Speaking to other kids was a chore as a kid. No rules to social etiquette, so lots of speaking whenever one wanted (irresponsibly), butting in to someone else's sentence without a second thought. Upon becoming an adult one learns a lot about how to behave, unwritten rules about proper etiquette in various types of situations, but people still butt in and break the rules . It's often not listed in a handbook or cheat sheet anywhere (although, I've always advocated for a "How to be an Adult" guide for those who don't get it, but it's a subtle art to master everything. One of the most important indicators of someone "getting it" is when to jump into a conversation, avoiding interrupting someone.
It depends on the culture, but it's important to let someone finish their sentence or train of thought. This is often indicated by the sentence losing steam or coming to an end, at which point there is a slight pause and an opportunity is presented to give one's own thoughts and reply to what the speaker had just said. This is often an important time also to let anyone else who's listening get a chance to speak, so as not to monopolize the conversation. It's called being courteous and being considerate of others. Sometimes, even around my "friend circle" and very educated adults, the etiquette of not "cutting in" gets lost as people just jump in with their own ideas without letting someone finish their own thought.
1.) Often, Japanese people complete their conversation partner's sentence for them. This is actually considered polite if it's just to confirm what they were saying, not just jumping off into a new topic and totally dismissing what the original speaker said.
2.) Someone who always butts in can be diagnosed as "not being able to read the air," or just not gauging the atmosphere, unable to read the room. "Reading the room" is one of the most important cliches in social circles, knowing who is who and who has what agenda, who is friends and allied with whom, those are super important.
3.) If you do happen to interrupt someone who wasn't done talking, apologize and ask him/her were finished .Let him or her finish.
4.) One of the most frustrating things when talking in a group is having a great follow-up or joke right after original speaker is done speaker, but someone else jumps in first and takes the topic in a different direction, and the joke/thought doesn't make any sense anymore.
5.) What happens if 2 more more speakers start speaking at the same time? BOTH should stop! Then make eye contact and defer based on various factors like age, sex (ladies first!), and then maybe urgency to make the point, how much each potential speaker has been given a chance to speak earlier, etc. Whatever the case, don't just keep talking thinking the others will stop by their own accord! Some inconsiderate people will just keep talking in a daring game of "chicken" to see if the other person will just stop if they're persistent enough. HAVE COMMON COURTESY!
6.) If you originally interrupted somebody when starting your thought but made the statement anyway, at the end of your statement direct it to the interrupted party by going "sorry what did you want to say?" etc. By this time they might have lost all interest to speak and clammed up but it's important to give them a chance to get back into the conversation that they just got elbowed out of.
7.) It's different when engaging in a domestic quibble/fight/verbal battle/ debate. In those ways words are used as a weapon in a mounting conflict, so I understand sometimes emotions and competiton getting in the way of things and things being blurted out. But in fights (MJ and I unfortunately do this and know all too well!) it might more important than usual to listen to what the other person says first before blurting one's own thoughts.
"Warikomu" in japanese can mean either cutting into a conversation OR the traditional sense of cutting in line, and line-cutting is definitely something society needs some rules for. Can you cut in line if your partner/friend was saving a spot for you? If it's ok for 1 person, what about 6 or 7 people coming into the line with just 1 person holding a spot? Is that OK? Are lines even an effective way to order people anymore? (maybe create a market where people who pay more get to go to front of line?) There's definitely been times I thought I was in line, then someone just comes in from somewhere else and doesn't see the imaginary construct I created and just goes up to the front, leaving the line in his or dust. I'm super conscious now of it and make sure I ask if anyone is in line BEFORE I step to the front of the register nowadays to make sure I'm not hypocritically committing my own pet peeve.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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