Hurricane (台風) ( 허리케인)

Hurricane, like many English words, is translated in Asian languages pretty much as a loan word and a combination of different syllables in Asian language to piece together something sounding like hurricane, like building Frankenstein. With more traditional kanji characters, hurricane

Hurricane Michael slammed through Florida the last couple days, described by the Wall Street Journal as one of the most powerful storms ever to hit the U.S. Many died, many homes were destroyed. If I thought Chicago's winds and wind chill were tough, Hurricane Michael was clocked at winds of 155 mph. Wow. It's just another reminder that nature runs its course whether human beings want it to or not, and there are so many things in life that are out of our control, however much we think we're in control. 

It's a grave lesson that carries over to the stock market, which has had its own form of a hurricane the last couple days, in the form of huge drops in the Dow and Nasdaq, Dow losing more than 1000 points in the span of those 2 days. Mutual funds were destroyed, profits meticulously built up over long periods of time (just like houses) were wiped out in a short span of hours. At one point today, the Dow went from down 300 points to 600 points in about a minute and a half, registering losses at the speed of about 200 points per minute, or about 3.5 points per second. That's really fast. I haven't lived through a hurricane, but I imagine it's similar to the empty feeling of having a portolio that seems ransacked by a storm, that it's comes through quickly, wrecks everything, and then just leaves. (Except the storm in the stock market might not be gone just yet). And even after this storm leaves, there will be a period of calm, but then there will be more storms that come later, at unexpected times, subject to the force of nature. There always will be. And just like forecasters can predict without a doubt that a hurricane will come but can't pinpoint the exact time, everyone knows a dip in the stock market will come, but when is the key. Do you just not build houses or live in coastal areas in the U.S.? Do you just not invest in the stock market at all even though it's a wise investment most of the time? 

The stock market storms puts forth another critical lesson that I keep telling myself but not don't learn: don't be complacent. Just a week ago the Dow reached its all time high, a bunch of my stocks reached their all time highs, I had made a significant profit over the course of 2018, and I was feeling rather happy about myself, sitting pretty, feeling invincible, and dangerously thinking that the trend would continue. Unfortunately, the stock market doesn't always go up, and when it doesn't go up, it often plunges precipitously, leaving those who didn't take a profit or hedge their bets agape. It's easy to be a "passive investor" (letting your stocks sit there in a "let it ride" approach) when stocks are going good, but that style lends itself to complacency and a smug feeling that even if the market dips a bit, it'll just come back soon, so no need to panic. Pretty soon if you don't hedge your bet, you've lost all that profit and possibly then some. Just like those who don't worry about hurricanes in coastal regions even though they're headed straight for you, being complacent about stocks and always thinking stocks will be fine, it's all good until the storm wipes out everything and leaves you feeling empty inside. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

The Death of Television

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of one of the most important inventions of the 20th century........the television. The television was an essential part of my life growing up and I'm sure for many people out there. Some might even say the television was another parent, it taught us things, it made us laugh, it made us cry, it was sometimes inappropriate, but there was no denying how willing the TV was to be there for us, anytime we pressed the "on" button.

I haven't owned a television since my law school years about 8 years ago, and the last one I had I sold to my friend at a discount because I just didn't need it anymore. At some point I just found that I had a computer I could watch, I had a phone I could watch things with, why need a TV? I think more and more people feel the same as I do; they like the personal feel of their phone, they can go on Youtube which has so many algorithms to know exactly what they prefer to be watching, and the phone is so much convenient than turning on a TV! A TV you have to sit down at a specific place, at a specific angle, be careful you don't turn in too high to annoy the neighbors, but not too low that you can't hear the audio. You have to buy cable channels, etc., such a hassle compared to just having a phone. MJ and I have not owned a TV and we're happy about it (one of the things we see totally eye to eye on and never had any arguments/ conflicts about!). We do have a projector that projects movies on to the wall that functions just like a TV. It's pretty awesome! We don't care about high-def, how big the screen is, how many channels it can play at once, we're pretty much just on our phone anyway. Multi-screens? It's called watching on my computer and my phone at the same time.

There's too many remote controls for TVs now anyway. Besides the fact that it increases the chance of losing a remote, it's tough to know how to use all the remotes and which one's for which, and which buttons to press. I used to take pride in being able to operate a remote (like McCauley Caulkin said in Home Alone 2, "I'm 10 years old. TV's my life.") but now making things as simple as possible is the new thing, less buttons to press and instant access. Pretty soon we'll be able to activate videos with our minds, just by thinking about it!

It's not like I'm happy about this development, though. I used to love TV; TV was my escape from real life after a long day at school, motivating me to get home quick to catch the latest Spiderman cartoon or X-men; I would even sit through the commercials sometimes! (Although I did master the art of channel-flipping, which has become much more highly developed with the phone and the internet, it's like channel-flipping on steroids. Just like the death of a newspaper, the death of the TV signifies a turning point in society, where people don't read newspapers anymore, and now people don't even watch the same things anymore (people used to only have like 5 channels, and get the same news, and consume the same material). There's no defining thing that unites everyone now. What's next? The death of the living room and the death of the restaurant? People might not even need social interaction anymore, just do it on their phone or in a virtual restaurant/ gathering place.

Farewell, TV. You will be missed.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Heel Turn

I finally got around to watching some Avengers movies recently (there's a lot of them!) including Black Panther, Thor: Ragnorak, and Dr. Strange (all the new, cool flashy ones!) and have to admit they're quite good, and the addition of new characters adds new appeal to the series and allows us to enjoy their individual backstories before being thrust onto the big stage of something like Avengers: Infinity War. The problem, though, is that there's now too many superheroes! My main thing is, if these superheroes are so awesome, why do they need like 20 of them to fend off one bad guy! I get that Thanos is all-powerful and has the infinity stones and all that, but it kind of devalues the superheroes if they're getting whooped by this one guy, plus their abilities seem to be less "special" when they all get together, most of them having some sort of laser as a weapon, great athleticism, ability to recover quickly, etc., there's less differentiation (which is why I love Antman, flipping the script of the bigger the better around). If this was WWE wrestling, there would be a perfect solution to this: a heel turn. Make one of the superheroes turn bad, no matter if it's just temporarily or caused by some sort of disturbance in their life like loss of a loved one, etc. The audience loves dynamic personalities, and what's more dynamic than turning bad into good, or good into bad?


In life there's plenty of heel turns, and in sports my perception of certain sports teams and figures has changed significantly. I used to LOVE the Boston Red Sox in high school for some reason (despite growing up in suburban Chicago and having no affiliation to their team) due to the curse of not having won a championship, the movie Fever Pitch, the Green Monster, so much so I started trying to have a Boston accent in high school (I was a weird kid in high school) and wrote about loving Nomar Garciappara in my SAT essay portion. I reviled in the Red Sox's 2004 championship run, beating their archnemesis Yankees in epic comeback fashion en route to the World Series. But then..... the Red Sox became not so loveable anymore, having a championship. Then they won again in 2007. And 2013. They suddenly went from the have-nots to the haves, the underdogs to the hated favorites, the class nerd to the captain of the football team, the Red Sox into the......Yankees? (always winning). That's a very prototypical path of a heel turn: finally accomplish the goal that you were always gunning for so that there's no other path, become arrogant and cocky, people flock to someone else who is now the underdog.

To me, Conor McGregor has become that for the UFC. (I've become a fan of mixed martial arts recently, it's a stark contrast to the ball sports that I grew up watching, hand to hand combat is just such a different discipline with different stakes involved). People loved Conor because of his brash attitude on his way to the top and quick wit, striking daggers at his opponents with one-liners and a devil-may-care attitude. He finally won the UFC Featherweight Champion, and then the UFC Lightweight championship on top of that to become a double champion, and everyone loved him for it! But now, his antics of intimidating his opponents, wild antics, have been overplayed, especially since he put innocent people in danger with attacking a bus, constantly acting in his own best interest, not for the fans. Basically, everything that he used to do which people loved him for, now become what people dislike him for, mainly because he's already had the success, made millions of dollars. It's such an interesting study of two sides of the same coin, except for the part where they've accomplished their goals. People can resonate with people who have been oppressed and working uphill fighting for their dreams, but most people can't identify with those who have already achieved their dream, sadly because most of us won't be able to achieve our dream (it's always the chase that thrills us). For me, Conor McGregor is now the heel and the villain of the story, and I am rooting for him to lose tonight to instill some humility, and maybe, just maybe, make him likable again.



Another thing that's had a heel turn: my bladder. I remember being able to hold it and not having to go to the restroom for many hours; those were the good ol' days apparently! Nowadays I feel the urge much more quickly. I guess it's how life goes: pretty soon it'll be my hair, my knees, all different parts of my body. You talk about working to achieve a goal, my dream now is just to go the whole night sleeping without having to wake up to pee. It disturbs the sleep!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Loss (of profits) 損失 , 손실

Another example of Chinese, Korean, and Japanese all aligning on a word: this time it's "losing money," which is what happened today in the stock market to everyone.

The first half of the year saw many days like today of big losses (but also days with big gains to offset those losses) due to increased volatility, so I and many other investors I imagine got shocked into backing out of the market. It hasn't happened as much in the 2nd half of the year, but when it does happen, it still has the same painful effects.

The anatomy of a losing day with stocks:

1.) Wake up, check the futures market. Not looking like it's a great day, the futures already down.
2.) The market opens for trading at 8:30AM, not too bad, the Dow's been up for 3 consecutive days so we're due for a bad one.....just hope it's not too bad?
3.) The first hour of the trading is usually the most volatile as the traders all get their orders in, and the market seems to be OK and settling in.......
4.) But then it goes down, and goes down fast. There were actually some gainers in my portfolio earlier in the day......not anymore. Those get dragged down with the rest of the market
5.) inevitably, there's a report that explains today's extreme losses....interest rates, fears in the market, vague notions about a lingering trade war, etc., etc.,
6.) As some point I BUY Nflx because it's down quite a lot already today.......so I think. It rebounds after I buy it, but then panic sets in when there's a .....
7.) DOUBLE-dip in the stocks and everything keeps going down, and it's officially a -2% dip with my stocks, which is a LOT for any portfolio to take.
8.) Externally I act cool, but internally I start fretting over the money I've lost on the day (how many days/ weeks? salary I've lost just in today's trades alone) - I never do this when I gain money, I guess because making money is the expected result in investing, losing money isn't. I wish the only 2 options in investing was a.) static quo or b.) make a tiny bit of money, I would sleep a lot better knowing that.
8a.) I get the most basic lunch to "punish" myself for having a bad day. Perversely, this is how my mind works, as if saving the $2 for extra avocados will save my portfolio. When I have a good day on the stock market, I do "splurge" sometimes. So I guess it could even out.
9.) I wish I'd made better life decisions early in my life to make more money! The bad stock day starts bleeding into other sectors of my life of "Why didn't I accept that full-ride scholarship to law school! I could have made so much money!" or "Why didn't I invest and go all-in on the market in 2011 when I could have made hand over fist in investments!" - so many questions, so few answers.

10.) Finally, mercifully, the trading day ends and usually there's a little bit of a rebound in after-hours trading to prevent me from beating myself up even more......plus traders usually have a tiny bit of a buyback on really bad days in hopes of getting ahead of a rebound tomorrow. That's the thing about stocks: there's always tomorrow. Well, except on Fridays, but it's just a short weekend away. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow, you're only a day away.

The lesson: don't look at the stocks too much over the course of the day, they can consume your attention for most of the day, especially when they're down and you start counting pennies in your bank account. And personally i start losing fingernails as I bite on them nervously. And the stock market is not a microcosm of my life, stop comparing movement in stocks to everyday life, like I need to compensate for each dollar gained or lost in the stock market to real life.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

(飼い主) Petowner

Some musings I've had the last few days:

sleeping 2 or 3 hours for one night makes the next day very very difficult especially for trying to stay at work, but the sleep that night is GLORIOUS, especially if allowed to sleep for 12 hours. It seriously is the most vivid experience I've had of the dream world, where I'm totally encapsulated in the reality of that world, as if nothing else exists. It's like watching a movie in the movie theater and just disappearing into that world, no distractions. And after I wake up, I am SO refreshed and ready for the day, my head totally clear, most worries gone (except getting to work on time after those 12 hours of sleep!) It almost makes me want to do the 2-3 hours the night before just to get that 12 hour dream sleep for the next day, it's an addicting feeling. And dreams are so vivid I can remember them during the day, AND I can access dreams that I had previous, in an ongoing saga of inheriting a large sum of money as a victim of a fraud of a lawsuit.


It's not a myth: Living in Chicago does have effects of making people's bodies fatter and heavier as the body tries to insulate heat inside the body during the winter; it's a natural function, but it also makes me fatter. Both MJ and I suffered 2 winters ago, which is why living in L.A. probably "suits" us. One of the healthiest things I did for my own body image was move to L.A. for law school.

Wrigley Field has a newly renovated plaza area just outside the ballpark with statues, fountains, and more importantly a HUGE screen showing the game, which is where my friend Ray and I went to watch the late innings of yesterday's classic 13-inning one-game playoff game against the Rockies. If you're looking for the crowd feel, outside breeze, proximity to the game, and ability to see every pitch live on a big screen, look no further than the FREE entertainment right outside Wrigley, it's like Movies in the Park on a warm summer day. Perfect for me, who doesn't care about actually being in the stadium and the old rusty seats of a century-old stadium seeing pea-sized players from nosebleed seats.

Owning a pet is NOT easy business. I've stayed with 2 different people with pets the last month or so (MJ's best friend and then my best friend) and owning a pet, as cool as it may seem, is kind of a different lifestyle, as in your life revolves around the pet. My friend Ray's apartment has a yorkshire terrier, and as fun as it is watching him stroodle around and follow me wherever I go for awhile, the dog has some problems: like pooping on the carpet, going through the trash can and digging out all the toilet paper, easily able to escape through the front door if it's not fastened securely.........it really is a big commitment to have a pet. Not to mention costly (for shots, food, finding someone to take care of it if you go away for awhile........Being a petowner is like signing up for indentured servitude......to an animal. You think you're getting a pet and making it come along with you, but instead the pet's stringing you along, forcing you to give up some freedoms. I deeply sympathize for petowners, although I'm sure they'll tell me I will never know the feeling of owning a pet. Being a petowner, though, could be really good for developing some life skills in other areas: like patience of scolding something/someone that has no idea what you are saying and won't get taught a lesson, and repeats the same mistakes over and over, won't talk back but also doesn't understand and doesn't sympathize with your frustration at it...good practice for the early days of infancy in raising a kid or talking to an angry spouse who is upset and purposely will disobey/not listen.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Overtime Work (초과 근무) (残業) (加班)

The word for overtime work in Asian languages is, uniquely, different in Chinese, Korean and Japanese, but they all relate to the idea. In Korean it's "chokwa geunmu"exceeding one's duty," making one's work part of one's duty. In Japanese it's "zangyo" or roughly translated to "leftover work," like after the normally scheduled work is done, there's still some left over. Finally, there's chinese, called "jia ban," or roughly "tacking on a shift to existing shift." I was thinking of some way to explain why theses terms are the way they are based on each country's culture, but it's pretty much just working overtime, and they can all lead to "karoushi," ( 過労死) death from overwork, similarly pronounced in all the languages. 


I'm in danger of dying from overwork, but I have experienced some unexpected consequences from working a lot and overtime. Here are some. 

1.) Makes one appreciate a 40-hour work week. I sometimes complain that "the weekend was too short" and don't have enough time in the day, but it's all in perspective when I work a 60-hour week, or even an 80-hour week. 

2.) HAVE to find a way to cut down the commute. No way it's sustainable if it's like LA and have to travel an hour each way just to get to work. Have to find some lodging nearby for awhile or Uber way early in the morning (or late at night) when no one's out. 

3.) It's better to have others working the same hours. I can't imagine working overtime by myself, I'd just start feeling lonely and being lost to the world. At least there's comrades spending time with you spending the (as we jokingly call it) prison sentence. 

4.) it's not just one meal (lunch) at work, it's at least 2, sometimes 3. No time to get a decent breakfast and make a decent dinner, just gotta improvise. Can't have pizza or sandwiches ALL the time, so salads and fresh fruit/ vegetables are necessary.

5.) the paychecks are nice. It (kinda) makes the overtime work worth it, especially in California where overtime is mandated by law to be 1.5x the pay rate for every hour worked over 40 per week, but employers stop offering overtime. In Illinois, the overtime rules are more lenient, so people work for a flat rate without the overtime rate, which seems manipulative but also there's more work offered by the employer (similar to the argument against a minimum wage). 

6.) If doing an office job, feel like you've been sitting in the same room all the time for your whole life, like you've known nothing else in your life except that small office space. I can't imagine what prison is like for those who have to face it, without the prospect of getting out (or for a very long time). Yes, there are a lot of prison comparisons at our work like "marking a tally on the wall for each day we spend working here." 

7.) Appreciate the free time so much more. Want to go out and DO something with my free time! - I can understand why people drink a lot, or why lawyers/ doctors have substance abuse issues. There's almost a physical weight that's dropped after work and you just want to do anything else afterwards and go extreme. For me, sitting down to a mindless movie helps. 

8.) Lot of time to follow trending news stories, like the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings in the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee. Plenty of drama, and ironically those senators seem to be in the same dilemma as us, trapped in the same room and repeating the same pattern over and over every day for many days, straight. Working overtime and sometimes walking out (happened today before the vote to confirm Kavanaugh) to air out their frustrations. 

9.) Lots of pondering about one's life and how it's led to this point. Is sitting here worth it? Comes to mind a lot, as does, "what will be my future be like?" "is this what I'm doomed to do for the rest of my time?" 

10.) need to grab a nice chair for good posture, need a good mouse and good equipment, need to bring extra clothing in case the building gets cold or warm, basically have to take care of oneself because I'm at this building and in this space more than any other place in the world for now. This is my life now. 

11.) I will think twice about taking on any jobs or assignments that require being in the same cramped space for long periods of time without ability to get out, like an astronaut, security guard, etc. Unfortunately most of the world's professions require staying in one place all the time, but at least for most there are breaks to do something else just to keep one's sanity. (Being a parent now seems even more difficult because YOU CAN'T QUIT your job as a parent. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

記名セリフ (Trademark phrases)

I love trademark phrases because they're so unique and fresh and demonstrate how one feels at the time; the really good ones stay with me for a long time and I chuckle or burst out laughing each time I hear them, or at least after I haven't heard them for a while. Best example is a co-worker whose daily routine was to complain about things, and when he really worked up a routine he called them "dreadful." Dreadful is definitely a word in the English language, but most people say they don't like something, or that it was "terrible," or "regrettable," or some other form, but "dreadful" is rare enough and kind of exaggerates the situation because every time I hear the word I think of someone welling up with dread. I chuckle every time I hear it, and my co-workers and I have caught on. Doesn't hurt that the guy who kept saying that uses the twitter handle "undertaker0818," which is totally against that gentleman's character but evokes images of doom and "dread" as well as the Undertaker from the WWE universe.

I wish I was original enough to come up with original phrases that other people repeat to this day and have a legacy, but alas I use too many cliches to be quoted. I actually quite dislike cliches like "it just wasn't his day," or "he came out of nowhere" or "I have no idea" (REALLY dislike this one because most of the time the person DOES have an idea!) because these phrases or oft repeated and show no artistry, no skill in using the language, no original thought, and for someone who likes the use of language (foreign languages included) and artful use, I try to stay away from cliches like the plague (there, I just used one there).

I don't think the power of unique phrases can be understated. Sure Donald Trump has a number of things he can be quoted about, but even presidents, when they've retired and years have gone by, will be known by, and can be summed up by, some memorable quotes. "I am not a crook." "Read my lips, no new taxes." Sometimes the only thing a famous person is known for is what they said. Derek Anderson, an otherwise underwhelming and forgettable QB, is famous for saying, "I take this SH*T serious!" when someone questioned his dedication. "I'm a man! I'm 40!" is from a Oklahoma State football coach. Some of these become viral sensations and are aided by the internet, but the words themselves and the strangeness of the soundbyte and how it characterizes what that person believes in is what makes the phrase stand out.

MJ and I have plenty of phrases that we'll say when we're in a good mood (and I try to say when we're fighting to try to lighten the mood, with mixed results).
"Uncomfortable!"
"Chincha nice!" ("Chincha" means "really" or "extremely" in Korean, and it's a funny Korean-English mixed word that some Koreans say.)
"It's collapsing!" - originally about a chocolate cake that we were all eating but I messed up, and I explained why I wasn't eating it anymore: "It's collapsing!" even though I was the one who made it to collapse.
"Micheosseo???" Are you crazy? in Korean.

I find that the more time I spend with someone, the more likely it is to come up with phrases. My co-workers and I have so many that we sometimes keep a list and email back and forth adding them periodically as new ones come along.
Favorite phrases:

1.) He thinks he's all that.....AND a bag of chips (to mean someone is full of himself)
2.) The goggles! They do nothing!- Simpsons quote
3.) Heyyyyyyyy Roooooobert, do you want a batch? I can get you a batch.
4.) "It is what it is."
5.) INSTANTLY stops hitting- a quote I uttered in complete dejection while studying for the bar in 2011 but also managing my fantasy baseball team, as one after one each player that I picked up to help my team instantly stopped hitting.


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan