MJ and I read a bunch of these "what you wish you had known about weddings" type of articles before Our wedding and a lot of stuff is very applicable: the wedding goes very quickly, something will go wrong no matter how much you plan for it, give wedding envelopes to vendors, etc....Here's 9 things I wish I would have known (Since our wedding was on 9/9):
1) weddings are one of the most inefficient things one does in a lifetime: like what must be hundreds of hours of planning (if combined between Mj and I and close family members) for an event that's shorter than some baseball games. You can't let that bother you, however, and just gotta get over it and make those 5 hours one of the greatest times in your life. All the little details MJ planned (Im not great with detail) panned out in the end: getting cool wedding socks that matched my suit, awesome hangover kit that was just what my best man needed the next morning when he ran a marathon, flowers, makeup, etc, etc. everything just came together gloriously. I'll take some credit for handling the DJ and the officiant. And for BIG picture stuff (emphasis on big) like costs for the wedding.
2) less is more. Weddings seem to be all about extravagance and the aforementioned "that'll be extra!" Philosophy, but there's certainly aspects that allow for reduction, such as the length of speeches (audience loses attention span quickly, length of vows, length of just about anything). But also less is more in terms of guest count: you can get more genuine conversations out of those precious 5 hours where everyone is running around being busy if there are less people to go around and people's attentions aren't divided.
3) have another wedding weekend event other than the wedding. Best thing I did was to have another event scheduled so I actually got to meet people and have a nice conversation. Assume you're not going to be able to talk to guests much more than a brief "how do you do?" And then get a one-liner in there and then it's onto the next guest to talk to!
4) it really is a paradox of life: the arguably biggest event of one's life, the one even distant relatives and friends will take time to come out for, the event where unlike every other wedding you go to, you'll know everyone who attended, is the one you have the least time to talk to everybody. I wish I could be like Prince Shotoku of ancient Japanese lore, who could listen to 10 people at the same time and understand them all.
5) some guests will inevitably come brutally early and leave brutally late, like after dinner early. I don't know if social customs of weddings were like that back in the day, but nowadays people have conflicting schedules and whatnot, just be happy they all show up and not cancel at the very last second. I have definitely been guilt of this at weddings I have attended and now am conscious of it for future weddings I might get invited to: stay for as long as possible to show respect and be respectful of the day, don't make it seem like just showing your face quickly out if obligation (Japanese people call it kaodase).
6) make sure everyone gets some appetizers. Some guests will get more appetizers than others. Try to distribute evenly or at least instruct servers to.
7) Smile a lot. You never know when someone's taking a picture (especially since we had 2 pro photographers taking shots), so look the best at all times. Don't pick your nose.
8) bucking some conventions is fine. We replaced wedding cake with cupcakes and other dessert, the earth didn't cave in on itself. We didn't have a bouquet toss, no one even mentioned it. No garter thing, no bridal party. Just more time for talking to people and having fun.
9) the getting a good night before advice isn't just for appearance sake or memorizing speeches. It's also great for holding memories of that day forever, which I will from now on. Everything from the fresh feel of the whole outfit, to the smell and sights and sounds of the garden, from all the faces focusing on Mj and I when we were holding our ceremony, to just the chaos of dancing and squeezing so many events in and stretching out the evening before the night ruthlessly comes to a close. It was the best night of my life, and I was able to get a full night's sleep to clear out the memory banks and then feed it with the best time of my life.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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