Concentration (专心, 集中, 집중)

 Concentration- such an important ingredient for success in anything, but so often lost in this age of smartphones and multi-tasking. Concentration is also the name of a card game that's also called memory, and living up to its name, it requires paying attention to which cards are flipped and remembering their location. Easy game for anyone (even kids!) if you're paying attention, immensely difficult if you're not (even adults!) 

The same is kind of true for chess... I played in-person chess this weekend for the first time in a LOT of years, and it gave me some competitive fire back, but also reminded me of how important it is to give the game your undivided attention. one of my biggest regrets about chess is the transition from junior year to senior year, when I was supposed to be at my best, with tons of experience, but I performed worse than previous years because I lost focus. Instead of staying at my seat the entire game and focusing on my own game, my mind started to wander to other people's matches (it was a team game, so eight of our players versus eight of theirs) and then coming back to my own game. This kind of divided attention (一心两用- literally "one heart, used for two different purposes" in Chinese) led to bad decisions in key moments when chess at the high school level is mainly "who makes the first mistake," and I needed all the time I could get to make sure I didn't make one. This lack of concentration was symbolic of my general interests back then as a 17-year-old kid, starting to think about college, movies, other pursuits, and taking for granted that I was good at chess... aka getting complacent. It's the age old story of the cocky kid who thinks he's better than he is, stops working as hard to get to that point (through rugged determination and laser-focused concentration) and falls flat on his face. I still remember my chess coach and high school physics teacher George McGuire oddly prophesizing my diversion of attention span, and I somehow falling flat on my face anyway. 

Playing chess this weekend also reminded me how good it felt to be fully immersed in something that I enjoy and valuing something enough to pay full attention to it. In high school chess was such a fun activity for me, and for two hours each game day I'd sit down and play a match with a competitor, and on some Saturdays it'd be 4 matches in one day (potentially a total of 8 hours playing chess!) That's nearly unthinkable nowadays, but back then I could block it all out, the stress of the week, homework, social anxiety, the news cycle, my latest acne outbreak, etc., etc. to focus entirely on the task at hand of winning my chess game, and I enjoyed it; I still look back on those days fondly. I don't think I've concentrated as much on something like I did those chess games, with possible exceptions of intense dodgeball games, SAT and LSAT tests, Jeopardy episodes. No looking at the phone, no looking around to see the scenery, no earphones pumping in music or some podcast. It's a cathartic experience after such an intense experience, and I always feel like I've gone through some sort of warp field where nothing else mattered and I forgot about everything else, and it takes a minute afterwards to regain a sense of reality. It's an intoxicating feeling and I'd like to recreate it as much as I can. 

Playing this weekend also made me realize that there can be a lot of enjoyment without winning. Feels cliche to say, but I was always dragged down by the need to win at all costs, that I didn't take a second to realize how fun the other experiences of playing chess were, like hanging out with my teammates after the game, the movement of the pieces, the pressure of the clock (we used analog clocks back then that you had to push down a knob after a move to stop your clock and start the opponent's clock to start moving), and just the idea that I could be playing a strategy game to improve myself in a sort of strategic artistic expression. I read a WSJ article naming dance as one of the things people do that have the least practical value but the most artistic value, which is not entirely true about dance (I feel like it has a great exercise and recreational value), but if art is art because there's no value in it, it's the act of doing it that is the art itself, then playing chess also has that quality of not having much practical value but being an art in itself. 

I don't know, kind of a clumsy way of explaining the art of chess. Maybe I needed to concentrate more about what that article was saying. 

Barbershop 理发店, 이발소

 With the era of Covid at-home haircuts over (Costco used to sell haircut kits for $50 a pop, but I don't see them lying around anymore!) it's back to the barbershop nowadays and the days of walking into my local barbershop and seeing the 2 dudes who operate them, Nick and Vong. Just like going back to dodgeball "where everyone knows my name," going to the local barbers where they know me as a "regular" has a certain appeal: a lot of businesses thrive on that continuity of having the same employees great the regulars and developing a friendly (and lucrative) relationship. It's what kept me going to Japanese in-person tutoring classes every week for probably longer than I should have: the relationships I developed with the teachers, and I guess sadly I kind of liked having people to talk to and converse with, who knew me. It's also why my dad kept bringing me to violin lessons with the same violin teacher for upwards of 10 years or so: loyalty and familiarity, much longer than the violin teacher had things to teach me. Unfortunately I/we had to pay for that relationship to continue. 

Anyway, you don't find $20 haircut places anymore, so I'm loyal to this place. My hair needs cutting every 6 weeks or so (I probably cut it a little sooner than it needs to me, as MJ tells me my hair is always short, but I don't like the itchiness of longer hair tingling my skin), so every 6 weeks I go into the barbershop and it's like a chat session with either Nick or Vong. I sometimes wonder if they even remember me because to me they're very memorable as the one barbershop I go to, but for them I'm probably like 1 of 200 customers or so who walk in, and mostly all men (it's a men's haircut place). At least they make the effort to pretend they know me at least (and working for tips). It's kind of rare to be able to engage in a conversation with a stranger nowadays; it's all just Hi, hello, here's the money, thank you for your business, What floor do you need, "That'll be $46.25" when checking out at the grocery store, etc. At least at the barbershop there's a guaranteed 10-15 minute window of time I'll be sitting there (depending on how fancy I want my hair cut- for me, that means not fancy at all, just the most basic) so starting a conversation doesn't seem weird or clingy. Plus I'm kind of paying for that conversation to be honest; I could really cut my own hair, and the tip should really guarantee a conversation. Our most recent talk got a lot accomplished: We discussed the best casinos in the area, which ones were relatively "clean" and open air, and then also interpretation of different types of honks that cars give when you inevitably get honked at: a short tap of a honk might mean just a friendly nudge to get your attention, but if they really "lean on it" and extend the honk, that means they're upset. Good to know! 

The shop also has some of the trashiest TV on, like the most recent Netflix added shows about vampires invading the San Fernando Valley and Jamie Foxx needing to find the secret to stopping them, or during my most recent visit, a show like Mythbusters called "House Haunters" where supposed "experts' go into supposedly haunted houses and see if they're really haunted. People will apparently believe anything, especially something with a catchy title, like the fact that a ghost called "The Black Monk of Pontrefract" lives at this house where someone was murdered. It's kind of amazing that even now in the year of our lord 2023, there are still people who watch this kind of TV and really get into it. I personally burst out laughing when the "scientists" on TV with a straight face said that because a door in the house slammed shut on itself (due to wind or air flow or a TV producer pushing it to further ratings), that was proof of the existence of the Black Monk. I'm now less confused as to why so many conspiracy theories become popular without any evidence or any rationality; people will believe anything. 

Covid boosted! Another notch in the belt. At this point Covid boosters seem to be like haircuts (maybe a little less frequent), but they're pretty quick and convenient: I walked into CVS the same day I scheduled the appointment, the pharmacist took my vaccine card, got the Pfizer booster ready (I started with JNJ, but the boosters have all been Pfizer) found a spot on my arm, and jabbed in. Done. No real side effects the last 2 times neither other than a slightly bruised spot on my arm. It almost went too quick! Would have liked to chat up the pharmacist as well too. I guess I just crave attention and will get into a conversation with anyone at this point. While I was running on the sidewalk today a cat just walked up to me and showed its belly to me (for rubbing I assume?) I almost started talking to the cat. I have issues. 

Dog Walking 遛狗, 犬の散歩, 개를 산책시키

 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time: by Mark Haddon. Great book; haven't read it. Just gotta bear down, open the book, and force my eyes to consume the pages one day and tear them away from non-fiction stuff. That along with dozens of other fiction works like The Handmaid's Tail, Little Fires Elsewhere, the Sympathizer, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, The Hate You Give, and The Three-Body Problem (originally a Chinese book, 三体, by Cixin Liu but translated to English, that would be bad-ass to master those science terms in Chinese.....but alas). 

No what I'm talking about is The Curious Incident of All the Dogs Outside During Poop-Time, the story of my life every time I walk outside (except when it's raining, when I see no people, no pets, just me braving a storm to get my daily run in). I've never had a dog or walked a dog, one of those things I'm kind of curious about but not that curious like riding roller coasters or getting a broken bone to try just to try it. I DO often see poop on the streets, though, another impediment I have to dodge along with uneven pavements, puddles on rainy days, gross garbage (or vomit, one of the two) and (unfortunately, yes) human poop. There's a romantic side of me that dramatizes walking the dog, as an excursion outside with man's best friend and bonding time between you and another creature without the need to communicate verbally, just enjoying the sights and sounds of the great outdoors... until I realize it's something you have to do EVERY DAY, dogs get jumpy running after squirrels or barking after other dogs, and how in the world do you walk the dog on rainy days? And then of course there's ALWAYS the problem of using up the whole sidewalk when walking a dog: the dog pulls on the leash and wants to go everywhere: a common dilemma on my run is locking eyes with a dog owner from far away as we approach each other and realizing one of us is going to have to move, and it's not going to be the dog as he/she is oblivious to the social necessity of letting a runner pass by, so I have to dodge and skirt my way past daintily, careful also not to offend the sensibilities of the dog in any way or God forbid, step on it. If MJ and I ever have a child and are asked for a dog, I have plenty of stories to share why NOT to get a dog. 

Patagonia (巴塔哥尼亚, 파타고니아, パタゴニア)

 It's always interesting to see how the Asian languages translate specific names of people, places, or things in other languages, it usually moves from translating the literal definition to just bunching up a bunch of characters that together create the sound of that word and bunching them together, like piecing together a Frankenstein model of sound bytes for the translation. Especially in Chinese, the above characters taken together would have no meaning by themselves, except Chinese readers would know that these were just loan characters used to create a phonetic pronunciation. MJ often responds to Jeopardy questions with the Korean versions of the English word, so her answers vary in that they are sometimes close enough to be considered acceptable by Jeopardy judges, sometimes so far off as to be completely incomprehensible for an English speaker. Probably a good place to note that I recognize how hard is it for a non-English native speaker to learn English and speak it like a native English speaker who's had the advantage of forming the sounds from a young age; so I cringe when I see people scolding ESL people for "not speaking good English" or native English speakers deliberately messing up the English language to "sound cool," for example when someone says "I tried to a bunch a different ice cream flavors like rocky road and Neapolitan....and $H*T." Perversion of the English language. 

Anyway, MJ and I visited a Patagonia store today, which got MJ very excited, and me less excited but just happy to be somewhere new. As it's already past midway through January (late January, even, like 36 might even be considered to be some as late-30's) there was a sale of winter jackets, and we took full advantage. I asked about this sale, and the employee who helped us spun it in a creative way: "It's because we're trying to clear out space for our spring collections." As a Patagonia executive I'd be proud of this answer because a.) it doesn't admit that winter's almost over and people will very soon not need these items anymore, and b.) promotes the next thing that they're trying to sell, their spring lines, and c.) he was wearing double layers of Patagonia clothing, with a jacket over a sweater and even wearing a Patagonia hat. A walking advertisement. Points for staying on message and loyal to the brand versus a quiet quitting employee who would just be like, "Yea of course we're trying to dump all of this merchandise." Patagonia apparently is one of the better brands in winter clothing with a bunch of comfortable fits. I remember a time when Canada Goose was the big hot name in the space, but much like the stock it just stayed stagnant from 5 years ago. (And also I was in Chicago when Goose felt big, winter's kind of a big deal in Chicago if you don't know). 

Patagonia is actually based in Ventura, CA, near where my parents live! It's environmentally friendly with 1% of sales committed to helping environmental groups, and apparently a goal is to be carbon neutral by 2025....which is coming up! Wow, that crept up on me, there was a time in my life 2020 seemed far away, and 2025 seemed like another world, and my Visa card which expires in 2024 seemed like it'd never expire. Geez. 

Patagonia's also a geographic region of South America, specifically of Argentina, so just by buying the jacket I'm kind of giving myself a reminder of a very common trivia question, right up there with "pampas," a grassland area, as need-to-know geographical regions in Argentina. Another way to incorporate trivia answers is to have them as my login password for a bunch of websites, so that I have to type in "ThomasMannMagicMountain1924" as my Etrade password (don't try it, that's not the actual password) so I'll remember that forever. (or until I forget it and/or password expires and I need a new password). 

Year of the Rabbit (兔, 兎, 토끼)

 I've always liked the look of the Chinese character for rabbit; maybe because it's part of my Chinese name, so I have to write it every time I sign in Chinese, or maybe it's because of the curve of the last part of the character gives the shape of a tail, highlighting the anthropomorphic (that's not the name for describing a word that looks like an animal, but I just like that word) form of the character, it's like drawing a picture every time I write the word, and that's really the beauty of Chinese that I never thought about: in English you're confined to 26 letters, plus some dashes, ampersands, dollar signs, etc.......in Chinese you can act like Jean Michel Basquiat spreading graffiti to the printed page. 

The year of one's zodiac sign is said to be even luckier than normal years, and since it comes every 12 years, it better be.....I don't remember anything particularly extraordinary when I was 12 years old or 24 years old (I did win a fantasy football championship that year, so maybe?) so maybe 3rd time's the charm! Maybe MJ and I have waited for this year to have a child so that everyone in our family could become veggie-eater zodiac animals: Mom = rooster, Dad = sheep, sister = rat (veggie eating? At least not a primary meat-eater like dragons or tigers or snakes) and Grandpa (miss him) and MJ are oxen. Miss out on this year (hurry up baby!) and it's going to be dragon, traditionally very auspicious but to me.......I prefer under-rated, under-the-radar performers who get overlooked by others. Dragons are too flashy. Rabbits like me are timid and hesitant, but quick-witted and easy-going and LUCKY! (According to the place setting at my local Chinese restaurant. But that's actually been kind of prophetic: I'm a naturally timid person who doesn't like confrontation: never got into a fight, don't like negotiating about salary or bargaining over anything really. Quick-witted- check! and easy-going (like to think so!) and I'm just learning how absolutely lucky it is that I grew into a body that doesn't need alcohol, caffeine, drugs, of any kind, doesn't need maintenance at the hospital very often, and goes to sleep easily. That's lucky, better than money can buy. 

Some random trivia thoughts because, well, I haven't talked about trivia for a while and I need to review: 

-I'd like to try vegemite (the Auzzie savory spread) and marmite (the British version) once just to note it and have them stick in my mind as popular trivia answers. 

-How cool would it to be like Tom Cruise in The Color of Money or Paul Newman in The Hustler, playing a pool shark/hustler who just wins money by playing pool? Now that's a game I could see perfecting, just getting better and better until it becomes muscle memory (kind of like Jeopardy, where sometimes I read a clue and without even processing anything about what it's asking an answer will pop up, like "Delta Dawn," something I've barely heard about, will pop up in my head as a Helen Reddy song. The power of word association and remembering names with catchy titles, I guess. 

Chess: there is actually an active lawsuit right now for defamation brought by a chess player who was accused by Magnus Carlsen of cheating during a game. Hans Neumann is the plaintiff suing for $100 million in a bizarre set of circumstances, especially for chess which is normally a gentleman-like game/sport/whatever you want to call it, not too much controversy, but this story has it all....and just to top it off Elon Musk has weighed in on the cheating. Will this be the new Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial of 2023? If only chess could get that much attention, even for the wrong reasons. 

I got disappointed today watching an episode of the Chase on a question asking about the "Princess of Xiaohe" and what it was; I've never heard of it but know Xiaohe means "little river" in Chinese, so guessed it was a waterfall, but it turned out to be a...mummy. A very well-preserved and beautiful mummy, thus why it's called a princess, but definitely not a waterfall, and Xiaohe was actually a small river but just the place where they found the mummy. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to get trivia questions in our areas of "strength" correct, but there are certain clues that you just won't get even if it's in your supposed wheelhouse, and we're at danger of overthinking. Later in the game, Buzzy Cohen, the chaser, got a question about what Italian designer known for their blazers.......he thought for a long time and guessed an Italian brand I've never heard of, showing off his knowledge of fashion (his area of expertise) but me a fashion zero, just went with the easy answer, Armani (because of all the jackets, etc.) and got it right. Trivia, at least general trivia and what Jeopardy uses, is said to be a mile broad but an inch deep: you don't need deep knowledge about any one particular topic, just a little knowledge about ALL topics. 

Revisiting Old Passions

 MJ once told me her friend thought I might be close to being on the (autistic) spectrum, to which I feverishly disagreed and got upset about, thinking it was an insult to my character, deflating to my ego (I consider myself great at navigating social situations and talking to people!) and not taking the comment well at all. Looking back on it, and learning a little more about autism and people on the spectrum, I do sometimes see myself displaying some aspects of autism, in that I fall quickly in and out of obsessions, becoming fully engrossed in something like learning a language or (the latest fad) trivia questions, but then once the flame peters out, losing interest in that pursuit rather quickly, and completely forgetting about it. It usually ebbs and flows in 2 year cycles, where I change as a person every 2 years or so. 

However, I've found that sometimes it can be very invigorating to revisit old passions once in a while, not turning one's back on something completely. Like discovering an old piece of clothing that's tucked away in the back of the cabinet that's still very wearable, I discovered last year that I still enjoy orchestra performances, going into a symphony hall with great acoustics and listening to live music (and sometimes accompanied by performances or movie showings). This past weekend, I participated again in the Sin City Dodgeball tournament in Las Vegas (aka "The Meadow" in Spanish- common trivia question), a dodgeball tournament centered on LGBTQIA+ athletes from around the country (and even other countries), an event that had been shut down for awhile due to Covid-19 lockdowns and the fact dodgeball is played indoors with a lot of people throwing sweat-covered balls at each other, basically a petri dish of germs and infectiousness in one place. But now it's back with everyone vaccinated, and 35-year-old body can still play some dodgeball! I've also learned to use my left arm to throw balls (as well as navigate a mouse on a computer, a recommended practice for people who spend lots of time on a computer and who want to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome). It helps that dodgeball is something I'm actually good at, as opposed to many other things I'm either a complete novice at or just haven't gotten any better at even after years and years of trying (playing the violin, for example). Another thing is that dodgeball is one of the few communities where I can walk into, and there will assuredly be at least a few people who know who I am. Just like the TV show "Cheers," most humans are all just yearning to go somewhere "where everybody knows your name." That's so important, and certainly gives a boost to my ego to know that people know me from being good back in the day or at least being memorable enough for people to know who I was. That makes me keep coming back. 

On some occasions, revisiting old passions can also affirm that I've lost all interest in them. During the stay in Vegas, I had many chances to go gambling, an old flame of mine. I went the first night, eager to test my luck at the blackjack tables, but a couple of hands in (I sat down and immediately was dealt blackjack, which was....gratuitously lucky) I realized how much of a derelict gambler I felt, being the only guy at the blackjack table playing against the dealer who I was trying to manufacture conversation with. (ME, as the PLAYER, was trying to manufacture conversation with the DEALER, who is supposed to work for tips from ME, the PLAYER!) I realized much like dodgeball, a big part of the positive memories of playing backjack is playing with my friends and winning (or losing together) as a team, the camaraderie of trying to beat the casino, or at least stay long enough for the lady taking drink orders to get us a free drink. Me chasing that high couldn't be recreated just by sitting down at a Blackjack table if nobody knew my name, and I was just talking to a "Steve from Hong Kong." I cashed out with a $100 gain and never gambled again the whole trip. Goodbye, old flame. (until the next time my friends want to play together) 

Eat Your Veggies!

 Americans have a hard time eating their veggies, I get it. Meat, desserts, pasta, and a whole bunch of other things taste better than veggies, and a salad tastes like "a rabbit crapped in my mouth." I used to be in the same camp, but now the first thing I worry about in every meal is how I get a whole lot of veggies, preferably some sort of salad with a tasty dressing, or sandwiches with a lot of sprout, lettuce, herbs, greens, carrots, legumes, peas, you name it on there. It's not that I feel superior to others due to my new eating habits, but I do cringe when a Facebook friend posts on New Year's Day: "This year I'm eating healthy with more veggies! Moving up from the small V8 juice to the Big boy can today!" Is V8 really this man's idea of getting more green in his diet? Here's an idea: how bout to get more veggies, eating an actual vegetable? MJ encounters the same frustrations at the hospital towards the general American populace: patients will be literally in the hospital due to poor diet and nutrition leading to being put on a doctor-mandated restricted low-sodium diet, but they'll be ordering the new "Ghost Pepper" chicken from Popeye's, then when MJ refuses and suggests food from the hospital's more "toned-down" menu, they'll try to bargain for Chipotle and McDonald's, not exactly the most veggie-abundant restaurants, although you can at least build a decent amount of tomatoes/lettuce/fajitas at a Chipotle (although my local Chipotle seems to be perpetually out of fajitas, probably reflecting the dietary choices of the patrons who frequent there). That or Chipotle and its stock price is trending downhill. You now that genius idea I had in 2011 of "BUY Amazon stock! BUY Chipotle stock!" which I harped on all the time? That didn't work out so well in 2022......I really didn't think one of the biggest companies in the world Amazon could have its stock cut by MORE THAN HALF (from 3650 or so peak to what's effectively 1650 or so after its stock split). The Chinese have a saying called "splitting blood," or suffering some sort of great loss, and that Amazon cut fits the bill. 

The French have a saying called espirit de l'escalier, or "wit of a staircase," where someone thinks of a funny or witty response AFTER the opportunity has passed. Happens all the time to me, probably because I often play back conversations I have with people and analyze what I could have said to spice up the conversation, clever points to have added to get a laugh. I lament the shots I didn't take but should have, but then that makes me force some shots that I shouldn't have taken but did take, followed by stunned and awkward silence on a text thread or zoom call that is uncomfortable for everyone involved, including myself. Only thing missing is a slow clap. What's the opposite of wit of a staircase, getting a funny response BEFORE the opportunity even comes? Just having a repository of funny responses in my mind packed up ready to use before the situation even arises. That's probably the sign of a great comedian.....or a psychopath. (And also, not a bad strategy for Jeopardy to think of possible answers based on the category before the clues even come up, like thinking of words beginning in Q if they give you that category already).  

Quiet Quitting

 The 2022 word of the year was "woman" due to all the people on Google searching for what the definition of a woman is due to the modern-day gender issues, which really borders on a political discussion that's sure to spark contentious debate depending on which side of the political spectrum one is on (or your debate partner is on). "Quiet quitting" is a much more neutral word, but in my opinion a more pervasive problem, affecting in the workplace. It refers to the practice of workers/employees doing the least amount possible to get by at a job, not going the extra mile or doing anything extra then they are required to do, a direct backlash of the 2020 work-from-home Covid measures where everyone realized that workers can have more leverage, demand more things. Sidebar: the start of the pandemic is almost THREE FULL YEARS ago now? Seems just like yesterday we were huddled at home staring at a screen all day with nowhere to go...oh wait, that's still my life now. But I do remember the early novelty of just being at home all day and not having to commute to work or worry about bringing a lunch, etc... That summer of 2020 is etched in my memory of seemingly free from responsibilities, totally shut off from the world. 

Quiet quitting mostly affects MJ, who works with a team of nurses at the hospital who in theory should be helping each other provide care for patients, cover for each other when someone has to go on break, take lunch, can't be in multiple laces at one time, etc. (MJ sometimes has FIVE patients assigned to her, which from what I understand is a crazy excessive amount). Before the pandemic nursing was a little easier, but nowadays the issues start at the bottom of the profession: The nursing assistants don't want to work anymore for the pittance (small amount) that they get paid, they don't worry about being fired since they'd prefer not to work anyway, so they don't the work, that extra work gets passed up to the "tech" working at the hospital who ALSO doesn't want to do any extra work, and that extra work passes to the nurses, who try to pass it on to other nurses on their team. It's a game of hot potato, no one wants to get stuck with the bad assignments, and MJ being the nice person she is, often gets stuck with the ticking time bomb (metaphorical). And then that ticking time bomb gets blown up at home when she vents to me about her days at work. I've experienced similar employee "lag" in people extending their lunch hours when they don't want to work, trying to get out of the tough assignments and let someone else take the burden, and MJ's experiencing the full brunt of that right with certain co-workers somehow always being on break, suddenly "getting a headache" when others need their help, talking and gossiping while they should be working, etc. 

Quiet quitting affects me as well, maybe not as directly as nurses directly requesting each other and having to look each other in the eye and say they're on lunch/break, where they can physically see each other and it's a lot more personal. At my work, I have teammates who I've never met in person, just a voice on the group call or a name on the zoom call/email chain who I have to work with, so I've never been able to develop a relationship with this person other than what's reflected in their work; there are definite extremes of people a.) going above and beyond to impress the law firm partner to the extent that it makes me look bad and b.) not being responsive to emails and giving terse responses, not doing what they say they were going to do. There's a broad spectrum of co-workers, and I'd say the latter is much more annoying in terms of not being accountable. I've always had a motivation to not let the team down and it drives me to turn in assignments on time, or at least email to communicate, but some co-workers don't even feel an obligation, choosing to just let the matter sit and (I imagine) hoping it will just go away on its own, or maybe someone else will just do it instead. I think that's a common occurrence in any and every industry in our quiet-quitting world nowadays, and probably why Amazon, SalesForce, and a bevy of tech companies are laying off employees. Even law firms nowadays have associates who used to be gun-ho about working, now refusing to work on the weekends, bill enough hours, etc. It's an epidemic, alright, just maybe not Covid: it's quiet-quitting. 

Home Alone (独自在家, 一人で家に帰る, 혼자 집에)

 I feel like I've posted about this topic before because the Japanese, Chinese, and Korean all seem familiar, but that's kind of the point of the post: Ever since the pandemic started I've found myself alone at home quite often and for large quantities of time: MJ went to nursing school and then started working, leaving me at home in the new WFH environment. So on this New Year's Day I hit up Hulu and could totally relate to the original Home Alone starring Macauley Culkin, who grew up in a huge household in a huge home with 2 parents and 5 or 6 siblings, but then suddenly left at home over the holidays by himself. It's a huge contrast and a lonely feeling, and Home Alone really does a great job making family and tons of family members milling around seem like a great feeling vs. being alone. In other words, great propaganda film for large families and having tons of kids. 

Then I realized, I grew up watching all these American mainstream TV shows/movies like Home Alone 2 (I swear I've seen that movie 20+ times), watched the Cosby show religiously after school, another fictional family with lots of siblings (too bad it never comes up on Jeopardy! because the title guy turned out to be a really bad guy using quaaludes to assault women), Home Improvement (3 boys in the Tim Taylor household), later on Everybody Loves Raymond, etc. etc. Even as a kid I was conditioned to think that it was natural and happy to have a huge family with lots of nephews, aunts, cousins, second cousins, and family reunions/gatherings once in a while where you see all those people. Or maybe as a kid I was subconsciously seeking those shows out, looking for a sense of home when both my parents were working all the time and I was essentially a latchkey kid (if not for my grandpa who kept me company, thank god for him all those years), and Emily my sister wasn't around until I was nine and a half years old. Yup, a shrink would probably tell me I was craving what I didn't have, a big family. But as an adult do I still feel this way? Every holiday season I still have my parents' home to go back to, I see my sister periodically, and I have MJ, and then all of my extended family is off in various areas of the US or back in China. I often go years without seeing them, or even calling them. Is my life better off? I guess I've conditioned myself to be pretty secluded and not needing too many family members in my life, and it doesn't seem like MJ and I are going to have a huge family of our own (likely 1 child if we're likely, 2 tops) and I keep telling myself that this is for the better that I'm not bogged down with having too many family members asking for favors, having to give out beaucoup gifts during the holiday season, write letters, join preparations for parties, etc., and I value my free time anyway and get bored with chitchat and talking about what other people want to talk about. That's all true, but of course there's other parts of me that crave attention, social interaction, cracking jokes, etc., and fantasizes about that ideal family like the Huxtibles (Cosby show) or McAllisters (Home Alone). They all seem so perfect (of course they're not, all happy families are alike, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way- Tolstoy) there could be a ton of bad things that run within a dysfunctional family that really make life difficult. I do look around, though, at some of my friends who have at least 3 siblings in their family and they seem to have gotten a leg up on "street sense" and being mature about life where I only learned things like how to talk to girls or how not to be awkward at a very, very late age (think 20+). That, I do think, would have been very different for my development as a kid. 

Then again, being Home Alone isn't all that bad. There are tons of TV shows like Abbott Elementary and "What We do in the Shadows" to brush up on, The Chase is coming back on, and there's a whole world of books from the library I haven't read yet to get 2023 off to a great start. And maybe by the end of the year, we'll add someone to our family that makes me not be home alone anymore! Have a wonderful 2023! (can't be worse than 2022 in the stock market......right?)