The Wedding Basher

I recently found out that 5 people whom I know pretty well had weddings this weekend. FIVE! 1 from dodgeball, 1 from high school, 2 from law school, and 1 of my close friend whose wedding I actually attended. I guess the weekend of Oct. 11-12 was some sort of auspicious day.

 

I’m not gonna lie, the jealous/ conceited/ bitter part of me shows up every time I don’t get invited to a wedding. The disappointment and bitterness gets a little hedged by justifying to myself that it was probably a small gathering and it’s totally up to the people getting married (i.e. it’s THEIR wedding), but there’s definitely been situations where other people in law school/ in the same friend circle also got invited but I did not. That feels like a snub. I don’t know what it’s like to be snubbed from an All-Star team or not win some sort of award even though you think you deserved it, but I’ve definitely been picked last in a pickup basketball game and it’s a similar feeling. Why not me? What did I do? I thought I was nice to that person? I gave that guy so many rides! What happened? Definitely a period when the five stages of depression set in, whether it’s guilt, denial, bargaining, and really, just humiliation. Maybe I didn’t give as good of an impression on that person as I thought. Maybe I’m not fancy/ successful/ high-status enough as that person. Maybe I should have wished them more happy birthdays on facebook. Dagnamit.

 

I also get petty by, in very sour-grapes like fashion, bashing the wedding to make myself feel better about not being invited. Well, it was too far away anyway; I would have had to spend way too much money attending that wedding. Well, I didn’t really know anybody at that wedding, I wouldn’t have had a good time. There’s also the very generic “O well weddings are stupid anyway.” The dirty secret for me, though, is that I LOVE weddings. I love going to a fancy venue and seeing all the fancy dishes, the fancy dresses, the fancy wedding cakes, the fancy chocolate fountain (not always provided). I LOVE going to the open bar and getting as much alcohol as possible, without much regret. I love attending a wedding because going to someone else’s wedding is really a great time; the ones actually getting married are really busy and spend a lot of money to put it on. I think weddings are very necessary to celebrate the union of 2 people and to “make it official” in the eyes of society. I love meeting random relatives/ friends of the bride/goom to get their life story. I even kind of like the speeches that people give (if they’re not too long /drawn out and have at least a hint of humor).

What I think gets me sometimes too is when people talk about how they have so-and-so wedding to go to this weekend and then next weekend they have 2 weddings to go to, yada yada yada. I have like a max of 3 weddings every year; I never get invited to my relatives’ weddings either because they’re in China/ they didn’t include me in their plans. Basically, I’d like to go to more weddings. It just feels good to be included in someone else’s special day, that they thought enough of me to make me feel special. Maybe there’s a name for this, like a wedding invite troll or a wedding invite panderer, maybe that’s who I am. Maybe I haven’t “reached that age” yet where everyone gets married ( I think I have, actually). It’s also probably because I don’t have a girlfriend/ significant other whose friends are all getting married neither. Sigh. So if you’re reading this, and if you think highly of me/ are on good terms with me/ can somewhat tolerate my behavior, feel free to throw this guy an invite. I won’t embarrass anybody (especially myself) and will give you a pretty decent wedding gift and in all likelihood won’t be able to bring an unexpected plus-one.

My wedding qualifications resume is attached:

-        Has experience with attending weddings.

-        Gave one speech at a wedding once

-        Never had to be dragged out of a wedding reception

-        Decent dancer, will help to energize the crowd

-        Arrives on time

-        Can do magic tricks if needed.

-        Likes chocolate fountains.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan