I love Chinese idioms; just when I think I'm getting tired of them, I get reminded of one with an interesting story, like this: "one mountain doesn't allow for two tigers." So true of many organizations, teams, families, Facebook message boards, etc. Tigers are viewed as symbols of strength and power in Chinese, and the idiom reflects that 2 of these strong leaders can't co-exist; they will battle each other tooth and nail until one is eliminated somehow, whether by retreating voluntarily or being forced (whether through death, injury, whatever) involuntarily to give up.
My dynamic with my Mom often can be compared to a "2 tigers" sort of situation: she has her own way of running the family as the boss, and I sometimes challenge that notion, which gets us into plenty of arguments. At the end of the day it's her house, she's the elder, and she's my mom after all, so it's certainly natural that I give in as the younger and lesser "tiger" in the situation. I honestly don't think I'm trying to be a second tiger, but she has a weird notion that we're battling to be the "most successful" in the family with her career as a research scientist and my career as a lawyer, that somehow I get jealous of her success, when in reality I root for her all the time to do the best she can in her career because I benefit from it, and her work as a scientist trying to produce drug-related solutions for various ailments in health is much more productive on a societal level than my work as advocating for clients to right perceived wrongs and clogging up the court system with more cases.
When MJ and I fight (rarely, but hopefully more rarely in the future! A wish for 2020 and beyond) it often stems from a culture clash between her Korean heritage and my Chinese-American heritage. Those are 2 very big Asian tigers dueling in their philosophies, from my loudness representing what she dislikes about Chinese tourists who talk very loudly in other countries to my displeasure of her fondness for cleanliness derived from her Korean background. (I've learned about so many cleaning techniques and tools after meeting MJ! One is using lint everywhere on couches, beds, carpets, and anywhere I may have dropped "dead skin" particles or loose hairs, we've recently considered carrying a roll of lint with us along with our keys and wallets. But one thing I LOVE about Korean culture is their style of serving food: it always comes with side dishes, or ban chan. It's just a nice touch for the waiter to bring bean sprouts, kimchi, radishes, sesame rice, and whatever else before the main dish even arrives. Makes me actually want to give a tip and want to go to a sit-down restaurant that requires me to tip! Often I go to a restaurant and wonder if the wait staff has justified their 18% minimum tip (standard in LA now is at least 18% now, crazy!). Korean food is often also pretty healthy, unless you're going for a home run with all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ, but even then at least the side dishes have some sort of vegetables. So Korean restaurants, you've earned the Robert Yan "Fichelin" star!
I think in human relationships where there are 2 tigers, there might be a different solution than 1 tiger finding a different mountain or the 2 tigers battling it out to the death: perhaps 1 of the tigers just needs to be less of a tiger, maybe a domesticated cat, or lose a claw and sue for peace, call an armistice, instead of pounding one's chest and needing to be the dominant voice of authority on the mountain, especially when the tigers have similar goals and hopes and dreams (and plenty of enemies on other mountains to deal with!)
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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