September 22, 2013: A Day that will Live in Infamy

In a movie the opening credits the scene would unfold with me staring at my laptop game tracker and spontaneously checking back to my Iphone, a panicked look in my eye and all my fingernails bitten down to the stubs from a day’s (and week’s) worth of stress. Voice over: “And that’s how I ended up at the Westin Hotel Starbucks on the Las Vegas Strip, rooting for the Miami Marlins against the Washington Nationals in the 2^nd of a meaningless day-night doubleheader in late September.” 

In 2013 I made the finals of my 14-league, USC Law fantasy baseball league, THE most intense and smack talk-generating fantasy league I have ever participated in, bar none, and also the most stressful. After epically failing my way to a 13-games-below .500 record by the beginning of July, I made some improvements to the roster (bringing in Clayton Kershaw and Adam Wainwright, who happened to be the 2 best pitchers in 2013) and utilized some luck (breakouts from Matt Carpenter, Daniel Murphy, and a torrid 2^nd half surge from Alfonso Soriano) to clinch my division and get a first-round bye, only to find myself in a neck-and-neck battle in the semifinals. After waiver-wire add Andrew Cashner (My “Brucey Sharks” acquisition of the year) pitched a one-hitter on Monday, I forgot to insert all-time saves leader Mariano Rivera into my lineup, missing a crucial save in the process that I would regret by Sunday. Unfortunately months ago I had planned a trip to Bryce Canyon with some non-baseball friends (never again during September) and had  limited access to baseball throughout the weekend. Still, going into Sunday, 8 of 10 stat categories were in play and a million pitchers to go, including Bronson Arroyo, Yusmiero Petit, Andy Pettitte (in the same game), Alexi Ogando and Andrew Cashner again, but me down in almost all the offensive categories, including one in home runs.

The following was my adrenaline-induced typing from Sept. 22, 2013.

Never go on vacation while your (premier, most cared-about) fantasy baseball league is having its fantasy playoffs. Couldn’t concentrate on anything my friends were saying, stressed out all weekend. Fingers shaking. Honestly, the fear of falling and dying when I was rappelling is NOTHING compared to the sensation of failing in the Gabby Ryan League playoffs. EVERY single player has been crucial, every play make-or break. For example, I dropped Daniel Murphy ( a guy I had kept all season and who had rewarded my faith) instead of Jose Altuve on Friday due to Murphy drawing 2 tough lefties in Hamels and Cliff Lee for the weekend, but Murphy immediately homers off Hamels and makes me look like a fool. So it goes.
 

Wake up on Sunday morning deep in the mountains of Zion, near Zion National Park.

Thank god for the MLB at-bat app. I can’t be near a TV or a computer in the morning while the morning games play out, but at least I have my Iphone.

10:15AM PT. Bronson Arroyo (my guy) gets staked to a 7-0 early. YES! I basically need to win at least 4 pitching categories and hope I somehow get steal one of the offensive categories. Yes, that’s right, as of Sunday morning I’m probably losing

Still berating myself for not start Mariano Rivera (would have clinched saves) early in the week on a lineup snapfu, which would wind up costing me years off of my life/the win (not sure which one at time of publication, not sure which one I’d prefer at this point.

10:30AM PT:

BOOM! Carlos Santana with a huge home run to pull me to a tie in home runs. Still need some power from the bats!

10:45AM PT:

Alexei Ogando sailing along smoothly against Kansas City. A weekend add to my roster, this will be the one and only time this season Ogando will play for my team and he is absolutely cruising. GIVE HIM SOME OFFENSE! A 0-0 lead in a pitcher’s duel with Big Game Big Shields. O and strike some guys out!

10:50AM PT:

BOOM! Big Papi hits a solo home run in Baltimore, giving me the lead in Home Runs!!!!!! Can’t stop now, though, as my opponent still has Chris Davis with a league-leading 50 homers.

11:00AM PT. Yusmiero Petit and Andy Pettite going head to head in real life despite both being on my team. Pettite takes a no-hitter into the 6^th and a 1-0 lead before giving up a home run to someone on the computer box score named E Adrianza. It’s looking good for ERA and WHIP, but I need W’s and saves to win the category!!! SOMEBODY!!!!

12PM PT. In the car heading towards Vegas. I belatedly realize there is no car charger in the car and I will have to last the whole trip to Vegas with 25% battery life on my Iphone and constant checking of the MLB at-bat app. There is no baseball playing on the radio because it’s Sunday AND THE NFL IS IN SEASON!!!! WHY!!! WHO CARES ABOUT FOOTBALL RIGHT NOW!!!! IT’S THE END OF THE BASEBALL REGULAR SEASON!!!!! It’s official: Petit and Pettite leave their games with the score tied 1-1, Mariano Rivera (whom I need a W or SV from) comes in in the 8^th and retires the side but the Yanks can’t squeeze a run home, with the most devastating occurrence being Soriano (my guy) striking out with the bases loaded and one out while Rivera is the pitcher of record. Curses in brain (can’t articulate too loudly due to gentile company being around)

1PM PT.

Alexei Ogando’s final line: 7 IP, 2 H, 1BB, 5K’s. No W. Fortunately, Bronson Arroyo (despite being roughed up by the Pirates offense for 4 ER’s, more than Ogando, Pettite, and Petit combined on the day) gets the only W of the day for me, lending credence to the worthlessness of the wins stat category. And the bats brought the lumber today, as Chris lumberjack Carter hits a homer in Cleveland to give me an insurmountable lead in home runs.

2PM PT. Eating lunch with friends outside of Vegas. Just absolutely rude at this point, dashing into the sandwich place we stop at like a cocaine fiend trying to get his next fix, but instead of hard drugs I’m looking for a place to plug in my phone which is dying. Unfortunately for some reason Latroy Hawkins (other team) has somebody become a shutdown closer for this week and closes it out for the Mets, and Craig Kimbrel (other team) closes out a win for Julio Teheran (other team), a double whammy as it puts the other team in the lead with Saves (WHERE IS MY RIVERA SAVE FROM EARLIER IN THE WEEK!!!) and within 1 in wins.  All my opponent needs is a win from Patrick Corbin (currently leading 7-1 in the 3^rd inning) or a Stephen Strasburg (one of the best pitchers in the world) to win. I need a miracle.

Andrew Cashner, my last hope for a cushion win and a fantasy savior the last month of the fantasy season, just deals 7 innings of 1-unearned run ball. Unfortunately the San Diego Padres offense is worse than your average Little League t-ball team, whiffing incessantly against Zack Greinke and the Los Angeles offense, apparently not even opening their eyes while swinging because they know how it’s going to turn out.

I am despondent. In the car, I don’t say a word to my friends. My friends at this point have sensed tension and don’t say anything to me neither. My “friend” from home who’s also in the league texts me “you’re in a world of hurt,” like saying that the sky was blue or that Vegas is a waste of money.

As I’m pouting and fighting the urge to cry, I notice some activity in the Colorado-Arizona game. Apparently the 20-games-below .500 rockies are mounting a comeback. Patrick Corbin inexplicably can’t get out of the 5^th inning at Coors despite an insurmountable lead! I NEEDED THAT!!!!!! I am literally bouncing around. Michael Cuddyer, Todd Helton, the Coors altitude, you guys are AWESOME! I still have a chance! All I need is………Stephen Strasburg not to get a W. O damn it.

5PM PT. Dropped off friends in Vegas airport, waiting for the bus in 2 hours which will arrive at Bally’s Hotel. Guys playing slots, etc.

Stephen Strasburg takes the hill on Sunday night as my last obstacle. Good news: He’s been scratched various times in the last week or so and probably won’t last too long into this game (he needs 11 K’s to tie K’s for my opponent). The bad news: He’s facing the Marlins at home. The opposing pitcher: a 23-year-old lefthander named Brian Flynn. He has a 9.64 ERA coming into the game. Yea there’s a lot of bad news. Optimistically, it’s a coin flip. Realistically, it’s Stephen Strasburg at home against one of the worst offensives in America and a random September call-up in the second of a doubleheader in which the Nationals lost the first game, meaning they’re due to win the 2^nd one. Not good.

Meanwhile, St. Louis and Milwaukee get started on ESPN Sunday Night baseball.  A stolen base from Carlos Beltran, mostly dormant during these playoffs, could really help by stealing a base (I’m down 1). Not counting on it.  Carlos “Brutal” Beltran this weekend.

5:30PM PT

At this point I am locked on my computer literally checking every pitch location to make sure no one’s scored off Mr. Flynn. My mom texts me when I’m going to be home, not that I register what that means at the time. Flynn somehow makes it through 5 innings giving up just 2 runs despite a mammoth warning-track fly ball by Bryce Harper and some rocket shots off the bats of Nationals hitters.

6PM PT Strasburg struggles through the 4^th and has made 71 pitches through innings.  How many pitches is he allotted? DOES HE HAVE A PITCH COUNT? IS HIS ARM/SHOULDER SORE??

6:30PM PT. As I’m waiting for my bus to catch a ride home, I see Strasburg gets pinch-hit for in the bottom of the 6^th with the Marlins up 3-2. YES!!!!! JUST GET OUT OF THIS inning.

6:37PM PT. I remember when I found out I didn’t do so hot on my first law school exam. A pit in the bottom of my stomach, doubting the world. That did not compare to the feeling I got upon reading: “Denard Span singles to left field, (random Nationals player) and (another Random National player) scores. 4-3 Nationals. Strasburg the pitcher of record despite being out of the game. Nationals bullpen one of the best in the world. It’s over.

6:45PM PT. Preparing for next season. Devastated.

6:49PM PT. Logan Morrison gets on 2^nd for the Marlins with 2 out. Giancarlo Stanton up against right-handed specialist Tyler Clipperd. Stanton has made a habit of hitting flyouts and strikeouts in this spot all season.

6:51PM PT. I get a text from my friend (also in the league) before it happens. GIANCARLO STANTON!!!!!hits a double down the right field line. 4-4 game. Strasburg no win. Opponent has no more guys. Matchup over. 5-5. Euphoria.

6:53PM PT. Halfway down the street jumping around.

6:55PM PT. Call my friends, family, and rivals to share the news. WE’RE HAVING A BABY! HE’s CALLED THE FANTASY BASEBALL LEAGUE Finals.

1AM PT. Get home to Los Angeles; start preparing for the finals.

Sept. 30, 2013: I lose in the finals, putting an end to an extraordinary season with one very special day in there when I started in Zion National Park with a low chance of success and ended back in Los Angeles with victory and a life-long memory, just another day in the life of the fantasy baseball playoffs. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan