Losing on Your Home Court

You know that feeling of “I’m supposed to know this stuff, but I just don’t?” Or, “I’m supposed to be good at this, but I’m really doing quite poorly?” That’s losing on your home court. I do it all the time. I’m fine with losing at certain things, like poetry, or art history, or 1970’s musical hits. But if I lose at the things I’m supposed to be good at, like finance, law, fantasy baseball, Chinese, or counseling kids, I am really disappointed in myself.

Which is why I’m so disappointed that I’ve lost at stocks. It’s basically been a wasted year on my etrade accounts: I started at 69 with John Deere Stock in October and rode it until it hit 95, then sold and then inexplicably bought back in at 93…….and watched it go back down the hill and now hit 67 (With no signs of hitting the brakes) Wow. What a roller coaster. (And a financial disaster). How did I do so poorly here? For a guy who claims to be “good at picking stocks,” I truly messed up here. I feel like a fraud; like everything I ever believed in was a lie, like I need to re-evaluate a lot of things; like my life is not as promising as it was; like I’ved peaked; like the future is really uncertain. Sigh.

Living in the Wrong Era

Speaking of the equity markets, what is going on here? Another recession? Geez, my resilience just can’t take it anymore. Going through this economy really makes me feel like I missed the boat. As lucky as I have it, growing up in an relatively affluent family that benefited from the 90’s boom and America’s prosperity in the late 90’s and being part of a 2-parent household, I can’t help but wonder how different things would have been if I had grown up say 10, 20 years ago. If I had entered the workforce around 1995: when all stocks were going up, economy was BOOMING, or in 2001, just after the back-to-back Enron and 9-11 crisis, when America was slowly recovering, or even in 2005, when the housing markets were at its best. I grow up in any of those economies, I’d have a steady job, be solidly in Corporate America, be primed for a very productive string of years in my twenties. (Especially in a Corporate Law department for any big AmLaw law firm). Yet I to come of age in the worst economic climate America has witnessed in the last century or so…….The Great Recession followed by what’s looking like ANOTHER recession of the double-dip variety…..reports of 20-somethings still living with their parents, difficulty obtaining entry-level employment, jobs becoming more and more scarce, stubborn unemployment, and a worsening outlook on the American economy. Sorry, sounds like a huge whine-fest and pity party, but there it is: I really feel like I’m a victim of the times. Bottom line is , I’m a guy just trying to make it in this world, and these times are making it hard on a fella.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan