In life we try to avoid them, but like pitfalls in the road, sometimes they're unavoidable: bad experiences with things. Once in a while, something will go wrong, no matter how much you've prepared or braced yourself. A flight in Britain was supposed to go to Dusseldorf but somehow ended up in Edinburgh; that was a bad experience for many people. I get on buses in New York City that break down; those are difficult experiences.
This morning, I had a very difficult experience at my AirBnb. I woke up and as usual needed to use the restroom after a long night, but.......the restroom was in use. Because I have a shared bathroom Airbnb and share it with 2 other people. And this other person was taking a LONG time, taking a shower, blow drying hair, etc., and there was no system/ rules in place to limit the amount of time in the one bathroom. I was pacing around needing to pee, I couldn't even sit, I couldn't go back to sleep.......it was really bad. There have been quite a few "can't get to a bathroom and have to hold it" situations in my life, this one ranked pretty high up there if only because the agony of the room being RIGHT there but someone else depriving me of the use of it. I'm usually pretty quick about using the restroom and cognizant of other people's needs, I take quick showers, I even use the toilet pretty quickly, so I don't think I've been on the other side, but now I've definitely been on the victim side of a shared restroom Airbnb situation. Book your acommodations wisely.
One kind of sensitive topic that I wanted to touch on: I've always thought that there's good people in every race and bad people in every race and don't consider myself a racist, but I can't help being puzzled about the N-word: I understand its origins and its nasty history and why people shouldn't use it, but why do African Americans that I encounter often use it to themselves? It would be unthinkable for a person of another color to call an African-American the N-word, but why do they call themselves that? I personally don't hear Chinese people calling each other racially sensitive words like "chinks," and Japanese people don't call each other "Japs." In some subway conversations I encounter, I hear the "N-word" used in every sentence! I personally suggest rooting this word out entirely if it has such a strong historical connotation. But I'm open to the idea that I'm being ignorant and would accept any blowback to my thesis. Also, I've had several experiences in my life where I've been discriminated against because of the color of my skin, and it certainly does not feel good, like being bullied around on the basketball court, being made fun of for having slanted eyes, etc., growing up in an inner city Chicago area it was not fun to be picked on by African American kids, ironically who are historically the ones often identified as the victims of racism. I'm not just picking on African Americans, but it's just a point that racism happens to all races, not just one particular race being the victim or one race always being the aggressor. White people get discriminated against too; we should all be sensitive towards all different races. I bring this up because I got bad flashbacks recently living at an Airbnb in a predominantly black neighborhood, and walking around I get comments like, "Hey Chinaman......" I do not find that particularly welcoming nor sensitive to my race, and I kinda went through another bad experience. I realize that guy might have just been a bad apple, and generally no one talks to me and everything's fine, but one bad experience can be very memorable and traumatizing.
Especially when MJ and I move to a new city this summer, Durham, NC! We just decided to move there for MJ's nursing program, and we are very excited! But also aware of the racial issues present in towns like Durham and at a school like Duke that's had its share (one memorable incident involving the lacrosse team more than 10 years ago comes to mind), it's something definitely to keep in mind.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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