MJ once told me her friend thought I might be close to being on the (autistic) spectrum, to which I feverishly disagreed and got upset about, thinking it was an insult to my character, deflating to my ego (I consider myself great at navigating social situations and talking to people!) and not taking the comment well at all. Looking back on it, and learning a little more about autism and people on the spectrum, I do sometimes see myself displaying some aspects of autism, in that I fall quickly in and out of obsessions, becoming fully engrossed in something like learning a language or (the latest fad) trivia questions, but then once the flame peters out, losing interest in that pursuit rather quickly, and completely forgetting about it. It usually ebbs and flows in 2 year cycles, where I change as a person every 2 years or so.
However, I've found that sometimes it can be very invigorating to revisit old passions once in a while, not turning one's back on something completely. Like discovering an old piece of clothing that's tucked away in the back of the cabinet that's still very wearable, I discovered last year that I still enjoy orchestra performances, going into a symphony hall with great acoustics and listening to live music (and sometimes accompanied by performances or movie showings). This past weekend, I participated again in the Sin City Dodgeball tournament in Las Vegas (aka "The Meadow" in Spanish- common trivia question), a dodgeball tournament centered on LGBTQIA+ athletes from around the country (and even other countries), an event that had been shut down for awhile due to Covid-19 lockdowns and the fact dodgeball is played indoors with a lot of people throwing sweat-covered balls at each other, basically a petri dish of germs and infectiousness in one place. But now it's back with everyone vaccinated, and 35-year-old body can still play some dodgeball! I've also learned to use my left arm to throw balls (as well as navigate a mouse on a computer, a recommended practice for people who spend lots of time on a computer and who want to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome). It helps that dodgeball is something I'm actually good at, as opposed to many other things I'm either a complete novice at or just haven't gotten any better at even after years and years of trying (playing the violin, for example). Another thing is that dodgeball is one of the few communities where I can walk into, and there will assuredly be at least a few people who know who I am. Just like the TV show "Cheers," most humans are all just yearning to go somewhere "where everybody knows your name." That's so important, and certainly gives a boost to my ego to know that people know me from being good back in the day or at least being memorable enough for people to know who I was. That makes me keep coming back.
On some occasions, revisiting old passions can also affirm that I've lost all interest in them. During the stay in Vegas, I had many chances to go gambling, an old flame of mine. I went the first night, eager to test my luck at the blackjack tables, but a couple of hands in (I sat down and immediately was dealt blackjack, which was....gratuitously lucky) I realized how much of a derelict gambler I felt, being the only guy at the blackjack table playing against the dealer who I was trying to manufacture conversation with. (ME, as the PLAYER, was trying to manufacture conversation with the DEALER, who is supposed to work for tips from ME, the PLAYER!) I realized much like dodgeball, a big part of the positive memories of playing backjack is playing with my friends and winning (or losing together) as a team, the camaraderie of trying to beat the casino, or at least stay long enough for the lady taking drink orders to get us a free drink. Me chasing that high couldn't be recreated just by sitting down at a Blackjack table if nobody knew my name, and I was just talking to a "Steve from Hong Kong." I cashed out with a $100 gain and never gambled again the whole trip. Goodbye, old flame. (until the next time my friends want to play together)
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