Bullying

I hope my daughter does not get bullied. I will try my best to make sure it doesn't happen, but sometimes there's only so much a parent can do; most of the bullying that happened to me was done specifically without parents around, just kids being kids. The thing about kids, they're not babies: babies are innocent, they're just trying to survive and grow with the world, there's no ill intent (except maybe Damien the Demon Kid from the Omen movie). Kids, unfortunately like many humans, develop cognitive abilities and bad intentions; they can be some of the nastiest people because they can't empathize yet with other people or know what it's like to be on the other side of bullying, they just do it to make themselves feel safe. As an overweight Chinese kid who wore glasses and FOB-by clothing as a kid, I was the prime target. Getting made fun of on the bus, not having anyone to eat with at lunch, being called four-eyes at school, and a whole host of racial stereotypes sometimes crossing over to outright slurs (Ching Chong was the flavor of the month back in my day). I wasn't always the victim, as I also retaliated sometimes by making fun of other kids and resorting to the same bad behavior that was being done to me; I'd like to think I gave a lot less than I received, mostly because I knew what it felt like and didn't want to do that to other people. The outright bullying was pretty standard, but what really felt like a betrayal is if someone I thought was a friend saw other friends and an opportunity to be in the "cool crowd," they'd just cross over and sacrifice me to be with the cooler people. That really hurt, and maybe a part of that still sticks with me today, maybe I'm messed up because of it and get oversensitive if it happens to me. It just hurts when you think you know someone, you're on their team and they're on your team, but then they turn out not to be, at the most crucial time when you need them. The point, of course, is to prevent it from happening to my child. I hear from other parents that their anxities become not necessarily worrying about themselves but about how their kids are doing, and not wanting their kid to be bullied, or worse, be THE bully. Weight issues can be contained hopefully, and hopefully diet restrictions will help along with baby's powerful legs (she kicked her mother while in the womb and is continuing to kick hard now) making her exercise and get out on her feet. Unfortunately she will look at least a little like me, with an Asian countenance and un-telegenic appearance, so any hope of getting "pretty privilege" may be inheriting genes from her mother. Unlike my parents I will have the advantage of telling my child what school is like and how to deal with bullies in America, what kind of things might happen and to get mentally prepared for them. The best way, of course, is to have good social skills: be friendly to everyone, but also not get too bothered when you hear something and show that you're bothered by it. Also, try to find a friend or friends early. Elementary school unfortunately is like prison: you need to group up early or others notice that you're alone and can team up on you, Mean Girls style. Don't be arrogant, don't be weird, don't be too loud....these are all probably things I suffered from but didn't realize until now. So many things to know as a child, it's hard to remember them all much less know that they're things you have to watch out for! Nowadays, more than the 1990s when I was growing up, there's this thing called "cyberbullying" where people just go online to bully their classmates, yet another hurdle to cross and figure out, and other thing social media has betrayed us on. (Social media's that friend that you think is on your team and helping you make more friends, but it actually betrays you because other people have more followers or "friends" or are doing cooler things than you, and you actually feel more lonely after being with it). Or maybe AI will be able to stop bullying when Baby Girl is old enough to start going to school. Abolish bullying! Defund bullying! No Bullies' Day!