Belgian Malinois

 Jeopardy asked a question on the Friday edition of Jeopardy (a game where Drew, the guy I was rooting against, fed by schadenfreude by missing all 3 daily doubles, still only needing to get final jeopardy to win, and failed epically) asked about a Belgian Malinois, a dog I had never heard of, never thought of, never identified. I may have seen a Beligian Malinois and just not known about it. It's apparently a type of one of the most common dogs, Belgian shepherds. Pets seem really cool to have, but also really difficult to maintain. I saw several people checking in their cats/dogs at the airport when I've been traveling this summer, and it just looks horrendous for the animals: locked in a carrier cage that you can't move at all, stuffed into the cargo deck of a plane for however long the plane is in operation and finally being let out when the owners get out. I can barely make my flights on time, I can't imagine having to make sure Fido or Rufus get to the airport in time. Of course you could not travel with animals, but then you're having to find a dogsitter, or send the dogs to doggie hotels, or just not travel at all. Not the greatest options. How do petowners do it? I tell MJ that the greatest fear I have right now of having kids is having to deal with all the extra burden and being there all the time for the child, no flexbility.... it's like you're the child's servant. But isn't that what being a petowner is? Changing it up so that the dog is the master and you're just the servant to the dog. Feed it, pick up its poop, wash it, trim its hair, take it to the vet. I talked to a law school friend and former roommate Thursday who said "he doesn't get it" about having kids.... he's against them and wouldn't want them. He's a very good-lookign guy, tall and handsome with a wife who is the mirror version of him. If were him I would "get it" about having kids, the kid is unlikely to be anything but beautiful and tall (and almost as importantly, with European features). He doesn't get kids, but he has golden retrievers that he loves. Of course there are reasons for loving dogs and being able to cuddle with dogs, dogs being loyal no matter what and never abandoning you (as humans do), but I don't get the lack of love for having kids, if you're already having dogs. 

My dad loves violins and classical music more than any animal; we sat in a car on the way to the airport yesterday just listening to classical music- first of all, AI is replacing violin virtuosos too, Oh no! AI can generate music that really just sounds like Ray Chen or Joshua Bell playing, or Hilary Hahn, or Itzhak Perlman. They obviously can't replicate the physical presence and physical performance value of Ray Chen (wild, putting his whole body into it) but the music? it sounds pretty damn close. I sometimes miss the feel of a violin in my hand, magically creating melodic music that breaks up an otherwise mundane day. It's possible that's why I never craved a pet as a child, my parents replaced the warm feeling of pets and furriness with the familiar sounds of music and violin pumped into my veins. I don't need a pet to fill a hole; music's got this. instead of a Belgian Malinois, I can listen to famous French composers like Erik Satie (La Gymnopedie) and Claude Debusssy. 

Schadenfreude (pleasure in others' pain)

 What's bugging me more about Drew Basille, 6-day Jeopardy winner and 23 year old graduate student from Michigan, is something much closer to jealousy, but schadenfreude is definitely a catchier word and more fun to say. I will enjoy Drew's pain when he inevitably loses on Jeopardy as everyone does. It just hasn't happened yet. Schaden means pain in German, and "freude" actually means "joy." I never pieced that together with Sigmund Freud whose last name means joy, but I guess that means sense. I actually rarely root for other people to be in pain, I would much rather everyone go through life painless and carefree, but when it comes to watching Jeopardy and all reality TV shows, I am savage at willing for others' demise. I root for the new contestants on the show and are happy for them to win their first game and experience the joy of winning (as I one day hope to experience), but as soon as that contestant wins their second game I start to get a mean streak and the schadenfreude truly kicks in as I revel every time they miss a question, look stumped, or in general get knocked down a peg. 

Why do I get this jealousy/schadenfreude, or jealafreude, as I newly coined it? It's because Jeopardy actually lets real people on, as do reality TV shows (back when Reality TV actually chose real-life people instead of recycling cast members from other shows who have done well or are fan favorites guaranteed to have ratings, or who have at least some social media presence already) and I wonder if that could have been me. It's petty, but true: I don't get the same jealousy about professional sports stars, movie stars, or most celebrities, but it hits close to home that the reality TV/game show could have been me. And Drew has been on Survivor (last season I think) AND been on Jeopardy. AND is 6 foot 6, a natural physical gift. AND went to Oxford and got a free trip to Italy while I had to pay quite handsomely for my trip right after the pandemic. AND he's just 23 years old. I wish I had achieved all of my dreams and ambitions at 23, which Drew is seeing play out for him. Part of me thinks maybe he's peaking too early and life will never get better for him, it's all downhill from here, but in reality he's got his whole life ahead of him and it's much more likely he gets called back for Survivor again (could really enhance his "brains" profile) and is already coming back for Tournament of Champions in Jeopardy. It's the nature of America, you make it big in one thing, it actually makes it easier for you to get even bigger, have more star power. It's great for the one Drew out there, it's bad for millions of Bobbys who don't get that chance. He got an Italian cities category in his fifth game! What luck! 

Some people just have all the luck. The Chinese people have a saying, "People born into good luck don't know that they're lucky." It's probably true; I was born lucky and here I am complaining about other people who have been just a little luckier in life. We're never satisfied, it's the hedonic treadmill. After making $100,000, the next goal is $200,0000, then $1 million, etc. That's the human in us, but I guess it also keeps us hungry, more driven. For Mr. Drew Bastille, I just hope he understands that life is not always this smooth, there are so many bumps and unexpected turns along the way, you don't always get what you want (me), you discover you're not as smart as you thought you were (definitely me), and things you took for granted (ability to make a baby naturally) go away without warning. Or loved ones suddenly are taken away quickly. Or you go up in the attic of your parents' house and find rat droppings indicating presence of rats. I think Drew will eventually find those things out, but for right now, night after night boy am I hoping he finds out what a loss feels like sooner rather than later. 

No Flowers in the Attic

 Today I went somewhere I've never been before: my parents' attic. Unlike the 1979 V.C. Andrews novel, I confirm that there were no flowers in my parents' attic (although, I don't think there were any real flowers in that attic neither, just paper flowers to keep the siblings born of incest from coming out of the attic..... I haven't read it but it doesn't seem like a happy novel). My parents' attic was filled with all of what you'd expect: cobwebs, poor ventilation, pipes, small windows to tthe outside, and worst of all for MJ...... dust. Dust mites, dust balls, pretty much just dust everywhere. My parents have owned the home for 20 years now, and I don't think we've ever went up there to clean or do anything. Recently, my parents have been hearing sounds coming from up there, suspecting an animal or some living thing, so I went up there to check out the situation, cuz what else is there to do on Saturday nights (except everything in the whole world). I'm not the biggest fan of mice, but I'm not deathly afraid of it..... I definitely was a little worried I would slide the attic entrance out, and the mice would get out into the real home, or worse, into my face. Luckily that didn't happen, but I stepped in a mouse trap! The trap made out of goo was set there to try to trap mice, but it didn't do anything but trap Bobby. It was also hot and humid up there with so much sun and heat accumulated from the hot SoCal sun, I sweat and had dust all over my body. And the goo- It got all over my leg and hands.......had to use alcohol to rub it out. It didn't come out with soap! Aigu! 

Being in the dusty, dirty attic with just one light source and having to get up there on a ladder made me think of the most famous person to live in an attick: Anne Frank, of "The Diary of Anne Frank" fame. My limited knowledge made me only remember Anne Frank as being in the Mieps' (a family friend turned traitor) attic, but in fact she was with 7 other family members, including her father Otto Frank. I don't know how big the attic Anne Frank lived in was, but if it was anything like our attic, I couldn't imagine 8 people fitting up there physically, much less living for 761 days. Maybe I should read the book, but what was the meal situation, the bathroom situation, the breathing fresh air situation? And what about mice? Was that a factor? After 761 days in an attic I'm pretty sure I'd want to just get out and be free, but in fact she got sent to an even worse situation leading to her death. So yes I got sticky tar and goo all over me that's hard to wash out, but at least I got a clean shower and went on with my life. Our generation has it so much easier. And yet we complain probably more than any other generation ever in the history of the world. 

GRWM (Get Ready with Me) videos

 Apparently these GRWM videos are all the rage among TikTok users and the teenage community; so popular it made it to tonight's Jeopardy. Must research. If I had to make a GRWM video in the morning (if I was a famous influencer who everyone was just dying to emulate my success), it'd "wake up, login, and start billing hours." The sooner the money starts flowing in, the better I feel. I get everyone is built different and not everyone is motivated by money, but it's amazing how quickly you wake up once the bills start getting paid. I did actually go online and do a little research, apparently it doesn't have to be just waking up, it's getting ready for an event. I saw Olivia Rodrigo applying makeup... I saw all I needed to see. It's not for me. My idea of "get ready" is get up off the couch, put on a clean shirt, wash my face (sometimes not even that, grab my keys, and walk out the door. Sometimes MJ will fix someone on my body. It'd be the world's shortest GRWM video: slam shut my laptop, get out the door. Under 1 minute. But also sunscreen! Apparently it's needed and your skin will thank you for it. 

I could have made a GRWM video for dodgeball back in the day (I played tonight and it felt great to be on the court, the adrenaline was pumping. Screw pickleball, I "tried something new" with pickleball and never got any adrenaline kick out of it, it was just a chore to stay in the kitchen or whatever they call it. Dodgeball just gives a great adrenaline high when the ball comes hurtling towards you, you're defenseless, and at the last second get out of the way or catch it. GWRM by putting on kneepads, do some basic stretches, throw a ball a few times against a wall to loosen up your arm so you don't throw it out, and voila! You're ready to play dodgeball! 

When MJ and I go on long car trips, I actually usually only put my alarm clock on 10 minutes before we have to go out the door: 5 minutes for putting on clothes, packing backpack, fill up large water bottle, wash face (again, optional) and then.......wait for MJ to be ready. Maybe I can find a hustle-hustle (ppalli-ppalli in Korean) GRWM influencer she can watch? 

GRWM for Korea: I've been to Korea several times now and you really need to be fully prepared to sit on a 15-hour flight from the U.S.- it's more of a psychological readiness more than anything. To sit in a dark room getting bad airplane food (as a kid I actually was fine with airplane food, nowadays I resent the lack of fresh veggies, the processed feel of it all, the wondering where the food just was before they froze it, feels like food they feed the army in as little space as possible), and worst of all, people sitting around you for 15 hours..... they better be nice people, or else you'll get what MJ dealt with recently on a Delta flight.... the person sitting behind her putting her feet onto her armrest!!!!! probably deserves a few more !!!!!!!!!!!! Unfathomable that someone would think that's OK, no matter how tired or out of it they were. Some people might just test the waters to see if they can get away with it if unpicky people like me don't complain......MJ is not one of those people. Passengers of the world, rest assured that MJ Lee spoke to the offender in a very stern tone and told her NEVER to do that ever again. Protect the sanctity of your armrest at all costs against invasive feet. You don't need a GRWM video for that. 

Intelligentsia

 "14-letter word that describes elite artistic thinkers"- went the Jeopardy clue from yesterday, June 19, but also could be the name of a coffee chain MJ likes and would very likely push to go to anytime we go to a new city. I am certainly not one of the intelligentsia, far from it I would probably be considered part of the "dumbsia" or "unintelligentsia," as I have very little artistic thought and value practicality over art. I do admit it's a great word though, evokes images of wisdom, sophistication, a hint of foreign influence, and the word itself isn't something the hoi polloi (the opposite of the intelligentsia) would say, knowing the word itself likely puts one closer (although definitely not IN the realms of the intelligentsia). 

Sometimes I feel closer to the intelligentsia when I watch the Crown, especially Season 4 where there's a whole episode devoted to the relationship between Charles and Diana, and their wedding. Whenever the opening shot pans over Windsor Castle (I've been there, it's not as impressive in the flesh as it is from the Netflix-enhanced imagery) I feel like I'm in the presence of royalty, and that others watching the Real Housewives or their local broadcast news just wouldn't enjoy. Anyway, I really feel for Charles's dilemma (did not realize their age difference was over 10 years, an eternity in a lifetime especially in the years 20-30, which Diana was foregoing by marrying Prince Charles at the time). The Crown played "The Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nix during a Diana montage, and that was close to her place in the world, just leaving the teenage years and establishing herself in the world but suddenly thrust into a completely differnet one as the most talked about person in Great Britain and making world news. My twenties are definitely not the years I would forgo, even for lifetime status as part of the royal family and a public figure, no more worries about finances or admiration, you're the Princess of Wales. But at what cost? You only get one shot to be in your twenties, and Diana had to spend it with someone she didn't really know that well (who was unfortunatley still in love with someone else) in a life she wasn't accustomed to, with billions of people around her watching her every move. No wonder she developed an eating disorder. The beauty of the Crown is also that you see the perspectives of multiple characters, there are no truly good people and no truly bad ones, just flawed people with different motives and ways of handling them. Even the Queen is portrayed as making some poor decisions, and it's not clear to me why she allowed her son to get married despite knowing (apparently from the show) he was unhappy about it. Life is so complicated, even for the Royal Family, if not more so. 

I don't talk about love much, and not sentimental person, the only things I "loved" in this blog were fantasy baseball players and Jeopardy clues, but how do you really love someone and know that there's no deeper love? How do you know you won't grow into that love later? What if you're just naturally not a sentimental person and "love" doesn't resonate to me like fireworks and candles and love poems and romantic getaways but instead as more loyalty, respect, and quiet times of shared moments and assumed togetherness (like me?) Love means different things for different people, and perhaps Charles thought he really did love Diana, and didn't just marry her because his family approved (such a tempting thing when it's so convenient) and he had to, that love just changed later. Maybe the intelligentsia know more about love and how to describe it and express it through artwork, but I wonder if that feeling can really be expressed because it means something so different for everyone. It's also used to sell a lot of things tike wedding rings (this is the skeptical side of me talking) and wedding receptions and honeymoon destinations, so I don't think it always has to be marriage and the same celebratory thing as everyone; it can be just an understanding, a link, an acknowledgment that we have been together and share everything, let's keep going further. 

Watermelon Sugar (西瓜糖, スイカ砂糖, 수박 설탕)

 It's not always easy coming up with these entries; often it's a topic that has come up during the day that I want to analyze more thoroughly, or a Jeopardy clue that just came up that I want to remind myself of, or it used to be a Chinese, Japanese, or Korean term that I found interesting. A lot of topics get proposed in my mind and rejected after I realize I have nothing interesting to write about that topic, I'm just forcing strema of consciousness thoughts. "Watermelon Sugar" came up, for example, because for the last week MJ has been obsessively eating the Costco-bought watermelon I purchased on a whim because summer is upon us (not officially, but unofficially the Memorial Day Weekend is always a good indicator), and the Yans had a strong tradition of enjoying watermelon during the summer, as do a lot of Chinese families. Watermelon became even more a staple of summer when Harry Styles came out with the "Watermelon Sugar...... High" song that's now become an earworm but is a pretty appropriate anthem... "tastes like strawberries on a summer evenin...." not really. I've never had an association of strawberries with summer, but definitely watermelon, and especially the natural sweet taste of it, better than any artifically-induced candy or ice cream, the watermelon sugar actually refreshes with none of the side effects. If watermelon didn't have a huge rind/outer crust and sometimes seeds (they've now been engineered to be seedless, another thing that's been made more convenient for us, the softest of generations) it'd been the perfect fruit. Unable to fill one up, but perfect complement to meals. 

MJ eats watermelons pretty religiously, earning her the nickname "watermelon killer" in her family. I definitely sympathize. Summer is like the weekend for the seasons of the year, where most places (outside of Southern California) suffer throught the drudgery of the other seasons (cold, raining, take your pick) to finally be able to fill in all the fun and adventure one can handle in that weekend, saving all your energy for that one time. That analogy would actually make sense if we had a 4-day work week like Bernie Sanders suggets. The concept of summer is so hugely overrated in that way and what causes transportation costs to skyrocket, and at least for me, it doesn't really work that way: life sometimes gets in the way, you can get Covid or something, or you just don't feel like doing anything in the summer. Summer days are an exercise in escaping the heat and the sun beating down on you, and I don't like the catharsis of doing everything on the weekend like a (watermelon) sugar high and then crashing during the daytime. Life should be a constant drip of stimulus and memorable moments, not just 3 months out of the year. 

Summer evenings are pretty awesome because going outside is a thrill, many times the only time it feels good to go outside after the sun has blazed through and finally went away, leaving it room temperature and a feeling of possibility, endless nights. Except it could be endless nights of motorcycles running through the streets in urban cities..... I think anyone living in relatively large cities knows it's the rowdiest season, as there are people who thrive during the summer nights and prohibit light sleepers from getting a good night's sleep. 

Time Flies as we grow older, also Tachysensia

There must be a scientific name for this idea that adults perceive time to go faster...... or there should be a name created for it, like "senichronolism," or "life acceleration," or something. I'm definitely in the midst of it right now as I'm reading posts from December 2023 (the late-stage capitalism entry) and wondering how that was half a year ago. I once thought it was just a myth, or an exaggeration, but it's definitely true. I think I was just shielded from it pre-pandemic because my life was always on the go, I worked on differnet projects so I had a lot of differnet stimuli every day, changed my settings every few weeks, had some exciting experiences like working in new cities, waking up in different cities all the time, so nothing felt too boring, always fresh and new. Now that I've been stuck indoors for 4 years, the different experiences have faded away, I've barely even talked to anybody during those years... everything is "lumped" together so days, weeks, months, years all feel like one big ball, even though definitely I watched "Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" the TV series and "Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri" a few months ago, very specific memories, but they've all been lumped with all the other TV shows I've watched. Maybe it should be called "time lumping." 

There's also another theory: our brains experience many more images and experiences as infants and kids, so everything feels like there's so many things in one day, whereas my senses have been dulled now and everything feels routine. This is definitely true of work. Another theory is that as adults we are comparing the last year or so to our whole life of existence, so that that one year we just lived doesn't feel that long, as opposed to kids who have only lived 5 years or 10 years, that last year they lived was huge in proportional to their whole life they've lived so far. So it's all relative. 

There's also this idea of "tachysensia," where for short periods of time everything feels sped up, a fast feeling that everything is moving faster than it really is. I feel this like at a wedding or something where I'm 100% engaged, no distractions, like at a party when I'm talking to several different people one after another, and suddenly I realize an hour has gone by like nothing, and I haven't checked my phone or my fantasy baseball team! Actually a pretty nice feeling, something I should cherish more. (I get it when I play dodgeball, and sometimes when playing chess). Just that numbness knowing nothing else matters, time is not that important, etc. I've always been super into what time it is, always thinking what time of the day it is relative to what I should be doing, where I should be, etc., that sometimes time becomes my enemy, I'm a slave to it with planning and trying to get everything exactly on time. 

I may have started on this topic because I saw a visa I obtained in 2015 to go back to China, good for 10 years and set to expire in 2025..... plenty of time, I thought back then. I could go back twice, maybe 3 times in that span of time! It'll definitely be worth it! Reasonable thought because I had gone to China in 2013, but then marriage hit, then a global pandemic..... it was just never the right time, especially to do the 15 hours around the world. Well, now it's 2024 and I have about 10 months to go before the visa runs out. That 10 months is going to go by really quick based on current trends! 

Helena Bonham Carter

 Sorry movie theaters, I no longer go to movie theaters becasue there are so many movie options online and I don't like popcorn and sitting in a room with a huge screen unable to use my little screen on my phone (a common problem for AMC and other theater companies), but also my version of sitting down for 2.5 hours is to donate platelets and watch Netflix while strapped up to the platelet machine.... can't check my phone, can't do anything with my phones, the only time where 100% of my energy is devoted towards what's in front of me and I can't reach for my phone. And each time I go donate platelets, I reward myself with episodes of The Crown- so many facets of the Royal Family I didn't know about, like "Dickie" Montbatten was killed supposedly by the IRA (Irish Republican Army) in a boat (sorry about spoilers), the nature of Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles's relatinship before Camila got married to someone else, how Princess Ann was even involved, the various prime ministers that served under Queen Elizabeth including SEVEN before we even got to the Iron Lady Margaret Thatcher, hthe beautiful residences that are Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle, Sandringham, various other locations, and how influential Elizabeth's sister Margaret was to her. 

Margaret is a tragic figure: she loves Lord Snowden and desperately wants to be with him, but they also have knock-down drag-out fights that leave them both shattered and say things they don't mean..... kind of like every relationship (except Elizabeth and Philip have a loving relationship as depicted on teh show). I'll never know what it's like to be a woman, but I sympathize with the plight of Margaret, played wonderfully by Helena Bonham-Carter (who also went through her own marriages and divorices with Kenneth Branagh and Tim Burton, of all people) showing the raw emotions of women. MJ and I discussed over dinner with a friend recently how women care so much about what their partner thinks of them (usually men) and try to center their lives around the men in their lives, but men are just thinking about what they're going to have for lunch. Or in the case of Lord Snowden, what girl he's going to have next. Lord Snowden really seems the kind of man that gives women so much trouble and angst, and give men a bad name. He's clearly handsome and attractive with the ladies, but he uses that to his advantage to get with as many women as he can, a natural instinct for men but which runs directly contrary to what women want, to be fully commited to one person and fall deep into their arms (and love). I have to remember that when I'm talking to MJ, but also all women; when Helena/ Princess Margaret is depressed and upset about losing Snowden to "the Thing," what she calls the other woman in the relationship, it sounds hateful but it's also reflective of her own insecurities and devotion to Snowden, whom I'm sure she's devoted her life to and planned to spend the rest of their lives together (especially with children). To me, season 3 and 4 were the best seasons of the Crown due to the contrast between the resilience of Olivia Colman's Elizabeth versus the interplay of Carter's Margaret, the playfulness, the brashness, the depressive episodes and trying to commit suicide....it all contrasts so beautifully with Elizabeth's duty to her country. Of course there were plenty of people who dissed the Queen when she died in September 2022, but I'd say first watch the TV series (which admittedly has a bit of a favorable edit for the Royal Family) and really understanding like I did all the dynamics. 

You don't have to do it while donating platelets, by the way.