我爸是上海人， 从小就会说上海话. 有一句我爸说的话我从小记在心里，就是： “儿子，我知道你翅膀硬了，长大了，但你答应我这一点：保持你的中文。永远不要忘记。“ 这是在我快要高中毕业以前，马上就要离家上大学以前。还说的真是时候，我那时还会中文，但已经开始忘一些字了，所以我爸说的是未雨绸缪。他说这话不是为了自己，完全是为了我未来的教育和生活。我从那句话以后就自觉地读中文报纸，主动跟华人打交道， 然后读完法学院后发现中文派上用处了。我那时候18岁的我没有体验到中文这重要的本领，还多亏我爸提醒我了。我爸现在也帮我妹妹复习中文，他的这份心给我们兄妹算是一石二鸟了。
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要是我妈给我的最大贡献是追我的梦想，努力奋斗的话，我爸给我的应该是不要大作声势， 不要直接批评别人，一直要让着别人。在美国社会里不是每个人都会同意这关点的，但我觉得是一个很重要的教训。美国有句话叫”speak softly and carry a big stick.” 我爸就是这种人，不要拍自己的马屁，反而要谦虚。
虽然我爸妈有炒炒闹闹的，但是到底有些地方配合的满好的。我妈野心很强，敢闯，敢冒险，对自己有高要求。象征性的，我妈是先来美国的， 然后我爸才跟过来的。搬到加州也是，是我妈些找到工作来的，然后几年后我爸才来的。夫妻俩，尤其有孩子的话，需要配合，需要有一人让（像孔融让梨似的）。 当然我妈也付出了，但我爸能在家里看着家，做饭送我上学也需要表扬的，而且为我做了搒样。 有一次我爸妈争的时候他说了一句难忘的词：”family first!" 虽然我爸英语一向很差，这一点还真说到点子了。我妈很会自己提高，赚钱很会赚，在财务和处理方面非常强，但有时因为干得那么幸苦没时间陪家里人了，我爸这一句算是提醒我妈一下，平衡了一下。我爸一直是为家里人想了不少，不仅是家务但精神上： 他在中国的时候跟大部分中国人一样，会抽烟。但有了我以后就戒烟了，甚至我没有一次见到他抽过烟。可能我们家本来就么有这个习惯，但我也从来没吸过烟，大部分原因是我爸的影响。
夫亲节快乐！
My father was born in Shanghai, and from birth knew how to speak Shanghainese, a dialect of Mandarin. There’s one thing my father told me that I’ve always remembered, which is: “Son, I know you’re growing up and your wings are hardening (Chinese phrase meaning becoming an adult), but promise me this one thing: maintain your Chinese always. Never forget it.” At the time I was about to graduate from high school, and right before I was leaving the Chinese-speaking confines of home, so it was perfect timing. I still knew Chinese at that time, but I had already started forgetting some words, so it was a great prophylactic measure by my Dad. He wasn’t saying it for himself, rather it was all for my education and future life. From then I started proactively reading CHinese newspapers, communicating with Chinese people, and then after law school I realized that Chinese was a big help in my career and work. My 18-year-old self did not grasp how important learning Chinese was, and props to my Dad for reminding me. My dad now helps my sister study Chinese, so his bit of loving attention is like killing two birds owith one stone.
If my mother’s biggest contribution was to encourage me to pursue my dreams and unabashedly fight for my goals, my dad’s contribution was to as they say “speak softly and carry a big stick.” Dont’ directly confront others, defer to others sometimes and practice leniency. Although not everyone in American society would adhere to this philosophy, I think it’s an important lesson. My dad practices humility and not boasting about oneself.
Although my parents have their disagreements and arguments, they actually complement each other well. My mom has great ambition and is willing to take risks in life, setting a high standard for herself. Symbolically, it was my mom who first came to America, and my Dad followed her. When we moved to California, it was also my mom finding a job first, and then my dad gradually moving over as the family moved over. I’ve always thought that a couple, especially with kids, needs to cooperate with each other, and needs one of the parents to make some sacrifices. (like the famous proverb of Kong Rong giving away his pears). Of course my mom also sacrificed to put her career first, but my Dad helping out at home needs to be commended. I’ll never forget another thing my dad said once during one of my parents’ arguments: “Family First!” Although my Dad’s English ability has consistently been pretty weak, I was pleasantly surprised by this sediment. My mom is very accomplished, and makes a lot of money for the family, and is great at finances and taking care of tasks for the family, but because she’s working so hard she sometimes sacrifices family time and being with the family, so my dad’s words reminded y Mom to maintain balance. My dad has always helped out at home a lot, not just physically with tasks but also spiritually: When he lived in China he practiced the great Chinese tradition of smoking cigarettes. But when I was born, he quit smoking, to the extent I’ve never ever seen him smoke. Maybe it’s just not in our family’s nature to smoke, but mainly due to my dad’s influence I’ve also never smoked.
Happy Father’s Day!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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