The Ten People you Meet on the Dodgeball Court

I've been taking some time off of dodgeball recently, but I've found that it's in my blood, and I'm going through withdrawals: Other than thinking about my girlfriend and work, the third-most trending topic in my head is dodgeball. Anyway, I honestly do feel that one can show a lot of their own personality on the dodgeball court. Here are the 10 people one meets on the dodgeball court:


1.) The "Play one time, have no interest, dodgeball is not for me"-type. My girlfriend belongs in this category. Nothing wrong with it: don't like to have balls thrown at one's face, don't like that there's so many balls moving around at one time, I totally get it. People who don't play dodgeball comprise the vast majority of the world's population, who favor not getting too dirty, not trying a kid's game, or those who don't actively seek playground/new sports. It takes a real special breed to try dodgeball and continue playing. (And sometimes a little craziness and obsessiveness, like myself)

2.) The former athlete/baseball-player time: relies strictly on athleticism and arm strength, believes those are the core fundamentals of dodgeball success. They are helpful, surely, but not what I believe to be the most important tools. These athletic types are easy to spot, often monopolizing control of the balls and forging ahead, trying to prove a point that they were athletes or simply not cognizant that there are other aspects to dodgeball, easily getting sniped when they move up or some other rookie mistake.

3.) The team player: this is what most players on a winning team should be: willing to do whatever for the team, whether it be shagging balls, giving up the ball to the team's best thrower, going for loose balls, trying to catch teammates back in, this is the type of glue personality that every team and business needs (a lot of business and team analogies in dodgeball). Unfortunately, these team players often don't the credit that they deserve and the accolades associated with being a team's "star player."

4.) The team's "star player/big gun." Every team has one of these, perceived as the queen on the chess board, where other players pass them balls and they get things done. They throw really hard and get others out, then try to keep themselves alive by blocking with balls. Everyone pretty much aspires to be this "star player" as a sign that they made it to the top of the food chain, but there are a lot of "wannabe" star players who haven't mastered what it takes to be one. In order to be a star player, have to be one of the best players on the floor and be "worth" protecting at all times, which some players are not ready for. It takes years to groom these guys/ girls, but often people try to take shortcuts and assume the role prematurely at the expense of the team. (Sense a little bitterness here from me?)

5.) The leader. The leader and the star player could be the same player, but often it's the quote unquote "captain" of the team who calls out how many balls there are, gathers everyone to talk before the game, organizes everyone as a "coach" would: (there are as yet no dodgeball coaches yet, as the sport is too young for retired players to assume the role and just isn't prominent enough to require coaches, but player coaches our really important to keep everyone in line.

6.) The Pump Faker- a surprisingly effective move that shows immediately the mental prowess and shrewdness of a dodgeball player, it's like the "tell" at a poker table that this player is not to be messed with. It also shows that player has pretty good arm health, as full pump fakes take a lot out of one

7.) The dancer: dodgeball is fun after all, and a lot of people like to do wacky things on the court, like break dancing and jumping around. These players are welcomed in non-competitive settings and some even succeed at the top levels, as dodging and jumping is a useful skill, albeit not my favorite. Sometimes it is nice to slip in jokes and make everyone on the court laugh, and

8.) The enforcer: unfortunately there are these around who for whatever reason has to stick up for one's teammate, or show how macho one is, is the guy who gets easily offended at accidental head shots, accidental cheap shots, etc., and will go to the brink of challenging other people to a fight, or implement retaliatory measures like throwing back at someone's head, etc. These enforcers exist in most pro sports (hockey and baseball with its unwritten rules and such especially), but hopefully will not be a part of dodgeball as they are unnecessary.

9.) The competitive guy: came to dodgeball cuz maybe they got picked on as a kid, or failed at other sports, or just has a chip on one's shoulder, they often bark at the referees if they missed a call, I probably fall into this category, as winning is a higher priority than having fun. Tough to balance the 2, but hard to stifle that competitive juice as it is what fuels me and other competitive types to do their best. Sport is by definition trying to do one's best to top the competition, so if it's to be taken as a serious sport then the competitive side of this (to a certain point, don't go overboard) has to be allowed/tolerated.

10.) The cheater: the guys who get hit and don't take their out, staying in even when they are otu. There are varying levels of these offenses: 1.) those who aren't sure about if they got hit and stay in, not great but understandable, 2.) those who just stay in until they get called by a referee, not good but pro sports stars do it, and 3.) those who blatantly cheat and then try to convince others that they are in the wrong by calling them out. The best is obviously to be the most honest and seek to take one's outs even if they're unsure, (sometimes at the risk of maybe even going out when they're not out), and in a perfect society that would be the standard for everyone, unfortunately as people do cheat and get away with it, it affects even the most dutiful of players and truthtellers, especially in highly competitive tournaments.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Indecision (優柔不断)

The fancy Japanese word for not being able to make up one's mind is Yuujuufudan. I suffer from a strong case of this disease, as I've described before about making a decsion about law school, which city to work in, etc. I've realized

if faced with a split second decision that I need to make quickly, I have a pretty good track record: I take the one that makes the most sense, or poses the least bodily harm (take the lane with less cars in it when driving in traffic), has the highest probability of success (if asked to gamble on a 51% chance of winning or something that has a 49% chance of winning, I take the 51%), etc. These also tend to be the small decisions, like what to get for lunch, what movie to watch at night, whether to go to dodgeball or not (the answer's most likely yes). It's the decisions that have larger consequences (how to spend one's life) with irreversible consequences that I have  a lot of difficulty with because I know that I can't ever go back to that decision again. I also constantly berate myself for

The biggest problem, though: if a decision takes time to think about and has a far-away deadline. I will dwell, dwell, and keep dwelling until the decision deadline is over, constantly rethinking my decision and questioning it, finding every opportunity to poke holes in it wondering if the other fork in the road is better. I think part of the problem is trying to find the perfect outcome, always choosing the right path towards a brighter future. That's good to try to do, but you can't expect that out of the thousands of decisions that you make, you're always going to make the one that leads to the best outocome. Sometimes the parking spot you pick is farther than it needed to be, sometimes the job you take isn't the highest pay, and sometimes the wedding venue you select is overpriced and unaccommodating. But I've learned something from fantasy football: As long as you're going in evaluating all the alternatives, you can live with the decision you did your best to pick the right decision. You're not always going to be able to know out of 3 choices (Mark Ingram, Desean Jackson, random running back on the Chargers getting carries due to injuries) is going to have a great day, but as long as you're making informed, good decisions, you'll mostly get the middle option (115 yards no TD's for Jackson), and sometimes as a bonus get the supreme bonus (Ingram with 100 yards, 2TDs), but always avoid the bad (random running back). You can't always pick the best route.

There's a Japanese television called Suteki na Sentaxi, that aired a couple years ago that I'm rewatching again for purposes of learning Japanese, and I wish there was that sort of taxi that transport one back to a decision point to redo one's decision making. Sometimes I think there's merit to the theory that there are alternative universes where we select a different career path, a different spouse to marry, different life altogether, and we're living in just one of those alternative realities. This is often played out in TV shows and movies like La La Land (great musical-type of movie set in Los Angeles that every couple should go see), but as long as I'm generally satisfied with the path I've taken, I don't need a taxi to take me back and make that decision over again. At least I keep telling myself that everything I think I've made a wrong decision. Hey, who knows, maybe even if we make a wrong decision the 2 forks will one day converge and we'll be on the path we were meant to be on all along. Trump will be impeached and we'll have a suitable candidate for President again? (haha, kidding, but....maybe? (Being with my wonderful girlfriend, CHOOSING a life with her has been one of the best decisions of my life! - I think I was always meant to choose the path that led to her, and even if we broke up/didn't find each other eventually our paths would have crossed further down the line!)

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Treadmill (ランニングマシーン)

My loving girlfriend told me last night, out of love, "your stomach is fat." Shock, embarrassment, anxiety, feeling overweight, many negative emotions came over me then, a deep-rooted emotion that goes back all the way to childhood days of being overweight and being picked on my kids. Nowadays I feel better about myself, but I totally understand those people who are sensitive about weight gain, count calories every day, monitor themselves in the mirror, hang on comments made by others about their appearance. It can be very consuming, the need to feel good about one's body and dealing with weight gain. 

It's also easy to get too hung up on others' comments. When I was a kid, some of the most traumatic moments happened when my parents commented on how I looked, or classmates (who were kids at the time, kids are at once the most honest and harshest people) told me "I have a fatface" or "I had gained another circle since I last saw them." As shocking as these comments were, I could at least take solace that these subjective comments were made just by personal opinion, not by any objective standard of measurement, and could vary based on how the viewer was feeling that day, whether I was wearing a tight shirt, etc. 

I will admit, though, that if there's a physical defect for me, my stomach is it.......it just never seems to go down, like a full balloon that never loses air. Recently in Chicago I haven't been able to run outside at all because a) it's cold b) the ground is frozen or slippery, d) it's windy and this is the windiest city in the country and have i mentioned that it's cold? As much as I love the scenery and fresh feeling of running outside, I've conceded defeat and taken my running indoors.

A treadmill doesn't lie. A treadmill doesn't take breaks. A treadmill doesn't slow down subconsciously. A treadmill doesn't get tired. Doesn't blow into ones face while running. Treadmill can give nice visual images (on its TV screen). treadmill can tell you everything you need to know about your workout, not just a guess. A treadmill is like a scale: literally cold and calculating, it doesn't care how much willpower you have, how much you dieted, how much you spent on a trainer or weight coach, what diet video you watched. And that's sort of the approach I hope to take to exercising and weights; objective analysis. Don't be too caught up in how other view you and keep thinking about it, dwelling on the negative comment that hangs in the air, go to objective analysis, measure, write down, record, and run. That's how to measure my weight, and eventually those things like girlfriend calling my stomach fat will take care of itself. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Reading Books (読書)

I recently read a book called "When Breathe Becomes Air" about a cancer physician who treats cancer patients but contracts cancer himself and ponders on the meaning of life, how death plays a role in that life. Very interesting read, a great page-turner and felt like the author was speaking directly to me, the best kind of book in my opinion where I get to delve into the author's mind and basically have a conversation. While I was reading, however, I thought about how long it'd been since I had totally finished a book in its entirety, and I realized how little I read books (not newspapers, blogs, facebook feeds, or social media outlets,) full-length, softcover or hardcover, 150 page-or-more, BOOKS.

One of the best activities I've ever done is read books to children. Children's books are entertaining, charismatic, down-to-earth, easily understandable, usually contain cute characters, relates to kids, and more importantly, are SHORT and are within the attention span of a normal 5-to-10-year-old. It's like a Disney/ animated movie, always less than 90 minutes running time, get you out of there without dragging on (by the way, Finding Dory, not as good as it could have been, although some interesting aquarium-related creatures like the British-accent seal played by Idris Elba. It's really a joy to read to children, though, because kids are so ENGAGED with the books, they stare at the pictures like they've been absorbed into a different world and can't wait to turn to the next page of their adventure. They also don't have a doctor's appointment, have to go to work, or have to change their own kids' diapers, they can just be there and enjoy the reading of the book. Also, as an adult you can make all kinds of different voices to entertain the kids and even change specific words of a book to give creative license, so that's a bonus for the storyteller. But it's the engagement of the readee that is the best part about the experience, and Christmas time / winter time is the best time to do so.

I wish I could relive that nostalgia of reading as a kid. (That's usually when it starts). I too was in that phase of just listening to a teacher read a book (My parents never read to me in English because I quickly raced ahead of them in English proficiency, although they did read to my much-younger sister Emily with Chinese accents) I quickly moved on from listening to books to absorbing the books myself, and then progressed to becoming a voracious reader, reading whatever I can get on hands on, and often whole series of books like the Choose Your Own Adventure book series, the Encyclopedia Brown mystery series, the Redwall series, then (yes, unfortunately I was caught up in) the Harry Potter series. My favorite and most memorable book as a kid was one "Maniac Magee" by Jerry Spinelli because I could so identify with the main character, a boy on his own moving around and misunderstood by those around him. It wasn't just English-language books neither; my parents encourage me to delve into Chinese literature, not just to learn about Chinese culture but to keep my Chinese language ability skills proficient, which I did and I owe a debt of gratitude to my parents and grandpa for to this day. But Chinese novels were quite lengthy, but I trudged on through the classics of "Journey to the West" and "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms." What I loved about those times was how engrossed I could become in a book, that I could lie down on the carpet or couch, crack open a new book, and just read for 3 hours, without doing anything else. My mind was focused and not polluted by outside information, desires, wants, annoyances, Iphone, internet. It was just ready to grip all the information about the world that was inside the book, and wouldn't release that grip until dinnertime, or whatever mandatory break I had to take. I myself wouldn't take it, I would continue reading because I wanted to. Even my mom thought I "read too much," and was at risk of being a "book nerd," which translates just as well into Chinese as kind of a dorky loser as it does in English.

Even in college, I could get absorbed in good books (I had a bit better taste by then and knew what I wanted). Instead of trying to chase women or adventure, I chased book highs.....I once sat on the lawn of the engineering quad at University of Illinois after taking the LSAT and read a book cover to cover while the sunset came over the campus, one of my best memories, ever, then when moving to California I read in the passenger's seat while my dad drove during our 2-day road trip. Quite an enjoyable experience.

Nowadays, though, books are far and few between, and I just can't get through them quickly enough, not being able to budget enough time for them. I literally can't afford to get trapped in those worlds of books anymore, unfortunately, despite still having the voracity to get through a good book (It needs to be book, can't be a junk romance novel). I think that's one of the regrets all adults get, is just not being able to cuddle up with a book, sit there for hours on end, and read a good book. One of the great delights of humankind.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Zoo Lights (動物園の明かり)

Peanut butter and jelly. Dinner and a movie. Hot coffee and marshmallows. Some things just go well together, and something about a light show at a zoo really pulls in my girlfriend and me. Continuing the theme from last post, Zoo lights at LA zoo was our first actual "defined" date experience, and this past weekend in celebration of that momentous time, we went to Zoo lights again, in a different city, but with similar spectacular results, in my opinion.

For some reason, zoo lights is really catching on in most large metropolitan cities in America: LA and Chicago for sure have one, and I saw on TV Boston had it. The premise is simple: put Christmas lights around in the outer parts of a zoo during the winter to attract customers, since no one goes to zoos in the winter, and the animals have to be relocated (imagine animals trying to survive a Chicago winter), but leave some indoor exhibits so that it still has a zoo feel. Also put up plenty of light displays that involve animals, including elephants, gorillas, all the fan favorites, and you got yourself a successful zoo lights show.

LA zoo, in its fashion of being inferior to other zoos, charged for admission last winter, and it didn't have a winter feel: 55 degrees in LA, but it did surround different areas nicely with colorful lights and music. Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo really blew LA out of the water in that sense. First of all, free zoo: no admission, all comers welcome, and saves all the time taken to get tickets, go through the ticket area......when it's free, one just walks in. Chicago had a live polar bear living outdoors! Imagine that, a polar bear living in arctic conditions. Chicago had a ice cutting exhibition, with a professional ice cutter on a stage cutting animal shaped ice-blocks with a saw (I guess an ice saw?) The icing on top? It was snowing in Chicago during Zoo Lights, and not the blow-in-your-face, painful snow, the majestic, powdery snow that falls down slowly like you're on a set of a movie. Truly brings out the taste of winter.

I guess the biggest complaint is that it is COLD.....welcome to Chicago I guess. But to cure that, the zoo opened up several indoor exhibits with monkeys, birds, reptiles, etc. that one can duck into for a while just to get away from the zoo. Really soothing effect, being able to enjoy a warm room after spending it outside in icy conditions. There was also hot chocolate selling outside for a low, low price of.........$6 a cup. That's a.......wait for it, pyramid scheme.



Speaking of zoos, The Little Goat diner in West Loop, Chicago is superb. Very fine concoctions of food, serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner at all times. I don't usually endorse restaurants, but this really hit the spot after a long day of walking around in the snow.

Dating my next door neighbor 跟隔壁邻居交往

In this blog's continuing series of Chinese/English parallel texts (one day I hope to do this in CJKE! Chinese Japanese Korean English) I tell the story of how I met/ started dating my wonderful girlfriend. Great memories!

你能跟我去油画课吗？

我跟我女朋友的经历很有趣、很偶然性的遇会。我那时候住在我朋友家，租了他一间房。我朋友的老婆也来了她的朋朋友小明来住另一间房. 

如此小明和我就变成邻居了。我平时很害羞，不太敢主动跟女生谈话，只有跟我朋友夫妻俩以起出去时可以跟小明聊天。小明虽然是韩国长大的，在美国住了十多年，上了大学和研究学院，美语和美国文化都了解得不错。脑子又好，外貌又轻秀，我逐渐对她有点意思。

那时正好跟朋友报名去上个油画课，我朋友到最后说去不了了，又不能退票，咋么办呢只好找替身的。灵机一动想起小明，一边可以多了解小明，一边避免浪费那张票，一石二鸟。我就问小明，也没直接说是约会，只问，不好意思，朋友缺席， 你能跟我去油画课吗？ 正好小明有空，就一起去了。

油画课是让大家画一块南瓜馅饼，代表美国十一月份敢恩节的传统。有专业画家来辅导。我以前小时候画过画，但也就是随便画画而已。小明胸有成竹地画起来，油漆混的也很专业派，旁若无人的认真画上了。我的水平明显差远了，老师经常要过来帮我一下，怕我落后。

到最后收盘时，大家欣赏互相的作平，大家对小明的画感觉很好，称赞像是真的南瓜饼似的。大家看到我的就没话好说了，客气点没有批评就算不错了。

虽然我的画弄砸了，但对小明的感觉深刻了，她也觉得我们俩很谈的开，我们就从那一次课发展感情，一直到了今天一年多的恋情。

" Can you go to paint class with me?" 

Meeting my wonderful girlfriend MJ was a very interesting, very chance encounter. At that time I lived at my friend's house, renting out one of his rooms. My friend's wife also invited her friend, MJ, to live in the room next to mine. 

From then on MJ and I became neighbors/roommates. I'm usually pretty shy (as described in this blog previously) and not proactive about initiating conversation with ladies, and at the beginning MJ and I only talked when we all went out as group. Although MJ grew up in South Korea, she had lived in America for more than 10 years, went to college and graduate school, so her grasp of both American language and customs was great. She was smart and had elegant features, so I gradually started liking her. 

At that time I had signed up for a paint class with my friend, but my friend said she couldn't go at the last second, and there was no refund on the ticket, so I had to find a replacement. I suddenly thought of MJ, as I could both get to know MJ more as well as avoid wasting a ticket, like getting two birds with one stone. So I asked MJ without telling her it was a date, but just, "Sorry, my friend couldn't make it, so would you like to go to paint class with me?" Luckily MJ was free, so we went together. 

The painting at paint class was that of a pumpkin, representing America's November custom of Thanksgiving. There was a pro painter there to guide us. As a kid I had done some drawings, but just fooling around, nothing serious. MJ on the other hand confidently started to draw like she had done it so many times before, also mixing the paints together skillfully, concentrating on the painting as if no one else was around. My skill was obviously much lower, and the instructor had to come and help me a few times, lest I fall behind. 

Towards the end near closing time, everybody enjoyed each other's work, and everyone really liked MJ's painting, praising it as a "real enough to eat." When they saw me they didn't say anything, maybe just to be polite and not give any criticism. 

Although I failed at paint class, but my relationship with MJ blossomed, and we could talk more easily with each, and from that class on we developed our relationship, and  the love continues even today, more than a year later. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Static Electricity 静電気

Every winter, an invisible enemy creeps into my life, making it hard for me to enjoy life, to live naturally. It takes no shape, but is omnipresent in all things. Its name? Static electricity, or "seidenki" in Japanese.

Static shock affects all parts of my life. Every time I touch anything, I have to be cognizant of its existence. It's like electroshock therapy- touch and get zapped. Like a psychological experiment gone wrong, static shock has caused me to become shy about touching things.The actual sensation is not that bad, and I certainly will live afterwards, it's just the literal, psychological shock of having to pull my hand back, as well as the dry crackling sound of electricity that makes me cringe. 


In these dangerous times of static being at the height of its nefarious power, wood becomes my friend: I know I can depend on it to ground myself. Conversely, my worst fear is to be in all metal room surrounded by metal objects.

Worst times for static electricity:

1) kissing my girlfriend (generates shock when both of us have accumulated a lot of electrons)

2) touching my car door

3) touching the mouse at my workstation

4) touching the metal of a water fountain

5) grabbing the doorknob to enter a room.... It's worse than a horror film with suspenseful music, except the terrifying monster isn't behind the door, it's ON the door. 


Static electricity exists in California, but it gathers its strength more in cold temperatures, which I'm currently suffering from in Chicago. Straight from google: winter, static electricity is worse due to a lack of air humidity, leading to a charge imbalance. It's a buildup of electrons, like evil spirits amassing to cause misery to the human race. It's a plague upon society and must be stopped. If I want to be known for one thing in this world, it's having put a stop to static electricity: there's gotta be an invention, an app, a pill that can be created to stop this menace. I don't know much about science, but can we raid those electron centers (like carpets, hair, and winter coats, goshdarn those wintercoats, I can feel the electrons gathering on them!) and disperse the electrons to stop static electricity at its root! 

Fight on! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Health Insurance (健康保険)

Every month when I'm looking over my bills and try to figure out how in the world I spent so much money in just one short month, I notice a bunch of things: first, how much the cost of food is (it's not that a $5 sandwich there or a $30 dinner out is going to kill you, but all the little costs add up including snacks, drinks, buying for other people, etc. like little cuts to the body, it gets pretty hefty and literally costs an arm and a leg). Secondly, vacations can get pretty costly not just because of the flight fare, food, living accommodations, and activities on the vacation, but also because of the time missed from work (if you're an hourly worker like me who doesn't get paid if he doesn't report to work) PLUS the double cost of having one's home either rented out or bought. Third, that I don't even have a mortgage yet that would only increase these massive costs, and Fourth, how many administrative fees I pay that I don't even get much benefit out of that are a total waste of money.

Look, I get it, there are some costs associated with living in general, such as.......food. If I didn't have to eat I probably wouldn't spend the money to eat, but alas we're human beings with a large appetite and a 3 meals per day (roughly) ritual so that money's a fixed cost, and I AM getting some nourishment/enjoyment out of it. And even CA bar fees (for being an attorney), at least I'm getting some benefit from it, of being able to work as an attorney and enjoy my salary. Health insurance costs, however, are psychologically so damaging because once I spend the $250 or so per month, I get nothing out of it unless I go to the hospital. There's a strong, strong chance every month that I'm just giving money away, and for a relatively cheap guy like me, it's particularly irksome. Like I hem and haw sometimes about giving $100 to charity (and that's on the high side), but it's my decision to give, so I feel good about myself and can justify the cost because I feel there's a chance it might be used to help someone else who needs it,  but then I'm forced to pay $250 per month for something, it just doesn't feel right. I get that maybe it's being used to help someone else in the system who's suffering from a disease that requires large medical bills and that it's part of the system in the US, much like social security is, but in both instances I have no guarantees that by the time I am old and need the benefits from those payments that those benefits will still be there. Ever since I was 26, when I was forcibly ripped away from the umbrella protection of my parents' health care plan (one of the good things about Obamacare),

The problem with health insurance in the US, as my wonderful girlfriend vents about sometimes, is that not only is it mandatory and expensive and comes out of the citizen's own pocket (unless you get it free from one's employer, which is factored into one's compensation), it also does less than other countries' insurance, which is universal health insurance. Universal health insurance is an unattainable fantasy at this point for the US in how much money that would have to come out of the budget or how much taxpayers would have to pay in taxes to fund that anyway, but at least give more benefits for the plans than just "we'll pay everything over $7,000, so basically major surgeries and transplants only." Oh and one free doctor's visit per year and free flu shot. Thanks (sarcasm). Japan is a country that has lots of insurance, life insurance, etc., but it has a universal health care system. The whole idea of healthcare being part of a "health insurance" system is pretty bizarre to me, healthcare should not be a "catastrophe situation" that requires insurance. I'll have to do more research, but this seems right in the category of one of the big....wait for it...pyramid schemes I always complain about.

Next time, I rant about other hidden fees in America such as "processing fee" for orders, tips paid to waiters sustaining a whole industry of people that America gets away with, parking fees, "city tax," and the massive quantities of money that comes out of my paycheck each week (including Medicare, something called OASDI, and State withholding for god knows what purpose) that DOESN'T EVEN INCLUDE HEALTHCARE Bottom line is I wish I could keep more of my money. My high school English teacher once said, most young people lean liberal/Democratic until they start working and feel differently about their money and earning money (in which case they don't want to get taxed out of everything anymore by big government spending). I now understand why he said that.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

越冬 (How to Survive Winter in Chicago)

In Japanese, "Ettou" means going into hibernation, or going through the winter, and for the first time in about 8 summers, I'm going to be braving it through the Chicago cold. That's right, no more 70 degree December days in LA of going to the beach in a t-shirt and making runs. My world now (at least, the outside world) is all about heavy jackets, minimizing exposed skin surfaces, seeing my breathe in front of my face, the lake freezing over (all the boats at Navy Pier have been relocated for the winter), gloves, hugging my girlfriend really tight to keep both of us warm, etc. Even my work building makes changes for the winter, taking away the outside seats (who's gonna eat lunch outside in the freezing weather?) and installing winter decorations inside. December is here.

I'm by no means the biggest advocate of preparing for weather, but even a carefree guy like me gets knocked back into submission by the breeze and has to head back indoors for a jacket if I forgot one before stepping outside. 

1.) find a gym to get exercise in. I tried running in 37 degree weather the other day. Didn't feel great but was braving it for a while running down the riverwalk (Yes, Chicago has a riverwalk now too, and one can view the majestic sight of the Trump Building while walking the path!) towards the lake, but then the lakefront breeze enveloped me in its icy grasp and I whimpered back home. I've already gained about 5 pounds this winter season, but don't want to gain anymore, so it's time for (GASP) treadmill time. I'm not a fan of treadmills. 

2.) Get some shovels ready inside one's car, cuz there's a distinct chance you have to shovel yourself out if there's overnight snow and you parked outside (had this happen too much in the 16-18 phase). 

3.) Have tissues on your person at all times.......no telling when your nose gets embarrassingly runny and have to wipe.... 

3a.) Ears- often forgot, but ever so sensitive to the cold, so much that they get red. Wear a sweatshirt, inner shit, or outer jacket, SOMETHING that has a hoodie, or a wool hat, or earmuffs, whatever, it's a worthy investment. 

4.) Check weather every day. It's not gonna be 70-71-68-72 sunny all week, sudden shifts in weather and 45 degree feels a whole lot different than 25 degrees, especially when wind chill is accounted for. 

5.) It's not all bad. With winter comes a lot of happy holidays like the just-past Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, etc. One other nice thing is the first snowfall of the year, which annually has been something to look forward to when I was in college/ lived in Illinois. A beautiful sight and enough to people to go outside and catch a snowflake. Japanese people value it, too, calling the year's first snowfall 初雪. Just make sure that it's soft snow that's dropping and not sleet, hail, acid rain (probably not) or an array of other slushy solid precipitation. I got stuck in a hailstorm last week that pounded against my face. Not fun. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

結婚する

Marriage in America, as I imagine it is with most other countries, is a big deal. It supports a multi billon dollar industry of weddings (and as it turns out, other items such as wedding rings, wedding dresses, wedding videos, etc., etc.), court cases are decided based on what constitutes a marriage (is it a man and a woman only, or does it also count for man and a man, woman and a woman, penguin and an iguana, etc., etc.). There's also different religions and sects that recognize different numbers of partners, not just 1v.1 (personally, I think it'd be pretty tiring to have more than 1 spouse, but hey who am I to judge). Families are combined in a marriage but are unfortunately sometimes ripped apart due to marriage, marriage has always been the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for those pursuing true love and an eternal soul mate, etc. 

But for all that fuss about marriage, it can be an exceedingly simple process: people do it all the time because it's voluntarily and can be done almost any time, any place. The prototypical "shotgun wedding" in Vegas comes to mind where a couple meets for the first time and then decides to get married in a fit of spontaneity, which is allowed in the United States. It takes less time really to get married in most states (some states require blood tests, other paperwork, so I'm not sure) but at least in CA, it can realistically take under 20 minutes. Different courts around the state are set up at a moment's notice to accommodate couples, grant a marriage license (apparently you have to get state permission to get married, for a modest fee) of course, and using that license get married by an official-looking, wardrobe wearing government official licensed by the state to perform wedding ceremonies in an official-looking, beautiful scenery-painted-on-the-walls-to-look-like-a-wedding-venue, space with chairs lined up for at least 20 of the couple's  friends and family. The official-looking minister asks the couples to exchange rings, asks them to exchange vows (not even your own vows, ones that the state mandates and has the couples recite back to each other!), say "I do," do the kissing thing (not mandatory) and then it's all over. (And really, isn't that what a normal $30,000 wedding comes down to anyway?) The minister signs the paperwork, presents the marriage license, ushers everyone out of the room, then welcomes the next couple of victims, er, lovers into the room to start it all over again. It's slightly more romantic than going through a drive through at Taco Bell, people are just dressed a little better. 

I know all of this because my friend did his wedding at the Ventura County Court and saved about $30,000+ that it usually costs to do a big wedding, so there's the extravagant, go all-out, once-in-a-lifetime mindset v. a "it's-just-a-formality" mindset. It really varies from person to person whether marriage might be the most important thing in one's life (extreme) and everything has to be perfect or the "let's go pick up a marriage certificate," and that wide range also applies to what marriage means for different people: is it a contract, is it a guarantee of love, is it a checkmark on a piece of paper, is it a financial transaction, is it an obligatory ceremony to please one's parents, etc., etc., marriage means so many different things. One just hopes that their idea of marriage comes true and succeeds in doing what they set out to make it. 

Fantasize on, 

Can You Please Take our Picture? (すみません、写真(しゃしん)を 撮(と)って いただけませんか)

Have you ever been stopped in a public place to take someone else's picture? Anyone ever look around for someone, spot you amongst the crowd, and then ask you for directions? I bet everyone has, but the frequency of being asked probably varies by person, and depends on how a person looks. There is no scientific method for studying this, but I think I get disproportionately asked by people on the street to take their picture. I'm not sure how I feel about this, whether I should be complimented and take the task seriously as society's taskmaster, or feel offended that I get assigned random tasks, or get annoyed for it taking up a chunk of my time each time I do it, but I do think I have the answer for why I get asked a lot. The answer has to do with being very average.

Traits I possess that gets me picked for picture taking duty:
1.) Average looking- can't be too physically attractive, I think, or else people are asking your number for other reasons. I, for one, get intimated asking a member of the opposite gender that's too physically attractive for fear they think I'm hitting on them, or I'm a weirdo, and am consciously aware that they probably get asked like that all the time by other people. Sure, you'll look for the hottest chick in the room when it's group date time, but when picking out a poor guy to get your picture taken, better go with the safe guy who definitely will say yes.
2.) Not scary looking- no visible tattoos, not physically intimating, I'm not exactly scrawny but definitely don't look like I would beat anybody up, or be a crazy homeless guy who might just take your phone/camera.
3.) alone - probably the most underrated factor for being selected for the lottery of taking someone else's picture, as people don't like to trouble big groups of people, just pick out some poor schmuck who doesn't look like he's doing anything important anyway. At least, that's how I think. Also, a fear of bullies and groups of people encourages me to seek kindred spirits who are also alone and out there by themselves.
4.) wearing average clothing- people don't want to ask too well-dressed people for fear of getting looked down upon.
5.) Chinese/ Asian languages- it also helps that I look Asian, the most prominent feature on earth with the highest population. I've been stopped multiple times in the street by Chinese people asking if I'm Chinese....scratch that, directly speaking Mandarin to me assuming I know Chinese, asking me to help them find something.

I should also mention to future solicitors for photos that I'm actually pretty bad at taking photos, or so says my girlfriend, who is really good at taking photos, so every time I'm asked to take a photo with my girlfriend I graciously hand off the assignment to my girlfriend, who being the awesome girlfriend she is accepts and vicariously takes the picture. Thank you! I think the world is a better place for this, or at least photos of the world are better because of it. It has something to do with catching the lighting at the right angle and focusing the shot on the people so that they are in the center of the picture, instead of the "aim phone at the people, make sure they're in the lens, shoot and get out of there ASAP" approach that I take.

I can't also say that I'm that good with giving directions, which doesn't happen as often anymore anyway due to everyone having a digital map in their hand/pocket at all times. It feels like I get asked directions in cities I don't live in all the time, maybe cuz of the "travelers' compassion" theory I mentioned earlier: travelers see me walking around and assume I know where I'm going. Most of the time I DON'T know where I'm going. In Japan and in Europe, I was asked directions when I had no idea where to go. Even in Los Angeles, the city I've lived for most of my adult life, I'll get asked where something is and not know what that place is, or not sure how I describe it. My mind goes kinda blank like, "you go straight, turn left at........Jefferson St., I think? And then go 2 blocks and then turn right?" I keep thinking while I'm giving directions, "wouldn't it be easier to just use your phone/GPS?" and cross my fingers that I'm giving the right directions AND the recipients follow them correctly. There was definitely a time I gave out wrong directions to someone and realized it later, regretting I did it and hoping they didn't get lost and curse me to a fate of always getting lost.


How to avoid picture-taking duty:
1.) Act crazy
2.) avoid crowds of people, especially at tourist locations with an iconic structure. No one's gonna want to take a picture of a dark alley.
3.) Have kids with you: people have sympathy for parents who are already dealing with so much.
4.) Travel with girlfriend to dump the task on her. Thanks girlfriend!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

High Class Restaurant (高級 レストラン )

My girlfriend and I went to a very fancy restaurant Friday night in Chicago called Alinea, truly a dining experience. Up until now I have been wary of spending too much on meals, but this restaurant eased those concerns in a terrific way, everything from the hostess being knowledgeable about our names, taking our coats, multiple servers taking our orders and presenting us with food (and giving us more than we ever needed to know about the ingredients), the lighting of the venue set to a low atmospheric mood, allowed my girlfriend and I to feel, for one night at least, in a completely different world of dining,


My favorite dishes:

1.) Wagyuu beef held with beef marrow. Unfortunately, only one bite to eat the whole thing, the crispy rice crumbled in the mouth "like a rice krispy treat," as the server said. Personally, it might as well have been a rice krispy treat; I couldn't tell the difference.

2.) Short Rib Bitter cocoa Cassis- basically, I liked all the dishes that included meat.......there wasn't that much of it. The short ribs were especially tender and contained ample flavor, definitely could tell the difference between it and normal rib places. Except for the fact I don't think I've ever complained about having ribs, so there wasn't much they could do to mess it up.

3.) Sanma (秋刀鱼), a Japanese type of fish, purportedly imported from the Tsukiji Fish Market in Tokyo, Japan, like I would know the difference, but nonetheless a very strong fish, shaped like a sardine, not much larger than a sardine. Nice cultural reference to a culture I'd been researching to match the refined taste, couldn't complain about this one. 

4.) Pork Belly with curry and banana- gotta admit the pork belly was so good and so well cooked, but this is one case of almost doing too much, not sure the curry and banana helped the pork belly in any way, kinda just mixed up the tastes, and not sure the dish (which we held in our left hand while used a utensil in the other) helped in any way, especially since I held it for long enough to eat the pork belly in 1 or 2 bites, then sat it down again.


5.) Bubble Gum Sour cherry banana: interesting concept of making an edible helium balloon that allowed us to break it and have a very high-pitched voice for a little bit.


Lessons learned:
1.) For a high class restaurant, presentation is everything, taste is important but secondary. Bring the food in as many different variations as possible, including on pieces of ice, on a flmaing piece, a funnel that's gassing up, in a balloon shape, on top of what looks like a glass vase, etc.

2.) It's OK to leave the customer hungry (especially 175 pound highly active with high metabolism adult males, apparently.) as long as it's exceptional food.

3.) courses come regularly and only after the prior course had been consumed. Standard, of course, but I can't help wondering if I would have been better eating all these items together and at my own discretion: I guess the chef decides the order of what goes down the gullet to get the best effect.

4.) add as many sweet dishes as possible, skimp on meat and main courses. Isn't a bad strategy: sugar and sweet things tend to get tons of approval, no one complains, restaurant saves money. I personally would have preferred a lot more MEAT! (but I guess that's what a steakhouse is for).

5.) Have a foreign-sounding name for each dish, make it seem special and memorable to the guests, make it seem better than it was because it had a name (people love having names to remember stuff by) "Spectrum," "Swirl," "Cloche," and "Nostalgia" were just some of the dishes we dined on (and in some cases, gulped in one bite)

6.) It's like modern art or opera: the high class have different standards than the common folk, and can taste the refined nuances of the Sanma (Pacific saury) from Tsukiji Market v. other types of fish caught in specific places and would pay a premium for that kind of meal, much like a connosieur of art would pay thousands more for a certain type of painting from a certain type of artist. I personally just divided food into categories of "good food" v. "OK" to "bad food." and whether it tastes good or not, call me dense for not appreciating modern art or opera or high class restaurants (But I DID really appreciate my girlfriend treating me to this and opening my eyes to this high class dining lifestyle! - ah how the rich live)


Overall, as not a food critic, I thought it was a unique dining experience, like trying skydiving or rock climbing, except it was a bit expensive, and I didn't even get full. On a very practical level, it was a total loss: paid full price for not much nutrition, didn't even get a full meal. On an aesthetic level, though, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I prefer somewhere in the middle for most of my meals, but for a once-in-a-while thing (maybe once-in-a-lifetime experience it was a great meal I'll remember forever. I just wish there was more.

Juujutsu (柔術)

Recently in the post-World Series, football ratings-diminishing, getting-tired-of-the-same-old-sports I grew up world, I started taking interest in a new, fast-growing sport ( I hope this isn't like poker in the mid-2000's that quickly fizzled): Mixed Martial Arts, which has been taken up by many different organizations, but the organization that has the most publicity and the most money and therefore draw the best fighters in the world and the most fans around the world: Ultimate Fighting Championship, or UFC.

MMA involves a variety of disciplines, but one of the most pervasive is a technique called juujutsu, originated from the Japanese art. Or as the English version spelling goes, jujutsu. There's also karate, Brazilian juujutsu, wrestling, and judo, muay thai. I can't tell very well one from the other (I believe muay thai is heavily kick-based), but I do enjoy the hell out of watching it. The sport capitalizes on a lost art of fighting without weapons (sorely needed break from the gun-fighting in the world as well as in movies, and not just the pre-choreographed hand-to-hand combat scenes from movies, these fights are very real and the fighters are very much suffering pain/trying to outmaneuver an opponent who's hitting them back. The best part about the sport to me is the pace of a match, a match is usually scheduled for 3 rounds of 5 minutes each (sometimes 5 rounds) but can end at any time due to knockout or submission, so the viewer's gotta keep his or her eyes peeled, there's a guarantee it won't last for 3 hours like the traditional sports, and it's high-flying, action-packed, hands and bodies moving everywhere. That also leads to the worst thing about the sport: the constant, violent movement causes a lot of violence, blood, and the worst thing in sports nowadays: concussions. Oh and there's doping issues, as many fighters are suspected to be on steroids, using some sort of masking agent to get away with it.

MMA in my opinion will overtake boxing (if it hasn't already) in popularity, if only for the nature of MMA: it's boxing PLUS other stuff, so more elements of fighting are incorporated. Boxing has the tradition and legends of the past, but there's really not many great fighters with names out there, and Mayweather v. Pacquiao last year might have been the last great fight people would pay to watch, and the fight turned casual fans away from the sport: "great, I spent an hour to watch Mayweather dancing away," etc., etc. The submission element in MMA brings a whole another element where a fighter can be pounding away at his opponent but make one mistake against a grappler (fighter who's good at wrestling, fighting on the ground, etc.) and somehow win out of nowhere. Fascinating stuff, and a lot more strategy involved it seems like than just pounding the hell out of somebody. 

Future ideas: possibly incorporating some kind of fantasy element to it, would do a lot to get the fantasy nerds into the sport and invested in the results. 

Hopefully the rise of MMA will foreshadow the rise of another sport that no one knows about but is unbelievably enjoyable and thrilling to watch: Dodgeball! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

True Feelings v. Outer Facade (本音 & 建前)

Japanese has a special term for something that's a universal concept: Acting a certain way on the outside to the public (tatemae) but feeling something different internally, aka one's true feelings. For Japanese this is usually reserved for business situations, like talking to a boss or co-workers, but it can also refer to
It also has a great deal to do with the current situation of Donald Trump becoming elected President.

The Donald was a very divisive figure during his whole campaign, with those who loved his brash and demeaning attitude (interrupting everyone) while it put others off, very few people having a neutral opinion on Trump. Which is why national election polls might have been so off in the days right before the election- many polls had Hilary with a comfortable lead and a 90%+ chance to win the election. This could have been caused by tatemae: people outwardly indicating the public stance and non-shaming stance of voting for Trump, when in fact they did vote for Trump. (not necessarily because they support Trump's brash behavior and treatment of minorities, women, etc., there are definitely these people among Trump's supporters but to win almost half the popular vote he needed more- people who are Republican but don't want to admit voting for Trump). They told the polls they weren't voting, but in the voting booth when their honne (true feelings) were on the line and nobody could criticize them for it, they voted for Trump, the de facto Republican candidate. Which is their right- there's so many other factors other than personality and treatment of others that matter in a presidential choice.... immigration, foreign policy, domestic policy, stance on abortion, stance on legalization of marijauna, etc., etc........heck, a bunch of my fellow Chinese Americans voted Republican to stop affirmative action (I know, sounds trivial, but that's a real issue for many Asian Americans). And because of the voting discrepancy, for better or worse (and I hope actually it's for the better!) Trump.

How could it be for the better? I admit it's not likely, but I and many other Americans should hope that the Donald's honne (true feelings) doesn't match up with how he presents himself to the public, and more importantly, to his voting base. First of all, Donald Trump is a VERY smart person (I'm not saying he's not a jerk, homophobic, etc., but even his worst critics have to give it up to him that he's smart, not only in his business deals but simply because he somehow became President of the U.S. through smoke and mirrors). That takes real knowledge of the American public. When I was watching the Donald meet with President Obama today in a brief meeting at the White House, though, I wondered as Obama and Donald praised each other and showed mutual respect for each other despite the whole year jabbing at each other during the campaign: What if it's all an act? Trump's a reality TV star, it's totally feasible that he acts a certain way in front of the cameras and now his voting base, says all of the things that a normal politician might say (promises that are destined to be broken), but actually doesn't feel as extreme about those ideas and just wants to become President to help the country? Sure, Trump could just be a lying egotistical maniac who wanted power so badly he'll wreck the country and sacrifice America's moral compass, but I think there's definitely a chance at my scenario. The honne (internal thoughts) could be that he achieved the Presidency, put the campaign behind him, act presidential, and lead the country like many great men before him have. I hope I'm right, and America surely hopes so.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Election Day 2016 Vote (投票)

This year, for the first time ever, I voted in an election for public office/ public policies. (I've voted for school council elections, law school school body elections, etc.) My stance had previously been that voting was a waste of time, that my vote would be lost in a sea of other votes without making any impact whatsoever, that democracy isn't the best form of government anyway (see my previous post on a benign dictator), but I had to admit to myself that I was also just being lazy, and I shouldn't knock voting until I try it. So I sent in my mail-in vote from Chicago to California and actually voiced my opinion, and I realized that a.) I don't get an email confirmation or anything that CA actually received my vote, so I don't know if I actually made a difference or not, the results don't show how individual people voted, b.) there's a LOT of issues I'm not informed on, included the many CA propositions that were on the ballot, and c.) I could abstain from voting on issues that I didn't know about ( I did, including CA governor and CA's representative for US Senate, because I had no knowledge about who the candidates were. I DID vote on gun control, legalization of marijuana, death penalty, plastic bag abolition, and forcing adult film actors to wear condoms, because, well, I understood those issues and how I felt about them. Ultimately, I didn't think my vote was that significant, but I felt better that I knew about those issues, and the whole process was worth it.

Then Donald Trump won the election, and the whole world exploded. It is really telling that out of the many facebook friends I have, not a single one went on Facebook to boast that they had voted for Trump. This tells a lot about the demographic I'm in, but also the demographic that Trump voters comprise of: mostly white uneducated voters. Many of my facebook friends consider it an outrage that Trump won, and that the world is doomed, and how could this have happened, and he's not qualified to be the President, and that Bernie (Sanders) would have won, and that these are the 3rd party voters who were turned off by Hilary's fault, and it was stupid people's fault, and lots of fingerpointing and crying. I get why people are so upset, and I get that many people's lives are affected more deeply than mine is due to Trump getting elected. But unfortunately, somehow that's how democracy works: you don't get what you want. The majority gets what they want, no matter if the majority differs slightly from the minority's views and just want to tweak it a bit, or as in this election, the majority is MILES away from what the minority's views are. Sometimes the uneducated or the rural parts of America want to have their voice heard, and you can't say that they're wrong: they have the right to vote, they get a right to be represented just like everyone else, no matter if one thinks they're uneducated or don't know the evils of Trump.

I guess my takeaway is, these things happen, and don't get too emotional about the election results, try to stay positive, and understand that shocking things do happen in elections, and that just because others have a vastly different opinion, doesn't mean that they're wrong. Trump represents something different for the people who voted for him in this last election, and that thing might be exactly what Trump opponents are doing: shaming the Trump voters for voting the way they did. Maybe, just maybe, the Trump voters are doing it because of Trump opponents (like myself) who pretend we know everything and tell them that Trump is racist, not a good human being, bad for the country, but they want a different voice and to be represented, not to accede to the "educated" or Democratic part of America. So let's seek to understand why these election results happened, not point fingers and make plans to move to Canada or other countries. That's the America we live, for better or worse.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

World Series Game 7

Long time no sports posts, but I had to memorialize the historic Game 7 World Series game tonight between the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs. That's right, the Chicago Cubs! My 10-year-old or 16-year-old self would have been so elated to find out the Cubs would be in a World Series, much less a Game 7. Back then all Cubs fans like myself had to look forward to were Sammy Sosa, Mark Grace, lovable losers, and rare playoff appearances that didn't result in anything close to the playoffs. It seemed like summer after summer of futility, listening to dynamic team of Pat Hughes and Ron Santo, an awesome way to spend childhood summer evenings learning the game as a Chinese immigrant. The Cubs lost a lot, but the radio team was awesome, almost like listening to a friendly conversation between guys at a game and enjoying themselves, and it was through these broadcasts I learned the essence of baseball: 

Baseball isn't about winning all the time, going to the World Series, always being in must-win attitude. Sure, winning is nice, no doubt about it, and allows for excitement, but baseball is about a way of life, everything from the awesome baseball stadiums (why I did my baseball trip!), to baseball cards, to radio broadcasts, to taking the whole family to the game, to pennant races, to enjoying the evening outside at a baseball game, so many different things other than winning go into the baseball experience. Sure it's a long season, and 162 games is probably excessive for one sport (It's nearly half the year! If you include spring training and the postseason, it's more than half the year!) but part of the essence of baseball is its consistency, that it's always there, there's a game almost every day of the summer, that resonates with the changing of seasons and becomes a daily lifestyle for lovers of the game. 

As I've grown older, my interest in baseball have diminished a bit: I still keep track of scores through fantasy baseball, but I don't watch games, I don't devote large chunks of time to checking out baseball stats, and I don't even hold myself out to others as a Cubs fan (deep in my heart, though, there's still a true blue, Cubbie-blue blood Cubs fan). I am not a big fan of people generating negative energy against negative fans, becoming unruly after excessive amount of drinks, and paying hundreds of dollars just to get into a Wrigleyville bar (not even the actual game!) or missing work the day after Game 7 (as many people are doing) to celebrate the Cubs victory, but I still understand the exuberance, the long pent-up fandom of Cubs fan. Trust me, I get it. Plus, it's game 7 of a World Series, one of the best sporting events in any sport, with historical ramifications (Indians haven't won the World Series since 1945, Cubs 1908). One of the best days in sports in a long time, and the team that I grew up watching (and listening to) is part of it. This is what a sports fan dreams of, and hopes to avoid the post-game partying and/or rioting (depending on the outcome) afterwards. Can't wait! 

GO Cubs GO! 

Monsters coming out on Halloween (神出鬼没)

Halloween has always been my most memorable holiday, if only because it stimulates the senses so much. More than Christmas where you're filled with presents, or Thanksgiving, where you're filled with food, or New Year's, where you're filled with empty promises called New Year's Resolutions, Halloween is filled with scary things. As the Japanese idiom epitomizes, all kind of gods and monsters come out to play (and disappear. The actual meaning means being evasive like a phantom, appearing and disappearing, like a haunted house where monsters come and go trying to scare the bejesus out of people). Just learned how to spell bejesus. Here's a thing about haunted houses: they're very vivid, they allow the mind to explore so many possibilities of what might happen, things that are associated with death, despair, horror are all incorporated, so my mind tells me everything is fine, I'm a grown man, it's OK, keep moving forward, but my body reacts to the sounds, the sudden movements, the being isolated (that's actually one of the biggest things, I'm alone there with myself and whoever's unlucky enough to be with me) and it seems like the whole world is gone and you enter into this bog of fear and isolation that you might not come out of, with all sorts of monsters and things coming out. And it doesn't help that the employees at the haunted house can SENSE your fear and go after the people who are most prone, so I've taken to trying to cover my ears and act cool, saying, "Oh there you are" and make jokes, which I'm sure the haunted house employees love more than anything. Ah, haunted houses. So thrilling, yet so terrifying.

Here's a list of things that scare me still to this day (some are more recent and more practical than others).


1.) Clowns- I think most people are scared of creepy clowns in some capacity. Sure there's the friendly kinds like Bozo and Ronald McDonald (although, I still think there's a bit of creepy quality to all those guys). I also was traumatized watching portions of "It" when I was a kid with the creepy clowns, and a lot of TV shows incorporated that clown element of terror.
2.) Getting on a small boat in choppy waters: my body just can't handle it due to seasickness, and I would probably try to jump out and swim to shore if I was trapped on one.
3.) Scary movies: everything that scary movies put into the movies, all the creepy music, the sudden movements, the complete silence, all those things get to me. It's like I'm the target audience of all of that, and I have to admit I'm attracted in a weird way to those type of movies. I'm a shell of myself, hiding under the covers or covering my ears during scary movies, but something keeps drawing me to them over and over again....
4.) Zombies: not that afraid of zombies, actually. Kind of predictable.
5.) Nails on the chalkboard: probably the worst sound in the world. Cringeworthy.
6.) Lightning/thunder: I've recently come to irrationally fear these, to the extent if I see them I'll try to drive the other way, or get into a building, or something. I'm always wondering if I'm driving and the lightning hits my car do I get shocked because I'm holding the wheel. Is that a thing?
7.) Missing the train by seconds as the door is closing on me, having to wait 10 minutes for the next one. Recently one of my worst fears as I commute to work and almost everywhere I go. That 10 minutes seems like hell because I know I could have been there 10 minutes earlier, plus I question what I could have done to get there a bit earlier to make the train....it's torturous, I tell you.
8.) Waking up with more pimples than the night before: those with good skin really don't know how good they have it.
9.) Stuck in a room without wifi and without something productive to do.......can't stand wasting time.
10.) Death. Still the overwhelming, paramount fear. The sum of all fears, even. Everything stems from it: ghosts, monsters, not fulfilling my potential (failure), etc.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Hangry

Around the world, one menacing condition threatens all human beings and creates a worse place for us all: it can creep up at any time, and people can turn into complete utter savages when the condition does hit, so always be ready for the worst. I'm talking, of course, about being hangry (or angry because you're hungry). I'm one of the more severe victims of hanger.

Symptoms of being hangry:

1.) Get irritated more than usual and unnecessarily while sitting in traffic: your body wants food and it doesn't want to deal with all this other stuff.
2.) Get into argument with significant other over trivial stuff.
3.) Get upset because instead of going to get food, you're stuck doing something else: your body prioritizes food above almost everything else (maybe not dodgeball for some dodgeball fanatics)
4.) You get upset about losing at dodgeball: compounded by dodgeball.
5.) Your face turning into Joe Pesci's face and angrily beating up those around you: OK, actually this was a pretty brilliant Snickers commercial for awhile that had normal people acting like actors in their most furious scenes. Really funny and kinda how I feel, you're not yourself when you're hungry. "Hungry? Why wait." Snickers had it right. Except the product, of course: I'm not going to go out and get a Snickers bar if I'm really hungry.

Basically, you're prone to getting upset over things that you normally wouldn't get upset about.

To avoid getting hangry:
1.) Make sure to have a schedule of eating every few hours.
2.) Eat when you're just starting to feel hungry, cuz it creeps up on you and before you know it, you're hangry. It's like a sunset: It's daytime for a longtime, then starts to get dark, and the process accelerates quickly, and before you know it it's fully dark. Hanger has set in.
3.) Have a convenient spot near work/ your home that serves food very quickly (Hint: NOT a sit down restaurant), almost like an emergency shelter for hanger victims. There's been plenty of times I've been at a sit-down table waiting for the food getting even more hangrier.

Residual effects of hanger:
1.) Sometimes people can't sleep while hangry (Stomach's usually good indication, but sometimes it's just dormant: feed it a little to see if it wakes up and takes notice of the hanger, then eat more). Most times I can't sleep it's becaus eof this.

Tips for curing hanger:
1.) Don't eat so much when actually hangry. This makes one eat more than one should and adds to the waistline.
2.) Don't play sports while

Full Train (満員電車)

The concept of a train filled to capacity is nothing new to Asian societies, especially in Japan, where there is a term specially coined for the packed commuter trains during morning rush (or any other times), it's called "man-in densha" and is just as connected to the culture as sushi and samurais. In fact, Japan has something like 9 of the world's top 10 subway stations, including Shinjuku Station in Tokyo and Shibuya Station (right next to the famous Shibuya Crossing where there's like 19 different corners of the intersection). So yea, I've witnessed my fair of man-in denshas, in fact sometimes subway attendees have to gently push the passengers into packed trains to make room, like cramming sardines into a bento lunch. It's quite the experience.

That's why I was quite surprised to see one of the first occurrences outside of Asia: a man-in densha in Chicago's Red Line today: at Lake station, right in the middle of downtown, at rush hour, it is incredibly packed with lines to get into the train and people packing in, and people forming lines to get on the train, waiting for the next train, even though trains came every 3 minutes or so. I had a suitcase with me, so I couldn't cram in like everyone else and needed extra room, so I just had to give up my pursuit to join the fracas. If there was a weight capacity on trains like there was an elevator, they definitely hit it. That leads me to today's topic, a continuation of the "Top 10 people you meet on a Southwest Flight," to "Top 10 people you meet on a commuter train (basically my complaints about different types of things people do):

1.) The solicitor even though signs everywhere say it's prohibited to solicit. Dude, can't you come up with a better story than that? Going on and on about how he has a job lined up in Aurora at Firestone Tires that he needs to get to by Monday morning so he can start working, but you're on a commuter train asking for transportation money? Isn't it better to ask someone for a ride, see if anyone's going in that direction, share an Uber for free? Even go on the highway and hitch a ride. Regardless, I'm not going to run the risk of directly supporting the drug trade by acceding to that fallacious story.

2.) Guy who can't wait to get on the train before people come off: It's not even that I care about you going first, I would let you, but especially in the case of manin denshas, it's common sense to let people off the train first, thus creating more space, THEN allow people to get on the train filling in those spaces. And while you're waiting, don't block the exit so that it's harder to get out.

3.) Guy who insists on standing by the door. There's about 2 body widths of space at every door. Those areas would preferably be open to aid in the loading and unloading of passengers (as long as we're comparing passengers to cargo like in a manin densha). Don't insist on standing right next to the door so that you have easy access in case you need to get out, and then not move when everyone else is unloading so everyone has to go around you. GO TOWARDS the MIDDLE OF THE TRAIN, especially if you're not getting off for a couple stops. Or do like what some people do, get off at each stop a bit and then get back in after everyone exchanges spots. These "blockades" as I call them are like the "Thomps" in Mario Kart that block the road, blocking at last half the area for traffic and doubling the time it takes to load and unload.

4.) Guy who's music (and yes, sexist but most of these are done by guys, bad representatives of my gender) is so loud I can hear it. Turn it down.

5.) Guy who takes up 2 seats while other people are forced to stand. Move your stuff to accommodate other people, guy. Don't force other people to ask.

6.) Participant of loud conversation: It's ok to talk on the train, but I don't need to hear everything about your personal life.

7.) Guy playing Candy Crush or any other phone game in the train: this is actually not damaging to other people in objective way, but makes me tempted to take a break and play those games, and do something to help society instead of just playing games! Get a life! Lol, I sound like Scrooge. Maybe I didn't have as many complaints about train commuters as I thought.

8.) Guy going up the escalator slowly blocking traffic behind. Right is for stopping, left is for passing.

9.) Guy who refuses to move into the open spot on a crowded train thus allowing other people to breathe. They just hold their spot like a territorial pit bull, can't be bothered with helping others to shift positions.

Fantasize on, and good luck with Maindenshas,

Robert Yan

Election (選挙)

I usually don't write about politics or religion (occasionally) and don't feel I'm smart enough or informed enough usually to endorse any candidates for publicly elected office, but there is a Presidential election coming up in a few weeks (an election that's garnered FAR too much coverage this year, IMO, not unlike previous years) so I thought I'd give my thoughts.

I've always thought the best kind of government is a benign dictator, one guy whose sole interest is for the good of the people. Too many cooks in the kitchen (oligarchy) makes it too indecisive, and history has been full of enough greedy power-hungry dictators to show that it doesn't work. The 21st century has seen a trend towards democratic countries, though, with elected officials, and it's the best system we have now realistically, but I think what some people miss is that it has some flaws. A democracy was built with the premise that a dictator was too powerful, that people beings inherently cannot be independent from pursuing power and that they will always be corrupt, thus a democracy took the power away from just one person and gave it to all the people. A democracy fails, though, if the people are stupid and make the wrong choice!

The problem with a benign dictator is, of course, no one is benign for ever, and that dictator is inherently human, giving rise to human flaws like greed, jealously, all kinds of emotions that in some way or another will distract from his or her's ability to act completely selflessly for the people. That and some evil person will come along and betray the benign dictator if the benign dictator doesn't show that he's strong, and to do that the benign dictator must be ruthless, thus no longer becoming a benign dictator. A vicious circle indeed, this power thing.

President Barack Obama was not a perfect president, heck just look at the mess Obamacare is in, but one thing stuck out to me: He mentioned that he didn't really NEED to be President, that if he was perfect intent with being a professor, a state politician, or local organizer, something productive to society, but that he just thought he'd do a good job as President. That's different from many of the political figures that have come to power over the course of history: people who wanted power, or came to power without thinking they'd do a good job (princes who were bequeathed the thrown), etc., etc.. In America the people have to elect you based on whether you would do a good job (although that criteria seems to be lost in recent elections against who is a bigger celebrity or Internet presence), but we don't often hear whether a Presidential candidate actually thinks they would do a good job in the Presidency. The problem with Donald Trump, other than the many things that have been highlighted this presidential campaign, is that he might not think he'd a good job, yet want that position for himself to satisfy his own ego, his pride. It's well publicized that he has put many people out of business, once was ridiculed by other billionaires, and his buildings and golf courses (there's a huge Trump building by where I work in Chicago!) that reflect his need to feed his ego. I feel it too; many human beings feel it: the need to show power, to be better than other people. It's very apparent that Donald Trump suffers from this complex, if it's not apparent from his comments about superiority in being able to inappropriately touch women, to the statements of "only he can fix the country's problems." In wanting to become President so much, he's overlooked whether he himself thinks he'd be a good President (obviously on the outside he'd say he would), but if he was a smart person (I do think he is, especially in business) he'd consider that his campaign feeds off of oppression, anger, and distrust and not of people actually thinking he'd do a good job, and realize he is just not what the world needs, what history needs, what mankind needs. He wouldn't be the benign dictator, he'd be the guy rising to power based on greed and human emotions, and that's not good for the fate of the U.S.A., and the world.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Scholarship 奨学金 [しょうがくきん (shougakukin)]

We all make hundreds and thousands of decisions every day, but some decisions have more consequence than others, both financially, spiritually, metaphysically, etc. One of the biggest decisions I've ever made is where to go to law school.

At the time, I had narrowed my decisions down to 2: Washington University in St. Louis for a FULL RIDE, or go to USC for a 1/3 scholarship. Present value financially speaking, a slam dunk to go to Washu, it was 100,000 extra dollars over 3 years. That's a lot of money. But at the time, I had just turned 21, didn't really grasp the concept of such a financial commitment (I now appreciate the value of 100,000, especially if it's increased through compound interest)
The scholarship amount also seemed a little fishy, like it was too good to be true, or some sort of trap. I had this confused notion as a newly minted 21 year old that i would have to pay all that scholarship back somebody anyway when I made it big and thereafter paid back all the scholarship money as a show of appreciation ( I know, not very logical) so I thought the money issue wasn't that big of a deal, and many law school advice books suggested "going to the best school you get in." USC was a few spots ahead in the rankings and better suited geographically, plus in a better city with a defined market with ample alumni connections. I was "sold" (probably a poor choice of words). 

To make a long story short, I went to USC, and my personal history changed irrevocably. One of the few ways to judge how significant a decision is would be to see how irrevocable it was, like if I watch Superman movie instead of Batman movie tonight, I can easily reverse the decision by watching batman the next time and I'd be right back where I was before the decision. The USC decision can't be reversed: I can recover that 100,000 plus dollars (eventually, hopefully) but I can never recover the chance of going to WashU l, making innumerable memories, living debt free, possibly becoming a Cardinals baseball fan, etc. who knows. Luckily for me though the path I did take turned out really well: I met an ubforgettable group of friends and connections through law school, acclimated myself to one of the best cities in the world, stayed near my family, took up basically what I feel is my life's calling in dodgeball, and met the woman of my dreams (eventually). There's little to regret/revocate from those standpoints, just the money.

Anyway, the lesson here is for any kids out there (or if I could go back and make the same decision again) , when choosing between schools, the scholarship money IS a substantial factor especially at the escalating cost of tuition nowadays, and it is a very significant decision that effects a lot of what you do in the future, but it's not the k my decision. I would make the same decision again if I had to do it all over again.

And oh yea I should have bought Netflix stock today, the stock was down (along with the entire stock market) but then went up 20% in after hours trading (20%!!!!!! That means for every share you bought you gained $20 dollars today cuz it traded at $100! Geez what a buying opportunity. Shoulda, woulda, coulda known all those hyped Netflix shows like Stranger Things would give it a big sales bump). Money......it's fickle, and it's tiring chasing after it, get that scholarship money! Lol.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Milk (牛乳)

Milk is "gyuunuu" in Japanese.

I remember back in the day when "Got Milk?" was a big commercial theme, where famous celebrities wore "milk moustaches" to advocate for the drinking of milk. Where has that gone? Apparently, it hasn't gone anywhere, and I've just moved.....Got Milk? was a phenomenon in California for California consumers and didn't really spread to other states, but it was sure memorable for me.

Lately, however, milk consumption has gone down. A Wall St. Journal recently showed that dairy farms are literally pouring milk down the drain due to it clogging up inventory and lack of sales/ oversupply (American farms apparently ramped up production a few years ago to meet demand but now have overdone it). I don't really see people drinking milk in the morning, and definitely not for other meals.....people prefer coffee in the morning to wake them up, or only consume milk to add to their coffee. To me, there's something wrong with a country that consumes more beer (the poison, in my opinion, makes you feel worse about yourself later on, is bad for you health wise, and makes people make bad decisions, all for those few hours of drunken debauchery and to have a good story in the morning) than milk, a healthy option that helps kids grown and actually has nutritious value. I've been in plenty of situations where just drinking milk filled me with some energy. ( I get that some people are lactose intolerant or fear that milk will make one fat, as my girlfriend thinks, so I won't hammer the point, but drink milk, not beer!0

I've been in the habit of drinking a class of milk per day since before I can remember. Back elementary school, milk was for lunch......in addition to breakfast. My parents would buy a large gallon of milk for the whole family and I was the main consumer. Something about the cool refreshing feel of milk in the morning to break the long hours of no food or water, I can feel the milk going down through my system and settling in on the bottom of my stomach. Milk also goes well with a lot of breakfast foods (almost anything really, except my mom keeps telling me not to drink milk with bananas. What she doesn't know is I've been doing that for years). It's especially good with peanut butter, serving kind of like a fabric softener for your mouth in separating that sticky peanut butter. And in grade school, milk wasn't done after breakfast! The school cafeteria also served milk, and in some cases it came as the school lunch! My parents always speculate why I grew to be taller than both of them, wondering if it was a hereditary issue or some sort of American diet issue, I assert that it was a milk issue! My parents didn't get much milk in Communist-ruled China (where even meat was rationed out and was in low supply), I got milk in abundance (possibly genetically enhanced milk, with growth-hormone cows, I admit, so maybe I was using HGH!) and grew to be taller. Pretty simple.

Anyway, sorry for the random rant. Drink more milk! (not a milk spokesperson or working in the milk industry, just a milk enthusiast and nostalgic about the good ol' days of milk dominance) Look, milk still is put in the back of the grocery stores for a reason, people still feel it's an essential item that they'll go all the way to the back for so grocery stores put it there to make them look at other items around the store, so I guess it isn't dead, just diminished. Don't cry over spilt milk,ふくすいぼんにかえらず I guess.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan