Teeth (歯)

My teeth hurt. 

Japanese is interesting in the amount of idioms that involve body parts, including the head, the mouth, the nose, the shoulders, the heart......but also, surprisingly, teeth. 
Some listed here. 

1.) 歯が立たない- literally, can't chew or hard to chew: I'm no match for the Japanese language.

2.) 歯がゆい - Teeth are itchy- meaning to be impatient. One of my biggest flaws, and possibly a killer one for any future relationships I have. I value time a lot, but kind of obsessively so, so that I'll get impatient waiting in traffic, waiting in line, or any kind of waiting whatsoever.



I floss not nearly enough, I don't like going to the dentist, and my lower jaw hurts sometimes because I have a nervous habit of biting down on my teeth during sleep (my dentist says to alleviate stress created during the day. I've started wearing a mouthguard, but I find that I dream a lot about food if I do wear a mouthguard and find myself biting down on it more, it's almost like a bone for a dog. Dunno which one is really helping. I also have a pretty severe underbite, which is pretty unusual but caused by the structure of my jaw. Can't get it fixed without "major" surgery anymore and it doesn't really cause any problems except aesthetically, and when I smile I have to try to actively just my upper jaw out so that it matches the lower jaw. I don't have a great smile. 

親知らず (oyashirazu) - wisdom teeth. I've never had my wisdom teeth pulled out, and they're just sitting there on the side of my mouth, always a threat to cause a cold sore, never helping in the cause (as far as I can tell) of gnashing up food. Really useless. My dentist told me to have it removed earlier, but it's really not causing any damage right now, so I decided not to. Possibly a bad move? Could be a scam by dentists to create more work for themselves (lawyers do it all the time!), but if it does cause a problem, I'll probably have to get them removed. (In Japanese, wisdom teeth are literally translated as "not knowing your parents." Weird. 


Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Reconciliation (仲直り)

Reconciliation is a pretty important concept in any language, and the Japanese have a special word for it as well: 仲直り, (nakanaori), or literally "curing the relationship." 

It's never easy to reconcile with a friend, because consider the circumstances: 2 people meet, they realize they have a lot in common, they begin a friendship, and somewhere along the way something causes a rift: liking the same guy, an argument, money issues, not hanging out enough, taking the other one for granted, etc. Usually both parties feel that the other did something wrong. Before reconciling, one faces all sorts of obstacles: does the other person even want to reconcile, am I still upset about things that caused a breakup, why do I have to make the first move, whose fault is it really (sometimes it's no one's fault!), how much is this friendship worth to me, if I do offer a truth, will the other person totally reject it and make me feel dumb for doing it? All of these cross one's mind before actively trying to nakanaori. 


In 2015, I reconciled with 2 important people in my life, in different ways. I was very close to these 2 in different ways before something happened to split us apart, and it was very uncomfortable for a long time. A lot of confusion, a lot of regret about how it got to such an untenable situation in the first place, a little anger at the other person, but ultimately, the overwhelming wish that things would just go back to the way they were. It's important sometimes that the rift occurs for a friendship because it identifies certain problems in the relationship, or a misunderstanding, or something that's defective about the relationship. This flaw is sometimes insurmountable, which causes some friendships to dissolve. The Saion Uma (silver lining) to these rifts, though, is if you re-establish them, you realize that the relationship is stronger than the rift that happened, and in a classic "whatever kills you only makes you stronger" sort of way, even possibly strengthens the relationship. That's why Nakanaori is so important: the 2 options are to 1.) let a healthy relationship crumble and become nothing like it never happened, or 2.) re-establish an even stronger relationship that is even better than it was before the rift. 

I've been lucky enough that the people I associate with were open to the reconciliation, and when I made an effort on my end they also reciprocated. I think most people's situations are similar to mine: Friends naturally want to get along again, but just don't know when or how to do it. So next time I think the lesson is, if you're thinking about reconciling, go for it: it's worth it. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

What Qualifies as a Christmas movie?

Having just passed Christmas, I saw one of the most important debate topics that faces mankind in the modern age, surprisingly on Facebook for a question of such magnitude: "Does Die Hard qualify as a Christmas movie?"

I've seen Die Hard- good movie, got 92% on Tomatoes, relate-able hero, I've actually worked at Fox Tower (Nakamura Tower in the movie), so lot of good vibes. It's an action movie, no doubt. It also happens to take place on Christmas Eve, for which some have argued it's a Christmas movie. However, the movie works without the fact that it's Christmas, at no point does John McCain the narrator embrace the fact that it is Christmas. Although the terrorists do use the fact that it's Christmas Eve to initiate their plan thus making the date a significant plot point, Christmas is not an essential theme to the story no contribute to the heart of the narrative, that of John McCain kicking ass and saving hostages.

What does constitute a Christmas movie? Obvious ones include Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Carol (along with Scrooged, of the same story), How the Grinch stole Christmas, A Christmas Story (played on a loop on FX every year during Christmastime), and my personal favorite, Elf. All of these stories incorporate themes of Christmas and Santa and embrace the spirit of Christmas, whether it's a lost elf looking for his father leading choruses of Christmas cheer in New York City, whether it's a creature who hates Christmas only to find that he loves it, and so on. All of these stories would be lost if they did not happen during Christmas.

Conclusion: A Christmas movie must encompass a Christmas theme or incorporate the values or spirit of Christmas into one of its themes, not just use Christmas as  a plot device. Supporting evidence could be the use of sequels (as in Home Alone- where Home Alone 2 also dealt with the theme of befriending those who are alone on Christmas, etc.) Die Hard is therefore NOT a Christmas movie. (Its sequels all occur on different dates, indicating that Christmas was not an important date).

Unfortunately, Google completely debunks my point by listing "Die Hard" among the movies that pop up in Search Results when searching "Top Christmas movies of all time," so what do I know. Merry Christmas!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Batkid Begins

Just got done watching a documentary about Batkid, the 5-year-old boy with leukemia who went through an epic day in San Francisco in November of 2013 as part of his Make-a-wish Foundation "wish." Great account of the events, and a reminder, as they repeat in the movie, of how batkid saved us adults by giving us hope in our lives for a better world in the face of all the angst and evil we see in the world today, like ISIS, terrorism, bullying, diseases, droughts, petty differences, etc., etc. It's so liberating sometimes to watch something that inspires the condition of the human race and make me feel good about being a human being. I could see some of the negative comments about the Batkid Day (saved San Francisco in a fictional arc from the Riddler, the Penguin) as "the City spent $105,000 for one kid's make-a-wish" and that "this whole thing was way too elaborate for one kid, what about all the kids out there who are suffering?" But sometimes the human race needs role models (our sports stars like Charles Barkley don't want to assume the role, so somebody has to do it) to inspire others. How many people saw or read about Batkid and started volunteering more in their local communities? How many more people started understanding what leukemia was? How many people looked into themselves and understood what it is that drives us, the desire to do good and make the world a better place, because of symbolic gestures like Batkid Day? I, for one, have always questioned whether my volunteer contributions actually do anything, whether they are just empty gestures that make me feel good about myself and having no net gain for society, whereas I would be better off just sending money instead. Well, I think Batkid Day is an example where the act itself might not in itself be that helpful to the individual child undergoing treatment (5-year-old Batkid probably won't even remember all the details of the events of that day), but it's the overall example we set, or the culture that we foster, that can influence other people to do the right things and help out others. I will continue to give my time to worthy endeavors such as those and continue volunteering for causes that I care about, like diseases affecting children.


There are little areas of Los Angeles that go underrated in my opinion even amongst the Angelenos that live here. Long Beach, for example, has a really nice port area with Queen Mary (which is bigger than the Titanic! I found out today) and hosts tons of cruise ships from its marinas, as well as the Aquarium of the Pacific and other parks.

Venice canals- ever hear of those? Wow a really nice little area, right next to Venice beach, with bridges and trails cut near the artificial canals to look like actual Venice, Italy. Helps that the residences along the canals are always very aesthetically pleasing and architecturally sound, and it's so nice ducks and other animals swim down the canals all the time! It must be nice!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

塞翁が馬 ( Blessing in Disguise)

Both the Chinese and the Japanese have a similar saying (in fact, it's made from the same Kanji, so one of the two cultures took it directly from the other, not sure who) called 塞翁が馬 (Japanese) or 塞翁失馬 (Chinese). Basically, a guy loses his horse, which seemed like bad luck, but then the horse won him a lot of money, which was good luck, but then he used the money to buy an ax and had a bad accident causing him to lose a leg (bad luck), but his handicap caused him not to have to fight in the coming war (good luck), with the ultimate lesson being you don't know what bad occurrence (curse) is actually a blessing in disguise, or what seems like a blessing actually be a curse. 

I apply 塞翁が馬 to my life almost all the time, although it might be a little naive. 

1.) When I break up with the girl I've been dating, I think, "this is just another life lesson needed to get to the girl of my dreams." 
2.) When my fantasy sports teams lose, recently I've been thinking, "better that I can concentrate on more worthy endeavors." 
3.) When I lose at dodgeball, I think, "this is a great chance to learn from the losses in pursuit of the bigger goals in dodgeball, a bigger tournament, or to become a better player for myself." 
4.) Miss a catch in dodgeball, think, "I'm setting up for the next time this guy throws a ball at me." (and it doesn't even have to be in the same game now that there's video......watch the footage and see what adjustments I should make. 
5.) Watch a bad movie and think, "well at least I didn't watch "Gigli."
6.) Donating blood hurts for a couple moments or so, but it might help someone (one pint of blood can apparently help 3 patients!)
7.) Not being blessed with supermodel good looks, athletic hype.....over the course of 28-year life, it trains you to want something despite not having the best gifts.
8.) If I library

"sometimes the correct path is the tortured one."

On the flip side, recognize the negatives:
1.) Luckily my parents are both great cooks and I enjoy great food every time I go home, but that means I haven't had the chance to cook for myself and don't know anything. - Need to work on it.
2.) I haven't ever had any major injuries or sicknesses- great for now, but will I be able to cope with it when it inevitably does hit?
3.) Working at a law firm at a job that pays pretty well feels good and comfortable, but will it translate to success in other endeavors? I feel like somewhat of a caged tiger, getting kind of rusty in other skills working at my current job.


Bottom line is, luck, much like the world, works in mysterious ways. It's better not to complain about bad luck, or bask in the glow of good luck (most people don't do that, actually, they just
Do the best of it and roll with the punches....hopefully those punches will roll back at some point.

Instant Replay (インスタントリプレイ)

I love studying tape of sports games, and recently I've started watching my own games of dodgeball to go over any flaws in my game, and I've come to realize that dodgeball is one of the best sports to look at on instant replay. There's so many balls moving around that it's impossible to know exactly what happened during any given game without seeing the instant replay. Plenty of times I'm in a haze about how a game that I participated in turned out until after it's all over and I check the video. "Oh that's who got me out!" or "Oh that's how we won!" is often heard. It must be how athletes feel during their video sessions: during the actual game I am totally focused on the task at hand and what I need to be doing, I don't care about what happened already, only what I can do moving forward to get our team the W, which is the way it should be.

The other great thing about replay is watching my own body, playing style, and everything about me. It's very narcissistic to watch myself and cheer when I do something good and make excuses when I do something that hurts my own team, but it definitely gets me excited to see how other people see me.

Body mechanics.... super important to see how I'm getting my feet set, where my eyes are looking, how my timing is, if I'm missing something off the court. Often times I rewind a particular play 3, 4, 5 times to get a better feel for it and different conditions happening, with dodgeball there's so many different things to look at at different times that it's impossible to get a 100% clear picture of what happened the first time watching, much less live as the game is happening.

Oh and finding out who cheated and was supposed to be out. Obviously doesn't change the result of the game if someone cheated to find out about it after, but the human curiousity/ desire for fairness kicks in and I NEED to know.



Also, suits (not the TV show!)......I might lose my man card for saying this, but what's the big deal with suits? They all kind of look the same to me. I can't really tell the difference between a $100 suit and a $1000 suit, except maybe the name brand, but I'm not exactly an expert on what's better, a Michael Kors suit or Armani. Or Calvin Klein? They're like watches to me, they perform the same function of telling the time. Other questions I have about modern men's formal fashion that I'm too embarrassed to admit not knowing and asking others:

Linen suit? Sharkskin suit? Plaid?
Does a certain color make one look more professional than others? Solid black? Grey? Brown? White suit is for pimps?

What shoes go well with what colors? I used to always think black shoes were the way to go for formal wear, but now recently there's the advent of the brown shoes? Is that a thing?
Button the top button? Or button two buttons?
Has the bow tie replaced the normal tie? Or is the Phillip Rivers bolo tie also becoming a thing now?
Is the napkin tucked neatly into the left pocket of the suit necessary?
Do I HAVE to get a tailored suit if I think I fit pretty well into a normal size suit?
I'm a big fan of the black-tie formal wear with the bow tie, standard dress code for performing at my violin concerts. Can I just wear those all the time?

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

故郷 (Home town)

I feel like I literally wax nostalgic about my hometown every 3rd blog post, but I do want to recognize suburban Chicagoland,  故郷 ( furusato) since it just got a foot of snow in late-November..... with a top 10 (or 8? Maybe?) list of most nostalgic things I feel about my hometown (Darien, IL- small surburb outside of Chicago).



1.) Walking to school- probably the only exercise I got as a kid, walking the mile or so to and from school made me recognize the value of seeing the sights and sound of nature, taking a minute and thinking about life, planning the next move (like chess), and also the value of a school bus/ car to transport oneself to school- saves a lot of time.

2.) spending the summer at the local swimming pool- really the only hangout and option for any kid in our neighborhood, it would become the neighborhood watering hole and recreation center during the summer months, and it was much needed.

3.) Riding bikes around - Like a less violent version of Sons of Anarchy, the neighborhood bike gang had unity, solidarity, and common purpose- to waste as much time as possible riding through the same streets we'd always ridden in.

4.) Imagining secret passageways, underground tunnels, hidden gardens, etc., I had a wild imagination as a kid from reading a lot of books, and I always romanticized about our neighborhood, partly due to knowing the neighborhood so well down to which kid lived in which house, what time certain cars would pull in, etc.

5.) Trick-or-treating: my first trick-or-treat was the best, as it allowed me to go around the neighborhood and go to each house, so who was in it, what kind of candy they would give out, what kind of doorbell they had, etc., etc. I've always been a big fan of trick-or-treating since, and it always seemed like that first version of the neighborhood was the best.

6.) Random ponds/ lakes- nothing beats bodies of water in one's neighborhood that serve no tangible purpose other than for decor, or for ducks, geese, and all nature of birds to gather around during the fall/spring. Also made for fascinating romanticizing (see 4 above) as to what was in the lake, whereas I have the largest body of water in the world (Pacific Ocean) a mile away from my house and basically ignore it.

7.) Going through a thunderstorm- nothing like a Chicago weather change where it could be nice and sunny one minute and then start thundering and downpour the next. I definitely got trapped in the rain more than a few times, which is a feeling that's hard to replicate in Southern California but makes me want to just soak and sing in the rain when it does downpour. (土砂降り= doshaburi = downpour in English). 

8.) Two words: Snow football. Chicago kids are probably loving the foot of snow at this second because of the ability to ski down small hills (even a sled or a cardboard box will do) and play snow football with soft landings (falling in the snow is not hard, even fun!) and impromptu snowball fights. Damn it, why can't I go back there now! If you've never made a snow angel in the season's first snow, or built a snowman (yukidaruma = 雪だるま), you haven't lived. 

Fantasize on, Robert Yan 

Terrorist Strike (Tero 攻撃)

Unfortunately for what is becoming a disheartening frequent occurrence, terror struck again on Friday the 13th (11/13/15) in France, where terrorist attacks throughout Paris left more than 150 people dead. It was just a senseless loss of innocent human beings carried about apparently by ISIS, a terrorist organization whose purpose seems to be exactly that, of killing innocent human beings, no matter how many of its own members it loses. These terrorist attacks (Tero Kougeki in Japanese) are becoming a big problem for myself and others around the world and sometimes I really need to break out of own little naive bubble (full of lefthanded throwing of dodgeballs, fantasy baseball, Japanese dramas, and spelling bees) to see the bigger picture of the biggest problem the world and humankind faces today. 

Unfortunately, with Sept. 11, 2001 being the beginning of my teenage years (I was 14 then) my adolescence to early adulthood has been shaped by an era of terrorist attacks, random violence, and senseless killings (not to say there weren't any terrorist attacks before, but 9-11 seems unfortunately like the gateway of all these events. The problem is that these aren't nations that represent a group of people who more or less have to act accountably for its own citizens or act somewhat rationally, to think like humans. This organization, for as much as it preaches that it should the world power and that it is helping the world in some screwed-up thinking, does not think rationally. I think most human beings agree in principle to be somewhat decent to each other, to attack only if one has been attacked by others, to resort to violence only in extreme measures and then only in a war scenario of soldier against soldier, to adhere to basic war principles like fighting face to face. This organization strikes at innocent people who just happen to be going to a music concert or a sports stadium or a Cambodian restaurant after a long work week or who happen to live in a country that ISIS doesn't deem to be one of its allies and thus needs to be taken down. I have a vague understanding that some of the terrorists believe that if they die for their cause they will be rewarded with 76 virgins, but that kind of thinking just seems wrongheaded and totally irrational. Even if one were to be a devout follower of a religion like that since birth inasmuch as to be brainwashed, it seems that at some point human instinct, compassion, morality, and some sort of ethical values would kick in to say, "that's not OK to kill all these people even if my religion dictates it, even if other people tell me I have to do that." It's just inconceivable to me that so many people as to make an organization would be so wrong-headed to justify these actions. (this may be me being naive and not believing there's true evil in the world or that human beings are born with an innate ability to feel compassion, to want to feel what it's like in other people's shoes, to forgive even if they believe they have been wronged so horribly as to realize that what matters is how you deal with what's already happened, how you move forward. 

I don't normally pray very much, and I don't know how effective it is given that I don't believe in a specific religion or adhere to anything, but I will go to bed tonight and on subsequent nights hoping that whatever I can do to sacrifice in my own life can be used to correct the wrongness of what these terrorist individuals' beliefs. Even if one of them who have been tasked with these horrible deeds can somehow see the evils of their ways and refuse to carry out their task, it will have been worth it for me to lose something I value a lot ( like my fantasy baseball team, for instance). In all seriousness, I really hope somehow I can influence the world we live in for the good in any way I can. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Fantasy Baseball Goes Horribly Wrong! (大失敗 )

I've had a horrible fantasy baseball season this past season. It was a daishippai (大失敗 ) (miserable fail)That is all.

Seriously, almost everything that could go wrong went wrong.

I traded the best pitcher in the game (Clayton Kershaw) for an injury-prone center fielder (Carloz Gomez) at the beginning of the season.

Stephen Strasburg was hurt for me the whole season, or pitched horribly when he wasn't hurt, until I traded him for Johnny Cueto who sucked as soon as I got him and Strasburg did great down the stretch in August and September in crucial fantasy playoff weeks racking up multiple double-digit strikeout games.

Everybody laughed at me in my fantasy baseball league.
The myth I tried to perpetuate that "I was special" was dispelled. (btw, did you know that "dispel" is spelled that way and not "dispell?" A horribly ironic word for kids to spell wrong in a spelling bee, IMO, which has actually happened in spelling bee history. Truly 大失敗. 

My only really good hitter all year was Buster Posey.....until I traded him. 
I traded Manny Machado even after 2 months in which he was showing signs of a true breakout season......and he subsequently kept going off for a 34 homer, 20 steal season. 

May that never happen again to me in fantasy baseball. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Throwing Left handed (左利き)

Recently I've been experimenting with throwing left-handed (**hidarikiki, hidari = left, kiki= effective** in Japanese) instead of my natural right hand. Happily, I can report that so far so good! I'm improving my accuracy from being wildly inaccurate to getting a sense of where the ball is going, I'm getting a little bit of movement on it with spin, and the velocity is almost as good as my right hand throw (I think), as long as I put my body into the throw (the key for anyone who wants to get the full velocity, IMO). I hope to be able to throw with either hand and be ambidextrous (両手利き, ryoutekiki in Japanese) soon. 

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a left-handed pitcher. Maybe it had something to do with Tom Glavine and Randy Johnson being at the height of their prime, maybe the fact that it made me feel special if I could do something only 10% of the population was able to do, maybe it was the fact I wanted to be a baseball player and they said being a left-handed relief pitcher was one way to sneak into the big leagues. (unfortunately you still have to have a 90 MPH fastball with that) Even though I was born right handed and encouraged to be righthanded by my parents (thanks Chinese culture of "correcting" left-handedness), I fought it. I think my sister and probably many others have the same fascination of handedness when they're in their adolescence, part of a struggle to find identity and to be something special I guess ( I wished for superpowers all the time when I was a kid even until age 20 fueled by the TV series Heroes, which coincidentally is back on TV now in the form of Heroes: Reborn!) 

Anyway, it's always been a desire of mine to be left-handed, and while writing left-handed hasn't worked out, throwing left-handed might actually work for me thanks to dodgeball. I'm inspired by MLB's only ambidextrous player, Oakland A's relief pitcher Pat Venditte, who can pitch from either hand. Theoretically he can switch to either hand based on the hitter to create lefty-lefty matchups, which is a pretty good advantage for a baseball team (unfortunately Pat didn't have a stellar year in his first season with a 4.40 ERA but I'm rooting for you Pat!) Throwing with either hand doesn't have any discernable advantage in dodgeball (I'm working on a almost-simultaneous left-then-right throw but it's not physically possible to go with both hands at full speed at the same time) except to save my arm during the course of a week, which for me might be huge with 3, 4, sometimes 5 days of dodgeball in a week. I'm already feeling some shoulder pain setting in in my right hand after 3 years of dodgeball, but I have a fresh one on the left! 

I guess trying to become ambidextrous is just another skill that I want to pick up, to be good at, to make myself feel better about myself, to have a purpose to strive for, to make me feel special, like that 13-year old kid who wanted desperately to be Batman. I guess I might have to settle for throwing left-handed.

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Why I Don't Give to Homeless People- Not an Act of Benevolence (慈善)

慈善(Jizen) in Japanese (and actually, Chinese) means compassion, charity, or benevolence, which I imagine encompasses giving to the poor, helping the less fortunate, etc. Those are sort of the values we were ingrained of as children, or from religious goods, or just common sense as a human being, to help the common man.

Unfortunately, the world is not as rosy and pure as the concept of "jizen" or compassion is, and believe it or not there are people who pray upon that sense of kindness. Well, people who have drug problems/ money problems/ addiction problems who no pretty much are no longer able to help themselves. I deal with lots of these people every day in downtown Los Angeles (used to be more seedy back in the day, now better from what I understand but still have plenty of wanderers out there). They'll come up with any kind of story, be it needing to take the bus (where are they going, I wonder), being a homeless veteran, or needing to feed hungry children at home. Now, I haven't ruled out the possibility that any of these stories are actually true, but the odds are highly against it, especially when you see the same person on the same street corner the next day and the next day and the next doing the same routine. I've also heard stories about how seemingly homeless people begging for food during the day go home to live in their mansion at night. It's a powerful thing, human compassion, and if channeled correctly can lead to miracles, but giving to homeless people is not that channel.

First of all, don't homeless people have "homeless shelters" to go to? I know for a fact they have soup kitchens, so the whole "I need to buy food" rhetoric is false.....the soup kitchens probably don't taste good, sure, but there's an age old proverb in almost every culture that says "Beggars can't be choosers."

I do feel bad for the mentally ill who are unable to help themselves and have no one to rely on, but unfortunately those people are screwed over by the people who are pretending to be helpless when in fact they are just trying to get money for their next score (of drugs). It's sad because it's a perfect example of a good thing being manipulated by human nature into a weakness.

My "learn from this story" was being stopped at a gas station once and approached by a couple who said their car broke down and they needed some gas. Must have been feeling really generous, gullibe, or irrational, or a combo of all of those, but decided to help, they asked for $20 dollars (TWENTY DOLLARS!!!! A dead giveaway) and I said I'd put $3 for their gas. No sooner had I told the cashier to put in $3, lo and behold, the couple started their engine and bolted out of the gas station, making sure to tell me to "Go eat do-do" before leaving the premises. And thus after traumatizing experience, I no longer give to people who ask me on the street.

It's like a key or earplugs that one needs to switch on to defend against these attacks on human compassion, it's so much better to donate to a charity one trusts or has seen the results of the money than to just hand it to a stranger. Which is unfortunate because I still think homeless guys standing on corners and people giving them money....I mean, those homeless guys wouldn't be there if people didn't give money, right? It seems like a direct contribution to the illegal drug market, in my opinion. Give them an apple or orange or something, a really desperately hungry person would take that (I've been there on my vacations! Lol)

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Honyakusha- The joys of translating a language

翻訳者 ("Honyakusha") in Japanese means translator, and I had my first experience today in translating Japanese to English. By no means am I completely fluent in the language yet, but I knew enough to understand what a native Japanese speaker was saying, asked them some questions based on the information, and then relayed it to an English speaker. Not to be too dramatic or self-congratulatory, but it was inspiring. I wasn't very good, I wasn't 100 percent sure that what I was saying was correct, but it was nonetheless very empowering and made me appreciate myself, which is always a good thing.

Language is a strange, mysterious thing. When I know a language, I take it for granted: I use it without thinking, I listen in on other people speaking that language, I totally get it, and there's no appreciation that I understand the language. It's when I don't understand a language that I'm inspired to learn the language, to admire people who know the language. It's always been interesting to me how the human race was able to create so many different languages, so many different ways to express the same thing. It's as if different computer geniuses raced to create different codes that normal people have to decipher and crack to gain the language. 

Translating a language, therefore, gives me at least the satisfication, more than just helping others, which is a good and noble motivation, of having "cracked the code," of having mastered the language enough to be able to use the language both ways, to translate Chinese to English or English to Chinese, and to have a grasp of the language. It's akin to finally being able to learn how to ride a bike from the first time as a kid, or finishing that last piece of a 5000-piece puzzle. Very few talents in life are there definite indicators that you've mastered something- sure you can know a lot of math or law, but it's hard to understand how much exactly one knows, or to what degree one is good at it to sufficiently discourse on the matter. Language is easy to get a grasp of how one's doing- just have a conversation, and in that sense it gives a sense of accomplishment once one is able to carry on that conversation or know exactly what someone else is saying. 

There's a certain element of "Ah, now I'm with the ingroup!" attached to knowing a language, by carrying on a conversation in the presence of others who don't know the language one immediately forms a bond with the ingroup member, as if there is a secret code between the members that one is "in the know," or "is part of the gang," that one can be trusted. It's like being on the same sports team, or working in a group and realizing, "wow, we're in this together, let's do it." 

Bill James, a famous fantasy baseball analyst, famously said that once a baseball player develops a tool, he or she has mastered it, and it can't be taken away. Language seems to be like that, that it's a tool that one can work really really hard on for a long time, finally master, and no one can take that skill away, or discredit someone- it does stay with one forever. I'm not there yet for Japanese, but my first translation experience today, however flawed it might have been, inspired to get to that place. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

The Joys of Owning a Dog

I've always contended throughout my life that I'm not a dog person: My parents never had a dog, I get scared of dogs barking, I can barely take care of myself much less another animal, dogs are pretty messy. For various reasons I've always thought I would never get a dog, but recent experiences with a friend's dog changed my outlook and at least made me see the bright side of owning dogs (call it the maturation process of Robert Yan:


1) get plenty of attention from others- there are a LOT of dog lovers in the United States and the world, especially if the dog is cute and approachable. "What kind of dog is she?" and "She's adorable" comes up much more often than people asking "What kind of person are you?" or "You're handsome!" so I guess I'd be able to live vicariously through a dog. 
2) feel others' love- Make the world a better place! Bring more love into this world! 
3) loyalty- nothing like knowing there's someone always waiting for you. Many people like dealing with dogs over humans and I can see why: no worries about backstabbing, deception, conflicting emotions, etc., etc. All the companionship with none of the complications. 
4) knowing that another creature in the world needs you- fulls the need of feeling important, accepting a role. 
5) make plenty of "squirrel" jokes from Up- great movie and pretty true: dogs will get excited by anything that pops up on the side of the road. 
6) training to make the move up to having a child- a true barometer of whether one is ready for a human being is an almost-human being, a dog. 
7) get plenty of exercise. I'm not a terribly outdoors person, but having a dog seems to require one to go outside just from walking the dog, might be more depending on the activity of the breed. 
8) easy conversation topic to have- How to meet women/ men 101 says "get a dog and meet other dogowners" 
9) rattlesnake watch ( some are trained to avoid rattlesnakes)
10) initiate a conversation- there's a reason they're called chick magnets. Requires that the dog gets along with most people, other dogs, etc.
11) eye candy- the majestic waves of a German shepherd, to the cute gait of a pug.
12.) They're just fun. They make humans laugh, they play around, they do things that animals do. There's a reason they're called "pets"- you get to "pet" them.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan 

Hitorisama, or How I like to Travel Alone

Japanese has a word called hitorisama (おひとりさま), meaning party of one, usually describing a lady who goes to eat by herself, or likes to do things by herself. I like to travel by myself. 

Traveling alone can get a little tricky and dangerous sometimes (lost in a foreign country with no internet reception, no map, and no help comes to mind), so it's not for everyone, but given the right circumstances it can be a ton of fun. It's not as fun when you forget where your hotel is in Istanbul and get lost on your way back after already a long day of walking around through the sights of the city and get frustrated and almost give up (actual story), but I almost exclusively go hitorisama nowadays. 


1.) Living in a hostel- as detailed in the last entry, lot of benefits there. Possible backfire: the Boston hostel I ended up finding was out of the city, far away, crowded, 8 people in one room, did not sleep well, didn't have good food options around, not very comfortable. Thus the drawbacks of living a simple traveler. 

2.) Do what you want when you want: So many family trips ended in me not being satisfied by the experience, waiting on other people, having my family's quirks get on my nerves after so many hours being stuck together. More importantly, though, the plan has to go through the approval of many other people, one person is not the decisionmaker (although that one person probably knows better than the others what is in the best interest for the group, ahem) and compromises must be made. A hitorisama trip requires no compromise, the only restraint is the hours in the day, 

3.) No stopping for long hours of food. On hitorisama trips I buy a snack along the way and keep moving to my next destination. I personally don't think "enjoying the local cuisine" has anything to do with a trip and should be reserved when making meal choices while at home (you can easily get anything "ethnic" in Los Angeles, almost any culture anywhere) but you're not going to replicate the sites of that area, or the real people living in those areas. Example, Especially in a city like Boston that's not exactly known for its food (other than clam chowdaaaaah I guess) I just skipped all of these options. 

4.) Experiencing the city through trains. Other than Los Angeles, most major cities throughout the world have a great subway system that connects its major areas including most tourist destinations. From the "T" in Boston to Toronto's TTC, I've had great experiences going through the metro. Not to say that you can't do this as a group, but often with groups it's a shared car experience or tour group bus, you don't get the feel of looking up different subway stations to find one's way or even getting pleasant suprises like the iconic South Station in Boston that was pretty cool. 

5.) Going outside the itinerary is fine: I stopped at Boston Public Library on a whim this most recent Boston trip, and it might have been the best decision I've ever made. No homeless people in the library (unlike L.A.), a maps exhibit that had a map of the Redwall world (one of my favorite book series as a child) and 3 levels of cool reading rooms. Spent an hour there and rediscovered my love of libraries. In Kyoto, Japan I was dazzled at the Museum of Manga and spent a half day there despite not having budgeted for it. I am my own boss! 

6.) I have a need. A need for speed. In the busy world that I live in, I don't have many days to go on vacation and visit a city, and I like to go to new places so revisiting a city like Boston isn't really in my plans, you have to go quickly to cover everything and get all the finer parts of the city, and that just doesn't work with a group dragging you behind. No restroom breaks, meeting points, long lines to get everyone in, etc. for a hitorisama, just pick up your stuff and go to the next stop. I was able to fit in great Boston landmarks like the Freedom Trail, Harvard University, MIT, Paul Revere's House, Bunker Hill National Monument, the USS Consitution, Public Square, Public Gardens, Fenway Park, and Boston Harbor all in a day and a half. No need to get the "full guided tour" and waste valuable time listening to someone, that's what Google/ travel podcast is for! Listen while you're hurrying along! YES! 

7.) Baseball road trip! Accomplishing Personal achievements- only 6 more MLB ballparks to go! 

If anyone of these advantages are appealing to you, try the Robert Yan-approved Hitorisama way! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Living in Hostels

Just booked a room in Boston despite outrageous prices in the downtown area (we're talking hundreds of dollars! Didn't know real estate in Boston was that expensive!)

For a while I've been going with hostels instead of booking hotels for traveling. Perfect for the single traveler, I really didn't know what I had been missing because I didn't know these things existed.

Hostel advantages:

1.) cheaper than hotels
2.) Open areas to socialize with other travelers
3.) all the same accommodations as hotels. \
4.) brings one back to the college, bunk bed days
5.) Did I mention cheaper than hotels?

Hostel disadvantages

1.) have to share bathroom with other people
2.) have to sleep in the same room with other people- snoring, getting up in the middle of the night, etc.
3.) not the best accommodations- not a king bed, for example.
4.) all the possible disadvantages from the movie "Hostel."- hasn't happened to me yet.
5.) sometimes you can get a bad apple- air beds or worse, like sleeping on the ground in New York one time. That sucked. Check the reviews before you go. Anyone and their mother can set up a "hostel" by opening up some rooms in their house and taking people's $30.


Hostels, superior to hotels (the extra "S" seals it, and better than airBnb! ( in my opinion better for longer-term stays like for a week or so). I haven't tried Couchsurfing.com, though, where one literally "crashes on someone's couch." Also should some enterprising entrepreneur come up with a way, an "airport BnB" app could be useful to get the best airports to take a nap in/ get the best spots in that airport.


Could be useful if you're a home field cooler like me and go around the country making the home team lose games.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

The Home Field Cooler

If I ever wrote a book,( I've considered it, but seems very cliche and a lot of work) I would probably write about dodgeball, fantasy sports, dodgeball v. dating, different parallels,  (as I was advised by my English teachers from 5th-8th grade: write about something you know) .......or a surprising new topic I've come across recently: being bad luck for the home team at every sports event I go to.

If anyone believes in curses, I certainly do now. About 2 years I started going to a lot of sports events in different events as part of my "travel the world" phase, and in that time I've tried to go to as many sports events as possible. A big chunk of that is credited to the 10-day baseball road trip I took to Midwest America in 2014, one in which the home teams went 1-9. Here's a list of results of sporting events I can remember:

1.) 2014 MLB playoffs: Angels v. KC ALDS, game 1@ Anaheim:  Angels lose 2-1 in extra innings
2.) 2015 NFL Chicago Bears v. Arizona Cardinals @Soldier Field: Bears lose 48-22.
3.) 2015 MLB Arizona Diamondbacks: lose 3-2 to Oakland A's
4.) 2015 NCAA Football USC @ Arizona St.: USC wins 42-14.
5.) 2015 NHL Stanley Cup Game 7 Western Conference Finals: Chicago Blackhawks @ Anaheim Ducks: Chicago wins 5-2.
6.) 2015 MLB Dodgers v. Oakland A's at Dodger Stadium: Oakland wins 2-0.
7.) 2014 Oakland Raiders v. Houston Texans @ Oakland Colisseum: Raiders lose big.
8.) 2014 USC v. Arizona State @ Trojans Colisseum- Arizona State wins on a last second hail mary.
9.) 2014 NBA Conference Semifinals, Los Angeles Clippers v. Oklahoma City Thunder Game 3: on my literal birthday, the Clippers lost @ home to the Thunder.
10.) 2015 Toronto Blue Jays v. Tampa Bay Rays ( Yes, the curse even follows me to other countries) @ Rogers Center in Toronto: 3-2 Blue Jays loss.
11.) 2014 Clayton Kershaw Bobblehead night: Phillies 7-3 over the Dodgers @ Dodger Stadium.

So literally, (I wish I was making this up), since May of 2014 I've went 1-20 for the home teams. And it doesn't matter which sport I go to: baseball, hockey, basketball, football, college or pro, you name it, I'm making it hell for the home teams.

Note that not all of these games I wanted the home team to lose, and it's not like the home teams were major powerhouses or even favored to win in a bunch of these contests. But still, it's an alarming trend, and one that makes me believe in curses, especially after what I've been through in dodgeball the last year or so. It's not easy going to these home defeats neither: the crowd doesn't get into it, people are angry, there's no fireworks boosting up the home fans, fans start leaving early and the excitement is gone, general depression. It actually makes my viewing experience less enjoyable.

If it hasn't been done before, it'd definitely be a cool book idea: maybe make it into a fiction, make the curse even more pronounced, add some love angles where the main character is down on his luck with sports but starts meeting romantic interests and starts getting lucky in love, or starts gathering media attention, or starts getting paid by Las Vegas sports gamblers to go to certain games to "fix" them, etc., etc. Seems like the next great box office movie, really. If "Moneyball" or "Fever Pitch" did well, this idea can't be the worst......It reminds me of the movie "The Cooler" with William H. Macy, he has such bad luck any time he sits at a table he immediately cools down hot streaks and makes everyone lose money.

I don't know when my Home Team curse will be lifted, but if anyone wants to give me tickets to any home games to make the visiting team win.......

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Dating Websites

Top lessons learned from dating online:


1.) There are a lot of people in this world. You think you might have pretty narrow specifications, like "Asian female under 30 years ago who's willing to have kids, doesn't smoke, likes to exercise, is over 5'3'', etc., etc. but a LOT of people actually match that criteria.

2.) No. 1 is both good and bad: there are a lot of options so that there's a lot of people to choose from, but the bad news is.....there a lot of options. Too many options, even. Hard to know what one wants, hard to differentiate, hard to compare apples and oranges.



Recently I've been on a website called 2 RedBeans, a website geared specifically towards Chinese singles who live in the United States (some call it the "J Date" for Chinese people), and I've found that even such a specialized source has TONS of women, so that a more limited and special search is needed (it's like LexisNexis search parameters).

3.) Some people, really, genuinely, don't want kids. I guess I've been very naive, but I also thought when I was a child and even through early adulthood that having kids was the natural thing for people to do once they got married, cuz I guest most married people I know go on and have kids. Not so. There are girls who definitively don't want kids, and won't change their mind, so that sort of makes a decision not to pursue a relationship faster.

4.) Talking online is almost pointless now; much more fruitful to meet in person as soon as possible, if only to stop the games of texting, waiting a while to respond, not responding as soon as possible so as not to look too desperate, etc., etc.

5.) Go over dating profiles before a first date like it's your own resume before your interview, or you're interviewing someone.

6.) There are leagues. I might have an inferiority complex, but one I open up a dating website portal, I can tell which people will have a million messages sent to them, and which ones might not have that many. It's obvious, we're all adults, it's like bidding on Ebay and the $100 antique item comes up. There will be a lot of people who want it, and the dollars you have match how impressive you are in your own online profile. (I don't have that much money online). It's a numbers game, and people "settle," which is OK because luckily humans aren't like houses or antique items: they're changeable creatures that have functions other than aesthesism, and people can surprise with the number of things they have in common.

7.) Don't be afraid to go too far on a date. I'm still young and have a little money stored up, so I've been to other cities in the United States to go on a date, but also went to the baseball stadium there and saw the attractions and made a trip out of it.

8.) Shorter is better. Messages should be quick and not a book. I unfortunately learned this the hard way, as I used to publish entire novels when responding to a girl and spooked people out. There are some rules in online dating, and "not seeming too desperate, too rambling, too psychotic" is definitely one of them, and going short is one of the methods of doing that.

9.) After meeting someone for a first date and then a second date, you can go back to the online website you met them at and see if they've been "active" the last few days. If they are, it doesn't mean the end of the world, but it just means they've still got their options open. Don't take it personally, and my rule is that if we haven't gone on a 3rd date, you can still be talking to other girls online and possibly going on dates. ( Some people might have a more stricter or looser standard.)


10.) Check out Aziz Ansari's book "Modern Romance." Lots of good laughs and lots of things I related to as the target audience of that book: definitely for people who are still dating, maybe even for people who have moved to marriage to look back and reflect on their journey and laugh at the people who are still struggling through the abyss.


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Soshite Chichi ni Naru (And Then He Became a Father)

The title above is of a 2013 Japanese movie (named in English as "Like Father, Like son" even though there that is not a direct translation, about a family whose 6-year-old son is actually someone else's child and that other family has their child, the result of a mistake at the hospital during birth. So the question becomes: 1.) do they keep the children they have? or 2.) Do they swap back the kids? 3.) does one family keep both children (unlikely, right?) A really interesting premise to a very well-told story about fatherhood and accepting the roles of a father. The lesson being that one has to embrace being a father, that to a child, there is nothing more important than their father acting as their father, and that being a father means more than just the title, it's the responsibility of love and being their for one's child.

That movie summed up the weekend for me as one in which I definitively decided I want to have kids one day. I've always thought it'd be natural that I would eventually have kids, but nether really considered the costs and responsibilities of eventually having kids. It's not just the rosy father-son relationship depicted in movies and magazines of throwing baseballs back and forth or of going on a fishing trip together, there's a huge commitment involved, both in time and money and emotional attachment (the last one might be the toughest for me). I've spent a lot of time as a adult (18 years and older) spent with other people's kids, which is what motivated me to want to have kids of my own one day and gives me the confidence of being a good father, but it's easy to just have fun with kids and pass them off to the next parent, or accept their good days and look past the bad, as well as adopt the role of a fun-loving avuncular-uncle camp counselor. It's totally another thing to live with them and have to live with the good and bad, to discipline them lest they become too spoiled, and to accept that sometimes children do not turn out the way parents want them to. That would be my biggest fear: getting over my head and having a child totally not turn out, and getting buyer's remorse. I think being a father, though, comes with that: the risk of having a child not be who you want them to be, but loving them unconditionally anyway.

Not to get all philosophical, of course, but the weekend reminded me of the best that children can turn out: My relatives came from China with my 4-year old niece, who's just adorable and just beginning to learn words and discovering the world. Probably the best time in any person's life, the pureness of childhood and having one's whole life in front of them. I also went to Disneyland with my co-workers and their kids (12, 10, and 8 years old respectively) and just reminded myself of why I so loved being a camp counselor. These kids (and I'm not trying to brown-nose or gomasuri my co-workers) were very adorable and fawned over by adults. Not yet in their teen rebellious years, they listened to adults but also had their own way of looking over the world, as well as youthful exuberance and full of energy and possibilities. That's the gift I think that every parent wants to give to their children: the gift of life, the ability to experience things, to live. That's what I want to do for my future kids, and am currently searching for suitable matches! Recruiting for women who want to share that dream with me! (Kanojo 募集中!) 

Finally, I met a girl I have been dating and had a very deep conversation about kids. We both apparently share the love of dealing with kids, so it's a good step towards moving forward. I don't have that clear of an idea of what I like in girls or what percentage of the total equation that "having and liking kids" would carry in the equation of if I like a girl or not, but having kids is gradually moving up there, because I do want to have kid(s), and truly look forward to being a father, despite all the challenges attached to them.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Whirlwind Weekend in the Windy City

Here's a Top 5 of Don'ts for a High School Reunion:

1.) Don't have the Reunion in the big city connected to your suburban city but 30 miles away from the high school so that people who stayed local are disincentivized from making it.
2.) Don't have the Reunion cost $50 per person (even though there was free drinks and free food) thus disincentivizing people from making it.
3.) Dont' expect too much out a high school reunion in this day and end. I gotta imagine with facebook and social media and all kinds of internet resources, it's much easier than it was even 20 years ago to reconnect with people that you actually want to talk to. For example, 25 people showed up to my high school reunion (out of a 400 person class, so like 6% of the class) and I really talked to like 6 different people. I had a much more enjoyable time reconnecting with college and high school friends that I've been in contact with this whole time.
4.) Don't expect that much change. 10 years after high school, people or still.....kind of like they were in high school. The social groups stuck together, people ignored me like the plague cuz I was sort of a nerd in high school (still am, but feel like I can really hold a conversation and be fun to talk to, o well chance missed for them), and everyone wanted to hang out with the cool people/ prom queens from high school. I get it, as adults we choose our company and expect other adults to understand the implicit "I don't really have time for you guys, no offense but we won't talk at all after this so why even bother" kind of vibe, but it still seemed somewhat disappointing that even as adults there are social hierarchies, isolation, talk-to-cool-people vibe. I'd thought as adults we were past that, but maybe it's just an uncool guy like me, desperate for acceptance, getting those feelings. Maybe all the people who've figured it out just realized the high school reunion is something to skip entirely. O well.


I had a great time this weekend visiting Soldier Field (even though the Bears got routed), running down Clark Avenue after reunion through the Saturday night Chicago nightlife, driving down lake shore on an awesome 70 degree day in Chicago, yachts peppering the Lake Michigan skyline. Every time I come back to the city that I grew up in (about twice a year for various activities like weddings, friend reunions, high school reunions, etc.) I wonder what it would have been like to like in Chicago as an adult ( I grew up in the suburbs so never really even enjoyed downtown Chicago other than school field trips). Especially in the summer, it feels like every mile of the Lake Shore can be explored, the only thing longer than the days is the expansive architecture down the Chicago River, and the people are nicer! And I can organize a poker game with my high school buddies any weekend I want, and recreate our last year of high school as if they're still going on, like we're 18 again and we all had bright futures ahead of us, had all the potential in the world (something I felt nostalgic about at our reunion poker game this weekend. At this point it's not about the poker and winning or trying to beat other guys at the game, the real winning is to get everybody at the table and at the game. Winning is the time we spend together and can reminisce about. It's much better than any $50 cover, not-even-in-the-city-of-our-high school reunion can offer.

But then I remember the proverb both Japanese and English include in their repertoire:
隣の芝は青い" (Tonari no Shiba wa Aoi), or "The grass is greener on the other side." It always is, isn't it? No matter what you have (my health, a great family, a decent job, living in one of the best cities in the world), you always wonder if something else is better, you look at other options. For me my 3 years in college at University of Illinois after high school and the last 7 years in Los Angeles through law school and my years in the legal profession can never be replaced, and knowing what I know now I have some regrets, but not the overall decision to choose this path. I never would have known what I would have missed had I not chosen this path, and there might have a completely different, awesome life for me back in Chicago, but this one's not so bad and I'm glad I'm in it. 

Plus, I might never have discovered dodgeball had I been in Chicago. L.A. is the hotbed of dodgeball, has some of the best players in dodgeball, and is close to Las Vegas, the unofficial site for all national dodgeball (and recently, world dodgeball) events. I have easy access to some of the biggest dodgeball events in the world, and I can even participate and play in some of them. 

I love Chicago, but it'll always be just the second city in my heart; L.A., I think I'm in love with you! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Mizu ni Nagasu (水に流す) - Water Under the Bridge

Yes, Japanese proverb-themed blog costs continue! "Mizu ni nagasu" literally means "let water flow," but it means the same as "water under the bridge" in English, which if you haven't encountered an idiom-master or idiommaster-wannabe like myself means "forgive and forget." It's a pretty powerful phrase, as often I get really upset about something and feel contempt or jealousy or all kinds of negative feelings towards a person, but after time passes and I look back upon it with some perspective, it feels trivial in the whole realm of things. I'm not one to hold a grudge, and I usually realize that life only moves forward, and the best way to live life is to forget what happened before (within reason, of course, and remembering to learn from one's mistakes) and move forward. I'm also a very sensitive person, so I need to not dwell too much on perceived slights or injustices that occurred in the past and focus on more important things like if someone meant well, or if generally they've been fair.


Top Five things to Mizu ni nagasu (not quibble about) :

1.) Who paid for a meal- it usually cancels out anyway and if you value that person as a friend, even just paying extra once in a while could be a sign of being a good friend.

2.) calls in dodgeball/ other sports- infuriating during a game (whether watching your favorite sports team or playing your favorite team) if a call doesn't go one's way or someone gained an unfair advantage somehow, but honestly in most sports there's enough gameplay to negate the minor discrepancies, even though small calls might get magnified in the moment. I've been super angry about things that occur in dodgeball games, only to have those things seem trivial and irrelevant a week later and me feel embarrassed that I even complained about it.

3.) slip of the tongues- I always try to watch what I say, but it's exhausting being careful not to step on other people's toes 24/7, being politically correct, not offending everybody. It's a lot of work and sometimes even the most careful prevention can't stop getting upset at some momentarily, or mispronouncing someone's name, or calling someone a name, or sarcastically bringing up something that's been nagging. Try to let those go.

4.) Bragging- I don't like when people brag about their fantasy teams, about themselves, and especially if they brag that they're better than me, but I do it myself quite often and it's a way to give oneself some identity, to feel good about onself and it's only human nature to boast about oneself once in awhile (especially in interview settings where we're trained to do just that). And hey, sometimes people ARE actually better than i am.

5.) Social Media- facebook or twitter. People are different on the internet and take on different personalities (except me, I'm totally myself on this blog). Unless they're attacking you in front of others and purposely defaming you (there's something called lawyers to take care of that), it's best to take "trolling" or snarky facebook posts with a grain of salt, at all times.

There are so many things in this world to get upset or angry about. Poverty, world wars, the environment, death, the Iran nuclear deal, apathy, homophobia, lack of natural resources, those are things to get upset about. Don't let little quibbles take up too much of your attention. Mizu ni nagasou yo!


Regards,

Robert Yan

高嶺の花 (Flower on a High Peak)

A Japanese proverb, Takane no hana (高嶺の花) literally means "flower on a high peak" and is used to describe an unattainable goal, prize beyond one's reach. 

Recently dodgeball wins have seemed just out of reach for me, and it's become frustrating, to the point where I wonder whether I'm cursed. I feel myself getting better at dodgeball and individual results/ individual performance is encouraging, but at some point I feel I have to convert that into quantifiable results to make it seem worthwhile. Ever since a huge win in August 2013, I've suffered severe droughts in dodgeball championships. I've gotten 2nd place a bunch of times, but winning has just been out of reach. I'm a very competitive person, so not reaching the peak and having that Takane no hana is one of the worst feelings. On the bright side, I reassure myself that by not winning I've given myself more motivation to get better, to always be hungry and avoid getting complacent, but all the heartbreak of losing is taking a toll. It makes me wonder how top athletes who never won championships feel.....do they just move on to different, individual goals, rest on their individual laurels, or do they regret certain plays or certain seasons forever as the ones that got away? I'm not sure,as to how my dodgeball career will play out, but I'm constantly afraid I've reached a peak in my development, that I can't get any better, and that the ultimate goal of being one of the best dodgeball players in the country/ have one of the best teams in the country/ beat the top teams in the country might just be a takane no hana. It's terrifying: eventually I'll have to get married, have kids, have less time, and my body will not be at its peak condition like it is now, and knowing me I'll dwell on these past years as the times I needed to get the most out of it. For now, though, I have at least one more year to become the best player I can be. I sometimes wonder if I should sacrifice king's blood to the dodgeball gods like Stannis did in Game of Thrones, I sometimes FEEL like Stannis wanting to take something that he so badly wants, and thinks is his by right and destroy all those who oppose him ( I know at least part of my motivation is to prove the doubters who saw me as a chubby, unathletic oriental kid in high school, etc.) wrong and become great at a game. But am I just waiting for championship glory that will never come? The next few years will tell the tale. 

Takane no hana, actually, is used more commonly in Japanese as a way to describe an unattainable romantic partner, someone who others desire but can't get to like them. I've suffered this so many times, and after so many tries I've realized that's just the way the world works, that unfortunately in this world there are such things as "leagues" and some people are just desired more than others (based on universally held standards of youth, attractiveness, and desirability).Some people were just born to be liked by many; others were not.  I just wish that some of those flowers on the top of the mountain would be more sympathetic towards those of us at the bottom trying to grasp at whatever footholds we can muster, but unless as is the case most of the time when I think out my dating life/ life in general, I have to conclude that "life is not fair." It's time to get rid of the notion that movies and the general media instill in us that once in a while a plain-looking guy "gets lucky" and somehow gets the attention of the really attractive girl and they live happily ever after.....that attractive girl is usually looking for an equally or more attractive guy to be their prince in shining armor or even their own takane no hana. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

High School Reunion (高校の同窓会)

Next weekend I am going to my high school reunion in Chicago, IL ( I actually didn't live in the city of Chicago, just a small town in the southwest suburbs called Darien ("A nice place to live," as the welcome sign reminded us). I graduated high school more than 10 years ago (it was May of 2005), but for some reason reunions tend to be around this time, September. Kind of strange, as that's more of the 10-year anniversary for the beginning of college, a completely different time than high school. But I guess that's another battle.

Opinions differ on the advisability of going to a high school reunion. Many argue against it, saying it's pointless, those are people you never hung out with, no one was an adult back then so you didn't even know the real them, why go back to a place you dreaded, etc., etc. For someone like me who dwells on the past as much as I do and reflect back, though, it's a necessary trip (even though it's not even held anywhere near the school grounds) just to reconnect with some people with my past, as collectively the high school is a big part of my history, what defines me as a person today. And yes, I do want to see who got married/ who got fat/ who turned into what kind of adult, etc. And I think the best excuse for going back to high school reunion: reconnect with my home town, reconnect with old buddies who I still keep in contact with nowadays. It's a great chance/ excuse to do that.

In many ways, though, high school is not that much different than the real world we live in today; it's a microcosm. The buildings changed, the people changed, and the social norms change (people become adults), but there's still sort of the same rules: people judge each other at first glance by appearance, people want to get to know attractive people, attractive people are labeled "cool" because people want to be like them, attractive people are invited to more events/ generally have more choices among friends/ romantic partners. It's a huge cycle. Not-very-attractive-looking people like me are left to figure out how to survive in the world I live in, and it doesn't change after high school (cue song "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup). It's not like the cards get shuffled in terms of what's desirable after high school, people are still drawn to the most attractive people, who were "cool" in high school. I'm sure I'll notice it at my high school reunion, because it happens in society everywhere. I do it; it's human nature; judge first by appearances, then seek to understand people. No matter how many "personality seminars" we attend or "don't judge a book by its cover" cliches we hear, it's still human nature to be drawn by the most attractive people and want to get to know them. We are, after all, still living in high school. So going to a high school reunion is not that weird.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Elite Dodgeball National Championship

I've always been a competitive guy. I've liked to participate in tournaments, matches, and other competitive situations as it allows me to stop living vicariously through famous athletes in pro sports but actually be competitive myself, feel the thrill of advancing through a tournament and beating other teams as well as the heartbreak of losing, plus sometimes the motivation to get better and challenge the best.

That's why this weekend at the Elite National Dodgeball Championship was a great experience in my life. One of the problems with dodgeball and why the sport hasn't taken off in the national or world spotlight (never been an Olympic sport) is not because it's not just as fun as other sports and interesting to watch or strategic (ton of strategy involved), it's because it's not unified yet. There's a lot of different organizations for dodgeball running different programs, using different modified rules for their leagues, different balls, different courts, etc. It just isn't organized yet, and thus doesn't get funding, thus doesn't attract the best athletes, doesn't attract TV sponsorship, viewers, etc., the whole business end of things.

The Elite Championship, though, gathered some of arguably the best dodgeball players at least in the USA into one place (Las Vegas) on Labor Day Weekend to settle who's the best in the nation. More than 30 teams in the country competed, in several different divisions, and I had a great time participating in 2 of the divisions. In my opinion Elite is not perfect, it uses a different kind of ball that I'm used to (the hard rubber 8.5 ball that stings when it hits someone), but it's a great step in the right direction towards potentially uniting dodgeball players around the country.

For me, it also presents the best dodgeball team in America, and shows me the top of the hierarchy of the sport. Unlike basketball or football or tennis, I will probably never be able to step onto the court professionally with any of the top athletes in any of those sports in any type of serious match (maybe for like charity or something). However, in dodgeball, I know on Friday/Saturday I stepped on the court with some of the best in the world at the sport, and even though my team didn't win, I knew what it felt like to play against them, how far off I am (or if there's any possibility of reaching that top). For a competitor, it's a great feeling to shine some light on this, gain some insight into one's place in the world, feel like one is relevant and is part of something. I think that's what competitors seek more than anything else in the world: a chance to become the best at something, to defeat others (in combat, win-loss, zero-sum sports) and get what everybody wants: the championship. I don't feel much more alive than I do in a big match where a lot of people are watching, knowing I've prepared myself for the competitive moment and have earned a chance to perform on the big stage and show everyone my abilities. It's probably why I've never needed any drugs or roller coasters: the thrill of competiton is enough for me, and I'm addicted to it. I want to be one of the best dodgeballers in the world. Whether that's trampoline dodgeball, 8.5 dodgeball, mud dodgeball, cage dodgeball, etc., etc. (I've played in many different formats), I'd like a chance to do that.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Haruki Murakami O

村上 春樹- Japan's most famous writer, initiator of the "Murakami Boom" in Japan where most everyone started reading his books, to the extent that millions of people ordering his works before they even came out. A great novlelist (小説家) indeed. 

Dickens. Hemingway. Twain. Fitzgerald. King. And.....Murakami? I'd never heard of Murakami before college, and  unlike the other authors on this list I certainly never read any of his works as a required read in high school. It also probably didn't help that Murakami writes in Japanese, and his works get translated in English. Still, Murakami's works have become a fixture in literary history. 

Murakami's big hit is 1Q84, and there is greatness in those pages as well as excellent sales success (his most-read work) and certainly comparable qualities not just in name but in style and utopian societies to its predecessor 1984 by George Orwell,  but 1Q84 often gets criticized for being too long and windy. Another work that I highly recommend and currently reading is Norwegian Wood. Try it in Japanese if you like as that's the original printing, but the English translation plays out in vivid detail and isn't inferior to some of the best descriptions/ storytelling that I've read. After law school I pretty much stopped reading for pleasure as law school kind of destroys that concept for its attendees, but I got back into it with Norwegian Wood (and some other Japanese manga that I've been reading on the side.) 

Murakami's also got quite a few short stories and ran a blog early in the year where he answered thousands of readers' questions both in English and in Japanese, everything from what his diet is to what he thought of famous sumo wrestlers and their techniques. Quite an interesting character and very relatable to readers, Mr. Murakami, which is part of what makes his works so effective. The dialogue seems genuine but more importantly the characters' reactions to the dialogue as well as their thought processes, how they go through their lives. The stories are never overly complicated or the set-up wildly imaginary, they're ordinary people (well, kind of ordinary, they have their quirks which is what makes them seem like real people I guess) leading ordinary lives. 


Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan