Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of one of the most important inventions of the 20th century........the television. The television was an essential part of my life growing up and I'm sure for many people out there. Some might even say the television was another parent, it taught us things, it made us laugh, it made us cry, it was sometimes inappropriate, but there was no denying how willing the TV was to be there for us, anytime we pressed the "on" button.
I haven't owned a television since my law school years about 8 years ago, and the last one I had I sold to my friend at a discount because I just didn't need it anymore. At some point I just found that I had a computer I could watch, I had a phone I could watch things with, why need a TV? I think more and more people feel the same as I do; they like the personal feel of their phone, they can go on Youtube which has so many algorithms to know exactly what they prefer to be watching, and the phone is so much convenient than turning on a TV! A TV you have to sit down at a specific place, at a specific angle, be careful you don't turn in too high to annoy the neighbors, but not too low that you can't hear the audio. You have to buy cable channels, etc., such a hassle compared to just having a phone. MJ and I have not owned a TV and we're happy about it (one of the things we see totally eye to eye on and never had any arguments/ conflicts about!). We do have a projector that projects movies on to the wall that functions just like a TV. It's pretty awesome! We don't care about high-def, how big the screen is, how many channels it can play at once, we're pretty much just on our phone anyway. Multi-screens? It's called watching on my computer and my phone at the same time.
There's too many remote controls for TVs now anyway. Besides the fact that it increases the chance of losing a remote, it's tough to know how to use all the remotes and which one's for which, and which buttons to press. I used to take pride in being able to operate a remote (like McCauley Caulkin said in Home Alone 2, "I'm 10 years old. TV's my life.") but now making things as simple as possible is the new thing, less buttons to press and instant access. Pretty soon we'll be able to activate videos with our minds, just by thinking about it!
It's not like I'm happy about this development, though. I used to love TV; TV was my escape from real life after a long day at school, motivating me to get home quick to catch the latest Spiderman cartoon or X-men; I would even sit through the commercials sometimes! (Although I did master the art of channel-flipping, which has become much more highly developed with the phone and the internet, it's like channel-flipping on steroids. Just like the death of a newspaper, the death of the TV signifies a turning point in society, where people don't read newspapers anymore, and now people don't even watch the same things anymore (people used to only have like 5 channels, and get the same news, and consume the same material). There's no defining thing that unites everyone now. What's next? The death of the living room and the death of the restaurant? People might not even need social interaction anymore, just do it on their phone or in a virtual restaurant/ gathering place.
Farewell, TV. You will be missed.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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