Recently I filled out a trademark application for a relative
from China. All things considered, it’s actually relatively simple: everything’s
done online, you need certain product information and the trademark logo that
you’re attempting to trademark, and all the different classes of products (like
if your product’s a lawn mower, you gotta include lawn mowers, blades,
equipment, machinery, heavy machinery, motor equipment, etc.) o and about $300
or so, and then you’re all set. You sign off as the attorney of record (O that’s
what I went through 3 years of law school and continue to pay $400 in bar fees
every year for!) and just click submit. Not terribly difficult, time consuming,
or confusing. Hopefully. Now there’s a 6-month waiting process for the USPTO to
go through checks to see if the trademark’s already taken (it’s not, you can
research and look it up online before you try to get your own logo approved). I
am by no means an intellectual property attorney or anything of that sort nor
do I have expertise in those matters before this, but I do have access to a
computer and high-speed internet, $300, and can read basic instructions, so it
worked out.
What I really wanted to cover, though, was a little thing
called “puppy love.” I was introduced to this concept in 5th grade when
I liked a girl in my class and wrote little notes to her and tried to talk to
her as much as possible. She did not like me back and I eventually moved on.
Pretty natural, I think I went over this already, but the Japanese equivalent
is片思い (kataomoi), or unrequited love.
The problem is, 16 years later, I STILL go through bouts of puppy love. I
meet someone, I get started talking to them, and then later on I reflect, “Wow I kind of like this person.” Back in 5th
grade, the catalyst threshold for puppy love was very low: O that person’s cute. Actually I would argue that in the dating world that threshold
basically still exists for a lot of different people, but my threshold is a
little different: the target of my recent affection talked a lot to me, laughed
profusely (best thing about her was her sense of humor, I think), was
objectively physically attractive, did a bunch of sports, and sang karaoke love
song duet with me (twice! I know, right, twice! That’s gotta mean something!)
3 things that are sure signs I’m in puppy love status:
1.) I think about the target
of my affection a lot (not weird thoughts, sickos) but in terms of “OO it’d be nice if we could go on so-and-so date…no seriously, this is what I think of. I often think I’m a woman in a man’s body in terms of men-women relationships.
2.) I get awkward and can’t think of what to say when I actually have to meet target of my affection
in person.
3.) I start trying to “go to the same things” as the target of my affection. Sounds stalkerish, but I
feel like these are things a lot of people do.
4.) I get jealous of other
guys who talk to target of my affection.
5.) Recently, a big one: I
think she’s interested. My standards for liking someone have
evolved over the years due to so many rejections that anyone who expresses
interest in me and appreciates who I am automatically goes up.
6 things that totally deflate my puppy love/ kataomoi:
1.) The
target of my affection is pretty clearly being hit on by other guys. I don’t
like that kind of competition, because I often lose.
2.) The
target of my affection does something I disapprove of, and I sober up and
think, “Hey it’s not that great of a fit after all.” Doesn’t happen that often,
I usually justify it off in some way or think I’m being too picky.
3.) I
realize there is a large age disparity between myself and the target of my
affection and think (prematurely because I haven’t even gotten to asking that
person out yet, duh) that it would never work out.
4.) I
see the target of my affection doing something with other guys on facebook.
5.) I
see the target of my affection seeming to give another guy more affection/
seems to be interested in them.
6.) The
target of my affection gives pretty evident confirmation that she’s not
interested. This is the big one and the most devastating one. It all becomes clear
in o-so-painful fashion that this is more friends territory than anything, or
she’s just that way to all guys, or she was inebriated that one night and not
thinking clearly, or she likes someone else already, etc., etc. etc. The realist
in me
After the puppy love period is over and it actually resolves
pretty quickly; I move on to other targets. If I haven’t summoned up the
courage to ask previous target of my affection or came to my senses quickly
enough, I keep some hope in the back burner for an eventual “start-as-friends-evolve-to-more”
stuff, but I don’t think that’s ever worked.
I recently came to the conclusion that how relationships
occur (and eventually marriages) is that puppy love matches up and the target
of your affection has you as a target for their affection. Then things go a lot
smoother and a lot more quickly. The problem for me is widening that pool of
people who have me as the target of their affection. I do think that that pool
was open and actually contained a few girls in the history of my existence, but
not sure if it’s winter season now or something but no one’s currently swimming
in it, and no one’s definitely sharing that pool with Robert’s pool of
affection. At some point, Robert might have to decrease the exclusivity of that
pool (even though I don’t think the standards are that high right now, like 1.)
has job, 2.) does something sporty, and 3.) laughs at my jokes once in a while)
in order to satisfy the higher-ups (aka my mother).
Fantasize on, Robert Yan
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