Getting on One's Bad Side (눈 밖에 나다)

A Korean idiom literally meaning "eyes are on the outside of," this idiom means getting on one's bad side, either at a company, at school, or in a social group. I have never been one to continuously act weirdly or provoke people intentionally to get on their bad side, but sometimes it happens: you lose touch with someone and fall out of their good side.


The big moment is when you go to the same event as someone or see them on the street, will you greet them and say hello? It's a common problem I have with a lot of my dodgeball "friends," because you see everyone every week or at major events, but do you actively try to greet them and reaffirm the friendship, when both sides know you're unlikely to hang out beyond that event? It's a tough call, and there's no definitive answer, but it is definitely awkward to avoid eye contact even though you see someone and you're pretty sure they see you, both pretending to not notice each other. I have faith in the human ability to recognize faces, and despite my very non-distinctive Asian face I'm pretty sure people can still recognize me, so it's really a test of both sides to see if they want to "remember" somebody and come greet. If neither side is willing to reach out and recognize the other, than that speaks volumes about the kind of relationship one has.


Also at dodgeball, the problem is having to go out and be social, or else be labeled as being "anti-social." I personally see some of the activities of the perceived "social" thing to do as being nonsensical and a waste of time (ex: going to bars and clubhopping, waiting in long lines to get into a concert and trying to find parking, etc., etc.), but by refusing to go together I risk getting on one's bad side. The most pressing problem with getting on someone's bad side for me is that the process goes on without me knowing it. I get asked to go to a party but refuse politely, the person who asked assumes I either dislike them or I'm anti-social, and I'm now on their bad side; a few months or years later you fall out of touch and then see each other at some event but then it's too late to rebuild a relationship. I guess it's an issue of finding the right people to hang out with in the first place who have the same interest in me, as well as deciding whether to keep the relationships one already has despite a divergence in paths. Friendships and acquaintances, believe it or not, are a lot of work (you must say hi in an enthusiastic and loving way each time you see them) so sometimes if life changes and moves on, it might be best to let the paths diverge, with the mutual agreement to do so rather than thinking that the other party dislikes you or you're "on their bad side."

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan