1.) Begin by identifying what personalities each of your managers in your fantasy league are. This is probably a lot tougher in a public league where you don't know anyone, so best advice is to KNOW EVERYONE! Join fantasy leagues with your friends. It bonds people, plus you know them and their weaknesses and embarrassing stories. Get as much information as possible. This includes name, age, marital status, location, college (big to talk about rivalry games), hobbies, interests, most embarrassing moments, political affiliation, almost anything is fair game (don't go into family and deep, dark personal issues). Usually positive things or "funny embarrassing" things, not things that will create discord. Use your best judgment.
2.) Take mental notes each time a fantasy manager states something, in person in writing, whatever. If it's actually posted in the fantasy league site, it's basically public knowledge and has been "judicially noticed," so it's recorded for you to look back on anyway. If said to you personally, record it in your mental memory bank.
3.) Know sports. Easy way to make fun of players on other people's teams is to know their weaknesses, such as Bartolo "Big Fat" Colon or Doug "The Muscle Hamster" Martin. That way, you can show that you know what you're talking about as well as use funny nicknames for players.
4.) Use some sort of theme. Doesn't have to happen every time, but use of themes and giving every manager in the league a "personality" is always good. For example, I used a Mario Kart theme to show that one team is "short but quick," like Toad, and one team is like Bowser in that it has a lot of power, but gets out of the gate slowly. Not only will you get credit for your league for evincing nostalgic memories of childhood (and for some, still-played) video games, it gives you a chance to make fun of times indirectly. Other themes I've used (should be pretty well-known): The Wire, Game of Thrones, Star Wars, Halloween "what kind of monster would your team be?"
5.) Go for the cheap joke. If you have writer's block, Don't be afraid to just name-call, tease, call someone a drunkard. As long as the rest of your post is primarily based on facts, the cheap laugh is a nice way to finish up analysis of a certain team. Stuff like "if losses meant consuming bottles of alcohol, this team would never be sober." That way, you conclude your analysis of how bad that team is, and you finish with an analogy, adding some variety, some diversity, to the post.
6.) Give people nicknames. Some will stick, some won't stick. This could be based on actual name, team name, etc. In one fantasy football team a caucasian manager named Daniel has gone by "White Dan" for going on three seasons.
7.) Use the information from No. 1 and No. 2 relentlessly. In case of No. 2, post 3 months later what that manager said with information that completely contradicts that statement, showing how absolutely wrong they are, followed up by a non-subtle "That is why X manager is great at prognisticating," etc., etc. In the case of using No. 1, don't cross the line, but relentless insults about a manager's fantasy skills are never off limits, nor are the performance of their favorite actual sports teams. Hammer it.
8.) When in doubt, cut it out. I have verbal diarrhea, so I have no problem typing as much as I want articulating the own thoughts in my head. However, sometimes I realize certain sentences are just extraneous, and I do the reader a favor by cutting it out. People, after all, have better things to do than read analysis of teams in a virtual-reality universe.
9.) To switch it up mid-post, do a poem (with rhymes) or talk in the 3rd person, or evoke ancient history. Do something to make each analysis of a team different than the other. Some will fail, but some be met with great accolades and stick for a very long time. A "lottery pick," if you will, except without the $13 million rookie contract.
10.) Do a "Power Rankings" once in a while, and purposely rank one team egregiously lower than it should be. (Usually someone who will react aggressively). This particular manager will likely react with posts highlighting the "ridiculousness" of the power rankings, the utter lack of responsibility, etc. At this point there is a lively discussion about at least that particularly egregious ranking, as well as top teams debating whether they are the "top team." Gets the juices flowing, in a sense.
Ultimately, the goal is to have fun with it, and whatever your league responds well to is probably the right course. Some leagues will just not have it, but give every league a chance. You never know what an Inflammatory Fantasy Preview will do.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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