Note: I have not changed names of league members because I doubt anyone minds. However, if anyone wants their name "redacted," let me know. I do not want to be sued for defamation/slander, IIED, etc.
September 12, 2012. The day after the 11th
anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, news out of Libya that the U.S. ambassador and
2 others were killed in an extremist attack. Season premiere of “Glee” set to
debut on Fox. In the USC Law Fantasy Baseball playoffs, however, it’s Day 3 of
the Opening Round and things are gloomy in Bobbyland. Facing a similar opponent
as his last 2 times in the playoffs (like Lance and Portelli, beat Vikas twice
in the regular season, theoretically have tiebreaker, also in the 4-5 matchup),
Bobby, like the last 2 times, is trailing in both hitting and pitching
categories. On the last 2 occasions, Bobby basically lost on Wednesday (Blanton
got lit up, Portelli threw 2 more great starts). Today needs to go differently.
It HAS to. Doesn’t help that the Mustachios already have 7 R’s, 5 HR’s, and 13
RBI’s, and a .345 avg to boot. Meanwhile, in the other Goldberg and Clark’s
offenses have been anemic; pitching gives Clark slight edge, as well as his
higher seed.
8:00AM. Wake up. Had trouble sleeping lamenting why I
started Jaime Garcia on Monday, who got rocked. Anxiously head to work.
9:00AM. Get to work. Check Rotoworld. All’s calm. Need a big day from my 2 scrub $1 pitcher
pickups, Travis Wood and Ervin Santana. What have I done?
10:00AM. Notice Goldberg is playing not one, but TWO
pitchers at Cincinatti in the same game: A.J. Burnett and Homer Bailey. Does he
have a death wish? Playing with fire, especially having started the unknown
Samuel Deduno. Summoned to go to Glendale Superior Court. Unlike other bus stops
in the LA Superior Court system not named Stanley Mosk, Glendale is……presentable.
1:00PM. Phillies-Marlins in full swing. Clark got a gem of a
game from Kershaw Tuesday night, but the “new-look” Dodgers keep putting up
scores like Boulean Code (101111010100……) and lose 1-0. A non-zero chance that
Dodger fan Daniel Goldberg had something to do with that. Btw, is it me or does
anyone else get these Goldberg & Glass updates?
3:00PM. Jimmy Rollins confirms my love for him by hitting a
2-run jack, putting the Phils up 3-1 and functionally giving Cliff (“Clifford”
Lee, as Clark informs me through text) and Clark a much-needed win. Advantage,
Clark. Did I mention that I beat Goldberg just enough to allow Clark to face
Goldberg this week instead of take the brunt of the Mustachio onslaught? You’re
welcome.
4:00PM. Evening main course begins. Box score and scoreboard
watching commences; impossible to focus on work; Clark apparently can, because he
forgets to insert Alex Cobb into lineup (apparently not learning from last year’s
Josh Collmenter-Iphone choke/fiasco). Cobb immediately gives up 2 runs and
multiple hits in the first inning and takes Clark off the hook. Goldberg gets a
much needed home run from Granderson (where has he been?) early.
5:00PM. Last hour of work; completely a mess now and totally
just watching baseball on my computer; Travis Wood pitching for Cubs against
the hapless Astros. David Wright actually heads my instructions and converts to
“Beast Mode,” stealing 2 bases. Mets still don’t score any runs though. A.J.
Burnett and Homer Bailey amazingly both pitch well for Goldberg. Clark counters
with Ryan Dempster vs. easy prey Indians. If there’s any justice in this world,
Dempster will pitch better against the Tribe than Samuel Deduno.
6:00PM. Really getting my jollies when Robbie Cano homers,
then David Murphy, Michael Young, Nori Aoki, and Alfonso Soriano (all $1 guys
from the wire) all pick up consecutive hits, boom, boom boom, boom. Soriano,
who has the quietest 29 HR’s and 97 RBI’s in the league, goes deep and I’m
feeling good. That feeling is instantly doused when Rickie Weeks hits a 2-run
jack. I soberly drive down to Angel Stadium.
7:00PM. I arrive at Angel Stadium and meet my enemy…..Vikas,
of the Dastardly Mustachios. On past occasions he’s talked about how “dominant”
he was last season and how “maybe he should just everyone else a chance this
year because he kicked so much ass last year.” Barf. The good news is, I’m
starting Ervin Santana and watching the Angels, one of the rare occasions I can
wholeheartedly, enthusiastically cheer for my favorite team AND my fantasy team
at the same time. The stars align.
8:00PM. The bad news is, the Angels are sucking. It’s not
Santana’s fault; with 2 out and a runner on 2nd in the first a slow
hopper goes to SS Erick Aybar and he promptly boots it, leading to a run. The
Angels are also allergic to hitting tonight due to a masterful performance by
something named “A.J. Griffin.” Meanwhile, Vikas is busy on his Iphone, where
he’s reporting what’s happening in our fantasy matchup with glee. No, Vikas, it’s
not subtle when you state “oop, something good happened for me in the
Chicago-Detroit game!” No, it’s not comforting when you state, “Prince Fielder
just hit a 3-run jack. But hey, Angel Pagan isn’t playing for me.” Yes, it is a
big deal when you have 21 RBI’s in the first 3 games on pace for 47 for the
week. Apparently Vikas’s players aren’t the only ones doing damage in Chicago,
as Kevin Youkilis connects for 2 HR’s and 4RBI’s for Clark, but is countered by
Granderson’s 2nd home run and Billy Butler’s 3-RBI effort. Goldberg
also seems to take a sizable lead in Saves when Papa Grande Valverde converts a
rocky 9th inning.
9:00PM. Santana pitches well but will leave with a 2-0
deficit after 6 innings. Travis Wood + Ervin Santana, my 2 waiver wire adds,
combine for 13 2/3 innings, 2 ER, 12 K’s, and a W. Possibly saves my season.
Unfortunately, tonight will probably deplete the Halos’ season, as they’re in
danger of being shut out. Meanwhile, Vikas announces, “whelp, that’s the end of
the fantasy day for me! I only got 8 R’s, 3 HR’s, and 8 RBI’s. Damn.” I let out
an audible groan and yell at Vernon Wells for being an expensive excuse for an
outfielder. There’s about a Airport-size hole on the right side of the infield
to hit through with a man on first and the Angels down 4-0 he refuses every
time to hit there, flying out softly to left. Douche. Bag.
10:00PM. Can’t believe Jason Isringhausen is still alive.
Less able to believe Mike Scoscia’s bringing him in in a crucial game. 4-0 A’s.
We head for the exits, mercifully.
10:15PM. As we are leaving the stadium a crack of the bat is
heard followed by loud cheering and fireworks. Seems like “El Hombre” has left
the yard after hitting a meaningless home run making it 4-1. The guy is pure
mercenary; he never comes up big and has massive Sammy Sosa Syndrome: only hits
home runs when up by at least 6 or down by at least 5. Goldberg and Clark are
tied 5-5 with all offensive categories extremely close; Clark with a slight
lead in starting pitching but an army of pitchers for both teams still left to
go, especially Hombre’s aces Price and Hamels. That matchup will be decided
this weekend. Vikas is visibly happy; everyone on his team has at least 1 run
scored this week, everyone except Kemp has 1 RBI. I walk out knowing I’m still
down 7-3 and definitely on the ropes, but with a glimmer of hope: Jered Weaver
is pitching tomorrow. One can always hope, right?
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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