It's been a long time since I've played in an orchestra, but once in a while when I go to an orchestra concert I'm reminded that I used to be somebody, I could have been a contender. (On the Water Front, Marlon Brandon). My fits of nostalgia came back this evening when MJ and I went to take in a night of music from legendary composers Edvard Greig, Haydn, and Dvorak, from 3 different countries as well. We sat as close as we could to the orchestra, and especially close to the first violin section, my old stomping grounds (although, I sometimes played second violin too, an underrated and underrated section that bolsters the rest of the orchestra and lets the melody stand out).
When I was in orchestra, I was often bored, nonchalant, and looking to get home earlier to do some homework (in high school) or partake in other activities. I didn't cherish the music, didn't value the pieces that we were playing and didn't enjoy myself; I often found it to be burdensome and played to not mistakes, not to get the notes right. I didn't have pride in myself as a musician, and played with the one thing musicians can't lack: soul and spirit, the desire to play beautifical music, which in itself should encourage one to play as close to perfection as possible. I often get notes wrong, and my philosophy was just not to stray too far from the pack, and blend in to the rest of the violin section as possible without looking (or worse, sounding) out of place. Even this had its problems, because the bowing often got tricky and I'd often be playing an upbow when others were playing a downbow. I would often have to cheat and look up at the first chair (section leader) to get back on track with the bowing before I lost my place again. There was a time when I desired to be leaders on sports teams, law school organizations, etc., but I never wanted to the first violin of the orchestra. Way too much pressure, and if I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't want everybody else to be looking at me too and mimicing the wrong person.
Anyway, today's performance allowed me to be in the audience with a close and personal look at the violin section, of a professional orchestra, that plays professionally!I expected them to be pristine and exquisitely trained musicians, the best of the best who may have even went to music schools and tried out for their positions against various competition. But as I leaned in closer, I realized that even they make mistakes! I'm no conductor Rodrigo from Mozart in the Jungle (on Amazon Prime) who picks out each wrong note from every single instrument in the first episode, but I could tell from experience certain minor misses, nothing fatal of course but enough to be caught by the trained eye, and by someone with a critcal eye like MJ (And the first violin also had a wardrobe malfunction, not the Janet Jackson kind, but the armpit areas in his tuxedo were torn, which looked horrible whether or not he did it on purpose or not. I will say that I don't miss having to dress up in suits and wear tight and uncomfortable clothing, which we didn't practice in, during the actual performances). These definitely were professional musicians and they probably sounded a lot better than I ever possibly could have, but with so many moving parts and notes, page turns, conductor cues, bowing changes, etc, etc., it's really impossible to have a perfect concert, and no one expects them to: one upbow when everyone is doing a downbow looks awkward, but then you just get back with the pack and continue on.
What I really took out of it was how much I missed the joy of playing in an orchestra, that feeling of finally putting all the pieces together and hearing the other instruments also playing at their best, to perform magic in front of the audience, defying for a single night the modern era of Iphones and internet pirated music that can play any piece of music at any time with 100% precision, knowing that the live music being played right there right then will never be played or reproduced ever again. And then earning the thunderous applause from the gratitious audience afterwards, accompanied by the feeling that it was finally over and I no longer had to stress about missing a note in the most embarrassing way. I miss that feeling.
-Robert Yan
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