selected, a nice 11% batting average, while 89% of the people there wasted their day in jury duty, 50% of those not even leaving the jury waiting room (like me- not holding a grudge or anything). And that's just the people in Ventura County Superior Court, an offshoot of the Los Angeles Superior Court system, on a Monday. Talk about fantasy football or iPhones negatively affecting workplace productivity, jury duty has to be a main culprit preventing Americans from working.

And the reason we need those 180-200 people every day is also due to an inane and inexplicable judicial process: Courts set about 100 cases or so for trial on the same day about 6 months in advance, hoping (and crossing their fingers) that most of them will settle, so that of the few that haven't settled, they can deal with those on the day of their trial. However, because the Court doesn't know how many of those 100 or cases might settle or not settle, they call a whole bunch of jurors in every day "just in case" they have a lot of cases. There's an easy solution to this: a week or 2 weeks before trial, CALL the lawyers on the cases and see if they've settled or not and still need a trial. If it has already settled, CROSS THEM OFF THE LIST. This is a job that one court clerk can do, instead of pull 200 people from their everyday working lives (where some of them don't get paid for that day of jury duty) and have them sit in a room all day, with not exactly the most comfortable of seats neither.


Now that I've worked myself into a huff, here are some other things we could have instead of Jury Duty day that would be more productive:


1.) "Appreciate Each Other" Day: People from all walks of life are summoned to a park or community center or some sort of large area and just talk about life, talk through their problems, learn about what others do. Every 3 years, you get a nice "recharge. Group activities like fun icebreakers, 2 truths and a lie, "One thing I love about my job and One thing I hate" are all good ideas to get started.

2.) "Physical Fitness" Day: People are called into to a gym and play different sports that they might not normally try, not only to get them physically active for that day but to get them interested in sports that they might try. Climbing wall, rope climb, volleyball, you name it. Dodgeball would be included. Seems like a great investment considering we're the "most obese country in the nation."

3.) "Driving Tips Day": Especially with new cell phone laws and new distractions like texting, seems like a great investment for our personal health to have this day for everyone, everyone go to a DMV and get updates on driving, with driving simulators, like a driving checkup. Doesn't sound as fun as the other 2, but the utilitarian benefits of that would be huge.

4.) Government Day: Everyone go in every 4 years (for every new 4-year Presidential term) and learn about new laws, regulations, policies, etc. that government has created, whether federal, state, municipal, etc. just to inform everyone about the laws. This would help society by, you know, PREVENTING PEOPLE FROM BREAKING LAWS.

Anyway, it won't be another year until Jury Duty day for me, but as evident from this post I will be eagerly awaiting that day again.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Prayer

I almost never talk about religion. I never voluntarily bring up religion in conversation (to me, it's a divisive topic that I don't know that much about and one that's hard to utilize a "cheap joke" at, so I avoid it. Many people feel strongly about it). I don't like to talk about my own religion, or lack thereof. My parents never took me to church, my parents never talked to me about religion. My friends don't talk about religion. People from different religions reach out to me from time to time, but I don't commit to anyone. I don't read religious books. I have not read the Bible or any other sacred literature. I do not observe religious holidays, except when they also happen to be federal holidays. I do not try to convince anyone that my way of viewing religion is correct. I do not pause for a prayer before meals unless I'm the guest of someone who does.


To me, there's no "correct" answer for religion. As I've mentioned before, I believe there is a higher power, just not necessarily the ones that the major religions believe to exist.

But the point of this article is, I pray. And I'm not talking about the "Prayer for Relief" that I write in lawsuit complaints. I'm talking about the prayer that most associate with communicating to a higher power, the definition : a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to an object of worship.


I pray before I got to bed. I do not pray often enough; I often forget because I have had a long day and am ready to go to bed. When I do pray, I do not fold my hands together or do anything with my hands. When I pray, I use my mind to communicate to "whoever it is" if they're listening. I used to pray for myself. I used to pray for my fantasy team. I used to pray for selfish things. I no longer pray for those things as the purpose of prayer and appealing to a higher power, I believe, should not be a selfish endeavor, and I've already been blessed enough in my life.

I pray for peace in the world. I pray for justice to be served. I pray for the weak to be relieved of oppression from their oppressors. I pray for the hopeless to become hopeful. I pray for a miracle for one person who's given up. I pray for sickness to become prosperity. I pray for death to become life. I pray for fairness, for equality, for good to be rewarded.

I pray for specific people. I pray for my family to stay healthy. I pray for people I meet randomly to be granted their wishes. I pray for people who are in agony to be relieved of their pain. I pray for non-specific things as well.

I pray for forgiveness sometimes when I have done something wrong. I pray I have the ability to prevent those mistakes from happening again. I pray that I become a better person. I know I have the ability to control myself more than prayer will.

I usually do not know if these prayers are granted. I know my family has stayed safe. I know prayer helps me stay grounded. I pray that my prayers have some good for someone in this life.


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

A Day in the Life of the Fantasy Baseball Playoffs

Note: I have not changed names of league members because I doubt anyone minds. However, if anyone wants their name "redacted," let me know. I do not want to be sued for defamation/slander, IIED, etc. 

September 12, 2012. The day after the 11^th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, news out of Libya that the U.S. ambassador and 2 others were killed in an extremist attack. Season premiere of “Glee” set to debut on Fox. In the USC Law Fantasy Baseball playoffs, however, it’s Day 3 of the Opening Round and things are gloomy in Bobbyland. Facing a similar opponent as his last 2 times in the playoffs (like Lance and Portelli, beat Vikas twice in the regular season, theoretically have tiebreaker, also in the 4-5 matchup), Bobby, like the last 2 times, is trailing in both hitting and pitching categories. On the last 2 occasions, Bobby basically lost on Wednesday (Blanton got lit up, Portelli threw 2 more great starts). Today needs to go differently. It HAS to. Doesn’t help that the Mustachios already have 7 R’s, 5 HR’s, and 13 RBI’s, and a .345 avg to boot. Meanwhile, in the other Goldberg and Clark’s offenses have been anemic; pitching gives Clark slight edge, as well as his higher seed.

8:00AM. Wake up. Had trouble sleeping lamenting why I started Jaime Garcia on Monday, who got rocked. Anxiously head to work.

9:00AM. Get to work. Check Rotoworld. All’s calm.  Need a big day from my 2 scrub $1 pitcher pickups, Travis Wood and Ervin Santana. What have I done?

10:00AM. Notice Goldberg is playing not one, but TWO pitchers at Cincinatti in the same game: A.J. Burnett and Homer Bailey. Does he have a death wish? Playing with fire, especially having started the unknown Samuel Deduno. Summoned to go to Glendale Superior Court. Unlike other bus stops in the LA Superior Court system not named Stanley Mosk, Glendale is……presentable.

1:00PM. Phillies-Marlins in full swing. Clark got a gem of a game from Kershaw Tuesday night, but the “new-look” Dodgers keep putting up scores like Boulean Code (101111010100……) and lose 1-0. A non-zero chance that Dodger fan Daniel Goldberg had something to do with that. Btw, is it me or does anyone else get these Goldberg & Glass updates?

3:00PM. Jimmy Rollins confirms my love for him by hitting a 2-run jack, putting the Phils up 3-1 and functionally giving Cliff (“Clifford” Lee, as Clark informs me through text) and Clark a much-needed win. Advantage, Clark. Did I mention that I beat Goldberg just enough to allow Clark to face Goldberg this week instead of take the brunt of the Mustachio onslaught? You’re welcome.

4:00PM. Evening main course begins. Box score and scoreboard watching commences; impossible to focus on work; Clark apparently can, because he forgets to insert Alex Cobb into lineup (apparently not learning from last year’s Josh Collmenter-Iphone choke/fiasco). Cobb immediately gives up 2 runs and multiple hits in the first inning and takes Clark off the hook. Goldberg gets a much needed home run from Granderson (where has he been?) early.

5:00PM. Last hour of work; completely a mess now and totally just watching baseball on my computer; Travis Wood pitching for Cubs against the hapless Astros. David Wright actually heads my instructions and converts to “Beast Mode,” stealing 2 bases. Mets still don’t score any runs though. A.J. Burnett and Homer Bailey amazingly both pitch well for Goldberg. Clark counters with Ryan Dempster vs. easy prey Indians. If there’s any justice in this world, Dempster will pitch better against the Tribe than Samuel Deduno.

6:00PM. Really getting my jollies when Robbie Cano homers, then David Murphy, Michael Young, Nori Aoki, and Alfonso Soriano (all $1 guys from the wire) all pick up consecutive hits, boom, boom boom, boom. Soriano, who has the quietest 29 HR’s and 97 RBI’s in the league, goes deep and I’m feeling good. That feeling is instantly doused when Rickie Weeks hits a 2-run jack. I soberly drive down to Angel Stadium.

7:00PM. I arrive at Angel Stadium and meet my enemy…..Vikas, of the Dastardly Mustachios. On past occasions he’s talked about how “dominant” he was last season and how “maybe he should just everyone else a chance this year because he kicked so much ass last year.” Barf. The good news is, I’m starting Ervin Santana and watching the Angels, one of the rare occasions I can wholeheartedly, enthusiastically cheer for my favorite team AND my fantasy team at the same time. The stars align.

8:00PM. The bad news is, the Angels are sucking. It’s not Santana’s fault; with 2 out and a runner on 2^nd in the first a slow hopper goes to SS Erick Aybar and he promptly boots it, leading to a run. The Angels are also allergic to hitting tonight due to a masterful performance by something named “A.J. Griffin.” Meanwhile, Vikas is busy on his Iphone, where he’s reporting what’s happening in our fantasy matchup with glee. No, Vikas, it’s not subtle when you state “oop, something good happened for me in the Chicago-Detroit game!” No, it’s not comforting when you state, “Prince Fielder just hit a 3-run jack. But hey, Angel Pagan isn’t playing for me.” Yes, it is a big deal when you have 21 RBI’s in the first 3 games on pace for 47 for the week. Apparently Vikas’s players aren’t the only ones doing damage in Chicago, as Kevin Youkilis connects for 2 HR’s and 4RBI’s for Clark, but is countered by Granderson’s 2^nd home run and Billy Butler’s 3-RBI effort. Goldberg also seems to take a sizable lead in Saves when Papa Grande Valverde converts a rocky 9^th inning.

9:00PM. Santana pitches well but will leave with a 2-0 deficit after 6 innings. Travis Wood + Ervin Santana, my 2 waiver wire adds, combine for 13 2/3 innings, 2 ER, 12 K’s, and a W. Possibly saves my season. Unfortunately, tonight will probably deplete the Halos’ season, as they’re in danger of being shut out. Meanwhile, Vikas announces, “whelp, that’s the end of the fantasy day for me! I only got 8 R’s, 3 HR’s, and 8 RBI’s. Damn.” I let out an audible groan and yell at Vernon Wells for being an expensive excuse for an outfielder. There’s about a Airport-size hole on the right side of the infield to hit through with a man on first and the Angels down 4-0 he refuses every time to hit there, flying out softly to left. Douche. Bag.

10:00PM. Can’t believe Jason Isringhausen is still alive. Less able to believe Mike Scoscia’s bringing him in in a crucial game. 4-0 A’s. We head for the exits, mercifully.

10:15PM. As we are leaving the stadium a crack of the bat is heard followed by loud cheering and fireworks. Seems like “El Hombre” has left the yard after hitting a meaningless home run making it 4-1. The guy is pure mercenary; he never comes up big and has massive Sammy Sosa Syndrome: only hits home runs when up by at least 6 or down by at least 5. Goldberg and Clark are tied 5-5 with all offensive categories extremely close; Clark with a slight lead in starting pitching but an army of pitchers for both teams still left to go, especially Hombre’s aces Price and Hamels. That matchup will be decided this weekend. Vikas is visibly happy; everyone on his team has at least 1 run scored this week, everyone except Kemp has 1 RBI. I walk out knowing I’m still down 7-3 and definitely on the ropes, but with a glimmer of hope: Jered Weaver is pitching tomorrow. One can always hope, right?

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan 

What Can Go Wrong Making a Court Appearance

Part of being a litigator (or any attorney, for that matter) is making court appearances. There are a lot of variables in making these court appearances; there's a lot that can go wrong. Here are a list of things I may or may not have done (hint: have done)  while in law school (worked for a superior law judge) and as an attorney that new attorneys can learn from and watch out for in making court appearances.



1.) Always carry extra ties. Never run out of those.

2.) Get your attire ready the day before, especially if you normally wear "casual clothing." It takes more time to get ready for a court appearance day.

3.) Carry extra copies of business cards with you. Put'em in your briefcase, your folders, your pockets, etc.

4.) Most court dates are 8:30AM, meaning you'll be in rush hour traffic, and probably heading somewhere centrally located, like a downtown or a business district. Sucks for you; leave early.

5.) Some attorneys may try to cheat and "time the appearance" by showing up 10 minutes later or something because judges don't often start exactly at 8:30AM, but some judges do, and you don't want to risk it. To pass the time, bring extra work, or something else to occupy your time, but get there before the time you're scheduled to.

6.) Know where the Courtroom is if you're in a big building. It might take some time to get to that building from the entrance. Case in point: L.A. Superior Court, Stanley Mosk Courthouse. 10 floors, slow elevators. Security line to get in is long.

7.) Know if opposing counsel is coming. Be on the lookout for him/her in case you need to exchange documents/have conversations.

8.) check in with the court clerk. As long as court clerk knows you're there, they'll try to get you in, let you go to the bathroom, etc.

9.) Be ready to say "your honor." When I was a law student I addressed the judge without saying it and was reprimanded. I haven't made that mistake again.

10.) Have all papers ready/bring the entire file.This needs to be done the previous afternoon when you get off work unless you want to come in EARLY the next morning. Never know what you might need. Put the most likely-brought up issues on top.

11.) Bring a pen. Write down everything judge says when he/she discusses your case.

12.) Bring other filings that you might want to file in the same courthouse to avoid duplicate trips or getting "runners" to do it.

13.) PARKING- parking probably deserves its own post. Park as close as you to the courthouse.

14.) Get unmetered parking- that you can stay for the whole day for.

15.) If forced to get metered parking, get the whole amount (2 hours max, get the 2 hours). You never know how long the judge's calendar is, so don't assume you'll get out at 9:30 or 10; just get the whole amount, saves you from a lot of problems if the judge doesn't get to your case in time.

16.) Let someone from your office know you're going to court- in case you're needed, or you need someone to bring something to the court that you forgot....at least you get a partner in crime.

17.) Know that it's not the end of the world if you miss a court appearance. It's not professional, it's not good, and definitely don't miss it. But if you do, you have an opportunity to show cause as to why you missed it and call the court to fix anything that is needed. But seriously, don't do it. Not even I've done that.


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Mondays

Being that it's.....Monday, here's some facts about Mondays:

1.) Waking up on Mondays is about 2.5 times tougher than on any other day. 

2.) Morning commutes on non-holiday Mondays are always bad. 

3.) The Monday after a holiday Monday is the toughest kind of Monday. 

4.) Monday mornings go by faster at work. 

5.) Some attorneys wait specifically until Monday from the weekend. 

6.) NFL fans everywhere overreact tremendously about their teams on Monday. 

7.) college football fans everywhere overreact tremendously about their teams on Monday. 

8.) People work less on Mondays than any other day except Saturday and Sunday. Just in 2012 alone, here are the Mondays that were federal holidays: 1.) New Year's Day, 2.) MLK Day, Washington's Birthday, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day (o thank god that's coming up), and Veteran's Day. 

9.) More suicides committed on Mondays than Sundays- can't state definitely the reason for this, but the way Mondays go sometimes, I can understand. One possible reason: As the unofficially recognized "first day of the week" the realization that one's life will continue indefinitely in a downward spiral and that the cycle is starting all over again may cause unstable individuals to end the pain. Can't say I approve. 

10.) More complaints probably written on Mondays, after a long weekend of things to complain about, like cancelled events, bad customer service, referees messing up games, bills that come in on Monday......It's a big day of complaining. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

How to Write a Fantasy Preview Post

I'm in a bunch of fantasy football/baseball/basketball leagues every year, and I'm usually one of the most active members; I talk smack about other teams, I make roster moves, I discuss trades with other managers. However, the one thing that I find really excites a league and makes it more competitive/aggressive/cutthroat is the addition of what I like to call the "Inflammatory Fantasy Preview." I post one to most leagues I'm in to familiarize who the league members are, what each team's team names are, which players are on which team, etc. More importantly, I analyze each team, breaking down weaknesses, strengths, needs, and managerial prowess. This is all pretty standard, kind of like ESPN "experts" breaking down teams at the beginning of each season. MOST IMPORTANTLY, though, the Inflammatory Fantasy Preview must be inflammatory and go into personal attacks, have witty humor, and include various aspects that typical expert analysis could never get into. Here's how to write the best kind of Fantasy Preview Post for each league.

1.) Begin by identifying what personalities each of your managers in your fantasy league are. This is probably a lot tougher in a public league where you don't know anyone, so best advice is to KNOW EVERYONE! Join fantasy leagues with your friends. It bonds people, plus you know them and their weaknesses and embarrassing stories. Get as much information as possible. This includes name, age, marital status, location, college (big to talk about rivalry games), hobbies, interests, most embarrassing moments, political affiliation, almost anything is fair game (don't go into family and deep, dark personal issues). Usually positive things or "funny embarrassing" things, not things that will create discord. Use your best judgment.

2.) Take mental notes each time a fantasy manager states something, in person in writing, whatever. If it's actually posted in the fantasy league site, it's basically public knowledge and has been "judicially noticed," so it's recorded for you to look back on anyway. If said to you personally, record it in your mental memory bank.

3.) Know sports. Easy way to make fun of players on other people's teams is to know their weaknesses, such as Bartolo "Big Fat" Colon or Doug "The Muscle Hamster" Martin. That way, you can show that you know what you're talking about as well as use funny nicknames for players.

4.) Use some sort of theme. Doesn't have to happen every time, but use of themes and giving every manager in the league a "personality" is always good. For example, I used a Mario Kart theme to show that one team is "short but quick," like Toad, and one team is like Bowser in that it has a lot of power, but gets out of the gate slowly. Not only will you get credit for your league for evincing nostalgic memories of childhood (and for some, still-played) video games, it gives you a chance to make fun of times indirectly. Other themes I've used (should be pretty well-known): The Wire, Game of Thrones, Star Wars, Halloween "what kind of monster would your team be?"

5.) Go for the cheap joke. If you have writer's block, Don't be afraid to just name-call, tease, call someone a drunkard. As long as the rest of your post is primarily based on facts, the cheap laugh is a nice way to finish up analysis of a certain team. Stuff like "if losses meant consuming bottles of alcohol, this team would never be sober." That way, you conclude your analysis of how bad that team is, and you finish with an analogy, adding some variety, some diversity, to the post.

6.) Give people nicknames. Some will stick, some won't stick. This could be based on actual name, team name, etc. In one fantasy football team a caucasian manager named Daniel has gone by "White Dan" for going on three seasons.

7.) Use the information from No. 1 and No. 2 relentlessly. In case of No. 2, post 3 months later what that manager said with information that completely contradicts that statement, showing how absolutely wrong they are, followed up by a non-subtle "That is why X manager is great at prognisticating," etc., etc. In the case of using No. 1, don't cross the line, but relentless insults about a manager's fantasy skills are never off limits, nor are the performance of their favorite actual sports teams. Hammer it.

8.) When in doubt, cut it out. I have verbal diarrhea, so I have no problem typing as much as I want articulating the own thoughts in my head. However, sometimes I realize certain sentences are just extraneous, and I do the reader a favor by cutting it out. People, after all, have better things to do than read analysis of teams in a virtual-reality universe.


9.) To switch it up mid-post, do a poem (with rhymes) or talk in the 3rd person, or evoke ancient history. Do something to make each analysis of a team different than the other. Some will fail, but some be met with great accolades and stick for a very long time. A "lottery pick," if you will, except without the $13 million rookie contract.


10.) Do a "Power Rankings" once in a while, and purposely rank one team egregiously lower than it should be. (Usually someone who will react aggressively). This particular manager will likely react with posts highlighting the "ridiculousness" of the power rankings, the utter lack of responsibility, etc. At this point there is a lively discussion about at least that particularly egregious ranking, as well as top teams debating whether they are the "top team." Gets the juices flowing, in a sense.

Ultimately, the goal is to have fun with it, and whatever your league responds well to is probably the right course. Some leagues will just not have it, but give every league a chance. You never know what an Inflammatory Fantasy Preview will do.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

10 Sure Signs It's NFL Week 1

1.) People are hung over from Labor Day weekend, whining that summer is over, kids are back in school, and two-thirds of the year is over. It's Football (and Fantasy Football season).

2.) You find yourself "balancing" between managing your fantasy baseball playoffs (probably much more important in terms of you having spent 6 months devoted it to it, especially if you've made it to the playoffs) and your Fantasy Football draft, which is also important because that determines half of what your season is going to be like. Or Option b) You've had a lousy fantasy baseball season and are eager to start afresh with the football season and swear off baseball forever.

3.) There's also a lot of College Football talk, including discussion of "Who's the No. 1 team?" The answer in 2012 is the University of Southern California Trojans. Any other questions?

4.) You scan the Preseason prop bet odds (like "Indianapolis Colts win their Division, 25 to 1) or ("Jacksonville Jaguars win the Super Bowl, 1 million to 1) and SWEAR you'd make a killing in Vegas if you could just get action on those bets.

5.) The previous year's Super Bowl winner hosts a "Homecoming team" (Giants v. Cowboys) and wins its first game (the Super Bowl team has won the matchup eight straight years) on a random Thursday night (this year it's Wednesday night), prompting unfair discussion of whether the NFL kickoff weekend starts on the Wednesday or on Sunday. (My answer is Sunday, because NFL is all about Sundays, Sundays, Sundays. Not Wednesday nights. That's for like reruns of NCIS).

6.) HBO's miniseries "Hard Knocks" comes to a close detailing the preseason of an NFL team, going out with a whimper after starting with great momentum due to NFL lovers' desire for ANYTHING that resembles football after 7 months of nothing. This year's Hard Knocks was really unfortunate due to the lack of star power in the Dolphins clubhouse, non-charismatic coach(es), and unexciting quarterback battle.

7.) Smack talk is commenced, rivalries are revisited, champions from yesteryear are reminded of in Fantasy Football league message boards. Hope abounds for one and all, even the most unskilled of managers.

8.) Diva WR's or RB's make wild prognistications about their future performance in the coming year with no baseline or rationality, to the tune of such things as "100 catches for 1,500 yards" or "2000 all-purpose yards," and the like, not factoring in the 100% likelihood of injury during the season, lesser but still-present likelihood of suspension, and finally cold, hard facts that those type of achievements happen for ONE player in the entire NFL each year.

9.) Sports bars across America get ready to fill up on Sunday mornings/afternoons with fans wearing their respective teams' jerseys. 6 hours of alcohol, yelling, and celebratory dances later, America tries to recover from its collective football hangover on Sunday night in time for work on Monday morning.

10.) The whole nation holds their breath as they eagerly anticipate the rallying cry of what is in modern day truly America's game: "Are You Ready for Some Footbaaaaaaaaall??????????"


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Sneaky Things that Normally Don't Get Noticed But I Feel Thankful About

This past Labor Day weekend I visited my buddy in Denver, Colorado. Great time, great experience, great city. But could have went so, so wrong at various points.

1.) Flight was at 6:00AM Friday. Woke up on my buddy's couch at 6:45AM. Oops. Sneaky thankful thing: Had set my alarm for 4:30PM, not 4:30AM, so technically could have woken up even LATER, compromising my chance of getting out at all.


2.) Just barely missing a huge chunk of traffic. This could be because you randomly took Route B instead of Route A to work or when there was a vehicle accident occurring right after you that blocked the road. Whatever it is, realized later on that I just missed getting stopped for a solid $15 minutes.

3.) Pulling into the LAX airport parking lot and just going straight through with the thought, "Who knows, maybe my plane hasn't left yet?" (Folly, Southwest Airlines almost always leave on time in my experience). At last second decided to get out of the parking lot (woulda cost me $30 a day for 3 days) and going to the outside lot (cost $12 a day). $54 decision right there.

4.) Signing up for the next flight to Denver early, getting pulled off of stand-by at the last second after "waiting for a passenger to show up," being the last passenger admitted onto the flight. Absolute luck. Kinda lame, but it's a rush getting on a plane at last second and flying out while 5 minutes ago you didn't know when you would be leaving, if at all.

5.) Selected Saturday night's Rockies game instead of Friday night's at Coor's Field. Result: Saw my first live  Grand Slam, courtesy of one Dexter Fowler.

6.) Went mountain biking and did NOT crash and burn. A minor miracle.

7.) Went to the shooting range, fired a gun and did NOT shoot my eye out. It's an "interesting" feeling, holding a live gun and then firing. Can't say I feel rather confident, and certainly out of the 25 bullets I fired or so none of them went where I wanted them to.

8.) Avoided rain, snow, and any kind of adverse weather conditions the whole weekend in Colorado.

9.) Was NOT subjected to eating Rocky Mountain Oysters. Heard it was a delicacy in Denver, I'll pass.

10.) Making it back to LA in time for the wedding of my co-worker.  Chalk that up as No. 3 on Bobby's weddings. I've sort of worked into a groove for these weddings; they can be really fun. Glad I was NOT asked to leave after my brave and alcohol-induced but ultimately unwatchable performance on the dance floor. Sigh.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Munchkin

Never did a post on Munchkin before, and since it’s become the cool thing to do at our workplace.

In short, if you’ve never played “Munchkin,” you’re missing out on a BLAST. It’s a game based purely on cards and very synonymous with a role-playing game like World of Warcraft or “Diablo,” where you assume the identify of a character (you start Human, then you can become Dwarf, Elf, Orc, etc.) and class (Wizard, Warrior, Thief, Cleric) and go around picking up items that help you fight Monsters big and small. (Sound familiar? That’s because it is). The twist is, instead of fighting mosnters exclusively on your own, you’re playing against OTHER PLAYERS, and you have to beat enough monsters, etc. to get to level 10 before the other guys.

Great game. Lots of fun, lots of collaboration, lots of screwing over. And that’s the thing with “games………a lot of the time, they just give you a chance to get around, socialize, not feel like you’re a rat in a maze. And Munchkin plays off of that: It has silly little cards with silly little pictures that make fun of the “serious role playing games” like Dungeons and Dragons by inserting cards like the “Stoned Golem” (Yes, that kind of stoned, you can get past it just by waving), the “Snails on Speed,” and my favorite, the “of Doom!” card: gives any weapon a further +2 bonus because it is now the “Whatever” of Doom!

Favorite cards and how much I would pay for them if in real life.  

1.)    Loaded Die: Play after you roll the die, for any reason. “Turn the die so the number of your choice is on top. That’s your roll.” Of very practicable use at various casino games. Craps comes to mind instantly. Usable only once, but you can make a LOT of money off of that one roll. Price: $300.

2.)    Wand of Dousing: “Go through the discards to find any one card you want. Take that card and Discard this one.” Imagine being to just go back in your life and take one image, one experience, and replace it with something that you’re doing now, like sitting at work. O would I use the Wand of Dousing but good. (I’m starting to use this phrase “but good” a lot).  Price: $200.

3.)    Really Impressive Title: (+3 bonus). Have a “kind of impressive but kinda just means you’re sleezy” title of “Esquire. Not sure it’s a +3 bonus but at least I can practice law and make a living. And it’s for life, no one can take it away from you. Price: $500.

4.)    Coat of Arms: Gives the wearer two extra hands to carry items with. Great to get through the daily grind, play dodgeball. Not a perfect machine, I’d rather have an invention that gave you more TIME, not more appendages. But I can’t complain, I suppose. Price: $100.

5.)    Hireling; Allows you to carry and use one extra item, and a +1 Bonus. You may discard your Hireling for an automatic escape from any monster.

Kind of tainted by allusions to slavery, but how helpful would a great helper be to clear up your daily schedule? And when you screw up, you can always just throw that person under the bus as a “Get Out of Jail Free card?” money. Price: $700.

6.)    Transferral Potion: Any other player (your choice) fights the monster(s), may ask for help normally. Imagine sitting at work having a pile of work to do, then realizing you can just pass it off on someone else and you go and just nap for the day. Lots of value, lots of value!!!! (note: I’m pretty sure a lot of bosses throughout the world have and use transferal potions all the time. It’s called “delegating.”) Price: $200.

7.)    Divine Intervention: All Clerics immediately go up a level. This can be the winning level. Price: priceless. I think the most important item that you can use, and in munchkin actually it’s one of the most valuable cards in that it lets you go to level 10 without fighting a monster. I’m in the camp of we each control less things that we can, that fate decides a lot of what happens to us, like how traffic is going to be like, what the weather is going to be, who your parents are, how many points Jamaal Charles scores for your fantasy football team on any given day, how smart you are, so the most important factor in leading your life IS really luck, or “divine intervention.” Can’t put a price on that.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

The Office

In less than a month, I will have worked at my current job for an entire year. The year that I’ve been with the firm has been a very interesting one, full of ups, downs, and lows, lots of unexpected events like victories in court, losses in court, outbursts by bosses, being moved out of one desk to another, living in no less than 4 different places for work, passing the bar, being swore into the California Bar, spending most of my time with the people at work, more than with my friends, family, or any others. I’m  mostly  just glad I’ve had this year to work, considering how much I fretted and worried about finding employment in the first place; there was a solid month there when I was really, truly, unemployed: No excuse of being a student, studying for the bar, or anything: Just plain unemployed. Dreadful times.

Coming into work at Meyer Law Organization, I had never worked for an entire calendar year at any one job. Sure I’d done internships, summer camp jobs, but never anything consecutive such as the “you’re gonna be spending the rest of the year at this job” situation. I’ve realized that life is so different as a student/ being unemployed than being at work. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1.)    Have to wake up early. Man this is the toughest part, when that 7:30AM alarm clock (or whatever it is) goes off and you HAVE to get up. No procrastinating, negotiating, etc. Suck it up, put your pants, on, and go to work. Can’t dillydally on the way out, neither, grab your breakfast and go, there may be traffic waiting for you on the way.

2.)    Same officemates every day. Ever since like eighth grade I’ve had different classes each day where you at least switch it up every day; you switch from history to English to math in any given day, or in college you have a Tuesday-Thursday schedule and a M-W-F schedule. Not so. It’s the same people EVERY day. At the same time. Wearing a lot of the same things. So you better get used to it, and get along with those people. You’ll be seeing them a lot.

3.)    You take on the identity of work. You start feeling like a lawyer, a doctor, a camp counselor, a store clerk, an accountant, an engineer, whatever its. It’s a strange concept and sort of “obvious,” but on a day to day basis I HAVE to think like a lawyer, argue with other lawyers, persuade the court of my client’s position, be assertive to the client about collecting legal fees. And while performing these tasks you take on those qualities: assertiveness, persuasiveness, argumentativeness (not a word, Bobby- try “combativeness.”) There’s no way to escape that. Even if you weren’t a type-A lawyer personality (or whatever personality your profession requires), you are that now.

4.)    There’s gonna be office politics. It follows everyone everywhere: from school to college to your social circles to the office. People v. people and trying to get to the top/trying to be the coolest person around. It’s gonna happen. Unless u work by yourself (and even then I could argue you “compete” against your dual personalities) you’re gonna have to brave the world of office politics. It’s rough waters, and some people just don’t know how to manage it. Oftentimes, unfortunately, the quality of your work gets outweighed by office politics. Seriously; true story. To quote the wire: “There’s games beyond the game.” – Stringer Bell.

5.)    Welcome to the rest of your life. I’ve used this phrase throughout the year to describe getting into the “working world” and having responsibilities and a career, but it’s really the truth. High school, college, law school….those were kind of just fairy tale stopping grounds before the long grind in the real world: you have to realize you’re a little fish in a VERY LARGE pond: if you stop to take a breath the world will not hesitate to leave you behind. The good news is: You get paid. Start working on your student loans. And you can buy stuff! Yay! The bad news is: this is the rest of your life. You have no idea when it’s gonna end. Marriage only makes it more complicated. Children worse. It’s a daily routine, 24/7, there’s a reason why they call it “nose to the grindstone.” No mythical things such as a “summer break” to take off, no “No classes on Friday!” breaks, no “O I’ll just skip class today.” This is real life. Time to nut up or shut up.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan 

Fantasy Football Zoo

A few words before I begin my fantasy football preview:

The draft is like 50% of your season experience. Seriously. It’s big. Unlike basketball and baseball, where there’s much more player movement and adjustments needed during the season, much of fantasy football is decided at the draft. Whereas I think in baseball and football the draft is OVERRATED as too many people place too much stock on what the draft is, in football it’s almost UNDERRATED. There’s certain guys you can only get at the draft, and once they’re gone they’re probably gone forever. So preparing for the draft is essential, that’s where half of your preparation for the WHOLE SEASON should be focused.

Other tenets I usually go by:

1.)    Go for the less hyped players. A lot of very good players don’t get a lot of pubs because they’re getting older, on the same team, not in the media, not flashy, nothing really new happened in their lives, etc. They also happen to be fantasy BEASTS and are underrated. Get them.

2.)    I love something I read once: “Floor early, ceiling late.” A little cryptic: Means in your early rounds get the sure thing guys with very low chance to do poorly but not as much upside, then later in the rounds get guys who are very risky and can fall off the map but can also break out in a big way.

3.)    In the NFL, it’s young guys (30 years and over are toast). Don’t get rookies. 2^nd years, 3^rd years, and 4^th years all welcome. Doesn’t apply to QB’s.

4.)    Don’t pay for last year’s stars. Hasn’t failed me yet. Draft guys who underperformed but have better skill, not guys with inferior skill who overperformed last year.

5.)    Finally, the Secret to Fantasy Football 2012: In the last few years, the league has become a QB-WR league. Lots of split carries in backfields across the country and the opposite of “feature back.” Guess what: your stud QB’s and WR’s don’t come off the field. Draft them before RB. Seriously.

Welcome to the Fantasy Football Zoo! It’s a pleasure serving you today; my name is the Guru and I’ll be taking you through the proverbial jungle that is the fantasy football player pool this year; you never know what you might see, you could see Lions, Bears, Cardinals, Broncos, Ravens, all kinds of creatures. Keep your eyes open!

1.)    We start our tour today with what some might call our “Alpha Males,” the guys that most of you probably came to see, the awesome trio of Rodgers, Brady, and Brees. Look how they throw food at each other with razor sharp provision and have all the other animals at their command. At the top of the food chain here, these guys are always accurate, play to the crowds, and have become fan favorites. But don’t spend too much (time) on them; there’s a lot of underrated critters in our zoo that also deserve your attention that could be in the “Alpha Male” exhibit by this time next year. So let’s move on.

2.) We next bring you to one some of us call “Beast Mode,” a true beast of burden called Marshawn Lynch. Last year this guy tore up our zoo, aggressively running roughshod through other animal habitats with no regard for animal life. Unfortunately, he’s had a history of going “bananas” and then calming down a bit, so who knows what this year will bring. Nah, I wouldn’t want you to adopt this guy; no knowing what to do with him.

3.)    I see that you have seen the great long-time aerial resident Roddy White. Now, Roddy’s not the quickest Falcon, not the most ferocious, and hasn’t got the longest fangs, but all he’s done in the last 5 years is be everything we asked for, come out every day and put on a show for all of us. We got the same trainer with him, same old tricks. We love our Roddy here at the Fantasy Football Zoo and we’ll keep loving him until he proves us wrong.

4.)    Our trick wouldn’t be complete without a little luck, and for that we bring you to Andrew Luck, a new colt we just got into the zoo this week. Less acclaimed than other newly-acquired animals, there’s a reason this little guy was picked. He’s tall and can see over other animals and has all the tools to be a great asset. O what’s that? Look at him now.  

5.) A more mature mare (but still in the grooming stages) is Demariyus Thomas, who grew up before our very eyes last year despite not having the greatest of jockeys. He’s fast, he’s strong, he just keeps running. And we brought in legendary jockey Peyton Manning to get him to perform at optimal levels. We expect big things out of him this year.

                        6.) We’re gonna take a detour here and take a look at our less-traditional animals at the tight-end section of the zoo. As you can see, these guys are just jumping out of the boxes. We could show you the irrepressible jimmy Graham or indefatigable Rob Gronkowski, but you’re really in for a treat with Aaron Hernandez. Not many people like the Hernandez, but he’s Gronk’s younger brother and may do even better than Gronk, especially if our trainer utilizes him more.

            7.) What’s that? What’s my favorite critter this year? Here at the fantasy football zoo we like all animals and pay attention to them, because we never know which one will drop below value and we can get them at a discount!  Yay! I really like our little-known spotted Jaguar named Rashad Jennings, especially since our elder Jaguar Jones-Drew is out of commission at the minute. Rashad averaged 5.5 yards a carry last year and is very good at catching balls thrown at him. Really like him.

8.) We gotta show you our naughty animals too, those we put in their special place called “the doghouse.” We won’t be displaying these animals this year, and we let other zoos have them. Sometimes we’re totally wrong and we other zoos get a lot out of these animals, but I think in this case we’re right about not getting Victor Cruz, the little engine that could, or Robert Griffin III, the guy that’s gonna cost us too much, Rob Gronkowski because people are tired of him already, or AJ Green because we just don’t have a good trainer for him.

Thank you for visiting the Fantasy Football Zoo. May you take your knowledge gained today to great lengths, and we hope to see you next year after you conquer your own little  Fantasy Football Wars!!!!!! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan