I like making
never-before-done parallels (hikaku in Japanese, 比較)between
2 almost diametrically opposed things, so this is probably the first essay/
article ever done comparing these 2 things. 前例のない = unprecedented.
In
dodgeball, everyone starts in the game and then people get eliminated and have
to leave the game as they get out, so let’s use that as a baseline of
comparison (getting out in dating would be like stop dating that person)
1.)
Every game of dodgeball is different. The rules may be the same, the players may be the same,
but so many different balls are in play and so many different things going on
that there a lot of things going on. You never know what can happen at the
beginning of the game, whether you’ll be dodging, blocking, jumping, whatever.
It’s a lot of adapting to whatever the other team is doing and reacting to
things.
Similarly, every
date is different. The dating rules may be the same, the people on the date may
be the same, but so many different emotions and conversations are in play that
you never know what can happen at the beginning of a date, whether you’ll be
laughing, eating, joking, enjoying, whatever. It’s a lot of adapting to what
your date wants and reacting to what she/he says/ does.
(See what I did
there?)
2.)
The whirlwind of activity at
the beginning. In dodgeball, there is an opening rush where players from both
teams run towards the center line for the balls which are resting on the center
line, and because of the proximity of the players to each other there’s a
flurry of activity wherein people get out at the beginning. In dating, especially on a first date
where you’ve hardly/never met the date, everything happens very fast, like it’s
in fast motion….names are exchanged, you decide whether you shake hands/hug/don’t
do anything, and the date gets zooming from there. It’s a very exciting time,
and if you can get through it safely, it’s better sailing in the next phase.
Bonus points if you can even get someone else out in dodgeball, or if you make
a nice icebreaking joke or compliment to your date.
3.)
Know your limitations. In
dodgeball, you have to know that you’re not the hardest thrower out there, or
that you don’t have the quickest reactions, or that you can’t be too far near
the center line or that you’ll get sniped, etc. In dating, it’s cliche but it’s
usually not a good idea to do too much or “not be yourself.” Usually that gets
flushed out pretty quick, especially over the course of a 2-hour meal where
literally nothing is happening except that the other person is getting to know
you/judging you. I know what I do well in dodgeball and stick to that; same in
dodgeball. I try to ask good questions about my date and let them do the
talking, throw some jokes in if I know that they’re funny.
4.)
Protect yourself when you’re
being offensive; leave a little for
defense. Often in dodgeball you go up to the line with a ball with a target in
mind, but then get out yourself because something unanticipated happens. In
dating, you’re sometimes too overzealous in going with your date. Take it slow;
let someone miss you a bit. I’m still not sure about the “how long to wait
before calling” rules of dating, but I do know not to go too long on the first
date…….take it easy, don’t try to do everything at once, let there be something
to be desired for date No. 2 (and old camp analogy is to stop playing a certain
game before it gets too old, let the kids want to play it again next time).
5.)
Don’t swear. Be a good sport.
Be courteous. Easy. Goes without saying in almost everything, not just these 2
arenas. Going on dates has actually helped me control my swearing, believe it
or not. Dodgeball has not; I actually let loose a flurry of f-bombs sometimes
proportionate with how much I screw up.
6.)
Don’t lie. If you get hit in
dodgeball, even if the ref doesn’t rule you out, you should be honest and step
out. Same in dodgeball, it works in 2 facets: 1.) no matter how much your pride
is hurt, if the date doesn’t work out, be honest with yourself and accept not
dating that person anymore, or if they don’t want to go out anymore I guess,
and 2.) don’t lie about yourself just to make yourself look good/ keep the date
going. If they don’t like the real you, the date shouldn’t happen anyway.
7.)
React quickly. A Robert Yan
special, this is my special ability in dodgeball, and I feel like it works in dating
too. (See my article on reaction time). I make mistakes all the time during dates,
especially with my mouth. However, I (think) I do a good job covering them up,
like if I have a stain on my shirt and notice it, I go to the bathroom quickly
and cover it, but most commonly I start down a line of thought that I shouldn’t
go down, and then change it into a different, more mundane topic, or change it
into a compliment. A real way with words, this Robert Yan fella.
8.)
The biggest thing about
dating and dodgeball is not to take it
TOO seriously. Obviously it’s a big deal for marriage or "starting a life with another person" whatever that means, but individual dates will
not make or break you as a person or who you are. Dodgeball comes along all the
time, no need to beat oneself up over a bad one and lose sleep over it, just go
to the next game. There are a lot of possible dating partners out there, just
try to do your best on the next one.
Special shoutout to my current
coworkers at the US Bank Building. Hope you enjoyed this one.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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