Science (科学, 과학)

Ever since junior high when my parents started asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I knew that my parents were supportive of my decisions, but also that there was an answer to the question that I knew would make them happy: something related to science. My parents both studied science in college, they both attended the Illinois Institute of Technology as foreign students coming from China on a visa, they both received advanced degrees in chemistry, and they both worked at pharmaceutical companies their whole lives doing.....you guessed it, science. So they knew that science was a reliable field to go into and had plenty of practical application. I agreed with them then and I still agree now: science is a great route to go into for anyone.......if you're good at it. 

I liked biology as a freshman in high school, memorized ATGC as adenine, thyamine, guaraine, and cytosine, discovered meoisis and mitosis, memorized the parts of animal cells and plant cells, and actually quite enjoyed myself, as much as a freshman in high school who's at the bottom of the social ladder with glasses and acne and chess team participant can. Chemistry and physics were harder for me, however, and whether or not it was that the teachers weren't great (they didn't have a great attitude towards teaching when I struggled) or I just wasn't into it like I was into English literature or European history (the other classes I was taking at the time) I just never got into chemistry nor physics, and resolved right then and there not to go into either of those fields. I wonder what would have happened if I had a different teacher, had a more engaging curriculum, applied myself more to those classes, whether it'd all be different, but I don't think so: I didn't do well in computer science neither, much more related to chemistry and physics than social studies.  I finally realized why: I like facts and memorizable things, easy chunks of knowledge to know and associations, which is why I like history, presients, state capitals, geographic locations, etc. It explains why I still sort of liked biology, with so many body parts to learn, anatomy, animals, living things, and even some history of Watson and Crick, evolution, etc., etc. Even on Jeopardy and other tv shows I find myself liking the science categories like outer space exploration (learned about the Gemini and Apollo missions), body parts like the fibula and the tibula, diseases like Ricket's disease or bones breaking like greenstick fractures, and even like the Table of Element questions.....I could look at the Table of elements all day and try to memorize it. 

In short, I had a Ken Jennings- like affinity for knowing just a bit about a lot of different things, but not in depth about how things worked, like explaining how a computer is structured, or deciphering and/or creating my own computer code. I was more fit for Scholastic Bowl, not Science Olympiad. It wasn't that I wasn't curious, like my parents diagnosed, but that I didn't understand the deeper nuances of science and the processes, and because it was frustrating not getting it while others did (my friend liked building bridges in his free time- he's now a mechanical engineer) I naturally tended towards things I DID understand, like history and the various casts of characters and conflict in true events and fiction (literature). It helps me feel better about my Achilles Heel on the ACT testing, where I would routinely do well on math and verbal sections but struggle mightily on the science sections, where there would be questions about conducting experiments and variables and process questions. 

Knowing I have a weakness in science, I've checked out some books from the library: encyclopedias about science and nature from DK, Bill Nye, National Geographic, etc. They're great books, and get me engaged with pictures and captions. I just couldn't handle all the nitty-gritty of chemical formulas and physicas equations. I even checked out the amazing true story of NASA's female human calculators: Hidden Figures, by Shetterly, starring African American math geniuses Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan, who explained things to NASA engineers. Wow! 

Soccer (足球, 축구, サッカー)

 It's amazing what associations I made with certain things and ideas that probably no one else in the world makes. Soccer is the most played sport in the world, except it's called football in other countries, and the World Cup (happening this upcoming year, 2022, all of a sudden!) creates excitement for countries all over the world. Everyone has an exciting soccer story, whether it's watching soccer at a bar, playing soccer as a kid or at higher levels, and Southern California has a lot of soccer fields due to the ubiquity of the sport and climate conditions. I used to play soccer as a kid too, except I was really bad, I scored like one goal in my entire 3-season playing career of combined indoor and outdoor soccer, and I learned some hard lessons about letting down teammates if I didn't pass to them, or kid league soccer coaches putting their sons into the game instead of me even though we were all supposed to get the same amount of playing time. Some of the worst tendencies of human beings come out in sports, whether it's cheating, being too competitive, being a bad sport, bullying other kids (like me) who weren't as good .

The thing that sticks out for me most about soccer, though, are the chocolate round balls of candy wrapped in socce ball foil that I used to eat as a kid. I liked the taste of them even though they were just the plainest milk chocolate possible and they also had basketball and baseball-themed chocolate balls that tasted exactly the same, but for some reason I now associate seeing a soccer ball with eating chocolate, and it makes my mouth water, plus I get a happy feeling of nostalgia. It's indicative of how much of our lives are shaped by our childhoods, whether it's having a traumatic experience, associating certain items with a particular feeling, not liking certain foods because we didn't like it the first time we try it, or knowledge that stays in our heads indelibly even to this day. I'll forget something I swear I memorized a week ago when I actually need to use it like the 24 letters of the Greek alphabet, (the next one after Omicron is Pi, then Rho, hopefully we don't get too far after that!) and even though they're roughly the same order as the English alphabet....Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, etc., but I'll remember things I learned when I was 10 years old vividly like that Arcadia National Park is in Maine, or the name of P.T. Beauregard, a Confederate general during the U.S. Civil War (I really liked reading about the Civil War and Revolutionary Wars as a kid. I just liked wars, I guess). Now I wish I would have read more useful things when I was a kid, like SCIENCE ( I disliked science for some reason, a choice that baffled my chemistry professional parents). 

I also lament that I didn't learn some of the sports I needed to learn as a kid. I played soccer but never learned how to keep the ball up in the air without touching it, a useful skill for hackysack and fitting in with the local soccer guys......I never learned skiing, something that has burdened me on the slopes every time a friend sends out an invite to the next ski trip in Big Bear, Lake Tahoe, Colorado......and I never truly learned a martial art, even though I took some karate lessons... it was more for the camaraderie, not the skill, and my parents pulled up out so I can concetrate more on violin lessons. Sigh. 

TL; DR: Childhood soccer memories: not great, but salvaged by mind association with chocolate to make it seem fun for me! Yay! 

Hospital (ホスピタル, 医院, 병원)

 Since I was a young lad I've had a misconception of hospitals; I associated them with the clinics that doctors opened in the suburbs where I'd go to get a shot or a check-up, or eventually to a dermatologist. Easy mistake for a kid: there are nurses at those clinics, there's the nice fun Highlights magazines in the waiting room, there are some brief tests like taking temperature, measuring blood pressure, and I eventually (after waiting a while) see a doctor. 

Really only until MJ became a nurse that I really understood what a big, internationally-renowned hospital looks like, with various wings and various buildings filled with armies of doctors, nurses, support staff, technicians, volunteers, clincial assistants, and unfortunatley, patients. And the patients' loved ones. Advice for all parents who want to nudge their kids into the warm embraces of the medical field and to become a doctor: maybe get the kid to go to a real hospital and feel out the place, understand what the doctor does, maybe even job shadow someone for a day. Solid advice for any career option, actually, as I really didn't know any lawyers before deciding to go to law school. Only at one of these mega-hospitals did I get a sense of how closely hospitals resemble a large corporation, except the employees are working amongst the clients/customers. 

Over the holiday, my mom had successful surgery at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in L.A., one of the premier hospitals in the L.A. area along with USC, UCLA, City of Hope (world-renowned cancer hospital) where I got a first-hand experience (well, luckily for me, it was more second-hand since I wasn't the patient and wasn't sick) of how one of these runs: it is a very corporate experience in a good way for the patient, as the attending nurses were all very nice and took care of everything. Of course the hospital likely is getting paid a pretty penny for that exceptional service and is contributing to the exorbitant costs of health insurance nationwide and the "pyramid scheme within a scam within a scheme" that some describe the healthcare system is, but at least at the tail end of that scheme there's a bit of good that comes out of it: my mom agreed that her surgery was done very professionally by the doctor, who explained the surgery every step of the way and kept her informed with phone calls about what the procedure would entail. Mom's first doctor she visited in a non-descript local hospital was highlighted by doctor telling her she needed to operate within the month "or she might die." Seems like an unprofessional, coercive thing to say and.....setting himself up for some sort of lawsuit down the road. Glad we didn't go with the first doctor. 

Cedar Sinai's campus is what I imagine Google, Facebook, or some other big tech firm's campus is like: 10-story buildings filled with beds and hospital rooms, but also office spaces where doctors and other staff had their own offices to do research, just like white-collar workers would have in their respective office buildings (except white-collar workers are mostly all working remotely right now and who knows, maybe for the foreseeable future). There were sky bridges linking building to building and building to parking lot (even the parking lots were 10 stories high, that's how many people occupy the buildings) and even outdoor plaza areas to walk around either on the ground or on an elevated plaza area, whichever you feel comfortable with. (I always compare high-tech architectural places to the scenery in the movie "Her," which was filmed in L.A. and Shanghai). I did find myself kinda wanting to work in a kind of environment like Cedar Sinai, until I realized all the actual work happens inside the buildings on the busy floors where nurses have to push themselves to take care of all the patients they have to see, especially with Covid. 

There are operation floors where surgery takes place, post-op rooms, floors with a specific body part like "heart," or "kidney," North Towers and South Towers, check-in gates where visitors had to show ID and Covid vaccine cards (monitored more closely than New York restaurants and United States customs agents!). a cafeteria open to employees and the public alike, and......the hospital's very own blood donation center on the ground floor. The proximity was so convenient, so I gave back to the hospital what the hospital hopefully gave to my mom: I donated blood, and there the center has full-time employees just drawing blood there everyday, called "phlebomitists" who specialize in puncturing veins with needles and drawing blood. Everything about Cedar Sinai struck me as being a smooth operation, an engine with a greasy wheel that's facilitating as many patient visits as possible and serving the area during one of the worst public health crises in the history of the world. The 70's were the eras of the hippies and protestors, the '90's were the new computer age, the 2000's were the dawn of smartphones, the 2010's social media, maybe 2020's the hot and happening places in the U.S. are.......hospitals? 

Christmas songs

 I knew from a young age that I liked Christmas songs, but I didn't know how much tradition and trivia were contained in all of them, like "12 days of Christmas"- 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, etc., "The Christmas Song" with Nat King Cole and "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire....." , "It's a Holly Jolly Christmas" sung by Burl Ives.... the original king of Christmas Songs Bing Crosby with White Christmas..... (doesn't look like we're getting many white Christmases around the U.S. this year, even in Chicago where it's not snowing until 2022....) I often berated myself for being so sucked into the Christmas spirit and the commericialization of a holiday that forces everyone to buy a present for everyone else whether they actually need that present or not, but it's kind of easy to see why now: I'm very influenced by songs and whether something literally strikes a chord in me or not, so I've never been that interested in Thanksgiving (best weekend to travel internationally) because there's no song attached to it! New Year's is just one classic song, nothing for Valentine's Day, Easter, or any of the other 11 federal holidays of the year. I don't see too many people dancing and being jolly or kissing under mistletoes for George Washington's birthday or Labor Day. 

Christmas is always an interesting for the stock market, as there's always this fabled "Santa Clause rally" that brings presents to long-term investors with gains leading up to Christmas most of the time, but one memorable Christmas late in 2018, when the market was hemorrhaging and I was in the negative amount of dollars for the year, the Santa Clause rally came a little late on December 26, the day after Christmas; I was sitting in jury duty and the market zoomed up that day, never looking back and continuing its run well into the new year. That was a memorable Christmas, more than the last 2 Covid-marred Christmases for sure. 

I took the opportunity of the holiday to do some house cleaning around my parents' home in Camarillo, and it made me realize just how much dirt and soot cakes around the bottom of the window sills. Every window in a home is filthy, and a 4-bedroom home with both upstairs and downstairs has a LOT of windows. It's amazing how much soil I remove, and as scary as it is coming to the realization that we've been breathing in the residue from those black dark streaks on the windows, it's just as cathartic to wipe them up with a paper towel and throw them in the garbage. My hands were even getting painted black from scrubbing the whole day, bringing new meaing to the term window washing. Check your windows! There might just be a big dark suprise in there, and it's not a lump of coal or Santa's bag of toys, it's a bag of black mold. Maybe they should make a Christmas song about that: "Last Christmas, I gave you my mold... but the very next day, the mold came back again. This year, to save you from tears, I have to wipe it special...." (inspried by Last Christmas by Wham!- did not know George Michael was the voice behind all of those Wham! Christmas song CD albums.) TIL. 

Performance Anxiety or Stage Fright , (무대 공포증, 怯场, 舞台負け)

 I couldn't find an appropriate term in any of the Asian languages for "performance anxiety," but a similar concept of stage fright had hits. I recently applied to a trivia game show on a whim and got a call from a casting director with trivia questions to see if I would get a "call-back." I was excited about the opportunity, but then I had a day to think about the call-back, which allowed me to think about it and psyche myself up about it, going over all possible scenarios and putting a lot of weight on it. When the call actually came, the first question came up, and BOOM! It was a geography question right off the bat, supposedly one of my better categories, but I didn't know it... about which island in the world is divided into the North Island and South Island. I suspected that I'd heard about it somewhere before, but I just couldn't come up with it on the spot and reach deep in the crevasses of my mind to pull out where I'd heard that before, and gave up and guessed......Greenland, which I knew wasn't it. 

The rest of the quiz went similarly, where I was almost sure I'd heard about the answer to the question, but the clues weren't clicking. One answer was right at the tip of my tongue and in a Yan family slip of the tongue I answered "Judas Priest" to "What 2021 movie had consultants from the Black Panthers." Obviously Judas Priest (the band is not it) but I just couldn't get the full movie title. Some answers I just definitely did not know, and some questions I knew the answer to before the question had even finished, but it was those 50-50 questions that I didn't get which sank me, questions that I wonder if on a differnet day where I'd gotten more sleep, or felt more relaxed, or didn't psyche myself about it, I would have gotten in the nick of time. There was even a question that I guessed wrong during the call, but as soon as the call was over I came up with the right answer. Really wish I'd gotten that one back, but hindsight is always 20-20......hearing the answer changes everything even if you think "Oh I definitely would have gotten that," there's a reason why I didn't, whether it's I didn't know the answer well enough or think about it in the right way or misheard the question. 

Stage fright is weird that way, and different people have different experiences with performing in the limelight. There are some studies that propose the Hawthorne effect, in which people actually perform better when people are watching them. Others think that it's the opposite, because of the psychological stresses of people watching, you don't perform as well. It's hard to gauge because I can't go back and perform the same test without people watching. I will say during this test I felt a weird sense of embarassment each time I didn't answer a question, as each passing second went by I felt like I was showing how dumb I was not knowing the answer and making the casting director wait. Maybe an irrational thought for me, but that's definitely something I wouldn't worry about if it was a written test. I've definitely felt that type of pressure not to look dumb in front of others, as during my chess-playing career I was often the last player on my chess team with players from both sides watching the game. Luckily, that pressure didn't cause me to lose the game, but there have definitely been times in chess I feel like it's so easy when watching someone else's game to know what the right move is, but when actually playing the game, you're blind to it because you have so much invested and involved in it that you can't think it about it calmly. Playing violin and playing dodgeball in front of others was different because they were just peformance-based activites, my body is always on the move and something is happening, adrenaline is rushing anyway. For trivia and chess, there's also the time factor of the clock ticking, and the more I think about it the less time I have, building up the pressure even more. 

I can only imagine what it's like to fight in a UFC fight on live national TV, or be in a national spelling bee with the lights and cameras on and having to deal with the dreaded "schwa" sound knowing that there's a good chance you get it wrong. My heart would be pumping extra hard and be extremely nervous to say the next letter. 

One other thing I learned about trivia......I do much better with the questions written out in front of me. The call I did was just like a phone call with no video, so I had to process the questions by voice only, not my strong suite. I'm used to looking at flashcards, writing things down, and probably associating certain words as they are written to others, a strong indication that I'm a visual learning and why I like to read so much. When I watch Jeopardy on Youtube during my long runs (one of the best parts of my day) I do significantly worse trying to get the clues without also seeing the clues in front of me, partly because there are so many small parts of a Jeopardy clue that might lead to the answer, I need to focus on all the words like a detective to dig up the right answer. 

One last valuable lesson! Take a deep breath before any nerve-wracking endeavor, whether it's skydiving, asking someone out on a date (I don't have to do that anymore, thank God) or appearing on Jeopardy just to put your mind at ease and operate as close to normal as possible. 

Early Dawn in Paris

 One of my flexible fantasies in Paris was to re-enact the strolls that Owen Wilson's characters took in "Midnight in Paris" around the streets of the City in Lights, but MJ and I were so tired by the time we got back to our hotel every single day of a whirlwind 3-day adventure that we conked out and were in bed way before midnight. We did get to romp around in the dark, though, on our way home: walking from our hotel with our bags halfway around the city to the nearest train station, the Chatelet les Haulles that would take us to Charles de Gaulle airport. Since our flight took off super early in the morning before the subway even started running, MJ was flexible enough to embark on this journey, a rather risky one since there were armed guards on the streets apparently guarding against Covid protesters and/or guarding President Emmanuel Macron's mansion at Elysee Palace. 

Paris.....is definitely still lighted at 4:30AM in the morning, but much less quiet after all the party-goers and weekend warriors have went home. Luckily the homeless problem that San Francisco, L.A., and a bunch of U.S. cities are experiencing hasn't spread as much to France (although there were a few dudes camped out- relatively friendly and didn't smell too bad or be in danger of being stepped on), it was a great chance to reminisce on our trip, passing by the Opera district, going parallel to the Champs d'Elysee and the Gardens of Champs d'Elysee. A brisk November cold that didn't melt our faces off or blow our hats off, it was a reasonable temperature as long as we wore the winter jackets we were ready with, and I did what I love to do in big cities: walk around for a long time imagining the history and culture of one of the most famous cities in the world. It may be home to millions of residents and overrun with visitors during the day, but at 4:30AM in the morning, the city really belonged to MJ and I, and the presidential security guards with assault rifles of course. No wonder Owen Wilson felt the urge to ramble around. 

My urge to ramble and be on the move is a double-edged sword: It helps me enjoy big cities, but it also is a killer for getting on the wrong train heading in the exact opposite direction, which is what happened this past weekend as I tried to commute to the airport to catch my plane to Los Angeles. I got down to the train platform, but since the platform allowed access to trains in both directions, I got on the first train that pulled up only to find within seconds of getting on.... "next stop, Wilmington, Delaware," in a completely different state, but my desperate attempt to hop on was met with the iron-fisted door of disappointment of the Amtrak train moving already......and wouldn't be stopping for another 45 minutes to the next location. No way I could make my flight now. Whereas I have made plenty of mistakes getting on the wrong subway or taking the wrong turn while driving my car, those are relatively salvageable and correctable......getting on Amtrak, not so much. The bad thing about not panicking and freaking out normally about small mistakes on the road and getting lost is that....I don't experience the pain and learn from those mistakes, settling in to a sense of complacency that even if I'm wrong I can salvage it, I'm invisible, haha! And makes big mistakes like this one all the more possible. Just a small split-second decision to get on the train without knowing exactly where it was going can lead to huge errors. Even when I realized my mistake, I still held out hope that maybe my flight would be delayed, somehow things would work out.......It eventually did, where I could cancel my flight and apply the funds to another flight later, but the prices would be double the bargain basement price I had paid for my original flight. A 3-figure mistake. Big for a guy like me who tries to squeeze every penny. Lesson learned now, I guess......and at the very least I felt like Amtrak Joe all those years ago earning his nickname....enough to etch his name in history at the Joseph R. Biden, Jr. Railroad station, aka Wilmington station, aka where I had to get off with my tail between my legs and take a train back the way I just came. 

Parent (親, 父母, 부모의)

 MJ and I have recently started seriously contemplating becoming parents and have had some deep discussions about starting a family (having a child). It's one of the most serious discussions a couple, maybe even any human being can have: bringing another child into the world. While we sometimes argue over some details, we are generally aligned in a desire to become parents, but it's a little more complicated than that: when to have a child, are we having children for the right reasons, are we ready to have a child, is the world we're bringing the child into a world worth living in? 

I have to admit that one of my motivations right now is that I'm falling behind: a lot of my friends and peers are having children if not already have children, and I feel like the guy in 2nd grade all over again who's watching everyone else figure out how to build a volcano but I'm the last one. It is a legitimate reason due to age being a factor and fertility, but it shouldn't be the primary reason obviously: shouldn't just rush in to do something because you feel like you're running out of time or that other people are all doing it. 

I've always just assumed that I would become a parent, as my parents had been: it's just the natural cycle of life, and all my friends naturally were part of families that did choose to have children; it never occurred to me that some couples decide not to have children. So I stated off biased, but I had such a great time working with kids in summer camp that I always thought I'd have them myself one day. 

Biggest risks: Lose a ton of sleep which I value highly, and it would affect my moods/ emotions. Lose free time to do the things that I want to do, as taking care of a child is a full-time job in itself and takes over as the No. 1 priority for most parents (no more dodgeball, less time to go jogging, no time for my own). It's easy to say I am willing to make these sacrifices on this side before having a kid, but the permanence of having a kid and not ever being able to go back to this life definitely gives me pause, as it would anyone. Looking at it one way, it's kind of crazy why any adult would give up the life they had (assuming it was a desirable, nice life) and take the risk that it will add a whole lot of responsibility and problems/ issues, disrupting the previous nice life irrevocably. Not to mention financial costs and burdens of having a kid. You'd have to really value that thing to make the sacrifice, and the kid had better be worth it. On the other hand, if we DON'T become parents, we risk forever not being able to have a child join our lives, to feel the love and caring of our own family that we created. Most people throw caution to the wind at the prospect of life and love, trumping other desires and wants. 

Whenever I think about all these factors and considerations, I come back to the principle that: Life and love are expensive. Maybe not necessarily expensive financially, but for time, energy, spiritually, everything, they sap time and energy. But just as MJ and I are both willing to add another person in our lives even though there's so much risk of arguments, things getting dirty, and things we don't agree on, we're ultimately willing to commit to each other despite those risks, which in a way cements our relationship that we're willing to continue on despite all of these challenges, and becoming parents will just be the next step in that risk-taking, albeit an ever bigger step. 

Easy for me to say, I'm the man who doesn't have to carry the baby. The current process is the most difficult for MJ and all mothers out there, who have to carry the baby for 9 months and go through the birthing process full of hospital visits, weight gain, nauseau, and all types of things happening to their bodies, then actually give birth (or do a C-section, both of which have their own challenges and pain) and THEN the baby finally comes out, and then the hard part starts! Of breast-feeding, diaper-changing, holding-in-arm, dressing them. Having had the serious discussion, it's much more than seeing cute baby pictures on social media and having the fun times at a summer camp; as an African idiom says, "it takes a village," and the parents have to be the chiefs of that village. It's something I look forward to so much but also with almost equal amounts of apprehension. One giant step for mankind: Becoming parents. 

December 8

 December 7 is a big day in the U.S. because it is the day in 1941 that Pearl Harbor was attacked many members of the United States Navy died in the raid. A sad day indeed. I will always remember December 8 because it was my grandpa's birthday, and he would have turned 96 on this day. It's been about 2.5 months since my grandpa passed away, but I still remember all the events leading up to his leaving us, and now I can fully appreciate the pain that people carry with them of loved ones passing away. The instant reaction afterward is difficult, but the mind is still processing and digesting as the information hasn't really sunk in, the 5 stages of grief sets in, and there are quite a few emotions flying around. It's the time afterwards, as time goes on, that the loss fully creeps in as I realize I won't be flying home this Christmas to see my grandpa, I won't be studying Chinese and reading newspapers with him for an hour each day (or every other day), and I won't be celebrating his birthday with him and wishing him another year of health. There's 2 lives: the life I had before my grandpa passed away, and the life now afterwards, and there's no going back to that other one. It's kind of related to the sadness/joy I feel when I see a sad movie or someone achieve success or accomplish their goals on TV or in a movie (I know, kind of conflicting emotions) but it's because I know that life will not always be like that, and to enjoy that moment of triumph and elation. 

The other day I learned about Pascal's wager, an idea by French philosopher Blaise Pascal that a rational person should live as though God exists because the upside is greater than the downside: The upside being eternal bliss in heaven (AND avoiding eternal in hell) as opposed to downside just losing out on some time or material pleasures like living hedonistically. As with any theory there are arguments for and against Pascal's wager, and it seems paradoxical to act a certain way for your own self-gain since the whole idea of God is something bigger than selfishness, but I know that people's ideas change as they grow older, and especially older people tend to believe more in God (possibly for selfish reasons as they know death is more imminent the older one gets). I know my grandfather started to get solicited by door-knockers who handed out pamphlets about joining church and literature about religion, and I know he always believed in a 上帝, or God in Chinese, just maybe not necessarily Jesus, Muhammed, or any of the other gods in other religions. The more i read about metaverses and matrixes (new Matrix movie coming out this month) the more I start believing that the world we live in could be another dimension or simulation, that there mght be something else besides this world we're in, maybe not a God or Higher Being but some other sort of living and existence outside of life. And if there is one, I'm pretty sure my Grandpa would be there now, doing math using old school pen and pencil or reading a newspaper on a lazy Sunday morning or taking a walk out in the garden with the rejunevated energy of his youth. Maybe my grandma is there with him too. 

Happy Birthday, grandpa! Hope you are enjoying it wherever you are. 

The Blue Period

 Tucked away in a quieter part of the Paris and a significant walk away from the nearest train station, the Picasso Museum is by comparison to other attractions in Paris, quite reserved......it seems like a quaint 3-story building where people could live.......but inside is perhaps one of the best exhibits dedicated to the life of one Pablo Picasso, a titan of 20th century art. Befoe a year ago, Picasso didn't mean anything to mean other than a famous painter whose art work could sell for 7 digits at art auctions; I didn't even know what he looked like! And unlike the masters of classical European art like Michaelango, Da Vinici, Rembrandt, etc., Picasso was of the age of the modern age, living until the 1970's..... I was almost born early enough to have my life coincide with Picasso's! The Blue Period was one of Picasso's most famous series of art work between 1900 and 1904 where he just went through a phase; he must have been in one of his moods and mental states that I'm too familiar with......there are stretches of my life that I feel just distinctly different than other times of my life until one day, I just snap out of it and move on to something completely different.......I wish one day someone will look back at Robert Yan's "Dodgeball Period" of 4-5 years or give out fancy names like "the Pandemic Sitting at Home Years." I WON'T have a list like Picasso did of "Picasso's women" and all the wives and relationships he was in. I guess an artist might think differently or have different standards of relationships with people, so it's hard to be judgmental, but Picasso sure did milk something many other famous artists didn't have: fame during his lifetime, success and ability to attract women to his side. 

I'd say MJ and I enjoyed the Picasso and Rodin museums the most, museums dedicated specifically to one artist's life and displaying how he dedicated his life to art, his workshops, the subjects that he picked, etc. As one can imagine, lots of statues in Rodin's museum to peruse, although one fellow visitor memorably walked up to a statue and started rubbing her hand on it to enjoy the work! I'd think it's pretty universally understood not to touch the artwork at art museums, but maybe there's some Paris corollary to that rule we didn't know about? MJ was shocked. I found it funny. I also found it memorable to see the "Thinker" and "Burgers of Calais" statues outside in the garden, especially since it was a rainy day and the misery of the prisoners depicted in "Burgers" seemed even more evident as if they had to add rain to their list of troubles, like being imprisoned and sacrificed to the enemy forces. As "Midnight in Paris" the movie described in, Paris can be beautiful in the rain as well. The Thinker might be able to concentrate better in the rain. 

No matter how many "Rick Steves" guidebooks or "Paris in 3 days" itineraries you consult, I always find that actually making the trip allows for underrated places to pop up that don't get the "3 stars" or "3 diamonds" or whatever the tour books say are the best attractions. MJ and I got a tip from a local not to get too crazy at the Louvre just standing in line for hours to get a picture, but instead enjoy the absolutely free Petit Palais (Little Palace) which had almost no line and displayed some of the best artwork of the trip. It's a good lesson for wherever we end up next time: don't be afraid to take a chance on something that others haven't rated as highly. 

On the Covid front, I suspect we got a little lucky with timing as we went just ahead of the Omicron variant and new waves of Covid, but there's a pretty strict system of QR codes tracking one's Covid status at every establishment that we went to, with the establishment scanning in the code instead of just the flippant glance at restaurants in New York when we went in October. Getting in and out of the country seemed like much more of a breeze than advertised.......Paris welcomed us in, and the US didn't really ask too many questions when we came back.... neither checked our vaccine cards at all or negative Covid tests that we went out of our way to get at a Paris pharmacie (they're making quite a pretty penny from charging tourists for converting their Covid cards there PLUS the negative covid tests, a double hit for each tourist in a big city for tourism) where I got my first Covid up-the-nose test: Let's just say I'm happy I didn't have to do too many of those all throughout Covid. It made me be in a different type of "Blue Period" for a half hour afterwards. 

Bobby and MJ in Paris

 Inspired by the Netflix hit series "Emily in Paris," I hereby name our short 3-day 2021 trip "Bobby and MJ in Paris." The most lasting impression for us was how nice Paris locals were to us, contrary to what we had heard about Parisians, that they didn't like "stupid American" tourists or were rude and snobbish. At least to us tourists, they were very accommodating, ready to help, and all spoke English! Turns out the cram sessions of watching French language videos and "Lupin" on Netflix weren't needed after all, although they did come in handy reading road signs or announcements on the subway. 

So much of Paris actually, in a weird way, reminded me of my first visit to Tokyo, getting off at a remote airport location an hour away from the city (Charles DeGaulle v. Narita Airport in Tokyo), taking a train into the big city passing by small villages and gradually picking up commuters going to work until reaching a huge metro area, and a huge center tower overlooking the city and constantly reminding us of its presence as we walked throughout the city (Eiffel Tower v. the Tokyo Tower, which look surprisingly similar to each other). I'm also a huge fan of subway systems and figuring out how to get from one side of the city to the other, and Paris's metro system didn't disappoint: tons of crissrossing lines and maze-like stations, but trains were digitally synchronized to arrive on time. We even ran up against the rush hour trains or "hell trains" as MJ puts it, but they weren't as bad as that of Shanghai, Tokyo, or Seoul likely because Europe is just less densely populated than the aforementioned cities. 

The real treat though, was definitely walking the city. One of the most eagerly anticipated highlights of a trip for me is that first saunter into the heart of the city to explore the surroundings, and Paris didn't disappoint. The River Seine, as promised, points the way through all the major parts of the city like the Notre Dame cathedral, Arc De Triumph, Eiffel Tower, Shakespeare and Company (a bookstore with tons of English titles cuz well, it's Shakespeare), one could really just spend the whole day watching up and down the left and right sides of the river bank. Even on cloudy/rainy days they were refreshing, I can only imagine (or just boot up any Emily in Paris episode) what it looks like on full, bright, sunny days. A bit away from the action is the "Sacre Coeur" church on Montmarte, the highest point of the city, and that's exactly what my idea of a European village is: long winding mountain roads filled with shops and small houses and small crooks and alleys that seem to go forever. I could have wandered those streets forever if MJ's legs weren't hurting. To be honest, we did so much walking that my pandemic-softened body wasn't used to, I was hurting too and often relished sitting down in a subway car. 

The museums were......as expected. Lots of people, even with Covid, and they were the cultural hubs of art like I expected them to be. Quite a bit of a line forming at certain areas, unfortunately unnecessarily at some spots like the Pompideau Center, even with Covid, seemed like they were very deliberate about letting people in and MJ almost got into an altercation with one of the peace-loving French people who was trying to cut us in line! Things get testy waiting outside in 30-degree temperature, I guess. The Louvre Museum was the one that surprisingly didn't require a long wait in line, as the place is so big that they can accommodate football stadium amounts of people. The wait was definitely longer though to get to take a picture with the Mona Lisa....you woulda thought a famous rock star, sports star, or the queen was signing autographs or something...I guess it pays to be the No. 1 most recognized face in the whole art world (people theorize it was Da Vinci himself that he painted... hhmmm) Once you got to the Louvre you realize every other museum you've ever been to is like a mini version or maybe a wing of waht the Louvre has......classical paintings, check. Gems and jewels room, check. Egyptian exhibit, check. Islamic rugs and paintings, check. It's no wonder it's so popular... I compared it to the art world version of Disneyworld.......there's Epcot in the Denton wing, Magic Kingdom in the Richelieu Wing, the huge pyramid designed by I.M. Pei serving as the entrance is just as magical........And of course you have the crowds, waves of people from all cultures and different parts of the world who gathered at that one spot. And we were there in late November........it must be really as much of a tourist mecca as advertised during pre-covid summers. 

A Whole New World!.......In First Class

 Musee D'orsay, the Louvre, the Champs Elysee, the Arc de Triumph, the Eiffel Tower.....a whirlwind of activity in just 72 hours amidst Covid lockdowns! was the theme of our trip during Thanksgiving weekend this year, but the most striking thing for me was not the destination, it was the journey getting there....in first class! 

MJ has achieved Gold status at Delta, which apparently is like a cheat code in a video game or opens a key to a secret level as it allows access to the Delta SkyLounge, which I as a Southwest passenger in my late-teens and early 20's never even dreamed of. The SkyLounge is the equivalent of a VIP room at an airport, where just flashing that gold status QR code grants access to nice seats, cool views of the airport, a cleaner bathroom (actually very underrated considering some of the general public restrooms I've been subjected to at some airports), a bar just for guests, and.......free buffet-style food. I wouldn't say it's like a crowning achievement to reach the SkyLounge, as anyone with enough money to spend accumulating Delta AmericanExpress points plus enough miles flying with the airline can get it, but I did feel my sense of self-worth ballooning as I indulged in all the fancy perks (short for perquisites) in both Atlanta (our connecting airport on the way to Paris) and JFK in New York (on the way back). I almost forgot the AirFrance lounge in Paris that partners with Delta but most importantly also let us in! Just when we thought our baguette and croissant eating days were over, we splurged on more right before leaving Paris! Food, glorious food! I wasn't so sure about a layover instead of non-stop flights for such a short span of time, but with SkyLounge the layover is almost as good as the vacation itself.....(I'm gonna try to exaggerate as much as I can the benefits of it and sell it as all that and a bag of chips). Chocolate fountains were flowing while unicorns flew over them and sounds of champagne popping could be heard throughout! And the attendants were nice and friendly! I didn't find the Fountain of Youth or the Holy Grail, instead I found the Delta SkyLounge! 

The trick I've found on any airplane is to try to sit as close to the front as possible (or alternatively the closest to the nearest exit as possible), but I'd never been the FIRST person to get off the plane before, but that's what happened on our flight since MJ and I BOTH sat in the front row in first class. As Barack Obama remarked in his memoir "The Audacity of Hope," (except Barack was describing the amenities at Air Force One, quite a few steps up), it was quite nice. Served first for drinks, our choice of snacks, extra leg room, no need to fight for empty bin space.....what a time to be alive. Now I know what's behind that deftly planted curtain that usually separates me, the riffraff in the main cabin, with the elites up at the front, Titanic movie style. The flight attendant, working on Thanksgiving Day, even took the time to write us a handwritten note wishing us luck on our trip to Paris. They really care about us (and our allegiance towards spending more money at Delta)! They really do! I'm not a man who needs too many nice things in life (no fancy clothes, no fancy cars, watches, accessories), I'm just a plain vanilla guy who's easy to please, I guess, but once in a while it is nice to get stuff other people don't get and not feel guilty about it, which is what Delta and oher flights are trying to incentive I guess. As in life, being at the top pays off in a capitalist airline like Delta, whereas everything's the same in the Socialist Southwest. I pictured MJ and I cruising along at 30,000 feet to the tune of one of my favorite songs (and one of the few I can play by memory on violin), "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, where Aladdin and Jasmine fly off literally into the clouds on the magic carpet and sail over oceans, palaces, herd of animals, etc. It really is a whole new world, first class. 

It also sometimes pays off to spend a bit more money for hotel rooms, especially in foreign countries and unfamiliar destinations! More on that next time! 

French language (法语, 프랑스어, フランス語)

 As MJ and I descend upon the City of Light this Thanksgiving weekend in lieu of celebrating the exclusively American Thanksgiving holiday (really taking a risk that Covid-19 shutdowns won't extend from Austria to all of Europe) I suddenly swelled with a burst of inspiration to refresh my French language skills, which have been dormant since my last AP French class in high school, more than 16 years ago.......ever since then it's been bits and scraps of French sprinkled through my life: a jeopardy question about the French word "avant-garde" here, a football wide receiver named Pierre Garcon tere, watching Midnight in Paris (great Woody Allen movie, perhaps his best) there. My adult self probably should have warned my high school naive self that applications of French just doesn't come up that much in my adult life, especially living in Los Angeles, where Spanish is king for second languages and as I moved further and further away from Canada, where it could actually be useful in cities like Quebec. I also found that watching movies/ videos with French subtitles was so very helpful, whereas dragging through 6th period French class (I liked the high school French teachers, but it's hard to keep any teenager's attention, even in 2004-2005 without Iphones) just didn't have the same effect. Lupin on Netflix was the one that I found to be quite entertaining while providing enough dialogue to practice listening skills. 

I'm thankful (as we get closer to Thanksgiving) that I did learn French; it laid the groundwork for at least some working knowledge of French, and gave me confidence that I could acquire other languages starting from scratch later on, like Japanese and Korean......I also have found that Spanish and French are great second languages for high school students..... they're sufficiently similar to English that it's not tedious, and learning new words and the feeling of getting smart (kind of like the adrenaline hit of getting a question right on Jeopardy) reinforces continuing to learn. And both Spanish and French have rather easy vocabularies.....it's not hard to remember "un chat" is a cat, or "garcon" is a gentleman (like the Beauty and the Beast villain) especially since there are references to French culture and language in so much of society. It's the non-Romance languages that have nothing in common with English like Arabic, Chinese (all the Asian langauges), Hindi, Sanskrit, etc. that present the biggest challenges and put up the largest barriers to entry. Beyond the surface level, though, French grammar is quite a bear to understand with all the tenses and conjugations as well as memorizing which are masculine and feminine nouns (I never got the hang of these) and pronounciation is particularly tricky, as I've never properly rolled "R's" in my life. 

Anyway, I actually doubt I will use any French or have to learn any French to survive the (grueling!) 3 days we'll spend in Paris, but it might be cool to understand the metro directions, for instance, or someone chatting at a restaurant somewhere (if we can even get into any restaurants with the Covid restrictions) or just learn the French names of the touristy cites. (Île de la Cité). 

The Ten People You Meet and DON'T Meet During a Pandemic

 It's a little late in the pandemic, but not too late to reminisce on some of the great things during the pandemic, mainly from having to go to the office: 

1.) I DON'T meet The morning Starbucks/ breakfast/ fruit guy. When I lived in New York, every morning was like a 10-round boxing match, from being woken up by the sound of the alarm going off to sliding into the door at the office, sometimes with various subway lines and buses to go through. By the time I got to the office, I'd already gone through a whole day's worth of stress and travel, working up an appetite and having to go see the donut guy, or the bagel guy, or the fruit stand guy right there outside on the curb of Lexington and 55th street, who I swear made a killing selling a bag of grapes for $5 or bananas for 3 for a $1. During the pandemic the commute is simple: I roll out of bed, I walk from my bedroom to my living room and a makeshift office, turn on my office, and start to work. Probably one of the biggest things I will miss about the pandemic, if we ever go back to the offices full-time. 

2.) I DO MEET the security guards checking me in at the library: The library is a very personal process for me and a quickstrike extraction operation like a SWAT team: I have a target, I go into the library, I acquire the target, and I evacuate the premises. Except now with Covid, libraries are indoor gathering places, so temperature checks are required and mandatory assessment of Covid risks with questions like "have you had Covid symptoms in the last 24 hours?" (I wonder if anyone ever answers yes to these questions, or if you have had Covid symptoms would you just smile sheepishly and slink away). 

3.) I DON'T MEET people in the elevators; I groggily got up at 7:30AM this morning to go pick up MJ from a night shift (I really do appreciate her effort and feel bad that she has to do night shifts from 7:00PM to 7:30AM in the morning, she calls herself the vampire and saw 4 people already in the elevator, and instantly made up my mind: I'll take the next one. Whereas pre-pandemic I'd have no problem squeezing into a crowded elevator, especially in NYC where the next one might not be coming for a while due to the sheer amount of people and I'd risk getting breathed on, stepped on (no laughing matter nowadays after the Travis Scott concert deaths due to being trampled on), I now am pre-conditioned just to pass on sharing space with strangers. 

4.) I DO MEET people at Costco and Whole Foods, nowadays hot spots for people to gather to get essential goods but also feel normal again; I sure did during some down days just to feel alive again and make sure I wasn't in a "28 Days Later" or "I am Legend" movie, that I was in fact sharing the planet with live human beings. Especially with supply chain shortages hitting Christmas shopping and retail, I feel like even more shopping is done at Costco and Whole Foods (own the stocks of both) or at least it felt that way this weekend, possibly due to the pre-Thanksgiving Day rush. 

5.) I DON'T MEET the Black Friday shoppers, EVER! I never have and never will get into the Black Friday weekend push, even though it was paused last year but is possibly coming back in select stores this year. MJ and I may do a little international travel because well, most other countries don't celebrate Thanksgiving and won't have the travel rushes from American travelers stuck at home eating turkey. 

6.) I DO MEET various internet personalities online, from podcasts to Youtube videos to Netflix specials to online cookbooks, I've used the internet to expand my social horizons. Last night I even used an online recipe to combine 2 things I normally wouldn't get excited about, zucchini and mushrooms, to make a sautee dish. Secret: butter makes everything butter, even if you use vegan butter like MJ and I constrain ourselves to do. Other new people I've "met" online: Ken Jennings through the Omnibus podcast and recent Jeopardy host roles, Easy French Youtube videos to do a refresher course on French (it's actually fun and energizing to get back on that saddle, like speaking to a friend I haven't met since high school), even more Jim Cramer but also his possee of David Faber and Carl Quintanilla on Squawk on the Street, etc. 

7.) I DON'T MEET many waiters and waitresses who are friendly but with an agenda: The thrill of eating at a restaurant is gone, if it ever existed. I will go somewhere for the food if it's renowned and if MJ has diligently scouted somewhere that she wants to go, but like Las Vegas I've outgrown the sit-down restaurant for the sake of it, and the whole tip system is now even invading fast food and pickup/delivery places. Although the restaurants aren't mandating it, I DO MEET pretty often that computer screen that asks how much I want to ask (the person giving me my order coyly requests that I just "answer a question for me") and it starts at 15%/18% as more and more restaurants pass off the cost of labor (I know it's difficult to hire people nowadays) onto the customer, and in fact the stock market is rewarding companies that do so (like Home Depot) with higher stock prices and punishing those that don't (Walmart) even though as a customer I feel like Walmart is doing the right thing to try to help the working people consumers of America who are still struggling to make a living. We'll be paying 15% for picking up food pretty soon and 30% for service at a sit-down restaurant. The humanity! 

Love Hard (More like Online Dating is Hard)

 I don't write much about individual movies anymore because I'm focusing on the big picture (so many great movies I haven't even heard about much less seen!) and it's really a travesty I haven't done a marathon of all the Alfred Hitchcock movies, or Stanley Kubrick movies, or David Fincher movies.....but what can I say, a good romantic comedy will suck me in every time. And Love Hard isn't just any romantic movie, it's one with an Asian American man as the lead (Jimmy O. Yang, who is the same age as me, has the same background immigrating to the U.S. from China/Hong Kong, and more importantly looks like me. I didn't really understand when black people say they needed to someone like Obama become president to realize it's possible or to feel represented, but Jimmy O. Yang kind of does that for me, a nerdy-look Asian guy making it as one of the lead actors in a non-kung fu/ martial arts movie, and not just cast as the nerdy guy. Although, he kind of is in the movie at first). 

Love Hard is so relatable for anyone who has ever done online dating (as I did before I met MJ) because you can sift through profiles, send out short messages to people you like, but you don't really KNOW until you meet in person, and that's what the movie is built on. I retired from online dating years ago, but suddenly the movie brought all the memories back of the awkwardness, the shallowness of rating people based on an online profile (but mainly just people's photos, which is about 80% of the calculus). I'm happy to say that I never got catfished by someone who was completely pretending to be someone she wasn't, but definitely there were some embellishments of photos and picking photos with the right lighting that you only realized until you met the person. I also like to think I was rather honest in my own profile, but of course like anyone else I filtered the photos to only the "good ones" and definitely do a bathroom selfie or make myself look like an axe murderer. 

The movie was a win for me in terms of presenting Asian Americans in a positive light and presenting the downsides of glorifying beautiful-looking people in that less beautiful-looking and unpopular people like me and Jimmy O. Yang get ignored, as well as the depressing reality of getting rejected over and over again in a game that only values great cards, but finding myself repeatedly being dealt a bad hand. I appreciated the movie's messages and the effort to make a happy ending for Jimmy O. Yang and the female lead at the end, but let's be honest: in reality the attractive young lady from Los Angeles with an online writer's job is NOT going to move to Lake Placid, New York to start a life with an Asian American glasses-wearing guy who still lives in the basement of his parents' house where he grew up in, works at the sporting goods store for his dad, and apparently hasn't had a girlfriend before. That's just not a good match, and no matter how funny and insightful and inspiring Jimmy O. Yang can be that girl isn't going to stick around for long. Forget all the "soft factors," just the attractiveness factor is going to be the downfall. Unfortunatley in this society we are judged by how we look, and the girl i goisng to be judged by how her bf/ future husband looks, and eventually that would wear down the relationship, from what her parents think and what her friends think. They say Love conquers all, but in the dating world unfortunately beauty conquers all. The harsh reality that as much as the message of Love Hard to not judge someone by an online dating profile is commendable and praiseworthy, when it comes to our own lives we'll still pick the beauty/attractiveness because it's a reflection on ourselves as well (it's kind of like the liberals who want better conditions for the homeless and more affordable housing, as long as they don't build it in THEIR neighborhood). I'm guilty of the same; I used to judge mostly by physical attractiveness and not necessarily at first by compatibility, because as much as I got judged by those, I knew how important it was as a criteria and put that first. It's just a matter-of-fact thing that's a heartbreaking but true part of our world. Love Hard is a good, funny movie and I like many parts of it, but the big underlying theme still rings hollow to me as unrealistic. 

Orchestra (乐队, 오케스트라, オーケストラ)

It's been a long time since I've played in an orchestra, but once in a while when I go to an orchestra concert I'm reminded that I used to be somebody, I could have been a contender. (On the Water Front, Marlon Brandon). My fits of nostalgia came back this evening when MJ and I went to take in a night of music from legendary composers Edvard Greig, Haydn, and Dvorak, from 3 different countries as well. We sat as close as we could to the orchestra, and especially close to the first violin section, my old stomping grounds (although, I sometimes played second violin too, an underrated and underrated section that bolsters the rest of the orchestra and lets the melody stand out). 

When I was in orchestra, I was often bored, nonchalant, and looking to get home earlier to do some homework (in high school) or partake in other activities. I didn't cherish the music, didn't value the pieces that we were playing and didn't enjoy myself; I often found it to be burdensome and played to not mistakes, not to get the notes right. I didn't have pride in myself as a musician, and played with the one thing musicians can't lack: soul and spirit, the desire to play beautifical music, which in itself should encourage one to play as close to perfection as possible. I often get notes wrong, and my philosophy was just not to stray too far from the pack, and blend in to the rest of the violin section as possible without looking (or worse, sounding) out of place. Even this had its problems, because the bowing often got tricky and I'd often be playing an upbow when others were playing a downbow. I would often have to cheat and look up at the first chair (section leader) to get back on track with the bowing before I lost my place again. There was a time when I desired to be leaders on sports teams, law school organizations, etc., but I never wanted to the first violin of the orchestra. Way too much pressure, and if I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't want everybody else to be looking at me too and mimicing the wrong person. 

Anyway, today's performance allowed me to be in the audience with a close and personal look at the violin section, of a professional orchestra, that plays professionally!I expected them to be pristine and exquisitely trained musicians, the best of the best who may have even went to music schools and tried out for their positions against various competition. But as I leaned in closer, I realized that even they make mistakes! I'm no conductor Rodrigo from Mozart in the Jungle (on Amazon Prime) who picks out each wrong note from every single instrument in the first episode, but I could tell from experience certain minor misses, nothing fatal of course but enough to be caught by the trained eye, and by someone with a critcal eye like MJ (And the first violin also had a wardrobe malfunction, not the Janet Jackson kind, but the armpit areas in his tuxedo were torn, which looked horrible whether or not he did it on purpose or not. I will say that I don't miss having to dress up in suits and wear tight and uncomfortable clothing, which we didn't practice in, during the actual performances). These definitely were professional musicians and they probably sounded a lot better than I ever possibly could have, but with so many moving parts and notes, page turns, conductor cues, bowing changes, etc, etc., it's really impossible to have a perfect concert, and no one expects them to: one upbow when everyone is doing a downbow looks awkward, but then you just get back with the pack and continue on. 

What I really took out of it was how much I missed the joy of playing in an orchestra, that feeling of finally putting all the pieces together and hearing the other instruments also playing at their best, to perform magic in front of the audience, defying for a single night the modern era of Iphones and internet pirated music that can play any piece of music at any time with 100% precision, knowing that the live music being played right there right then will never be played or reproduced ever again. And then earning the thunderous applause from the gratitious audience afterwards, accompanied by the feeling that it was finally over and I no longer had to stress about missing a note in the most embarrassing way. I miss that feeling. 

-Robert Yan 

Hope on the Horizon (地平線に希望, 수평선에 희망)

 I looked up how to say the phrases "Hope on the Horizon" or "Light at the End of the Tunnel," but there are only literal translations in Asian languages, nothing that depicts those ideas exactly. Call it an American aesthetic, this idea of hope and light shining through in the depth of darkness. Which is what the Covid situation in the world is turning out to be, as more and more businesses start going back to the office and things "get back to normal." A lot of people have been living "back to normal" for several months now, but at least in terms of official government mandates and concerts, games, and public events, things are finally getting back to normal. The stocks of Zoom, Peloton, Roku, Docusign and plenty of other "stay-at-home stocks" that dominated during the pandemic have certainly slacked off and given back much of those prior gains, and without another pandemic (Geez let's hope not) or a fundamental change in business model by those companies that would seem like a long-term trend. Hey, maybe at some point they'll open up the Jeopardy taping sessions to the public (during the pandemic it's just been a closed set, no audience, which slightly takes away from the experience). 

Is there light at the end of the tunnel for other world problems, such as global warming, global wars, global hunger, global lack of leadership? That seems to not have light yet, and it's kind of reflective of the human condition to not have hope on the horizon. Wars seem like a consistent status quo, even though it seems counterintuitive: most people seem to understand that in the grand scope of things humans are very trivial compared to the universe, the cosmos, and take up only a tiny speck of time in the history of the world, but we can't come to the realization that we shouldn't be fighting each other. Easy for me to say, as I live in the lap of luxury and have access to everything I want whenever I want it (including considering a possibility of going to Paris, France for Thanksgiving) but one big problem is this idea of needing to be "he biggest man in the room," or being the toughest guy in the room, otherwise someone else will take that from us. This applies as much in the street (gang violence, people needing to project power, strength in a desperate attempt not to look weak) as much as it does global politics and the history of the world. The more I learn about the history of the world from Julius Caesar BC days to Sumeria, Egypt, China, name any civilation, and it's usually peppered with stories of rulers usurping the throne using strength, or a benign king who tries to rule justly without war and violence but gets dethroned by someone who uses ruthless and merciless techniques. I don't blame some of the warlords of the past for being ruthless: they wouldn't become king if they weren't, and if they weren't ruthless someone else would come along who was and kill them. It just a tragic situation akin to the prisoner's dilemma: you can't trust others to do right by you, so you betray them/ seize power first. Even in socities that don't have brutal bloodletting over power like the United States, you have political demagogues who try to gain power another way: through ruthless manipulations of the truth and of the common people to get votes, by whatever means necessary. I always wonder why there isn't a political leader who just tells it like it is and is honest with everyone and tries to keep all election promises (I'm naive enough in these times to think that I could be that kind of politican)- the answer is that politicians are by definition not like that, and if they do try to go in that direction they will either be voted out and not heard from again or change their position to what fits best with getting votes and we're right back to where we started. 

So is there hope for the world? Maybe, even if it doesn't look like it right now. We just have to somehow break free from this paradigm of greed, only doing what's best for ourselves all the time (including myself). But can we all collectively do that at the same time and trust each other to keep it up forever? The course of human history suggests no. 

Farmer's Market (农贸市场, ファーマーズマーケット, 농민 시장)

 I woke up this Sunday morning super refreshed from expelling the aftereffects of the vaccine booster shot (slight headache and chills the day after, but then slept them all away!) and flush with the excitement of getting an extra hour due to daylight savings time (Time! Glorious time!) and giddy as a boy on Christmas morning in anticipation of going to.....Farmer's market. 

OK so that last part isn't true, I've never in the history of my existence been super excited to go to Farmer's Market, whether it was with my parents on Saturday mornings to the local Camarillo one, or the ones in L.A. with MJ, even the "Chinatown Night Market" that's essentially the same thing except it's at night.... the idea of going to an alternative to a grocery store never really appealed to me. The prices aren't exactly bargains, the venues are usually a bit of a walk away, and they're all these eccentric type of foods with fancy-sounding names like "organic" or UV-protected. As usual, much like going to enough music concerts, art museums, and coffee houses with MJ, I see some of the allures of Farmers' Market. 

1.) The locations are usually in a nicer area of town, or at least a part that has views of the city and surrounding community. Actually, the No. 1 priority is likely ability of merchants to unload their produce and have enough space to sell them, but to attract customers the aesthetics of the place sometimes comes into consideration. For someone who doesn't get out of the house much, it is nice to be "en plein air" (that's an art type, but it means in the outdoors) and feel amongst other people, even if half of them are just making a detour before heading to the football game later in the day. 

2.) There's some live music going on, it's like a festival. I have this weird nostalgia about going to my mom's corporate events back when she worked at large corporate pharmaceutical companies, where there'd be a retreat for employees and their families, with carnival games, face painting, balloon tossing, chili contest. Farmer's market reminds me of mini-versions of that with everyone's little booth and caricature artists hanging out and the smell of different types of food wafting into my nose from different corners of the market.........also funny signs that say "That's too much bacon---- said no one ever" which would have been funnier to me 10 years ago unfortunately rings too true, I actually think people eat too much bacon and other red meats, especially pork and beef. 

3.) Free composting! Didn't know this before, but at certain farmer's markets you can drop off your compost waste (apple cores, banana peels, leftover vegetables) so that instead of winding up in the garbage and then the landfill, it may actually be put back into the cycle of life, back in the soil by farms. A whole new way of thinking about the term farmer's market. MJ was very excited about this and brought 3 bags of compost that we'd be keeping in the freezer with my leftover banana peels......all those bananas I'd be eating may have finally come to a resolution! A very liberating feeling indeed but also feeling good about being serious about recycling. Bill Maher on his political show "Real Time" commented about the millenial generation stating they care about the environment but then not acting like they do by following Kylie Jenner, buying bitcoin (which requires tons of energy to keep up) but MJ is taking actual strides to do it, including keeping vegan and converting me along with her. On Sunday mornings we don't go to church anymore, but we do buy into the religion of improving the planet (hopefully). 

4.) Talking to people! Remember that? Man I miss it, where the only conversation I usually get is with MJ and picking up my Chipotle order, and even that has switched to online orders only so I don't even get to say "brown rice, black beans, salsa, etc....." There's a friendly guy at the vegan kitchen right at the bottom of our building that makes friendly chatter and asked if I felt "boosted" after getting my booster shot, not that funny but his smile after he cracked the joke made me smile as well. But that's it! Maybe subconsciously that's even why I volunteer to go to Costco and Trader Joe's recently, just to get to be outside and be among people and tell the cashier that I brought my own shopping bag. But at farmer's market I can ask questions in earnest and show interest, and maybe even use longer than 4-word sentences! I got a 2-dollar bill the other day and struck up a conversation about the benefits of a meatless diet with the gentleman who dispersed the Thomas Jefferson bill to me. It was great! I still am capable of speaking English and being understood! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Booster Shot

 Today I learned what a flood stopper does to a washing machine supply and how that complicates life for a condominium owner. Apparently before making any home improvements whatsoever in a condomium, one needs to consult the condominium association in order to make sure it is approved/doesn't violate condo rules/hasn't been discussed and vetoed already before I even bought the condo. It's frustrating and is really making me second-guess my decision to buy a condo. Even something as straightforward-sounding as replacing the washing machine turns up new challenges. It's like Forrest Gump except opening up a chocolates is a scene out of a horror movie: it's Pandora's box of chocolates and you never know what you're gonna get. This time it was the existence of a flood stopper, which sounds like something they needed at the Hurricane Katrina cleanup or CNN covering a natural disaster on an island country but instead is a device that is installed to prevent water leaking everywhere when dispensing into a washing machine, especially for downstairs neighbors because water has a propensity to flow downwards. Our condo association required that every unit install a flood stopper to its washing machine, so imagine my surprise when the washing machine company arrived with our brand new washing machine, MJ and I are all jazzed to finally do a clean wash without residue of the last machine, the installation gentleman is ready to pack up the old machine and ship it out like an unwelcome guest.......when (horror music hits) there he stops and says he can't do anything until the flood stopper is uninstalled by a certified plumber, as there are alarm systems and attachment to the water piping that he dare not try to disassemble likely for fear of (gasp) being responsible for any damages. 

So no new machine, I have to call a plumber to de-install the stopper, THEN call the washing machine company again, THEN call the plumber AGAIN to put the flood stopper back in. It's not lost on me that when we lived at an apartment all of these things were taken care of by just a quick phone call or filling out a maintenance request. No such luck no our own. 

The stock market has gotten quite a booster shot of its own in late October to early November as several stocks have shot up again like it's the moon, and not just IPO's like Portillo's Hot Dogs (Chicagoans love them) or Avis Rental car due to the semiconductor shortage, but even trillion-dollar valuation companies like Tesla and almost-there Nivida, who climbed 12% (15% at one point) on just positive sentiment about its role in the metaverse, not even because of earnings or any merger news, 12%! On a top Fortune 500 company! Incredible! As a Nividia stockowner from a 4x in valuation ago I feel like I Katrina and the Waves "Walking on Sunshine." 

And yes, I did get a Covid booster shot today at my local CVS, quick and painless and necessary, as my single-dose JNJ was feeling a little vulnerable in the face of Delta and other variants. I wonder how many people got a JNJ-Pfizer booster combo, as most people didn't exactly brag they got the JNJ. If it's anything like last time there'll be a shocking report the day after I get the booster that it may cause blood clotting. Ironically my booster date is also the date Aaron Rodgers (former Jeopardy guest host) and Packers quarterbrack getting eviscerated for not getting vaccinated and defending himself for not doing so, blaming it on the woke mob. As more and more people get boosters, I feel like it's the new extreme dichotomy in America: red v. blue states, rich v. poor, white v. non-whites, and now.........the super-vaccinated v. the unvaccinated. Not much middle ground, like some guy that just got one JNJ vaccine and said, "I'm good!" It seems like human nature at least nowadays to take the more extreme stance, either "Go big or go home" and take a strong stance, even double down on positions like Rodgers did today. 

Also human nature: to get comfortable with how things are and forget about past pain and experience, like the very bad, no-good day I had 7 months after the first vaccine.......couldn't get out of bed, felt weak all over, questioned whether getting Covid would even be this bad......and then less than 24 hours later I was back to normal and never felt better, letting the negative experience fade away into memory and allowing myself to risk it again with this booster. Here goes nothing! 

TIL (Today I learned)

 I didn't learn about "TIL" today, but it's quite a useful phrase for rehashing one's gained knowledge in any given day, as opposed to just letting it slide and fade into memory; it also forces me to write out or explain what I've learned in my own words, which requires a much deeper understanding fo the subject and better grasp of the necessary facts than just multiple choice or a one-word answer to a clue (like in Jeopardy). The Superior Court judge at the Stanley Mosk Courthouse in L.A. who I did my externship for after my first year of law school would ask me every day, "what did you learn today?" which I imagine he asked of his children too, but it's a pretty effective way to test if they've learned anything and enforce what was learned. 

But today I did learn that "Let's go Brandon!" is a trendy euphemism being used by people who disapprove of Joe Biden in lieu of "F You Brandon." Every president gets a group of haters who come up with a slogan like (Remember "Thanks Obama!") , but this is one of the more creative (not that I necessarily approve of the message) in a dog-whistle kind of way but also having it gain popularity by being succinct and catchy. It'd be fair to say that President Biden's first year in office hasn't gone exactly the way he probably planned it to be, as he's taken a more progressive stance on many social issues but bungled the exit out of Afghanistan and alienated some of those in the center of the political aisle. 

TIL that America is desperate for semiconductors to build more automobiles, thus causing a dearth in supply of avaiable automobiles and causing rental car companies like Avis to do well (stock shot up 108% in one day after reporting absurd earnings). Hope our Honda Accord 2013 at 120000 miles can hold up for a while longer before this is all over! 

TIL many different things on Jeopardy, but apparently that a "stuffed shirt" means one is pompous and inflexible. TAD I learned that SAD is a thing, or Seasonal affective disorder, and that those gloomier seasons of fall and winter are coming. Yesterday I learned that I can forget things I thought I knew cold even if I wrote it in this blog a couple weeks ago, as there was a clue about a Greek 6-headed monster in the Odyssey and I failed to identify it was from Scylla and Charybdis (see previous article). 

TIL you can order a laundry machine from Costco and the price of the machine comes with removal of the old machine AND installation of the new machine! That is like mana from heaven for a guy who isn't handy ("The Handy Man" was the name of the homo habilis, an earlier species of hominids) like me who dreads pulling out any wires or chords or "hooking things up" unless it's like hooking up free tickets or something. Hope it goes off without a hitch! 

Useless Items (무용지물 無用之物, 役に立たない)

This Halloween season, I didn't get scared, I didn't go to a haunted house, I didn't go to any costume parties, and I didn't do a horror movie marathon, but I did get reminded of things that I get scared of doing: useless activities. Due to previous bad experiences, I am constantly afraid of wasting my time on useless endeavors. Since we have only a limited amount of time on Earth, and only so much time available during the day that we try to squeeze as much value as possible, it's so vital to avoid useless things like the plague. Part ofmy phobia also rubs off on MJ and my sister, who have to listen to me warning them about wasting time, even though I'm just projecting my own fears onto them. 

It's hard to define what exactly is useless, since almost everything I do has a purpose, such as sleeping (not productive, but have to do it to recharge), taking a walk (not productive work-wise but useful health-wise as part of exercise), but I'd say wasting time looking at Tik-tok videos or checking fantasy football stats every 3 minutes count as useless activities. Nowadays, I count watching 2-hour non-famous movies as useless activities since I can get the plot and shorten the experience by watching a summary video or synoposis somewhere on the Internet (I've become a bit neurotic). 

I suspect this phobia took root after high school, when I realized all of the homework I'd done for so many AP and "honors" classes had been tedious and boring but also not useful......college and the real world didn't work like that. Especially the long essays we wrote for English class that I spent hours on that I suspect my teachers didn't really read particularly carefully, or group projects presenting to other classmates about a research topic, those were really done to prepare students for the future, but did it really require all the busywork and extra effort? Also, sitting through hours and hours of orchestra practice: as grateful as I was to play at the actual concert, those hours sitting through rehearsal on Monday nights, especially when I had gone through a long day of school already, was not a productive use of time. 

Much more recently and looking at it more philsophically, I often wonder if all those games of dodgeball mattered in the long run, or spending time at work earning every last cent (another day, another dollar) was a productive use of time or not. Yes, it was important to be gainfully employed and work to sustain life's other activities, and it's important to have fun once in a while and do things that we enjoy, but often I look back and wonder if I could have used those hours, days, weeks, even years in a more productive way to enjoy a more fruitful or meaningful life. But then as I'm pondering these difficult-to-answer questions, I realize the pondering itself is not that useful neither since I can't change the past and am delaying working on the future, so I stop and do something else. Quite the paradox. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Storm Clouds (폭풍우 구름, 嵐の雲, 暴风云)

 Clouds can tell you a lot about the future, or at least what the immediate future portends in terms of weather. Instead of looking at my Iphone all the time for someone to spit out what the weather to me (not always accurate, btw) I should look to the skies and use my natural gifts of sight and intuition. 

Just like looking at artificial light in the dark dulls one's night vision, living in L.A. for more than a decade really dulled my ability to sense incoming turbulent weather, and my capacity to plan for the worst. The Chinese have a phrase called 未雨绸缪, or (prepare cloth before the rain has come) which I should do by bringing a light umbrella any time there is any semblance of incoming rain. It starts innocently: a little dark speck in the distance breaking up the monotony of the blue skies, then the sense that the dark cloud is getting closer, then thunder heard roaring in the distance, some small drops hitting my nose or somewhere else on the face, and by then it's really time to seek shelter, because it can turn into a massive downpour very quickly. 

The other solution other than bringing an umbrella, of course, is to seek shelter under a big building or get into a bus station and duck into the nearest bus......but like Icarus who flew too close to the sun, anytime I get running and feeling wild and free, especially in the brisk cool autumn air, I start to veer off the cautious path towards the road less taken (Robert Frost was one half of the Jeopardy final jeopardy answer tonight about Pulitzer Prize winners who died in Massachusetts) and it's too late to get to safe harbor before the torrential downpour comes, as I'm lost out in the wilderness like a lonely ship in the deep dark see, with no St. Elmo's Fire or rescue ships to be seen. 

Luckily there's the Find My Friends App on Iphone and MJ has so far been gracious about saving me, who's usually huddled in a shivering mess under a tree or shack somewhere trying to wait out the storm, with socks and shoes soaked and feeling cold due to the accompanying drop in tempearture. So next time, before I venture out, I'll remind myself to check the clouds: the puffy, marshmallow-like or cauliflower- shaped ones that accompany blue sky and sun (cumulus), flat and layered clouds (stratus, we're still safe so far), wispy clouds like smoke (cirrus), nimbus (like Harry Potter's broom- except this one comes with rain) and the worst one for me, the menacing cumulonimbus clouds, associated with thunderstorms, thunder and lightening, and Thor throwing hammers at me (that last part is exaggerated). 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Sharing One's Joys and Sorrows Together (동고동락, 同苦同樂)

 This past weekend MJ and I attended another wedding of a couple that MJ knew from graduate school, part of the backlog of late-pandemic weddings that are happening in the U.S. that were postponed due to Covid-19. It was one of the most Covid-negligent gatherings I've been to, as about 80-90 wedding guests all crowded into the reception venue, indoors, without masks on and danced in a tight circle for up to four hours, not to mention cocktail hour and dining at circular tables facing each other. MJ just got her booster shot this past weekend, so she was sitting pretty and relaxed, but there I was too with just one dose of the measly B- JNJ vaccine to my name, my body still as yet unsullied by Covd-19 (as far as I know). Looking back in a few years, I think this weekend will stick out in our memories as the weekend we really tested the end of Covid-19, if not the wedding 2 weeks before, although that one checked vaccine passports offering a slightly higher level of protection. 

Having been to enough weddings, I am now abundantly familiar with the stand fair of the ceremony and the reception and the rough order of events, so there's not many surprises and therefore nothing truly thrilling, like watching different directors' take on the same movie or play/musical, but what I do like is still hearing each couple's stories and how they met each other, and to some extent comparing their stories to the one that MJ and I share. Of course they all leave out the trials and tribulations and the inevitable difficulties that may pop up during a wedding, but that's kind of the beauty of it, knowing that they know there will be rough parts and the "thick" of the phrase "through thick and thin" (or is it the thin part that's the bad part?) but they're willing to commit to getting through those hardships and struggles together. The weddings is the beginning of that journey of some zigs and zags (there can definitely be some stress even in just planning the wedding, from costs, whom to invite, whether to even have the wedding, etc., etc.) but also of some of the best moments that will happen in a couple's life. MJ and I are happy to report that so far all the weddings we've attended have stayed strong and on the path towards "happily ever after...." I think my personal record is also still perfect in that regard (as far as I know, but not sure about some weddings I attended a long time ago), so maybe I'm the lucky charm? 

I also like different nuances at weddings showing the couple's style........it's like I'm entering a couple's world for a weekend and exploring all the facets of the world they've decided to show their guests at least for that weekend. (I'm not that crazy about destination weddings as they're not even in the city where the couple is living, but hey that's up to them). Contrasting strongly with the Upper East Side New York City black-tie dress code event 2 weekends ago, this weekend MJ and I made it to the idyllic town/village (not sure how big it is) of Staunton, Virginia, home of the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library and Birthplace, where it felt like everybody in the small town knew each other and the biggest gathering spot for the weekend was the farmer's market. The wedding itself didn't have chocolate fountains, a fancy well-known DJ, or 2 days and nights of eating and drinking to my heart's content (all features of other weddings I have attended) but it had the touch of what the couple was all about, like Taylor Swift music that highlighted a dance playlist that was like the 2012 best hits list, Peruvian food, speeches and dedications in multiple languages, and stories about crushing on Zach Efron, which was what I'll remember about them. Coincidentally, that's also what MJ and I tried to impart to our guests at our wedding that great night 4 years ago, 9/9/2017.... our violins, our ceremony near the beach, some late night snacks, I hope we left an impression on our guests just as the wedding that we attended left an impression on us. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Old School TV

 Netflix just reported an excellent quarter in its latest earnings report due in large part to the success of Squid Game, the new hit series, and there's no doubt that Netflix has become part of culture (see the term "Netflix and Chill" in many parts of the world including the U.S, where viewers have cut the chord in favor of streaming shows. The binge-watching capability that Netflix allows is liberating in allowing people to watch a whole series from start to finish as soon as it starts....(like MJ, who can get a recommendation from me about a cool-looking TV show in the morning, start watching that afternoon, get addicted easily and can finish a 10-episode season all in one night, and when I ask her the next morning how far she is she sheepishly admits she's already fnisihed it)   but is that really a good thing? 

For the "give me now" generation, it likely is, but at least for TV consumption and discussion, it really lends little to the way of water cooler talk and online message thread speculation, which I cherished when growing up as a teenager watching cartoons (ALL-NEW episode!) and then in high school with reality TV taking off (who got voted off on Survivor or the Office?) through college when LOST was the big thing on everyone's minds, through law school (more sophisticated shows like The Wire, Sopranos, etc.) and then the start of Game of Thrones. These shows gave me a sense of camaraderie with other TV-watchers that we were consuming these episodes together and coming together later to dissect it and living through the experience, like watching live sports and talking about what happened each week after football. Credit HBO for being the anti-Netflix, where episodes still drop only every once every week and viewers have to set a ritual for watching the show. 

The issue with Netflix for me is that everyone hears about a good show, but then they all watch it at separate times, spoilers are not allowed since not everyone has seen it yet, and when others finally catch up and have seen the full season the early birds have likely moved on to a different show and aren't interested in it any more. The level of interest in a show is totally different at all times depending on who you are, whereas for HBO's newest hot show (Succession, season 3 came out this past weekend) everyone knows where you stand, so that the show sets a limit for everyone to no skipping ahead. And I dislike it when people skip ahead. Stay with the team! In the analogy of episodic television as a reflection of today's generation, I'm on Team HBO of setting limits to the wild unsatiable consumption by people to a more moderate approach, taking food by portions as opposed to the wild buffet that Netflix offers that allows no time to even chew, take a break, let the food digest, savor the taste and reflect on how good the episode is. For example, in the recent Squid Game, the universally acclaimed "Episode 6" would have been a great stopping point for universal discussion among the internet community as well as within the household to reminisce on what just happened, but instead everyone just barreled ahead to Episode 7 and towards the close of the show. I personally wanted to save some good things for later and come back to it to spend more time with the favorite characters instead of just a one-night stand of emotions and unbridled indulgence in a good thing, like a sleepover sugar high (kind of a good metaphor of what the Squid Game was). 

Finally getting to the point I was trying to make: Jeopardy has become my safe harbor for old-school TV. It's my replacement for live sports where I don't have patience to watch 3-hour games anymore to find out who won, but I'm much more attracted to the daily rhythm of a Jeopardy game that's reliably on Monday-Friday at the same time, same format and same brain-challenging clues. There are also internet forums where I can feel like I'm in 2004 again asking why the polar bear was on LOST and what do Jack, Sawyer, and Locke represent, except now in 2021 I'm finding out why General Motors was the correct answer to a Chevy Volt question or where the heck Rockaway Beach in New York City is. I still get the same adrenaline of wanting to know what happens, knowing that this is a fresh episode that others may have already watched but in the same calendar day at least, a daily ritual shared by millions of other viewers. I'm just glad that feeling can still exist in 2021. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Cancer (암, 癌, 癌症)

 Today former United States Secretary of State Colin Powell passed away from symptoms related to Covid-19, aka Covid complications. Although Covid-19 certainly played a role, his underlying condition was a type of blood cancer, joining millions of people affected with cancer. I guess I was naive, ignorant, and foolish about cancer and just brushing past news like General Powell's cancer as just something "old people get," but it's definitely a wake-up call when someone in my family was diagnosed with cancer. Only then did I realize just how many different forms of cancer in our and different types that can be in almost every part of the body, including breast cancer, lung cancer, brain cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer (those are just the most common ones), as well as other types of disease I didn't even realize were forms of cancer like leukemia (cancer in blood-forming tissues), lymphoma, (cancer of the lymphatic system), and melanoma (skin cancer- this is the one I've been the most care-free about and not wearing suntan lotion, but something I need to be cognizant of from now on). 

One of the scary things about cancer is the lack of ability to know what causes it, with different studies showing various findings, sometimes even contradictory about what causes cancer, whether eating too much meat causes cancer, drinking too much, smoking cigerates, and the only way really be at peace with the odds of getting is trying to decrease it, like eating more vegetables and limiting harmful carcingen intake into the body, but none of those are like the vaccine against the Covid-19 virus. Early detection is the key to catch the cancer before it spreads to other parts of the body, but cancer isn't something that manifests itself early, which is why people think they're fine and don't go checked out until it's too late. At least with acne, concussions, structural problems it can be seen from the outside; cancer is just growing in one's body, hidden deep within, a silent killer. Cancer's also difficult to diagnose because it can be confused with other diseases, which gives it the nickname "the great imitator." 

The prototypical image of the Covid-19 virus is scary: it's a picture of a cell with various needle-like pricks sticking out like trees or cotton swabs, but it's all over the cell and moving around like a fungus growing out of a normally healthy plant. Cancer has that same eerie feeling (at least for me) when shown pictures of it, like a clot stuck in a body part that's blocking off healthy parts and absorbing other cells so that it can move around and expand (metastasis). It's really a horror movie villain, but a grim reality for millions of people around the war. Ever since President Nixon declared "War on Cancer" in 1971 many resources have been devoted to stop cancer, in fact there's lots of pharmaceutical companies that develop anti-cancer drugs every year trying to gain approval for patents, and cancer-speciality hospitals across the U.S. like City of Hope hospital in the L.A. area, where I used to work. I used to walk by there ten years ago marveling at the grandiose nature of the facilities and aesthetically pleasing courtyard and campus life, but now I see it much more as a serious fight against cancer and a refuge for cancer patients who are confined to a hospital bed; the fight against cancer is no picnic. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Fashion (时尚, 패션, ファッション)

 File it next to "electral engineering" and "automobile maintenance" as one of the topics I know next to nothing about and a topic I've avoided most of life except when absolutely necessary: Fashion. I am the first to readily admit that I have no fashion sense, as I fall in the camp of those who think fashion is just a (you guesed it) pyramid scheme where insecure people undergo a neverending, unwinnable competition to outdo each other while racking up large credit card bills in the process. In other words, another mechanism of the American consumer economy designed to get people to spend money. 

My view in that sense hasn't really changed, but MJ has opened my eyes (literally and figurately) to at least appreciating fashion and looking nice: one benefit is that the proper type of fashion can make me look taller and slimmer, two things I've failed to do through tried-and-true methods of dieting and exercise. Having the right fashion also gives me some confidence, something I've only had on very few occasions in social situations; there's always something off about my clothes, whether my socks don't match, my tie is crooked, my zipper is down, my hair is messy; so many different things about my appearance likely sent unwelcome signals to others including skin problems that lasted into adulthood. 

The aforementioned fashion vocabulary exhibit at the Met gave me some perspective: each fashion designer featured in the exhibit presented a word in fashion, like "resolve," "comfort," "resilience," etc. that came through in their featurd article of clothing. I didn't necessarily see myself wearing the styles that they presented, but I did at least see why the clothing they designed exuded the characteristic they were going for, why that piece of clothing would give off the "resolve" vibe or "comfort" vibe. Now that I have been exposed to high society, I'm much more conscious about what vibes my own clothes are giving off to others, even when I go running outside, which I didn't care one iota about before, I now try to wear something sporty or at least wear running shorts instead of jeans or dress pants (you laugh but I used to do this, quite frequently). It definitely helps to go to a dress code- required wedding where everyone is required to look nice, but looking nice when it's not required is almost more important because that shows what you'd do if you were on your own and how much effort you're willing to put in. I go to some art museums and art galleries with MJ and notice how much effort she puts into when preparing to go, so I try to make myself at least presentable, but also noticing how out of place people are who wear T-shirts or flip-flops or look like they just rolled out of bed: the museums are all nice, the galleries are designed artfully, the exhibits are presented just right to give off the artist's vibe, even the security guards are wearing uniforms with collars and color coded outfits, but then us visitors just go in like a bull in a china shop and ruin the ascetic. Some guy wore a loose-fitting yellow shirt with a baseball hat on into the fancy art gallery today......I know we are the customers and can wear anything we want, but in a place of so many nice things, I don't mind adding a little fashion in to enhance everyone's experience, or at least not detract from it. 

Fashionize on, 

Robert Yan