Tip (팁, チップ, 小费)

I think I've gone on a rant about tipping before, but it's become such a social problem that I feel it's worth hammering home the point even more: Tipping has gone overboard in America! I understand giving a few bucks for good service and in appreciation of a server's hard work, but when it becomes the societal norm and there's no incentive to provide the good service anymore, it becomes a detriment to society.

Any basic economics class would tell you, people react to incentives. So when you take away the incentive, people don't work as hard anymore! That's precisely what's happened to tipping in America, where on several occasions I see waiters chasing down customers because they didn't leave a big enough tip (even at a Korean restaurant!) as if it's a duty or an obligation. If tipping has become an obligation, it's become a tax, and a tax on eating out. I already think that eating out is pretty expensive and "taxing" on the wallet as it is (the price of ingredients gets jacked up, pay for the building, the cooks, and the dish-washing, etc.) but then you add a 18-20% tax on top of it? That really disincentives me to go to a sit-down restaurant. And yes, nowadays in L.A. it's become standard to tip at least 18% (many restaurants offer that as the standard tip portion). It's really become ludicrous: the tips go to the waiters, who I would argue don't do as much as the cooks, the dishwashers, and many of the restaurants' other personnel. (I do understand that at some places the waiters do have to give a portion of their tips to the busboys, other staff, etc.). The waiters will counter that their pay is mostly coming from tips, which is unfortunate, but as my friend Jibraun once said, "when did that become my problem? I didn't force you to become a waiter." It's also the restaurants taking advantage of the situation by offering dirt low wages to service staff with the promise that they get tips. It's really a whole chain of people taking advantage of others and having their hands in the next guys' pocket. The healthcare industry, the legal industry, the real estate industry, all of it is just taking a percentage off the top. Sigh. 

Recently I went to Las Vegas (again!) and witnessed a couple hitting one of those progressive jackpots (yes, apparently people do win those) for like $200,000+. A LOT of money and they seemed really stoked, more than just the average $10 blackjack table. Others around them started wondering what they'd do with the money, but then the dealers immediately talked about one thing: "How much do you think that couple tipped their dealer?" One dealer offered a story that someone who had won $50,000 or something tipped 5 grand, or 10% or something. My initial instinct was, "WHAT????" Tipping a dealer $20,000? For what? Doing her job? Flipping the cards over off a pre-shuffled deck?  For getting just as lucky as the couple who won the jackpot to be working at that exact table that night? But what made me kind of upset was how entitled the dealers seemed to that tip, like it was expected that the couple should give a tip, and that anything less would be met with disappointment and maybe even anger. "How DARE they not tip $20,000 of their $200,000 winnings?" was kind of the attitude that I felt. First of all, that couple is going to be taxed profusely off their jackpot winning, like lottery winnings: more taxes than income taxes, they'd be lucky to walk away with half of that $200k. The tip they would give would be tax-free to the dealer. (Sure tips are supposedly taxable, but how many people don't report their cash tips?) In the end, though, it was the entitlement that got me. Tips should be to encourage good service and make a waiter grateful, but now the pendulum has swung so that NOT tipping the appropriate amount would be considered an insult? Seems like too lofty of an expectation. 

Tipping is another example of an even bigger problem Americans have, IMO. Overspending; not being fiscally responsible. It's a consumer culture, and America's consistently top-ranked economy in the world is based on people spending and taking money out of their pockets and putting it into the economy, but some of the financial decisions people make really baffle me. A guy who's struggling to make ends meet living with his mom spends $50 on a random dodgeball jersey. Flying into Vegas for a Vegas for a weekend of fun on the Strip at lofty prices despite making median income at home (those trips are more for high society, and you can take buses/ rideshare to Vegas/ stay off the Strip for much cheaper!) People taking Uber or Lyft everywhere, which don't seem like much per trip, but if you're taking Uber 5 times a night to get to the next bar and then home, it adds up! And tipping! It all comes back to my primary concern that a person only has one income (or two if they're really hard-working) but like a thousand places to spend that income on! It would really behoove people, I think, to take a financial education course senior year of high school, right before going into the big bad world where everyone wants to get a hand in your pocket. From what I see amongst my peers and fellow adults, a lot of them would do well to take that course. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Niece (조카딸, 姪, 侄女)

In Chinese, there are different words for a cousins and relatives from different sides of the family (mom's side or father's side), and its all very complicated, but I believe Japanese and Korean has simplified by making all of them the same name. Yay for simplification!
For the first time in 3 years, my niece from China visited me, and while I was impressed with her ability to speak so well, know English, do math, know how to ice skate, etc., I gotta say that she wasn't THAT much different from October 2015 when she came last. Fun fact, apparently: kids don't age that much from age 4 to 7. HUGE change from newborn to 1 year old, HUGE change from 8 years old to 11 years old I think (puberty starts to hit, etc.), but 4 to 7, face still looks the same, biggest change is probably teeth changing and brain growing. Physical appearance though: still got their baby smiles so that parents can enjoy it for awhile before......gasp.........the TEENAGE years. (Oh my god, looking back at the horror of those years).

Just as kids can't choose their parents (a fact I was keenly aware of back when I was a rebellious teenager and felt that way), parents can't choose their children. I never considered that when I was a kid; I guess I assumed that parents knew what they were getting into and could predict the qualities and almost exactly what the kid would look like if they decided to have a child. The truth is, parents probably don't have that much control. People are on different sides of the debate about nature v. nurture, I'm predictably kind of moderate in between and I believe it's a combination, but I do believe the basic package you get as a kid is based on nature. Whether it's a healthy baby, how the baby looks, and even some personality factors (short temper, cries a lot, LOW energy) are kind of just luck, not what the parent can control through raising the baby, good parenting, etc. Well, I guess the parent can control selectively one half of the genes of the baby (by selecting a good partner), but that's probably out of one's hands after the baby is born. It is kind of a big gamble to have a child and hope that the kid turns out OK no matter how good or successful or attractive the parents are,

My cousin and her husband definitely got lucky. My niece is well-behaved and listens to directions yet seems smart and has a very bright smile and laughs a lot. Really heart-warming kid that brightens up a whole family and I'm sure makes the grandparents (and even the great-grandparent, my grandpa) feel young again. Truly a blessing. I also understand why people adore nieces and nephews so much now (especially when they're in the golden ages 4-10). They look cute, do funny things, think everything adults do is awesome, look up to parents, make adults feel important that they're teaching them things, and best of all, they're not MY kids, so if I get tired of the whole playing with kids thing I can drop them off to their real parents who have no choice but to take them back. A great deal, it is, to be Uncle Robert.

Escape Room (逃生室, 탈출실, 脱出部屋)

It goes against my principle of "I'm in my 30's now, I can't fool around too much," but my friends and I had a great time at an escape room this past weekend. An escape room, for those who haven't had the pleasure of experiencing one, is a game where you and a group of your friends (or just random strangers) get locked into a room and try to escape from it using clues, solving puzzles, and looking for hidden pieces. For people who are fighting wars and truly trying to escape from their environments, it may seem like a waste of time (and when I think of it in that depressing way I do feel a bit uneasy), but it can be quite a lot of fun! Apparently the escape room phenomenon has caught on in various areas of the world, too, because the big Asian countries seem to have it too, with their own unique names for them. (Luckily all similar to the concept of "breaking out" or "escaping with your life," so not too difficult of a concept). The escape rooms are like puzzles or riddles or things you just need to figure out, the ones I've done don't need players to be super smart or knowledgeable like for trivia, just to use the information given in front of you and try to piece things together, like noticing different pieces hidden/laid out in a room and piecing together a puzzle.

In my life I've done 4 escape rooms, and they've progressively been getting better because I've been more selective about the ones I do. Anybody can create an escape room, it just takes some imagination, (and I'm not talking about the Ariel Castro kidnapper kind) materials, and good theme to draw people in, but some seem to be done hastily, without much variety,

Signs of a good escape room:
1.) Have a good theme to the room: not just a story of "Oh you go locked into the room, you need to escape!" It has to be like Greek-themed, or lunar space mission-themed, or you're in a magical kingdom and you need to bring life back to the kingdom, something that can be used in the puzzles.

2.) More than just one section of a room. Just being stuck in one room isn't as fun as "unlocking" new rooms as you go along. The most recent one we did involved starting in a really cramped room, having to figure out how to get out of there, then emerging into another larger room, and then discovering new layers upon layers of that, even rooms that we didn't even know existed! Adds to the mystery.

3.) Token economy- at our core humans are just seeking rewards and like rats in a maze, so we like it when we get something cool for our efforts. So lots of effects should happen when we solve something, like a magic sound, explosions, advancement in the story line, etc.

4.) hints: inevitably people get stuck. (you want the room to be challenging so people don't solve it too easily and feel unsatisfied, but not too challenging so as to be hopelessly stuck in the same spot). I tend towards liking harder rooms to really stretch your abilities, but then obviously have an operator or some sort of person helping in case you really just can't get it. The good escape rooms have a cool way to get a hint, like "feeding the oracle" or something to really get in the mood.

5.) Costumes!- it's all about that picture evidencing you went to an escape room. MJ and I did one with Harry Potter-looking costumes on and wands, and it'll be a shared memory for a while.

6.) Sometimes it's on the players themselves- gotta work together and don't just solve everything by oneself! Try to share with the group all the hints, and when you think you're about to do something, let everybody join in on the fun! And get everyone involved in a big group if a few people don't seem like they're getting it and don't feel like they're contributing. That's kind of the idea of going with friends and having considerate friends who try to allow for the full experience. Cuz for the really good escape rooms, I'm not doing it just to solve puzzles and get through mazes, I'm also doing it to observe the process of the escape room, the story develop and the thinking that went behind it.

7.) I'm not that there to escape! If I've escaped too early, that means I didn't use up the full time, and it was too easy! The ideal scenario is for us to get through almost everything, be just on the verge of getting out, and get stuck on the last clue before time runs out. Getting only halfway is just embarrassing, and just missing out means we used the full time and get the full experience, plus we could see the finish line and see what we needed to do.

Fantasize on,

RobertYan 

To Kill a Mockingbird (앵무새 죽이기, 杀死一只知更鸟, アラバマ物語)

There are some books that almost EVERY American teenager reads while going through the school system, and although they're not as sexy or talked about than popular movies, it'd still be hard to find someone who hasn't heard of the classic Harper Lee novel "To Kill a Mockingbird." The American classic novel has become so popular that it's been translated into various languages for distribution in various countries, including into Chinese, Japanese, and Korean. While Korean and Chinese translate the title literally, "to kill a mockingbird," Japanese inverts it to "Alabama Tale," which isn't wrong and does give the setting of the book, but why? For marketing purposes? For some reason I couldn't recall why the book was called "To Kill a Mockingbird," but upon re-reading the book again recently it became crystal clear, and showed I didn't really read books very well back in high school, or at least didn't have a good understanding of the significance of books.

Asian languages will, by the way, translate American book and movie titles into weird titles, and they can often be pretty interesting.

Why I read books back in high school, I was more interested in a good plot, good dialogue between characters, and character development.......I got immersed into the lives of the characters. (this is still pretty much my appeal for reading any fiction book). I didn't see the many allegories, metaphors, social commentary, and historical background so present in classic books like To Kill a Mockingbird. Heck, for me to the takeaway from Hamlet was "Prince's father dies, prince goes kind of crazy, prince avenges his father, but goes kind of crazy and everyone dies at the end." That's why I liked the Redwall series as a kid, it was what kept me going reading a book instead of just turning to Sparknotes or a plot summary like some of my classmates did.

I just recently read a manga version of To Kill a Mockingbird, and it was a really enjoyable 2 hours to go through the whole book and rehash a lot of memories of reading. The adventures of Jeb and Scout, the dignity of Atticus, the unjust racial atmosphere in Alabama in the early 1900's, the empathetic feeling of having nothing to do in the summer, the public spectacle of a court trial, all came flooding back to me like I was back in 2002 again, when I first read the book. I hate to say it for book purists out there, but I think the manga animated version would improve any classic book and put the words into pictures and make the reader keep flipping the pages. I think of all the classic literature books of 200 to 300 pages and sometimes more and wonder how kids or adults nowadays can get through them......you have to be a really dedicated scholar or bibliophile (lover of books) to traverse through them all, nowadays with all the media and distractions that we have around us.

And yes, I finally was able to understand what mockingbird had to do with the book. I'm not sure if people know that a mockingbird just flies around not harming anyone and sings for society? And that it's a sin to kill a mockingbird? When I go to a zoo or somewhere where there's animals I don't necessarily look for a mockingbird. But I guess that's the genius of the metaphor or the mockingbird itself: we don't pay attention to it, and it doesn't seek attention, but it provides a great service for society nonetheless.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

肝試し (Test of Courage)

Today I engaged in something I haven't ever tried before: I went through a full job interview in Japanese. It was for a job I didn't really want, I didn't do very well at it, stuttering through many sentences and searching in my mind for the right words to say in Japanese, but I'm glad I did it.

Tests of courage, or "kimodameshi" in Japan, means literally "testing one's liver," but it's usually like a dare where kids challenge each other to do scary activities like go into a haunted house, or go on a really scary roller coaster. In a way, it can be beneficial: kids are pressured into doing things they normally try due to peer pressure and leave their worries behind (like alcohol for adults!) But just like alcohol, if taken too far, it can have disastrous results.

I remember when I was a kid I did a bunch of things because the other kids did it, and because I was a kid, I could afford to take the risk of getting an injury or something due to jumping a fence, joining the cross country team, doing a backflip into a pool, etc. The adrenaline rush alone makes us remember those times and leaves good, if somewhat painful, memories. Nowadays, as adults, we don't have people pushing us to do something courageous due to something called "laws" and "punishment." Without that extra impetus, we back away from challenging ourselves. Every start to the new year, though, people do get a little more courageous and try out something to change their new luck in the new year.
I started at a new gym with a basketball court! I also went to a new barber that's $5 more expensive than the one I normally go to, but it's a Japanese barber so I brazenly asked him if he was Japanese  upon meeting him and launched into a conversation, therefore getting about 30 minutes of Japanese conversation practice during the haircut when I normally wouldn't say anything anyway. I now, real courageous.
But doing a full job interview in Japanese, that's a big step for me. Job interviews in general are not that easy; I struggle sometimes coming up with answers for interviewers in English, much less Japanese. Chinese is kind of in between, I can fill in unknown Chinese words with their equivalent in English, too. I felt that the same strategy in Japanese would work, but there's just certain things about rhythm in language where I could fill in all the small gaps in a sentence naturally without thinking in English or Chinese and catch myself in the middle of a sentence if necessary to change it into a different tense or different meaning altogether, but it's tough when I get stuck in Japanese. I also talk too much in a job interview! Sometimes I'll try to explain something using flowery language and insert a joke in there, but it gets much too involved in Japanese, I panic, and then it's all over. The difference, I guess, between full fluency and proficiency ( I know all the words but can't put all the puzzle pieces together just yet). It epitomizes my language learning though of not being afriad to fail: Each time I open my mouth, I'm susceptible to making a mistake (and often do), but by not being afraid to try it, I get a little stronger each time I take a test of courage.

The stock market is rebounding at the beginning of the new year after bottoming out on Dec. 24 last year (Red Christmas 2018), but it's a true test of courage to see how long the rally can last, because the last few rallies have been beaten back down and actually preceded the market going lower than before.

Cody Parkey just took a test of courage yesterday when the Bears played the Eagles.....and failed, as his field goal in the final seconds missed and the Bears got eliminated from the playoffs, 17-16. It was a 43-yarder, so not exactly a gimme, and sports fans everywhere are being way too harsh on the kicker, when a bunch of other plays in the game, if they went differently, could have made the difference. The kicker just had the unfortunate distinction of being the last to fail and have sole responsibility for the kick (as often happens in football), whereas the Bears could have also won if they got a little closer to get the field goal, their defense stopped the Eagles, the coach managed the time better with timeouts, etc., etc. Sports fans don't really think it through, in my opinion, and often find someone to blame for games that are .

To think, every time humans try something new we are taking a test of courage. Luckily for me, a lot of tests have ended in success and it's snowballed into allowing me to take new chances. Here's to a courageous 2019!

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

住めば都 (Wherever you live, you come to love it)

Last September marked the 10-year anniversary of me moving to L.A. for good from Illinois in 2008, so I've lived almost my entire adult life in this city. And as the Japanese proverb I've listed here says, (Sumeba miyako, or literally "if you live there, it becomes the capital), I've come to love L.A. And not just for the weather, which of course is the first thing I bring up when people ask me how I love L.A.

MJ and I have a friend Nathan who hosts a show called Lost L.A., where he explores the hidden secrets of the history of L.A. Fascinating show, and a fascinating dude: he sure knows his stuff about how L.A. was built, grew up as a city, and interesting historical places in L.A. He's also a librarian, something I found interesting because it was one of jobs I was considering when I was in high school......but ultimately decided against it due to well, duh, the internet. But apparently libraries still exist even nowadays with smartphones and the internet, and some would say thriving or at least co-existing with the internet in what some would say is the physical location of a global knowledge hub. Did you know that the Los Angeles city library system has a $183 million annual budget. That's spread out over 72 different branches throughout the sprawl that is Los Angeles, but still, not a sum to sneeze that, and if you've ever gone to L.A. library, they have quite a few

I do appreciate the history of L.A. from the story of Chavez Ravine and Dodger Stadium to Koreatown to the NEW Chinatown and the OLD Chinatown ( I always get them confused, but MJ and I just went to eat at the OLD Chinatown right next to downtown L.A., featuring a restaurant that was used in the filming of Rush Hour, the Jackie Chan movie). The L.A. public library central branch has its own interesting history, mostly stemming from the fire of 1986 that nearly wiped out the Central Branch, leading to a mystery of who set off the fire and the restoration project that turned it into what it is today, all chronicled in a book called "The Library Book" by Susan Orlean that's a fascinating read, and which I ironically checked out to read from the library today. It's not just a history of the Central Library of L.A., it's a history of L.A. itself. If you're anything like me and go to other branches of libraries like the Little Tokyo Branch and even the Chinatown Branch, you'll love this book. I actually quite like the Central Library branch ever since I walked into it on a whim during law school one day; it beckoned me and has beckoned me to come back ever since anytime I am lucky enough to work near the building. It's like MJ when she goes to a souvenir shop: something always catches my eye, and I always have to come out of the library with something.

Generally, I love non-fiction history and interesting accounts through history (go back to my fascination of Forrest Gump), and reading the book made me appreciate being part of the history of L.A., specifically downtown L.A. Despite only living here for 10 years, I can sense the change in the city, whether it's the change from when parking was just $8 to like $15 nowadays, or when the apartment I currently live in was just a parking lot, to when downtown L.A. became a ghost town on weekends when people left to go home after work to now being a true urban city with a Whole Foods and Target! To having worked in the U.S. Bank Tower building when it was the tallest building this side of the Mississippi, to having stayed at the Intercontinental Hotel which became the new tallest building this side of the Mississippi. I've kind of grown up with this city, and if I plan on moving away for awhile, I'll be happy to change it up for a bit and get some new stimulus, but I'll appreciate the history I'm leaving behind.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

可愛い子には旅をさせよ (Let Kids learn from their own mistakes!)

Welcome to 2019! Yet again in 2018, I fell short of my goal of 100+ blog posts, but in my defense I was out of town quite a lot especially in the 2nd half of last year, I took an online computer science class that took up a large chunk of time, and just generally, as an adult there's less time to do pretty much everything, from sleeping to eating to reading to playing my favorite sports, etc., etc., etc. Not to mention the hours and hours we're attached at the hip (almost literally) to our smartphones now.

I don't really have any New Year's Resolutions for 2019, other than I need to lose 5 pounds like now. Not for the whole year; just now. ASAP. New Year's Eve and New Year's is usually a back-to-back double whammy of parties and yummy but fatty food for MJ and me, and this year was no exception. Writing 100 posts here would be nice; I haven't set any financial resolutions for the year because who knows if they're attainable or not, and I find that setting financial goals based on the stock market is folly; the great god of the stock market doesn't care what your portfolio says, it doesn't just stop rising or falling just because you "hit your low number" and "hit your high number." Only drives you to make bad/irrational decisions.

The above proverb, meaning, "Let's let cute kids take trips!" is a Japanese one that rings true to me. The background is that the Japanese, more than any other country, allow their children to go off to school and on other journeys from home at almost incomprehensibly young ages, something like 5 years old or kindergarten-level kids. By themselves! I don't think growing up in America I was ever allowed to do that until I was like in 4th grade or so to walk home, and even then I lived really close to home on a well-light, suburban street where it's impossible to get lost. Some of these 5 and 6 year olds are taking the subway and getting on buses to get to school, like a full-grown salaryman going on his daily commute. I think I would have done something pretty stupid if I was walking by myself at age 5,

The real issue in America, and apparently a lot of countries other than Japan, is the safety issue: lots of stories of child abductions and kidnappings (Jon-Benet Ramsey, Elizabeth Smart come readily to mind but I'm sure there are others) that prevent this from being realistic in America, whereas in Japanese society the odds of that happening are so low (I guess even criminals in Japan don't resort to the low of going after kids) that they can let kids go off into the streets. And it's an interesting philosophy, as long as it's safe: let kids make mistakes. As parents and teachers  and camp counselors (me), adults try to make kids do what's right for their own good ,and they have the kids' best interests at heart, but the method is not always the best. For example, I learned quickly from watching 10-year-old kids, they often do the exact opposite of what you tell them to do, and the more you tell them NOT to do something, the more they want to do it. That's just the way kids are. My parents once told me about a story of a parent who instead of telling the kid not to reach his hand into the oven all the time, they just let him do it one time, the kid predictably got burned, learned from it, and never did it again. Not everything works as perfectly as that example, but the philosophy behind it, I feel, is true. Kids, and really all humans, learn by experience. I can learn as much Japanese vocabulary as possible but forget it, yet if I use it once in a real conversation I've got that down pat (ESPECIALLY if I make a mistake on the word, because I'll be embarrassed enough not to make that mistake again!)

Human beings, and especially people like me, are too afraid to fail. I often convinced myself I couldn't do something and prevented myself from achieving something, like asking a girl out, or just asking a "stupid" question because I thought it would be embarrassing. Kids, though, don't care about being embarrassed! And don't know what embarrassment is! So maybe that is the best time to have them experience things and get it wrong, so that they'll get it right in the future. Cuz when they grow up to be old and cranky like me, they'll have learned from their mistakes. A great lesson from the Japanese that everyone can learn from.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan