The title above is of a 2013 Japanese movie (named in English as "Like Father, Like son" even though there that is not a direct translation, about a family whose 6-year-old son is actually someone else's child and that other family has their child, the result of a mistake at the hospital during birth. So the question becomes: 1.) do they keep the children they have? or 2.) Do they swap back the kids? 3.) does one family keep both children (unlikely, right?) A really interesting premise to a very well-told story about fatherhood and accepting the roles of a father. The lesson being that one has to embrace being a father, that to a child, there is nothing more important than their father acting as their father, and that being a father means more than just the title, it's the responsibility of love and being their for one's child.
That movie summed up the weekend for me as one in which I definitively decided I want to have kids one day. I've always thought it'd be natural that I would eventually have kids, but nether really considered the costs and responsibilities of eventually having kids. It's not just the rosy father-son relationship depicted in movies and magazines of throwing baseballs back and forth or of going on a fishing trip together, there's a huge commitment involved, both in time and money and emotional attachment (the last one might be the toughest for me). I've spent a lot of time as a adult (18 years and older) spent with other people's kids, which is what motivated me to want to have kids of my own one day and gives me the confidence of being a good father, but it's easy to just have fun with kids and pass them off to the next parent, or accept their good days and look past the bad, as well as adopt the role of a fun-loving avuncular-uncle camp counselor. It's totally another thing to live with them and have to live with the good and bad, to discipline them lest they become too spoiled, and to accept that sometimes children do not turn out the way parents want them to. That would be my biggest fear: getting over my head and having a child totally not turn out, and getting buyer's remorse. I think being a father, though, comes with that: the risk of having a child not be who you want them to be, but loving them unconditionally anyway.
Not to get all philosophical, of course, but the weekend reminded me of the best that children can turn out: My relatives came from China with my 4-year old niece, who's just adorable and just beginning to learn words and discovering the world. Probably the best time in any person's life, the pureness of childhood and having one's whole life in front of them. I also went to Disneyland with my co-workers and their kids (12, 10, and 8 years old respectively) and just reminded myself of why I so loved being a camp counselor. These kids (and I'm not trying to brown-nose or gomasuri my co-workers) were very adorable and fawned over by adults. Not yet in their teen rebellious years, they listened to adults but also had their own way of looking over the world, as well as youthful exuberance and full of energy and possibilities. That's the gift I think that every parent wants to give to their children: the gift of life, the ability to experience things, to live. That's what I want to do for my future kids, and am currently searching for suitable matches! Recruiting for women who want to share that dream with me! (Kanojo 募集中!)
Finally, I met a girl I have been dating and had a very deep conversation about kids. We both apparently share the love of dealing with kids, so it's a good step towards moving forward. I don't have that clear of an idea of what I like in girls or what percentage of the total equation that "having and liking kids" would carry in the equation of if I like a girl or not, but having kids is gradually moving up there, because I do want to have kid(s), and truly look forward to being a father, despite all the challenges attached to them.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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