Sunday, November 14, 2010

Parallell Parking


How do people who know how to parallell park do it so well? I don't understand it. One of the hardest things to do in life, next to solving the Rubix Cube and whistling for me. Whistling, I think, is never happening for me due to a genetic predisposition and the Rubix Cube is more of an intellectual exercise that I don't have the mental capacity for (or at least the spacial dimensions for), but PARALLELL PARKING!!!! URG!!! That should be me! I actually know how to drive! I'm aware of my surroundings! I check my blind spots!! What am I doing wrong?

Some problems with parallell parking:
1. First of all, I'm bad at guess-timating spaces. Lot of spaces to me seem big when I pass by them, so I slam on the brakes and start backing in, but all of a sudden the spot has shrunk; as I start backing in I realize I'm screwed; time to abort. Time wasted. Damn it!

2 . The exact reverse is also true. I'm so worried about picking a spot that's too small that I BYPASS spots that are sufficient; I go to a much-worse spot geographically and get serious buyer's remorse when I see the gigantic Air Force One hangar of a spot that I passed up. Damn it!

3. Stopping in the middle of the road to back in: especially on a busy street, with people right on my butt tailgating me, no matter how much notice I give, people still get real cranky when I stop for a spot. PLUS if I'm backing in, I'm always afraid my FRONT veers into the OTHER lane and I'll hit somebody. Damn it!

4. Seeing a cream-of-the crop spot open up a couple blocks away, but watching helplessly at a red light whilst your dream spot gets swiped away by another parking vulture. Happened to me last week; cursed myself repeatedly and slammed anything I could get my hands on. Hard. My steering wheel still hates me for it. Damn it!

5. getting into a spot successfully but then finding out the spot has street sweeping during that time, or is only one-hour parking while you need four, or is temporarily "NO PARKING" for the day. L.A. is famous for that. Damn it!

6. Saved the best (worst for last): actually backing into the spot. You next to the car in front, you start backing in, turn furiously just when you pass the other car, start to turn back....BAM. Hit the curb. Head still miles from being straight. No chance. Other car behind you getting restless. Knees week; palms are sweaty; you look like a worse and worse driver by the second. Happened to me countless number of times, lemme tell you. I swear, it would be a LOT better if I had a trunk cam letting me know exactly how far I am from the curb/ how far I am from the car behind, (which our family's 2009 Nissan has but NOOOOOOO....I don't get to drive that car). It's getting to be slightly embarrassing. Do I have to go to the local school parking lot on a weekend and bust out the orange cones???? Really? Has it come to that???? Really?

Hope you enjoyed that. Next time I do a random rant like this, I'll talk about something more interesting.....like bikram yoga. Or parkhour. Or dognapping. Something.

These are the players I'm starting on a bye-heavy Week 10 for my I-really-actually-care-about-this-fantasy-team team: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Jeremy Maclin, Pierre Garcon, Mike Goodson, Donald Brown, Lee Evans, and the Tennessee Defense. If you told me that'd be my lineup at the beginning of the season, I woulda told you to shoot myself in the face.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

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