The fancy Japanese word for not being able to make up one's mind is Yuujuufudan. I suffer from a strong case of this disease, as I've described before about making a decsion about law school, which city to work in, etc. I've realized
if faced with a split second decision that I need to make quickly, I have a pretty good track record: I take the one that makes the most sense, or poses the least bodily harm (take the lane with less cars in it when driving in traffic), has the highest probability of success (if asked to gamble on a 51% chance of winning or something that has a 49% chance of winning, I take the 51%), etc. These also tend to be the small decisions, like what to get for lunch, what movie to watch at night, whether to go to dodgeball or not (the answer's most likely yes). It's the decisions that have larger consequences (how to spend one's life) with irreversible consequences that I have a lot of difficulty with because I know that I can't ever go back to that decision again. I also constantly berate myself for
The biggest problem, though: if a decision takes time to think about and has a far-away deadline. I will dwell, dwell, and keep dwelling until the decision deadline is over, constantly rethinking my decision and questioning it, finding every opportunity to poke holes in it wondering if the other fork in the road is better. I think part of the problem is trying to find the perfect outcome, always choosing the right path towards a brighter future. That's good to try to do, but you can't expect that out of the thousands of decisions that you make, you're always going to make the one that leads to the best outocome. Sometimes the parking spot you pick is farther than it needed to be, sometimes the job you take isn't the highest pay, and sometimes the wedding venue you select is overpriced and unaccommodating. But I've learned something from fantasy football: As long as you're going in evaluating all the alternatives, you can live with the decision you did your best to pick the right decision. You're not always going to be able to know out of 3 choices (Mark Ingram, Desean Jackson, random running back on the Chargers getting carries due to injuries) is going to have a great day, but as long as you're making informed, good decisions, you'll mostly get the middle option (115 yards no TD's for Jackson), and sometimes as a bonus get the supreme bonus (Ingram with 100 yards, 2TDs), but always avoid the bad (random running back). You can't always pick the best route.
There's a Japanese television called Suteki na Sentaxi, that aired a couple years ago that I'm rewatching again for purposes of learning Japanese, and I wish there was that sort of taxi that transport one back to a decision point to redo one's decision making. Sometimes I think there's merit to the theory that there are alternative universes where we select a different career path, a different spouse to marry, different life altogether, and we're living in just one of those alternative realities. This is often played out in TV shows and movies like La La Land (great musical-type of movie set in Los Angeles that every couple should go see), but as long as I'm generally satisfied with the path I've taken, I don't need a taxi to take me back and make that decision over again. At least I keep telling myself that everything I think I've made a wrong decision. Hey, who knows, maybe even if we make a wrong decision the 2 forks will one day converge and we'll be on the path we were meant to be on all along. Trump will be impeached and we'll have a suitable candidate for President again? (haha, kidding, but....maybe? (Being with my wonderful girlfriend, CHOOSING a life with her has been one of the best decisions of my life! - I think I was always meant to choose the path that led to her, and even if we broke up/didn't find each other eventually our paths would have crossed further down the line!)
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
No comments:
Post a Comment