Apparently the fellow dodgeballer who passed away last week died as a result of suicide, which is really sad to hear. I hear about suicides in the news especially celebrity suicides (Anthony Bourdain being the most recent one) and I go, "they have so much going for them, why did they take their life?" I often wonder, "if I lost all the things important to me, I lost my family, I lost my wife, I lost all the precious money I've accumulated in my life, lost the ability to play sports, learn languages, would I commit suicide? I think the answer I've always had is "probably not" because I've had so many positive experiences in my life that I'd believe in myself to start over and recreate positive experiences and personal achievements eventually, but not everyone has been lucky enough to have those positive experiences I've had, they've NEVER had things go right in their life, and that's where I try to understand it from their perspective.
On days like today, after I had very little sleep the night before and went to bed early and got a full 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I feel like I'm on top of the world. I'm thinking clearly, I fear less about money, I appreciate everyone and everything, I really enjoy life. I wish everyone had days like today in their life to appreciate the full quality of life, even a mundane Tuesday where I woke up and stayed at the office for 12 hours. I enjoyed a good breakfast with a sweet apple (apples aren't usually known for their sweetness, I usually go for grapes oranges or peaches for sweetness but this apple was different), walked around one of the best downtowns in the world (Chicago), talked about various topics with my colleagues, watched the stock market rebound after yesterday's dip, made money while doing a job that I kind of enjoy. And had 10 hours of sleep (probably the most important thing about being in a good mood). Sleep affects mood, I have almost no doubt about it and especially for people like me who get hangry, get upset after not sleeping much, very reliant on satisfying the basic human needs. I wish everyone who considered suicide literally "slept on the decision," got the best sleep of their lives for the night and then wake up to make the decision. I bet many would think better of it. According to a study, most suicides occur after midnight, from the midnight-4AM period. Makes total sense to me. Nighttime is probably the most synonymous with death and darkness, you're more likely to be drinking or had a long day of turmoil and stress accumulation, body feels physically tired. I know so many times I've personally gone to bed upset or nervous about something and woken up either totally forgetting that problem or mitigating its effect by thinking about something else, "clicking refresh" on life like on a computer.
I used to really dislike or even take it personally when people said they would commit suicide because I felt it was a waste of life to take one's own life and how can anyone consider doing that to themselves when I personally would never even consider it? Since then I've become more aware that other people think differently, that people are built differently genetically and hard-wired for different things, just like I don't like to drink alcohol, some people are pre-disposed to alcohol and also depression, etc. But still, that doesn't mean that suicide is the correct step. I feel like society has watered down suicide to where it's more commonplace or that it's even an accepted thing to do, like "oh I guess he bought a Hummer. That's cool. Oh he declared bankruptcy. It's fine." But death is not like any of those things, it is literally THE END, there is no coming back from that. It's the most drastic decision any person can ever make, and there is ZERO room for regretting that decision. People who commit suicide don't regret the decision because they CANNOT regret that decision, but I bet many would if they lived out their lives instead of committing suicide, or like if they give themselves just one more year to live than when they plan to commit suicide, just to see how bad it is for that one year and then do it anyway if it's still bad, I bet many during that time would reconsider. At least it would give them time to see if they'd regret it or not.
Again, I don't know much about suicide, perhaps my views are very naive. I do know people who do it are suffering from mental health problems, and it's a very real thing in America and around the world, and it's worth taking a while to acknowledge the problem and understand it rather than just condemning people who commit suicide.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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