Recently I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or just losing my mind, but I've been starting to fall asleep for just a brief time during the work day, right around lunch or so. I try to fight it and offer resistance, but it's like a monster that cannot be satiated, an unstoppable force, a driving desire, to have my system shut down for a little bit. I don't think it's a bad thing......if there's one thing I've learned, it's to listen to what the body wants, whether it's getting more sleep, drinking more water, eating food in order to avoid being hangry........it's like refreshing a computer.......the body has been on for so long that it needs a quick reboot to clear away all the debris. Unfortunately, after-lunch time is also working time, and I can't be
Koreans call blacking out (usually from excessive consumption of alcohol) "the film being cut," a funny idiom that does actually happen to me.......I'll be watching a movie but be really tired and ready for sleep, and all of a sudden I've fallen asleep. MJ is the queen of this........pop in a movie anytime after 10PM and she'll probably fall asleep within a half hour of the start of the movie. Sleep is a powerful force that cannot be and should not be reckoned with. That's why I have tried to stay away from the drugs, and why it's probably best that I never try them.....my body is particularly susceptible to needing things and I usually succumb to what my body tells me to do, so if I develop an addiction or dependency on something I won't be able to shake it off. I'm already addicted to sleep and running as it is (I just don't feel good about myself if I don't get a little bit of a workout in every day).
I've never been so drunk that I "blacked out" and did things while I was drunk that I don't remember the next day........the only thing I do is all of a sudden fall asleep and next thing I know I've woken up. Not a good feeling, but comparably better than waking up knowing you did some weird stuff when drunk.
Ways to avoid fainting while at work:
1.) Get up and walk around
2.) Go engage in a conversation with a co-worker where you actually have to use your mind quickly....talking requires conscientiousness.
3.) Caffeine.......I try to avoid this (coffee and coke) because I don't think it's "natural." The most natural form of staying awake is letting the body do the work during sleep.
4.) Don't resist. Go to a quiet place and just sleep for 10 minutes, then come back feeling refreshed.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Monday, May 27, 2019
Blood (血, 피)
I find blood to be a fascinating subject. I may be biased, and may have been influenced by recently reading the book "Nine Pints," by Rose George. It's a book recommended by Bill Gates on HIS blog. He has a great idea of posting videos with his blog posts, which really enhance the points he's making and make reading books seem cool, which in today's world is important to make sure people continue reading books. Bill suggests 1.) taking notes when reading books, which I've never thought of (usually I've read textbooks and library books, which you can't write in), and he also suggests 2.) making sure you budget enough time to finish a book, which is difficult given everyone's work schedule and my own fantasy baseball schedule. Finally, 3.) sit down for an hour and only read the book. No phones, no eating, no distractions. Doable, especially if sitting on a train for an hour and your commute's that long. My fligthts from LA to New York definitely allow for that. Thanks, Mr. Gates! Keep that MSFT stock running smoothly!
Blood is so fascinating for something that most people associate with dread, disease, Dracula, and death. I'm like everyone else, I get a little queasy seeing blood, especially blood splatters, or seeing my own blood, it's a sight that takes some getting used to, or tasting my own blood from like a trip to a dentist or flossing, for example. But blood is like water for the body, the body needs it to do so many things and to cure so many things.
What I learned from Nine Pints:
1.) There are an average of nine pints of blood in one's body. So if you donate a pint of blood (as is typical, you still have 8 pints left, and the body replenishes that blood pretty quickly.
2.) A and A+ blood type males have a higher chance of erectile dysfunction. Well, I'm A+.
3.) Leeches are a reptile. I'm not sure what I thought they were (mammals?) but that makes a lot of sense now. And leeches are still used in modern times to remove blood from diseased areas that doctors can't reach.
4.) blood is made from......which body part? Not the heart, not the lungs, not the brain, actually by the bones (inside the bone marrow).
5.) you can now change blood types of blood using an enzyme. Nice.
Human beings really need blood to survive, it's like one of the most irreplaceable resources.........and blood donations are actually really important, they're not just sending those blood donations to Dracula or some thirsty group of vampires..........the blood lasts for something like 60 days and can be sent to areas that need them, or natural disaster areas with a lot of injured people who need blood to replace the blood that they lost. And nowadays the younger generation donates less blood than previous generations (geez, c'mon pick it up millenials!) so that's why you consistently get Red Cross "emergency! Shortage of blood! Donors needed!) updates saying there's a constant need of blood. And most donors just want to be thanked and get that warm and fuzzy feeling of thinking they've helped.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Blood is so fascinating for something that most people associate with dread, disease, Dracula, and death. I'm like everyone else, I get a little queasy seeing blood, especially blood splatters, or seeing my own blood, it's a sight that takes some getting used to, or tasting my own blood from like a trip to a dentist or flossing, for example. But blood is like water for the body, the body needs it to do so many things and to cure so many things.
What I learned from Nine Pints:
1.) There are an average of nine pints of blood in one's body. So if you donate a pint of blood (as is typical, you still have 8 pints left, and the body replenishes that blood pretty quickly.
2.) A and A+ blood type males have a higher chance of erectile dysfunction. Well, I'm A+.
3.) Leeches are a reptile. I'm not sure what I thought they were (mammals?) but that makes a lot of sense now. And leeches are still used in modern times to remove blood from diseased areas that doctors can't reach.
4.) blood is made from......which body part? Not the heart, not the lungs, not the brain, actually by the bones (inside the bone marrow).
5.) you can now change blood types of blood using an enzyme. Nice.
Human beings really need blood to survive, it's like one of the most irreplaceable resources.........and blood donations are actually really important, they're not just sending those blood donations to Dracula or some thirsty group of vampires..........the blood lasts for something like 60 days and can be sent to areas that need them, or natural disaster areas with a lot of injured people who need blood to replace the blood that they lost. And nowadays the younger generation donates less blood than previous generations (geez, c'mon pick it up millenials!) so that's why you consistently get Red Cross "emergency! Shortage of blood! Donors needed!) updates saying there's a constant need of blood. And most donors just want to be thanked and get that warm and fuzzy feeling of thinking they've helped.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Saturday, May 25, 2019
Squirrel (다람쥐, 松鼠, リス)
The most commonly understood fact about squirrels (other than the fact that dogs get distracted by any sign of squirrels in the area and immediately drop everything and turn their attention to it as highlighted by the movie Up) is that squirrels store their nuts and other possessions in a tree and then forget about them, likely over a winter season because they forget where they put it.
It doesn’t take me a winter season to forget where I put things, just a wild weekend, or sometimes even just seconds. This past weekend, I flew to an Indian wedding in North Carolina (heck of a wedding, lots of food, dancing, colors, and living the high life) but stored some belongings at work since I’ve been living the nomad life. Probably a risky move given that a) I’d never used that storage spot before and b) I was not in desperate need of any of the items in those belongings in the immediate future. Sure enough, by Wednesday of this week I was convinced I had lost these items at the hotel in North Carolina or an Airbnb I had been living in previously, sending messages to each in a desperate search to find my squirrel nuts.
I think the main remedy for the squirrel malaise is that items need to be used frequently, so I get a feel constantly where I’ve last used it. Still, I do forget where I’ve put my wallet and house keys and cell phone, even though those are the 3 most important possessions any person has nowadays.
I’ve come to realize after working in New York for a while that there’s the glitzy New York epitomized in so many movies and TV shows, and that’s Manhattan, full of tall buildings and bright lights, but then there’s what’s called the “Five burroughs” of the New York area, which aren’t bad neither, but like any other major city there are shadier parts of the city that people don’t talk about. It really takes living in a city for a while to really get to understand a city. It’s like saying you’ve been to Westeros but only having gone to King’s Landing and the Iron throne room with your tour group. There’s much more of where the average citizen has to deal with like Fleabottom, Harren Hall, the Twins, etc., except those neighborhoods in real life are called Brooklyn, Staten Island, the Bronx, Queens, and Jersey City. Surprisingly, New York is kind of a jogger’s paradise, which doesn’t seem to come up in most travel guides. Manhattan itself has great running paths on the edges in and in Central Park. Jersey Island has one of the best viewing on running paths in my opinion , with views of the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and all the skyline of the west side of Manhattan. It’s one of the sad truths of Manhattan that when you’re in Manhattan you can’t see Manhattan, but Jersey Island provides that.
It doesn’t take me a winter season to forget where I put things, just a wild weekend, or sometimes even just seconds. This past weekend, I flew to an Indian wedding in North Carolina (heck of a wedding, lots of food, dancing, colors, and living the high life) but stored some belongings at work since I’ve been living the nomad life. Probably a risky move given that a) I’d never used that storage spot before and b) I was not in desperate need of any of the items in those belongings in the immediate future. Sure enough, by Wednesday of this week I was convinced I had lost these items at the hotel in North Carolina or an Airbnb I had been living in previously, sending messages to each in a desperate search to find my squirrel nuts.
I think the main remedy for the squirrel malaise is that items need to be used frequently, so I get a feel constantly where I’ve last used it. Still, I do forget where I’ve put my wallet and house keys and cell phone, even though those are the 3 most important possessions any person has nowadays.
I’ve come to realize after working in New York for a while that there’s the glitzy New York epitomized in so many movies and TV shows, and that’s Manhattan, full of tall buildings and bright lights, but then there’s what’s called the “Five burroughs” of the New York area, which aren’t bad neither, but like any other major city there are shadier parts of the city that people don’t talk about. It really takes living in a city for a while to really get to understand a city. It’s like saying you’ve been to Westeros but only having gone to King’s Landing and the Iron throne room with your tour group. There’s much more of where the average citizen has to deal with like Fleabottom, Harren Hall, the Twins, etc., except those neighborhoods in real life are called Brooklyn, Staten Island, the Bronx, Queens, and Jersey City. Surprisingly, New York is kind of a jogger’s paradise, which doesn’t seem to come up in most travel guides. Manhattan itself has great running paths on the edges in and in Central Park. Jersey Island has one of the best viewing on running paths in my opinion , with views of the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and all the skyline of the west side of Manhattan. It’s one of the sad truths of Manhattan that when you’re in Manhattan you can’t see Manhattan, but Jersey Island provides that.
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Story (物語, 故事, 이야기)
I am pretty bad at telling stories. Some people have a gift: they tell a story with the right amount of description, with vivid details, with a consistent flow to keep the listener engaged and waiting to hear more. I think the main reason is I've never really needed to tell long stories about things, and most of my conversations end quickly, and I like to ask questions. The last great story I ever told was retelling the story of "Journey to the West" to other Chinese school students during a talent show.......when I was 5 years old. Since then, I don't think I've ever been able to engage an audience without notes or preparation, just off the cuff telling a story to people. Conversely, though, I love hearing a good story....I think most people love to hear a good story that can take us away from what we were doing, to really grip us and play on our emotions, to make us care about the characters, and finally WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END to make the journey all worth it.
Two of the most amazing stories (see on television and followed by millions of people around the world), LOST and Game of Thrones, have now ended, and ended unfortunately with arguably disappointing endings, most recently Game of Thrones this past Sunday night. For all the energy and emotional investment that people put into Game of Thrones (I was one of those who watched from the beginning), they invested a better ending than what we got, which was flawed because among other things 1.)gave up on most of the prophecies that had been given forecast earlier in the series, 2.) gave unsatisfactory deaths/ endings to major characters that did not do justice to all that they had been through, and what we as viewers had been through, 3.) made a sudden and jarring plot twist that was shocking, the calling card for Game of Thrones this whole time, but didn't make any sense, didn't play to the character, 4.) made the main villainous threat from the beginning of the show end and IMO end cheaply in just one episode, etc. There were outcries to re-write the season and to redo the last 2 seasons from fans online, which I think is a little overblown because its just a story, but I can certainly understand why there were such high expectations for a show that had gripped everyone's attention for more than 7 years and 8 seasons........like LOST, we invested so much because we had questions about what would happen......we're always asking for more, being intrigued like in a detective novel about whodunnit, or what will happen, who will ultimately be the king in the end, etc., etc. LOST thrived on promising an answer to these bizarre questions that remained unanswered, and I personally was so upset because those questions never got answered even in the show's last moments, instead we just got more questions. Game of Thrones didn't raise as many questions, but it did thrive on making readers invest in what would happen to the characters we have come to love and "whether they would fulfill their quest or not. And many of those quests ended up not being fulfilled or their characters being wasted, thus frustrating the characters who had waited so long to have those journeys pay off.
By the way, Game of Thrones also had EXCELLENT theme music. It helped for my enjoyment that it was mostly classical music, a mix between string and piano mostly. Perfectly suited to my tastes. Most good shows, I find, appeal to multiple senses, including visual and audio. It's underrated because most people don't say they watch dramas for the music, but Game of Thrones always started with an epic, gallant song without lyrics that gave the feel of the historic era we were in and the journey that most characters were on, and then during closing montages of each season and the entire season that epic music was repeated and gave me the chills, an accompaniment to the sense that this show was important, that this story was just so developing, that there was a greater purpose to all these characters' stories. Maybe that's what I need in my future storytelling to make it better: epic music to set the mood.
By the way, the Game of Thrones music was so iconic that MJ and I played the theme at our wedding and most guests immediately knew what we were doing. I think it will be one of the songs I will forever live with, that theme playing again and again in my head, even if the series is over. (Although I think it's definitely possible there will be sequels).
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Two of the most amazing stories (see on television and followed by millions of people around the world), LOST and Game of Thrones, have now ended, and ended unfortunately with arguably disappointing endings, most recently Game of Thrones this past Sunday night. For all the energy and emotional investment that people put into Game of Thrones (I was one of those who watched from the beginning), they invested a better ending than what we got, which was flawed because among other things 1.)gave up on most of the prophecies that had been given forecast earlier in the series, 2.) gave unsatisfactory deaths/ endings to major characters that did not do justice to all that they had been through, and what we as viewers had been through, 3.) made a sudden and jarring plot twist that was shocking, the calling card for Game of Thrones this whole time, but didn't make any sense, didn't play to the character, 4.) made the main villainous threat from the beginning of the show end and IMO end cheaply in just one episode, etc. There were outcries to re-write the season and to redo the last 2 seasons from fans online, which I think is a little overblown because its just a story, but I can certainly understand why there were such high expectations for a show that had gripped everyone's attention for more than 7 years and 8 seasons........like LOST, we invested so much because we had questions about what would happen......we're always asking for more, being intrigued like in a detective novel about whodunnit, or what will happen, who will ultimately be the king in the end, etc., etc. LOST thrived on promising an answer to these bizarre questions that remained unanswered, and I personally was so upset because those questions never got answered even in the show's last moments, instead we just got more questions. Game of Thrones didn't raise as many questions, but it did thrive on making readers invest in what would happen to the characters we have come to love and "whether they would fulfill their quest or not. And many of those quests ended up not being fulfilled or their characters being wasted, thus frustrating the characters who had waited so long to have those journeys pay off.
By the way, Game of Thrones also had EXCELLENT theme music. It helped for my enjoyment that it was mostly classical music, a mix between string and piano mostly. Perfectly suited to my tastes. Most good shows, I find, appeal to multiple senses, including visual and audio. It's underrated because most people don't say they watch dramas for the music, but Game of Thrones always started with an epic, gallant song without lyrics that gave the feel of the historic era we were in and the journey that most characters were on, and then during closing montages of each season and the entire season that epic music was repeated and gave me the chills, an accompaniment to the sense that this show was important, that this story was just so developing, that there was a greater purpose to all these characters' stories. Maybe that's what I need in my future storytelling to make it better: epic music to set the mood.
By the way, the Game of Thrones music was so iconic that MJ and I played the theme at our wedding and most guests immediately knew what we were doing. I think it will be one of the songs I will forever live with, that theme playing again and again in my head, even if the series is over. (Although I think it's definitely possible there will be sequels).
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, May 20, 2019
Abortion (낙태, 妊娠中絶, 堕胎)
The most controversial topic in the past week in America hasn't been the Game of Thrones finale, which brought an end to one of the most iconic TV franchises in history, nor is it the trade war raging between America and China that might lead to a cold war between the 2 biggest superpowers the in the world today, nope, it's the Alabama law that was passed banning abortions in all cases, even in rape and incest. The whole country seems to be against this law, even some Republicans are saying it's too extreme to ban abortions in all cases, and the fact there were only 4 female Alabama senators who passed this law (with MANY more male senators) makes it even more like men imposing laws on woman on what to do with a woman's body.
I don't tell many people this because I'm not proud of it, but in high school I tried to act like a right-wing person because I tried to "stand out from the crowd" since everyone I knew was a liberal and they seemed to outnumber people and overwhelm them with their beliefs, and I wanted to have my own identity. I therefore often took positions on the right wing of things even if I didn't really have an opinion about it in the first case, just because it fit the "Republican" model. Euthanasia? Against because Republicans would be against it. Death penalty? For. Affirmative action? Against (I'm actually still against this policy but it's not because I just want to be right wing). Gun control? Against. (I've totally flip flopped on this and believe the Republicans aren't using common sense on this use. Abortion? Against.
Then, college happened, I matured, I carved out my own beliefs, I also listened a lot and found that both sides had certain arguments that I found appealing on most issues. However, I like to try to exercise common sense and use fairness and what's right as a guide. I've learned from having a sister, a mother, and now a wife who are all woman to understand the woman's perspective on abortion. I really can't imagine what it's like to be a woman with a child in their body that doesn't want the body, or feels abandoned (or is actually abandoned) by the father of the baby, or isn't ready for the baby, or any number of reasons why they would feel an abortion is necessary. I think the main arguments against abortion are based in religious beliefs and what qualifies as the beginning of life and I respect those who have conviction in their religious beliefs, which is probably why countries like China that don't have a high population of Catholic/ Christian followers also have been outraged by this new Alabama law. Anyway, I have formed my own beliefs on abortion and proud that I've broken away from just following a "playbook" on what to believe. There are so many things in this world that women have to deal with unfairly because they are created differently than men and thus treated differently; It seems to me that one of the most unfair burdens they have to take on (delivering babies) should allow them more leeway to do so and do it on their own time.
Also, in Korea, there is a ban on abortions, but The South Korean Constitutional Court on April 11, 2019 ruled the abortion ban unconstitutional and ordered the law's revision by the end of 2020. Some studies suggest there are 500,000 to 1 million abortions every year. That's a lot of abortions! Seems like a lot of impact on the general population and the readiness of mothers to have a kid even in other places in the world if abortions were completely outlawd.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
I don't tell many people this because I'm not proud of it, but in high school I tried to act like a right-wing person because I tried to "stand out from the crowd" since everyone I knew was a liberal and they seemed to outnumber people and overwhelm them with their beliefs, and I wanted to have my own identity. I therefore often took positions on the right wing of things even if I didn't really have an opinion about it in the first case, just because it fit the "Republican" model. Euthanasia? Against because Republicans would be against it. Death penalty? For. Affirmative action? Against (I'm actually still against this policy but it's not because I just want to be right wing). Gun control? Against. (I've totally flip flopped on this and believe the Republicans aren't using common sense on this use. Abortion? Against.
Then, college happened, I matured, I carved out my own beliefs, I also listened a lot and found that both sides had certain arguments that I found appealing on most issues. However, I like to try to exercise common sense and use fairness and what's right as a guide. I've learned from having a sister, a mother, and now a wife who are all woman to understand the woman's perspective on abortion. I really can't imagine what it's like to be a woman with a child in their body that doesn't want the body, or feels abandoned (or is actually abandoned) by the father of the baby, or isn't ready for the baby, or any number of reasons why they would feel an abortion is necessary. I think the main arguments against abortion are based in religious beliefs and what qualifies as the beginning of life and I respect those who have conviction in their religious beliefs, which is probably why countries like China that don't have a high population of Catholic/ Christian followers also have been outraged by this new Alabama law. Anyway, I have formed my own beliefs on abortion and proud that I've broken away from just following a "playbook" on what to believe. There are so many things in this world that women have to deal with unfairly because they are created differently than men and thus treated differently; It seems to me that one of the most unfair burdens they have to take on (delivering babies) should allow them more leeway to do so and do it on their own time.
Also, in Korea, there is a ban on abortions, but The South Korean Constitutional Court on April 11, 2019 ruled the abortion ban unconstitutional and ordered the law's revision by the end of 2020. Some studies suggest there are 500,000 to 1 million abortions every year. That's a lot of abortions! Seems like a lot of impact on the general population and the readiness of mothers to have a kid even in other places in the world if abortions were completely outlawd.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thursday, May 16, 2019
酷い目に遭う (Go through a bad experience)
In life we try to avoid them, but like pitfalls in the road, sometimes they're unavoidable: bad experiences with things. Once in a while, something will go wrong, no matter how much you've prepared or braced yourself. A flight in Britain was supposed to go to Dusseldorf but somehow ended up in Edinburgh; that was a bad experience for many people. I get on buses in New York City that break down; those are difficult experiences.
This morning, I had a very difficult experience at my AirBnb. I woke up and as usual needed to use the restroom after a long night, but.......the restroom was in use. Because I have a shared bathroom Airbnb and share it with 2 other people. And this other person was taking a LONG time, taking a shower, blow drying hair, etc., and there was no system/ rules in place to limit the amount of time in the one bathroom. I was pacing around needing to pee, I couldn't even sit, I couldn't go back to sleep.......it was really bad. There have been quite a few "can't get to a bathroom and have to hold it" situations in my life, this one ranked pretty high up there if only because the agony of the room being RIGHT there but someone else depriving me of the use of it. I'm usually pretty quick about using the restroom and cognizant of other people's needs, I take quick showers, I even use the toilet pretty quickly, so I don't think I've been on the other side, but now I've definitely been on the victim side of a shared restroom Airbnb situation. Book your acommodations wisely.
One kind of sensitive topic that I wanted to touch on: I've always thought that there's good people in every race and bad people in every race and don't consider myself a racist, but I can't help being puzzled about the N-word: I understand its origins and its nasty history and why people shouldn't use it, but why do African Americans that I encounter often use it to themselves? It would be unthinkable for a person of another color to call an African-American the N-word, but why do they call themselves that? I personally don't hear Chinese people calling each other racially sensitive words like "chinks," and Japanese people don't call each other "Japs." In some subway conversations I encounter, I hear the "N-word" used in every sentence! I personally suggest rooting this word out entirely if it has such a strong historical connotation. But I'm open to the idea that I'm being ignorant and would accept any blowback to my thesis. Also, I've had several experiences in my life where I've been discriminated against because of the color of my skin, and it certainly does not feel good, like being bullied around on the basketball court, being made fun of for having slanted eyes, etc., growing up in an inner city Chicago area it was not fun to be picked on by African American kids, ironically who are historically the ones often identified as the victims of racism. I'm not just picking on African Americans, but it's just a point that racism happens to all races, not just one particular race being the victim or one race always being the aggressor. White people get discriminated against too; we should all be sensitive towards all different races. I bring this up because I got bad flashbacks recently living at an Airbnb in a predominantly black neighborhood, and walking around I get comments like, "Hey Chinaman......" I do not find that particularly welcoming nor sensitive to my race, and I kinda went through another bad experience. I realize that guy might have just been a bad apple, and generally no one talks to me and everything's fine, but one bad experience can be very memorable and traumatizing.
Especially when MJ and I move to a new city this summer, Durham, NC! We just decided to move there for MJ's nursing program, and we are very excited! But also aware of the racial issues present in towns like Durham and at a school like Duke that's had its share (one memorable incident involving the lacrosse team more than 10 years ago comes to mind), it's something definitely to keep in mind.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
This morning, I had a very difficult experience at my AirBnb. I woke up and as usual needed to use the restroom after a long night, but.......the restroom was in use. Because I have a shared bathroom Airbnb and share it with 2 other people. And this other person was taking a LONG time, taking a shower, blow drying hair, etc., and there was no system/ rules in place to limit the amount of time in the one bathroom. I was pacing around needing to pee, I couldn't even sit, I couldn't go back to sleep.......it was really bad. There have been quite a few "can't get to a bathroom and have to hold it" situations in my life, this one ranked pretty high up there if only because the agony of the room being RIGHT there but someone else depriving me of the use of it. I'm usually pretty quick about using the restroom and cognizant of other people's needs, I take quick showers, I even use the toilet pretty quickly, so I don't think I've been on the other side, but now I've definitely been on the victim side of a shared restroom Airbnb situation. Book your acommodations wisely.
One kind of sensitive topic that I wanted to touch on: I've always thought that there's good people in every race and bad people in every race and don't consider myself a racist, but I can't help being puzzled about the N-word: I understand its origins and its nasty history and why people shouldn't use it, but why do African Americans that I encounter often use it to themselves? It would be unthinkable for a person of another color to call an African-American the N-word, but why do they call themselves that? I personally don't hear Chinese people calling each other racially sensitive words like "chinks," and Japanese people don't call each other "Japs." In some subway conversations I encounter, I hear the "N-word" used in every sentence! I personally suggest rooting this word out entirely if it has such a strong historical connotation. But I'm open to the idea that I'm being ignorant and would accept any blowback to my thesis. Also, I've had several experiences in my life where I've been discriminated against because of the color of my skin, and it certainly does not feel good, like being bullied around on the basketball court, being made fun of for having slanted eyes, etc., growing up in an inner city Chicago area it was not fun to be picked on by African American kids, ironically who are historically the ones often identified as the victims of racism. I'm not just picking on African Americans, but it's just a point that racism happens to all races, not just one particular race being the victim or one race always being the aggressor. White people get discriminated against too; we should all be sensitive towards all different races. I bring this up because I got bad flashbacks recently living at an Airbnb in a predominantly black neighborhood, and walking around I get comments like, "Hey Chinaman......" I do not find that particularly welcoming nor sensitive to my race, and I kinda went through another bad experience. I realize that guy might have just been a bad apple, and generally no one talks to me and everything's fine, but one bad experience can be very memorable and traumatizing.
Especially when MJ and I move to a new city this summer, Durham, NC! We just decided to move there for MJ's nursing program, and we are very excited! But also aware of the racial issues present in towns like Durham and at a school like Duke that's had its share (one memorable incident involving the lacrosse team more than 10 years ago comes to mind), it's something definitely to keep in mind.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, May 13, 2019
Eating Healthily (올바르게 먹으면 건강한 몸을 가질 수 있다)
The above in Korean roughly translates to, "If you eat properly you will have a healthy body."
It's been a great source of debate between MJ and I over the years: what contributes to better health and a healthy body: more exercise or healthy eating? I've always been in the camp of, "I can eat whatever I want because I can burn it off by running later," but MJ, having taken nutrition class recently and not exercising much, insists it's about the food you eat that keeps you healthy and more importantly, not get fat. It's probably most correct to do both to ensure best results, but I've recently saw new light from her side:
Aside from the fact that exercising can cause the body to wear down faster (MJ worries about my knees when I run outside) and cause wrinkles, dry skin, etc., exercising can cause you to overeat........whenever I'm done with a long workout, I let myself go with a huge meal a.) because I think I've earned it and b.) I've gotten really hungry after expending so much energy. So I eat all I can get my hands on, like meat, rice, fries, etc......veggies and fruits are kinda thrown by the wayside since they don't make the hunger subside as much as the "big food items do. So exercising has an inverse relationship with healthy eating for me. Whereas healthy eating actually causes me to exercise more. When I don't eat very well, I don't feel very good and energized, and I mentally have to force myself to go run in fear of the consequences if I don't, but if I eat healthy stuff I feel better on the runs, feel more energetic, it comes naturally. Best feeling I get is being loaded up on bananas and/or apples and running........feel like the water weight is dripping right off me. Direct relationship.
I think food science is actually pretty cool, and being a nutritionist or food scientist could be a nice job. It might even be a job with growth now that people understand the effects of sugar, fat, etc. Nowadays I look at soda (aka "sugar water," mass fatty foods and wonder how I ever consumed that stuff in such quantities. MJ and I even have a book about how food works!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Saturday, May 11, 2019
Nurse Week (간호사)
In a weekend where for many it was graduation week, or Mother's Day weekend, this week was national nurses week! Ending on May 12, Florence Nightngale's birthday. A good way to celebrate all the good that nurses do for people around the world! MJ is on her way to becoming a nursing school student and will be really good at it! I appreciate that certain highly-regarded and necessary professions (nurses are ranked as the No.1 trusted profession according to Freakonomics radio) have weeks that are dedicated to them! I would advocate for a National Lawyers week, except there is already a "Be Kind to Lawyers Day," which is fine, except I think lawyers are thick-skinned enough that you don't really need to be nice to them.
But as part of nursing week, I went to NYU's nursing school admitted students day in lieu of MJ! Really kind of a fun prospect for me, I felt like I was back in high school visiting college again or even visiting a law school, and imagined myself making that decision to go to another school. I remember that everything seemed so fresh, so much hope behind every door and each current student of the program who gave inspiring and reassuring messages about how renowned the program is and that their school helps produce jobs. Of course, then I had to actually go school law school and the 3 years part was kind of a drag, but that doesn't change the fact that admitted students day has a nice feeling to it.
When I walked in, I was a little stunned that I was the only man who was there. A group of female faces looked back at me, and I got that familiar feeling of dread walking into a room of strangers who were judging me, evaluating who I was, and I felt I was sticking out like a sore thumb. I expected that nursing is a heavily female-dominated profession, but my friend's a nurse, and there must be SOME male nurses, right? Luckily a few dudes showed up later to ease my discomfort, and the session didn't start off with any embarrassing self-intro, and it soon launched into a fact session about nursing, a lot of which I didn't know about! There are nursing shortages around the country, but less so in large urban areas like New York and California, unfortunately, the 2 places that MJ and I would really like to end up eventually. Nursing school is pretty rigorous, with a lot of classes that students need to take at the same time as going into clinics and practice sessions where they learn how to take a pulse, do a blood test, etc., with hands-on applications and live dummies that serve as the test dolls. I've looked at the material MJ had to learn just for the pre-requisities of nursing school and it's no joke! Lots of review of chemistry and biology, and then some new topics like microbiology and physiology. MJ's really good at studying so she got A's in all of those classes, but I wonder if I could have.......I may be too corrupted by the digital age and distracting online information that I'd have a hard time concentrating, but MJ can really buckle down and study! I admire her efforts, and her persistence will probably help her as a nurse, where 12-hour work sessions are not uncommon.
I've had some pretty good experiences with nurses, but one.......not so good experience. Most of them have been going to blood drives and dealing with whichever nurse was pricking the nurse that day. Some are funny, some are nice, some try to engage in conversation, some just go about their business, so everyone has their own style, but my last blood donation was a newbie-looking guy who definitely acted like it by pricking my arm in the wrong spot and moving around the needle to find the right vein to collect the blood.........while the needle was still in my arm. It didn't feel like I was dying necessarily, but definitely a lot of concentrated pain in that area that seemed unnecessary. I guess that's what nurses do, try to avoid that unnecessary pain. MJ will be good at it, I probably wouldn't be at least in drawing blood because I don't handle needles and precision very well. I did not fare well in junior high home economics class with sewing or cooking or almost any aspect of the class (and got my only C of my life as it was a performance-based class).
Anyway, there seem to be a lot more to nursing that I had once believed, which I thought was just helping doctors at a hospital and do the stuff that doctors don't do. There are so many different types of nurses with different certifications like oncology nurse, ICU nurse (intensive care unit) nurse, nurse practitioner, family nurse practitioner (the one MJ's leanin towards now), pediatric nurse, school nurse, emergency room nurse, etc. Name a medical situation and there's probably a specific type of nurse for it, kind of like lawyers.......except lawyers make enemies of other people and other lawyers, whereas nurses are all battling the same enemy: disease and illness. So it's something that MJ can be proud of, and I can be proud of her. Towards the end of NYU's admitted students day, I even started to think about becoming a nurse and they were presenting a pretty good case for why I should join the nursing school too........so who knows, maybe when this whole lawyer thing stops working out.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
But as part of nursing week, I went to NYU's nursing school admitted students day in lieu of MJ! Really kind of a fun prospect for me, I felt like I was back in high school visiting college again or even visiting a law school, and imagined myself making that decision to go to another school. I remember that everything seemed so fresh, so much hope behind every door and each current student of the program who gave inspiring and reassuring messages about how renowned the program is and that their school helps produce jobs. Of course, then I had to actually go school law school and the 3 years part was kind of a drag, but that doesn't change the fact that admitted students day has a nice feeling to it.
When I walked in, I was a little stunned that I was the only man who was there. A group of female faces looked back at me, and I got that familiar feeling of dread walking into a room of strangers who were judging me, evaluating who I was, and I felt I was sticking out like a sore thumb. I expected that nursing is a heavily female-dominated profession, but my friend's a nurse, and there must be SOME male nurses, right? Luckily a few dudes showed up later to ease my discomfort, and the session didn't start off with any embarrassing self-intro, and it soon launched into a fact session about nursing, a lot of which I didn't know about! There are nursing shortages around the country, but less so in large urban areas like New York and California, unfortunately, the 2 places that MJ and I would really like to end up eventually. Nursing school is pretty rigorous, with a lot of classes that students need to take at the same time as going into clinics and practice sessions where they learn how to take a pulse, do a blood test, etc., with hands-on applications and live dummies that serve as the test dolls. I've looked at the material MJ had to learn just for the pre-requisities of nursing school and it's no joke! Lots of review of chemistry and biology, and then some new topics like microbiology and physiology. MJ's really good at studying so she got A's in all of those classes, but I wonder if I could have.......I may be too corrupted by the digital age and distracting online information that I'd have a hard time concentrating, but MJ can really buckle down and study! I admire her efforts, and her persistence will probably help her as a nurse, where 12-hour work sessions are not uncommon.
I've had some pretty good experiences with nurses, but one.......not so good experience. Most of them have been going to blood drives and dealing with whichever nurse was pricking the nurse that day. Some are funny, some are nice, some try to engage in conversation, some just go about their business, so everyone has their own style, but my last blood donation was a newbie-looking guy who definitely acted like it by pricking my arm in the wrong spot and moving around the needle to find the right vein to collect the blood.........while the needle was still in my arm. It didn't feel like I was dying necessarily, but definitely a lot of concentrated pain in that area that seemed unnecessary. I guess that's what nurses do, try to avoid that unnecessary pain. MJ will be good at it, I probably wouldn't be at least in drawing blood because I don't handle needles and precision very well. I did not fare well in junior high home economics class with sewing or cooking or almost any aspect of the class (and got my only C of my life as it was a performance-based class).
Anyway, there seem to be a lot more to nursing that I had once believed, which I thought was just helping doctors at a hospital and do the stuff that doctors don't do. There are so many different types of nurses with different certifications like oncology nurse, ICU nurse (intensive care unit) nurse, nurse practitioner, family nurse practitioner (the one MJ's leanin towards now), pediatric nurse, school nurse, emergency room nurse, etc. Name a medical situation and there's probably a specific type of nurse for it, kind of like lawyers.......except lawyers make enemies of other people and other lawyers, whereas nurses are all battling the same enemy: disease and illness. So it's something that MJ can be proud of, and I can be proud of her. Towards the end of NYU's admitted students day, I even started to think about becoming a nurse and they were presenting a pretty good case for why I should join the nursing school too........so who knows, maybe when this whole lawyer thing stops working out.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Long-distance relationship (장거리 연애, 遠距離)
For some parts of the year, MJ and I have a long-distance relationship. It's not ideal, but due to work I sometimes go to other cities to work for a few weeks, possibly a month or two, depending on the situation. It's not ideal for me, neither, as I have to be away from my parents, my friends, my dodgeball teams, the great Los Angeles weather, my nice apartment in downtown LA, my own bed, and most important, MJ.
Much like most other things, it's when being in a temporary long-distance relationship that I really appreciate being together in a normal (short-distance?) relationship and seeing someone every day. It's the consistency of knowing that that person will be there every day, and a regular schedule like knowing that the train will run every day or that the sun will come up the next day. Many times MJ and I get on each other's nerves when we spend too much time together, but I think she'd agree it's still preferable over spending too little time together. When I'm alone on work trips I really miss the physical contact of holding hands or even hugging, as Koreans and Japanese call it, "skinship." I also apparently have a particular smell that MJ says reminds me of her all the time when I am away. At home, I usually have the important role of massaging MJ every night so that she is the most relaxed she can be. While I don't really react to massages well (I yelp and scream actually because I'm not use to them cuz I haven't really used them my whole life so I'm oversensitive to it, kind of like coffee), I actually have started to enjoy giving massages, as it's a way to keep my hands busy and my wife happy, so it's killing 2 birds with one stone (一石二鸟，一举两得). Mainly, though, it's just the ability to talk whenever, to talk freely to someone I trust. Sometimes I go whole days at work trips without talking much to anybody. As a human being I'm a social animal, and probably more desperate for attention and to talk to people than most, so having MJ there to at least be a receptacle for my thoughts is helpful, as I'm sure MJ agrees sometimes she just needs to vent and talk it out with someone. I'm a good listener and even better at forgetting things she tells me. When people say "keep this a secret," I say no problem, there's a good chance I'll forget it soon anyway!
Here's some ways to still be connected while in a long-distance relationship:
1.) Make videos of yourself just talking into the phone as if you're talking to the other person. This way they'll see your face and what you're doing, the background, etc. I've been doing short 2-minute or up to 5-minute videos on my walks home to talk to MJ so that she can see me and it's as if she's here with me.
2.) Go back home on long weekends. Take Monday off of work if you can, enjoy a prolonged weekend together! Especially if it's an upcoming holiday weekend like Memorial Day weekend. Those weekends in between not seeing each other for awhile are very fun because both are excited to see each other and sad to see each other go! Except last time when MJ got cranky when she picked me up from airport (cuz she doesn't sleep well!) and we had a small tussle before going to the airport
3.) Call every day or make some contact every day. Just to remind each other you're still alive and appreciated!
Much like most other things, it's when being in a temporary long-distance relationship that I really appreciate being together in a normal (short-distance?) relationship and seeing someone every day. It's the consistency of knowing that that person will be there every day, and a regular schedule like knowing that the train will run every day or that the sun will come up the next day. Many times MJ and I get on each other's nerves when we spend too much time together, but I think she'd agree it's still preferable over spending too little time together. When I'm alone on work trips I really miss the physical contact of holding hands or even hugging, as Koreans and Japanese call it, "skinship." I also apparently have a particular smell that MJ says reminds me of her all the time when I am away. At home, I usually have the important role of massaging MJ every night so that she is the most relaxed she can be. While I don't really react to massages well (I yelp and scream actually because I'm not use to them cuz I haven't really used them my whole life so I'm oversensitive to it, kind of like coffee), I actually have started to enjoy giving massages, as it's a way to keep my hands busy and my wife happy, so it's killing 2 birds with one stone (一石二鸟，一举两得). Mainly, though, it's just the ability to talk whenever, to talk freely to someone I trust. Sometimes I go whole days at work trips without talking much to anybody. As a human being I'm a social animal, and probably more desperate for attention and to talk to people than most, so having MJ there to at least be a receptacle for my thoughts is helpful, as I'm sure MJ agrees sometimes she just needs to vent and talk it out with someone. I'm a good listener and even better at forgetting things she tells me. When people say "keep this a secret," I say no problem, there's a good chance I'll forget it soon anyway!
Here's some ways to still be connected while in a long-distance relationship:
1.) Make videos of yourself just talking into the phone as if you're talking to the other person. This way they'll see your face and what you're doing, the background, etc. I've been doing short 2-minute or up to 5-minute videos on my walks home to talk to MJ so that she can see me and it's as if she's here with me.
2.) Go back home on long weekends. Take Monday off of work if you can, enjoy a prolonged weekend together! Especially if it's an upcoming holiday weekend like Memorial Day weekend. Those weekends in between not seeing each other for awhile are very fun because both are excited to see each other and sad to see each other go! Except last time when MJ got cranky when she picked me up from airport (cuz she doesn't sleep well!) and we had a small tussle before going to the airport
3.) Call every day or make some contact every day. Just to remind each other you're still alive and appreciated!
Sunday, May 5, 2019
Bananas (바나나, バナナ, 香蕉)
Having personally had experience with thousands of them in my life, I can sincerely attest that bananas are a lifesaver. When you just woke up and feel hungry and looking for some energy in your breakfast, banana is the answer (try it with a peanut butter sandwich! They go well together). When you've had a long Vegas weekend and you've eaten nothing but junk and looking for some "clean food," banana is the answer. When you're in the midst of a marathon and you're feeling energy levels going down, a banana is the answer. When you're like me and can't fall asleep on an empty stomach but need something right before bedtime that won't damage the body too much like greasy food, banana is the answer. Or if you're like the dodgeball guy I knew who wanted to win so badly he didn't sleep or eat the whole weekend when playing the National Dodgeball Championship, and collapsed at the end of the tournament, he needed something right then and there and (surprise!) a banana was the answer.
But they can't be infected bananas. The guy right outside my workplace operating a fruit stand sold me some defective bananas one time; they looked bright and yellow on the outside but had turned into that brown jelly-goo substance inside (turned soft) and as bananas go, because one banana was infected, the whole batch got stuck with it. (Also another reason to break up the bananas from their bunch and lay them out one by one, even though it seems sad to separate the bananas from their family. I would not do that if they were humans!)
Apparently, one of the further negative consequences of climate change is that it's causing destruction in the banana population, where changes in moisture and temperature conditions in banana-rich areas has in the long term caused more instances of the disease black sigatoka, which decrease fruit population. This was also the subject of a recent Freakonomics episode, which both MJ and I listened to. Did you know that bananas are actually a "berry," so they should be grouped with strawberries and blackberries? Apparently the whole world subsists on one specific kind of bananas, the Cavendish banana (banana ancestors used to have seeds in them! Weird) but the Cavendish banana is like an endangered species (similar to a black rhino or spotted owl) due to the disease spreading throughout Latin America, and now (food) scientists are trying to engineer the bananas' DNA. I understand the ethical dilemmas surrounding engineering live beings especially human beings (the risk of creating clones and clone armies by some mad scientist persists in people's mind, especially since certain states like the Chinese are desperate to gain an edge in new next technological and scientific wave and are willing to stretch the limits of ethical acceptability) but genetically engineering foods is less of an issue for me, especially when it allows for healthier, better tasting foods like bananas.
Seriously, some foods can alter moods. On a windy, rainy, lonely day like today that I'm away from MJ and miss her, I can be depressed and need a pick-me-up or something to enhance the mood, or just to avoid being hangry. Heck, it doesn't even need to be cold and rainy, I can be going about my day but without realizing it be in a bad mood all of a sudden (tricky moods, they're so fickle and change all the time) so I should eat a banana periodically just to make me feel better, if not at least to get some energy. And they're tasty! (I've told MJ many times to just eat something, or just eat a banana, I feel like it might help prevent hanger-fueled arguments).
Just the sound of a banana sounds resonant and pleasant to the ear, doesn't it? It's definitely more aesthetically pleasing than some other harsh-sounding names like watermelon and grapefruit (sounds like a monster!). There's a famous Japanese author named Yoshimoto Banana (a pen name) and also in current anime pop culture, there's a character in One Punch Man called Saitama who gives bananas to people to comfort them.
All hail bananas!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
But they can't be infected bananas. The guy right outside my workplace operating a fruit stand sold me some defective bananas one time; they looked bright and yellow on the outside but had turned into that brown jelly-goo substance inside (turned soft) and as bananas go, because one banana was infected, the whole batch got stuck with it. (Also another reason to break up the bananas from their bunch and lay them out one by one, even though it seems sad to separate the bananas from their family. I would not do that if they were humans!)
Apparently, one of the further negative consequences of climate change is that it's causing destruction in the banana population, where changes in moisture and temperature conditions in banana-rich areas has in the long term caused more instances of the disease black sigatoka, which decrease fruit population. This was also the subject of a recent Freakonomics episode, which both MJ and I listened to. Did you know that bananas are actually a "berry," so they should be grouped with strawberries and blackberries? Apparently the whole world subsists on one specific kind of bananas, the Cavendish banana (banana ancestors used to have seeds in them! Weird) but the Cavendish banana is like an endangered species (similar to a black rhino or spotted owl) due to the disease spreading throughout Latin America, and now (food) scientists are trying to engineer the bananas' DNA. I understand the ethical dilemmas surrounding engineering live beings especially human beings (the risk of creating clones and clone armies by some mad scientist persists in people's mind, especially since certain states like the Chinese are desperate to gain an edge in new next technological and scientific wave and are willing to stretch the limits of ethical acceptability) but genetically engineering foods is less of an issue for me, especially when it allows for healthier, better tasting foods like bananas.
Seriously, some foods can alter moods. On a windy, rainy, lonely day like today that I'm away from MJ and miss her, I can be depressed and need a pick-me-up or something to enhance the mood, or just to avoid being hangry. Heck, it doesn't even need to be cold and rainy, I can be going about my day but without realizing it be in a bad mood all of a sudden (tricky moods, they're so fickle and change all the time) so I should eat a banana periodically just to make me feel better, if not at least to get some energy. And they're tasty! (I've told MJ many times to just eat something, or just eat a banana, I feel like it might help prevent hanger-fueled arguments).
Just the sound of a banana sounds resonant and pleasant to the ear, doesn't it? It's definitely more aesthetically pleasing than some other harsh-sounding names like watermelon and grapefruit (sounds like a monster!). There's a famous Japanese author named Yoshimoto Banana (a pen name) and also in current anime pop culture, there's a character in One Punch Man called Saitama who gives bananas to people to comfort them.
All hail bananas!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thursday, May 2, 2019
人海戦術 (Wave-of-people strategy)
In Chinese and Japanese there is a phrase that's kinda funny once you visualize it: the concept of "human wave" battle strategy, the idea of throwing as many people at an opponent as you can. It's a common strategy utilized by the Chinese in traditional battles and nowadays with trying to win the technological war (by raising as many smart people as possible to develop the newest technology), but also by others in history, think armies of attorneys from big law firms descending on a poor common person represented by a solo practitioner, or presidential candidates sending an army of volunteers out to campaign for them on the streets and knocking on people's doors, or Google hiring as many smart people as they could and just have then roaming around hoping to stumble across the next big idea, or even in Game of Thrones, the Night King using as many members of the undead to swarm the castle........In many scenarios, a wave-of-people sure sounds like a great idea (strength in numbers, unified we stand, etc.).....except the current society is getting away from that. The less people the more efficient, everyone is personalized, people can do what it took 100 people in the past to do before to do one thing (you can make a movie on your phone almost instantly!). People themselves are harder to work with to have an army of people; there's often "too many cooks in the kitchen" that lead to internal strife and dissension that actually creates more havoc than solutions. More and more, I think companies and other groups and teams will look less for "wave of people" strategy and more of the "find the best person and let him or do the work" kind of strategy. Which is why it's important to try to be the best in any field, to become elite.
May- traditionally a month marking my birthday, the end of the school year, the weather starts turning warm, people start making plans for summer holiday, the start of the summer movie blockbusters season (already kicked off by Avengers: Endgame this past weekend), it's also a time for graduations all around the country.....from elementary school to high schools to colleges to grad schools, education institutions everywhere are sending off their graduates into the world with positive ideas and inspiring messages, a lot of "spread your wings" and "follow you own path" and "seek your passions." Kind of a "wave-of-people" strategy too: send as many graduates out as possible into the world, some will eventually succeed and do well enough to give back to the school or at least do the school proud with some sort of achievement. I kind of miss graduation, as I haven't been in school since 2011, my last graduation, that one from law school. I think our commence speaker gave an inspiring speech too, but at that time all I could think of was "man I'm gonna have to start paying back all these student loans" and "how am I going to find a job?" much more than finding my passion .Graduation usually when reality hits: I'm no longer in the magical dreamland known as college, it's time to become an adult; no more excuses for being poor and making no money.
MJ has never been to any of her graduation ceremonies, and I personally don't take a lot of joy out of even being in one, much less watching someone else's........I think it's more for the parents who paid all that money for a piece of paper. I did feel a tiny bit of accomplishment when my parents did come too, knowing I could show off a bit that I accomplished something, I have some self-worth! Just like hopefully MJ will feel prouder if I am there when she graduates: On special occasions I will make an exception and go to graduation......like when MJ graduates from her nursing program in a year and a half, I will be sure to be there to support her!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
May- traditionally a month marking my birthday, the end of the school year, the weather starts turning warm, people start making plans for summer holiday, the start of the summer movie blockbusters season (already kicked off by Avengers: Endgame this past weekend), it's also a time for graduations all around the country.....from elementary school to high schools to colleges to grad schools, education institutions everywhere are sending off their graduates into the world with positive ideas and inspiring messages, a lot of "spread your wings" and "follow you own path" and "seek your passions." Kind of a "wave-of-people" strategy too: send as many graduates out as possible into the world, some will eventually succeed and do well enough to give back to the school or at least do the school proud with some sort of achievement. I kind of miss graduation, as I haven't been in school since 2011, my last graduation, that one from law school. I think our commence speaker gave an inspiring speech too, but at that time all I could think of was "man I'm gonna have to start paying back all these student loans" and "how am I going to find a job?" much more than finding my passion .Graduation usually when reality hits: I'm no longer in the magical dreamland known as college, it's time to become an adult; no more excuses for being poor and making no money.
MJ has never been to any of her graduation ceremonies, and I personally don't take a lot of joy out of even being in one, much less watching someone else's........I think it's more for the parents who paid all that money for a piece of paper. I did feel a tiny bit of accomplishment when my parents did come too, knowing I could show off a bit that I accomplished something, I have some self-worth! Just like hopefully MJ will feel prouder if I am there when she graduates: On special occasions I will make an exception and go to graduation......like when MJ graduates from her nursing program in a year and a half, I will be sure to be there to support her!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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