Dear fantasy players

This letter is being written to all of the NBA fantasy players who I have the pleasure of owning this year.

Dear team,

Thanks for listening to me. I realize in the hectic, dog-eat-dog world of the NBA it is sometimes difficult to listen to the owner and agree on issues with what I have to say. However, I'd like you all to understand where I'm coming from this year.

I'd like all of you to understand that when you play for my teams, you are expected to do a great deal. You don't have to do it all, your talents were drafted for certain expectations. For example, chris paul, I don't expect you to give me 5 or 6 rebounds a game or shoot 2.0 three-pointer. Unh-unh. you don't have to do that. All you gotta do is put up those assists, steals, shoot a good %, and keep the turnovers to a reasonable level. That's all I'm asking for. If you all performed up to your expectiations, you'd be happy, I'd be happy, ur teammates won't have to do more than their fair share, we'll all be happy. However, realistically I know not all of you will meet expectations. Some of you might even exceed expectations. Jamaal Tinsley, I sure hope that's you.

But if you don't meet my demands, here's what I want you to do: Just stay bad. Dont' have games where you show up and get my hopes up. Don't get jacked up when u play Golden State because you know you'll get a lot of chances at offense. No, if you're gonna be terrible, just go ahead and stay terrible so that I'll know you're gonna be like that the whole year and can dump you. Better, get injured. On that note, I know there are those of you out there w/ the label "injury-prone." I'm looking squarely at you, Jermaine O'Neal. Here's how I look at ur injuries: If I didn't think you guys had a reasonable shot to finish the season w/ at least 75 games, I wouldn't have drafted you. Yes, even you, Andrei Kirilenko. So I have given you a show of faith. Please reward me with it. However, if you do feel the need to sit out a few for injuries, here's what I ask of you: Don't make game-time decisions. If you feel bad, tell the coach. Sit out. Let everybody know. If you know you're gonna play, great. You don't need to say anything. But if you feel any pain at all, any contusions, heck, if your kid dropped his toy truck on your foot, let somebody know. The WORST thing that can happen is for me to check the box score or turn on the TV and see you sitting on the bench, watching like I am, with your thumb up your butt.

Most importantly, though, I just want you to know as fantasy players that you do make fantasy basketball a really fun game to play, and the game would obviously not exist without your participation and continued effort. So, for the majority of you, thanks a lot for keeping the NBA alive and let us watch you give us the fantasy jollies and for giving us a reason to watch the games ( to see how well you pad the stat sheet.) Good luck, and may you have a healthy, productive, fruit-bearing, expected season. Except for you, Mr. Brad Miller. If you don't start shaping up and playing like you should, I'm gonna gut ya. I mean cut ya. You know what I mean.

Fraternize on, players,

Your owner Robert Yan