Wednesday, January 2, 2019

可愛い子には旅をさせよ (Let Kids learn from their own mistakes!)

Welcome to 2019! Yet again in 2018, I fell short of my goal of 100+ blog posts, but in my defense I was out of town quite a lot especially in the 2nd half of last year, I took an online computer science class that took up a large chunk of time, and just generally, as an adult there's less time to do pretty much everything, from sleeping to eating to reading to playing my favorite sports, etc., etc., etc. Not to mention the hours and hours we're attached at the hip (almost literally) to our smartphones now.

I don't really have any New Year's Resolutions for 2019, other than I need to lose 5 pounds like now. Not for the whole year; just now. ASAP. New Year's Eve and New Year's is usually a back-to-back double whammy of parties and yummy but fatty food for MJ and me, and this year was no exception. Writing 100 posts here would be nice; I haven't set any financial resolutions for the year because who knows if they're attainable or not, and I find that setting financial goals based on the stock market is folly; the great god of the stock market doesn't care what your portfolio says, it doesn't just stop rising or falling just because you "hit your low number" and "hit your high number." Only drives you to make bad/irrational decisions.

The above proverb, meaning, "Let's let cute kids take trips!" is a Japanese one that rings true to me. The background is that the Japanese, more than any other country, allow their children to go off to school and on other journeys from home at almost incomprehensibly young ages, something like 5 years old or kindergarten-level kids. By themselves! I don't think growing up in America I was ever allowed to do that until I was like in 4th grade or so to walk home, and even then I lived really close to home on a well-light, suburban street where it's impossible to get lost. Some of these 5 and 6 year olds are taking the subway and getting on buses to get to school, like a full-grown salaryman going on his daily commute. I think I would have done something pretty stupid if I was walking by myself at age 5,

The real issue in America, and apparently a lot of countries other than Japan, is the safety issue: lots of stories of child abductions and kidnappings (Jon-Benet Ramsey, Elizabeth Smart come readily to mind but I'm sure there are others) that prevent this from being realistic in America, whereas in Japanese society the odds of that happening are so low (I guess even criminals in Japan don't resort to the low of going after kids) that they can let kids go off into the streets. And it's an interesting philosophy, as long as it's safe: let kids make mistakes. As parents and teachers  and camp counselors (me), adults try to make kids do what's right for their own good ,and they have the kids' best interests at heart, but the method is not always the best. For example, I learned quickly from watching 10-year-old kids, they often do the exact opposite of what you tell them to do, and the more you tell them NOT to do something, the more they want to do it. That's just the way kids are. My parents once told me about a story of a parent who instead of telling the kid not to reach his hand into the oven all the time, they just let him do it one time, the kid predictably got burned, learned from it, and never did it again. Not everything works as perfectly as that example, but the philosophy behind it, I feel, is true. Kids, and really all humans, learn by experience. I can learn as much Japanese vocabulary as possible but forget it, yet if I use it once in a real conversation I've got that down pat (ESPECIALLY if I make a mistake on the word, because I'll be embarrassed enough not to make that mistake again!)

Human beings, and especially people like me, are too afraid to fail. I often convinced myself I couldn't do something and prevented myself from achieving something, like asking a girl out, or just asking a "stupid" question because I thought it would be embarrassing. Kids, though, don't care about being embarrassed! And don't know what embarrassment is! So maybe that is the best time to have them experience things and get it wrong, so that they'll get it right in the future. Cuz when they grow up to be old and cranky like me, they'll have learned from their mistakes. A great lesson from the Japanese that everyone can learn from.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

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