The Couple Quarreled, but soon made up (夫婦喧嘩したがすぐ仲直りした。)

This phrase is one of the most often example sentences in Japanese, it's everywhere. Fuufugenka (夫婦喧嘩) is a term for a typical lover's quarrel, where husband and wife (or some other kind of significant other) have an argument, but outside observers can assume that it's more of an insignificant matter that won't blow into something big, just something that people who spend a lot of time together do from time to time when they inevitably get on each other's nerves. And hopefully the example sentence becomes true, the couple had a lover's quarrel but soon made up because they love each other and went back to normal again. 

MJ and I inevitably get on each other's nerves. It happens, as it does in most relationships, I think, but I've learned some stuff to do (and more importantly, NOT TO DO!) during a lover's quarrel. 

1.) Do NOT raise one's voice. This is especially true for me because it escalates the situation and creates more tension, and makes MJ more upset. 
2.) DO buy flowers. It's not a cure all or 万能薬 (literally in Japanese/Chinese, a drug that has 10,000 uses) but it certainly doesn't hurt, and at worst you look at something pretty for a while. 
3.) Do NOT use violence. 
4.) DO appreciate the other person for all their hard work. Compliments, supportive comments. (For the guy, a lot of times it's just fishing for what the woman is upset about and finding it) 
5.) Do NOT just ignore the issue and go to sleep thinking it'll cure itself. A lot of times it's a test to see if you really care! Make the effort to stick around. 
6.) DO offer to give massages. Physical support can go a long way to break the ice. 
7.) Do NOT say too much. Extra stuff might shift the argument into different topics and make it worse. Find the right words to say, think about it long and hard. Less is more: sometimes just saying "I love you" 10 times may be best. 
8.) DO stay positive. It's possible that the storm is the worst right before the sun comes through. Try to be there and eventually MJ becomes a 천사 like she normally is again.

Hope that episode of relationship corner helped. Here's wishing you luck in solving your lover's quarrels quickly and fairly!

情人的争吵 中文和日文都有一个词语形容一对夫妇争的时候，表面上是在吵架，但目击者可以明显地看出来不是致命的吵闹，只是小变扭而已，过一会儿就会和好了。一起过日子的人难免有时跟互相过不去，吵一会儿就发现还是相爱，恢复正常状态。 我和我太太也经常发小毛病， 我用这些经验学到了一些重要的教训。请个位参考。 １。）不要用大声。尤其我的声音本身就大，越大越提高紧张气氛。别人也对大声有反感，容易火上加油。 ２。） 要买花。虽不是万能丹，但不回有坏处的，最起码可以看看五严六色的癣花。 ３。） 不要动手。决对不要。暴力是不可原谅的。 ４。） 要多说对方的好话，表现有感谢的态度。经常做为男生不知道对方为何生气，可又多问问题和表扬这一招来寻找答案。 ５。） 不要扭头不理，错误的认为睡一觉就解绝问题了。有使是考验，看你会不会费心来安慰。 ６。） 要按抹。给实际的缓和可以得到精神的缓和。 ７。） 不要说太多了。说都了还可能另找麻反，从一项目谈到下各个项目毛病阔大了。还不如就说我爱你十遍可能更有效。 ８。） 不要桑气。对方就算是愤怒连天像暴风雨似的，但说不定再过一会儿会翻脸，太阳露出微笑。

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

打扫卫生 (Cleaning)

我从小不太重视干净，在家里时不会主动去洗车，拖地板，擦桌子之类的。只有我爸妈提供零钱的使候，我才有动力去干活，赚一点小钱. 因为我其实不太在乎干净不干净。我离家上大学以后也是一样的，经常家被别人批评为猪窝。


到现在为止才发现房里有多少件事情需要处理。碗要经常洗，地每天都积累一层灰，所以最好天天擦一次地板。 厕所更不用提了，每天越来越脏，其实我已经想出了高招，每次用厕所时不站，做上马桶。

身上的毛掉的快，房里到处可以找到，用布擦一遍以后可以找到好多。洗澡缸里可以掉很多肮脏的物体，要不管的话会变黄。

结论是，整个房子都要经常打扫，越大的房子越需要管理。 住房子真不容易，除非请一位清洁工一星期打扫一次，每个人都需要费劲，付出劳动，而且要安排一定的时间专门负责处理这些活。就像上班似的，那么紧迫的。幸亏我拥有带着爱请的太太来帮我和集中我的注意力！


Ever since childhood I've never placed too many value on keeping clean, as I would not proactively go and wash the car, or sweep the floor, wipe the table, or perform other types of chores. Only when my parents offered money for those tasks, would I get some incentive to act, to make some money. The reason being, I've never really seen the need to be too clean, I've usually lived alone or in my own room. Even when I left my parents' home for college I was the same messy way, often being criticized by others as having a "pig sty."

Only now do I realize how many things a home needs to maintain and how many tasks there are. The dishes need to be washed, the floor accumulates a layer of dust every day, so you have to sweep. Don't even mention the bathroom, which gets dirtier day after day. Actually I've thought of some strategies to combat that, where instead of standing when using the bathroom, I sit on the toilet bowl.

The hair on one's body falls quickly, they creep up all over the house, after one time wiping with a cloth, they are spotted everywhere. The bathtub accumulates tons of dirty material, if left alone it becomes yellow.

The conclusion is, the whole house needs to be cleaned frequently, and the bigger the house the more maintenance is needed. Living in a house isn't easy, unless you have a cleaning person come weekly to clean. Everyone needs to put in effort, provide their labor, and there has to be a scheduled cleanup session specifically designated to cleaning and taking care of these matters. It's just like having a job, it's that important. Thank goodness I have the loving MJ to help and keep me focused on these tasks!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Google Translate (谷歌翻译)

One of the biggest fears for people like me, whose job involves using my language abilities and who has invested a lot of time and effort into learning languages, is the advent of a universal translator or similar artificial intelligence device, that's able to totally wipe out all need for any translation work or humans with language abilities. For years (after the Iphone was created, Internet replaced newspapers, Netflix replaced movie stores, etc.)  language translation has been the next technological advancement in the making, may experts warning that it is coming sooner or later. It's definitely something I get concerned about sometimes, but don't lose too much sleep over.

Google Translate, at least for Chinese and Japanese, is getting better, a step up from back in the day when their subjects and objects were arranged into sentences that made no grammatical sense, and even my sister, who's not that well versed in Chinese, was making fun of it. When I had some renewed misgivings about my language abilities today I plugged in some English sentences and had a mild heart attack at first due to the preciseness of the translations that it spat out, at least for rather simple sentences. They were grammatically correct and pretty broad in its vocabulary list, even including some common idioms they could decipher and give the right definition, like "it was raining cats and dogs" wasn't literally translated to cats and dogs but as "it rained heavily." Smart work, Google. The kicker, though, and what gave me a little bit of hope for my mere human language abilities, is more nuanced words that have more than one definition and needs context to be interpreted. For example, plug in these sentences to Google Translate:


1.) I have had it up to here with you - (Google misses the "I'm angry!" nuance)

2.) I might turn on him later - (Google misses the "betray" nuance of this sentence due to all the words being common words and "turn on" usually used like turning on a television).

3.) I had the hots for him. - (Google misses the "I really like him!" nuance of hots.)

4.) I tore him a new one. (Google misses the "severely criticized" portion of this).


Google can program in a bunch of unique idioms in all languages (although there are still some that it misses, like "waiting for Godot" or 犬猿の仲, meaning fierce enemies), but it still can't detect the phrases or expressions that use ordinary words that just have a different meaning, like a robot Google has to go through all the variations and possibilities but ultimately choose the most likely meaning of "turn on" like "turn on a TV" because that gets the most hits, while a human would able to read the whole sentence and know immediately that it contains a secondary meaning. Same in Chinese and Japanese, except so much more Kanji characters to confuse a machine (don't get me even started on trying to read a handwritten Chinese paragraph with scriggly writing and shorthand!) 
Google Translate, though, admittedly is great at typing in a single word or expression and getting different translations for that one word. Although that might also be unhelpful because which one of the 3 translations it spits out for "fire" is the right one? Too many variations sometimes can bog down the whole exercise.
Google Translate still has a way to go. But do other translators have better success? Apparently, Google Pixel phones now have a universal translation device where one can talk into the phone and the phone spits out the translation, but it has trouble picking up what the speaker says due to the various intonations (Chinese and its 4 intonations!) and accents people have. Which, by the way, is a problem that humans have to, deciphering what the other people are saying, even if you know the language, sometimes I don't even understand another people speaking English if it's accented.


Ultimately, I do think one day there will be an "Instant Translator" that can translate exactly what one says immediately to facilitate conversations. But perfecting it can take years, and translating a language does not capture the nuance of a language quite as well as what native speakers can do. Each language is its own different world, and there's a beauty to each language that can't be just turned into a mechanism and made practical by a robot, although it can get pretty close. For now, I'll just rest on my laurels that my language skills are still pretty marketable........until they aren't. When there comes a day when I see this instant translation device being used on the street and among all my friends, I'll have to admit it's over. (And really, at that point the human race might have to admit defeat to robots and AI because they've deciphered when of the most basic things that humans possess). But until then, I'll still keep fighting! 파이팅 (doesn't translate correctly on Google Translate)

* Apparently this type of thing has a name, based on the cult movie Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, called "Babelfish."

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Getting on One's Bad Side (눈 밖에 나다)

A Korean idiom literally meaning "eyes are on the outside of," this idiom means getting on one's bad side, either at a company, at school, or in a social group. I have never been one to continuously act weirdly or provoke people intentionally to get on their bad side, but sometimes it happens: you lose touch with someone and fall out of their good side.


The big moment is when you go to the same event as someone or see them on the street, will you greet them and say hello? It's a common problem I have with a lot of my dodgeball "friends," because you see everyone every week or at major events, but do you actively try to greet them and reaffirm the friendship, when both sides know you're unlikely to hang out beyond that event? It's a tough call, and there's no definitive answer, but it is definitely awkward to avoid eye contact even though you see someone and you're pretty sure they see you, both pretending to not notice each other. I have faith in the human ability to recognize faces, and despite my very non-distinctive Asian face I'm pretty sure people can still recognize me, so it's really a test of both sides to see if they want to "remember" somebody and come greet. If neither side is willing to reach out and recognize the other, than that speaks volumes about the kind of relationship one has.


Also at dodgeball, the problem is having to go out and be social, or else be labeled as being "anti-social." I personally see some of the activities of the perceived "social" thing to do as being nonsensical and a waste of time (ex: going to bars and clubhopping, waiting in long lines to get into a concert and trying to find parking, etc., etc.), but by refusing to go together I risk getting on one's bad side. The most pressing problem with getting on someone's bad side for me is that the process goes on without me knowing it. I get asked to go to a party but refuse politely, the person who asked assumes I either dislike them or I'm anti-social, and I'm now on their bad side; a few months or years later you fall out of touch and then see each other at some event but then it's too late to rebuild a relationship. I guess it's an issue of finding the right people to hang out with in the first place who have the same interest in me, as well as deciding whether to keep the relationships one already has despite a divergence in paths. Friendships and acquaintances, believe it or not, are a lot of work (you must say hi in an enthusiastic and loving way each time you see them) so sometimes if life changes and moves on, it might be best to let the paths diverge, with the mutual agreement to do so rather than thinking that the other party dislikes you or you're "on their bad side."

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Stepping Out of Orbit and Coming Out of the Closet (出轨和出柜)

I've used lots of different websites and type in different search terms to study Asian languages, including "most common Japanese words,"  but some that I find the most useful are sites that post a short, brief news article accompanied with the audio of them reading that article in the native language. Tremendously helpful to develop news-level vocabulary, listen to the intonation of the words, and hear about interesting news stories. For Chinese learners, I recommend this site: 

https://www.slow-chinese.com/

Its latest article is about 2 Chinese terms that sound almost exactly alike except for the different intonation (Chinese has 4 tones that differentiate similarly sounding terms that baffle non-native speakers). 出轨 (Chugui) means falling out of orbit, and it has a similar idea to familiar English terms like "stepping out" on someone, or going outside the relationship, cheating, etc. The second one, 出柜, is probably derived directly from the English phrase "come out of the closet," which means someone reveals to the world that they are LGBT. 

It's a shame that sometimes being LGBT, 出柜, is considered more of a crime or at least less morally acceptable than 出轨, or cheating on a spouse. Cheating on a spouse is a very conscious act, the cheater is very much in control of what he or she is doing and with full knowledge of their activities and the implications, while being LGBT is often genetically determined and biological. In some societies, or at least social circles like Chinese elite business/government leaders, it seems, cheating on one's spouse is OK and considered "normal" activity, whereas LGBT people are the victims of hate crimes and targets of abuse. It really should be the other way around and shows how world citizens' values should be improved. 

Coming out of the closet has to be one of the most difficult experiences of a young person's life, especially when they reveal it to their parents. I couldn't imagine if I was gay and had to reveal to my parents this supposedly shameful secret, although by accounts gay people didn't do anything wrong, they didn't "choose" to like the same gender. America is a relatively open country (at least in Los Angeles it is), but in other parts of the world much less open and forgiving, and in some countries it is seen as a crime. I can barely even muster the courage to tell my parents I got into a car accident or got a C in 7th grade home economics, much less something more serious that effects the rest of my life. 

It's also tricky as a non-gay person to try to "identify" gay people, and the term "gay-dar" is a little uncomfortable for me. The worst thing that can happen is you misidentify someone as gay, like one contestant on Survivor did a few years ago, revealing to the tribe that a fellow tribemate was transgender when not everyone had known about it yet. Gay-dar can cause people to use stereotypes that "set off" their gay-dar and unnecessarily label certain characteristics and personality types as "gay" characteristics, which might not be true. On the other side of the spectrum, I've often been teased by gay people as to why I didn't know they were gay sooner, and they're proud of their homosexuality (which they should be). The lesson is just to be sensitive, be understanding of what LGBT had to go through at home to be out as LGBT, and have an open mind about who they are. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Rainbow (무지개, 虹 )

Rainbow is "niji" in Japanese, "caihong" in Chinese, and "mujigae" in Korean. I keep claiming that Chinese, Korean, and Japanese are all very similar to each other, but the translations for "rainbow" do not help my case.

Once in a while you get rain in L.A., and that one in a long while you get one of the most spectacular sights in the world: a full rainbow, which is what cut across the Los Angeles horizon this afternoon after a pretty strong rain (for LA) dampened the city and worsened traffic for the last 2 days. It wasn't one of those half-assed rainbows that hide behind buildings or get partially obscured by rain clouds, neither. It was a full-on, St. Louis Gateway Arch -got-jealous, stretched from one end to another type of rainbow too, amplified by the long rays nearing sunset time. It goes to show that once in a while, if you get out of the house or out of the office, you get something really special in life. There's also higher likelihood of getting into a car accident or other type of unforeseen eventuality, but mother nature still can be very beautiful. Rainbow is like one of those miracles of the world: how can something naturally have 7 colors together in such a beautiful pattern? I can't imagine how prehistoric humans felt seeing that, just bow to the majesty of the universe. It's a testament to how much of a miracle human life itself is, with water, air, earth, fire, all of the things existing conspiring to allow human beings to live.

Rainbow has also been associated with the Gay Pride/ LGBT Pride movement, rightly so with the different colors, apparently with each color symbolizing different ideas like serenity, nature, sunlight, healing, etc., and an extra color (hot pink) representing sex. Mind blown. This weekend, I will be taking part in my 4th straight Sin City Shootout, an annual dodgeball tournament hosted by WeHo Dodgeball, itself a LGBT-based dodgeball group, celebrating gay pride everywhere through the greatest joy of sports. It's a great tournament with 50-odd teams competing from all over the country that makes one feel like a real athlete with real stakes. The first 3 years I took the competition part of the tournament way too seriously, trying to win at all costs, and this year as I near the end of my dodgeball career (NOT announcing my retirement!) I realize just to soak in the awesomeness of the tournament like basking in the glow of a rainbow in the middle of Los Angeles on a Tuesday afternoon, enjoy life and the things that come with it.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Metropolis ( メトロポリス)

I live at the center of a huge metropolis, the city of Los Angeles, where cars go whizzing by every day, trains run under the city (but not enough of them), and various areas of public transportation get people from one place to another. Big buildings line the side of the roads, iron beams and pillars hoist up the highways to allow them to tower over the public roads. It's actually quite fascinating, how the many roads and highways intersect each other, it's not just a 2-D map, it's definitely a 3-D construction with different levels of roads piled on top of each other. Must be quite a headache to design roads in a city in that one, but also exciting in a SIMS City (old school PC video game where one built a city from scratch and make things practicable like building schools near libraries, etc. to attract citizens to settle there. Really fun game rivaling in popularity with classic PC games like DOOM and Oregon Trail, for understanding how cities work) kind of create-your-own-city kind of way.

At the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA), there's an exhibition called "Metropolis" that is a microcosm of the grand city of Los Anglees: toy cars whiz by on bridges going over other roads that pass over various model buildings; trains and even trolley cars are involved in the contraption of the city (unfortunately no rivers or ferries/boats involved, which I'd recommend for the next version). I've never been a big fan of art, but I really thought this exhibition was genius, capturing the imagination of the inner kids in ourselves who loved looking at toy cars and building block cities but also the artistic quality of representing the metropolis that the audience itself is standing in (LACMA is right in the heart of all the hustle and bustle of Metropolis LA). The whole spectacle is hard to put into words: when the exhibition is running, tens of thousands of toy cars of different colors are flying down cleverly designed ramps at a deftly accelerated pace, making a clattering sound that can be heard outside the building itself. The various museum patrons also seemed to agree, as a large crowd gathered when it was running, with a catwalk viewing area to get an aerial view of the exhibition itself. You can follow a car's path for only so long before it disappears into the abyss of the metropolis hustle and bustle, which I do think is part of the metaphor of humans losing our identity amidst all the city life. The exhibition is also genius because it appeals to artists, who should be fascinated by the imagery of it all, it looks very difficult to set up and construction people probably admire the complexity of its design, and just ordinary kids who just want to see toy cars fly down ramps. It certainly outdrew the more hyped-up Chagall: Fantasies for the Stage exhibition that MJ wanted to see.

I'll always be reminded of the Metropolis II exhibition by Chris Burden at LACMA: MJ bought a $5 poster of it and set it right in front of our dinner table. Can't miss it!


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

找工作

我已经工作好多年了，但在一开始找工作使特别不顺，经常收到拒绝线和电子邮件。我可以同情很多现在找工作的大学同学和刚毕业的研究生。以下是我的建议，当然不会百发百重，但值得试。

１。） 不要桑气。就象申请大学和找对象似的，不用屡屡打胜仗，只用胜利一次就够。世界上的工作比人还多，时间长了有时可一歪打正着碰上一个好机回。
２。） 阔展范围。尤其大学生，本领很多，修的课又多，就算是读经济的也可以申请金融的，试试运气。被录取了以后再做决定去不去。

３。） 多跟同事和读一样专业的人交流。你要不是特别回聊天的也可以发短新信，送信。尤其已经成功找到工作的，会想帮别人， 自己已经落石了。

４。）看别人是这么找到工作的，模仿他们。
５。）看网上有什么工作，需要哪些本领，还没有那个技术的话可以考虑培养， 往那方向去。比如说， 我读法学院使看到有好多公司招会说日文的，我已经会中文了，欲穷千里目，
更上一层楼， 于是加了一门本事。

Flossing (牙线)

美国人很讲究新年，大概是喜欢那种重新开始的感觉，也可能是想忘记往年的某种事请。也有很多人趁机开始减肥计划，或许是被逼的，因为过寒假时吃了太多了。我一前经常设减肥为目标，但通常坚持前两个月就用重犯老毛病了。今年我有很明确又现使的新年决议， 就是多抱护牙齿，每天要使用牙线。

牙线英文叫 floss， 我十六岁左右才知道有这么回事。牙医洗完我的牙齿可能一时惊呆了，问我用不用牙线，我也愣住了，问他牙线是什么，这才谎然大误，从那时起就改善我嘴的卫生了。

我父母其实长大的时候连刷牙的概念都没有，那使社会习惯不一样。不妙，他们过了一定岁数以后就有个种牙病了，经常要去看牙医，拔这个修那个的，看起来停辛苦的。我用牙线就是利用前車之鑒 ，避免以后的祸害。

用牙线有一些特点值得一提：
１。） 用完了会有一种新鲜或干净感，像刚洗牙以后。
２。） 出血就对了，说明派上用处了，但也说明要多洗。
３。） 越在后面的牙越需要洗。
４。） 最好先用牙线再刷牙，否则脏东西还在嘴里。
５。） 牙线不贵，效果很广。
Americans take a lot of stock in New Year's, probably due to the sense of starting afresh that one gets from the calendar turning, or due to the ability to forget everything that happened in the past year. A lot of people take the opportunity to start their weight-loss or diet regimen, perhaps being forced into it by everything they ate over the winter holiday season. In years past I often set a weight-loss goal as a New Year's resolution for the new year, but usually would lapse back into old habits by the 2nd month. This year I have a very clear cut goal, which is to protect my teeth, floss every day.

I didn't know what flossing was until I was sixteen, when my dentist finished cleaning my teeth and asked me why I don't floss. I was taken aback and had to ask him what flossing was, and finally a new world opened up to me and I realized I had to protect my teeth.

My parents actually had it worse: they didn't know the concept of brushing their teeth when they were growing up because social customs at the time were very different. After a certain age they developed several kinds of tooth problems and often had to see the dentist, needing to pull this out or fix that tooth. Looked very tiring and painful. I'm trying to avoid the same fate, a future with damaged teeth.