The word for overtime work in Asian languages is, uniquely, different in Chinese, Korean and Japanese, but they all relate to the idea. In Korean it's "chokwa geunmu"exceeding one's duty," making one's work part of one's duty. In Japanese it's "zangyo" or roughly translated to "leftover work," like after the normally scheduled work is done, there's still some left over. Finally, there's chinese, called "jia ban," or roughly "tacking on a shift to existing shift." I was thinking of some way to explain why theses terms are the way they are based on each country's culture, but it's pretty much just working overtime, and they can all lead to "karoushi," ( 過労死) death from overwork, similarly pronounced in all the languages.
I'm in danger of dying from overwork, but I have experienced some unexpected consequences from working a lot and overtime. Here are some.
1.) Makes one appreciate a 40-hour work week. I sometimes complain that "the weekend was too short" and don't have enough time in the day, but it's all in perspective when I work a 60-hour week, or even an 80-hour week.
2.) HAVE to find a way to cut down the commute. No way it's sustainable if it's like LA and have to travel an hour each way just to get to work. Have to find some lodging nearby for awhile or Uber way early in the morning (or late at night) when no one's out.
3.) It's better to have others working the same hours. I can't imagine working overtime by myself, I'd just start feeling lonely and being lost to the world. At least there's comrades spending time with you spending the (as we jokingly call it) prison sentence.
4.) it's not just one meal (lunch) at work, it's at least 2, sometimes 3. No time to get a decent breakfast and make a decent dinner, just gotta improvise. Can't have pizza or sandwiches ALL the time, so salads and fresh fruit/ vegetables are necessary.
5.) the paychecks are nice. It (kinda) makes the overtime work worth it, especially in California where overtime is mandated by law to be 1.5x the pay rate for every hour worked over 40 per week, but employers stop offering overtime. In Illinois, the overtime rules are more lenient, so people work for a flat rate without the overtime rate, which seems manipulative but also there's more work offered by the employer (similar to the argument against a minimum wage).
6.) If doing an office job, feel like you've been sitting in the same room all the time for your whole life, like you've known nothing else in your life except that small office space. I can't imagine what prison is like for those who have to face it, without the prospect of getting out (or for a very long time). Yes, there are a lot of prison comparisons at our work like "marking a tally on the wall for each day we spend working here."
7.) Appreciate the free time so much more. Want to go out and DO something with my free time! - I can understand why people drink a lot, or why lawyers/ doctors have substance abuse issues. There's almost a physical weight that's dropped after work and you just want to do anything else afterwards and go extreme. For me, sitting down to a mindless movie helps.
8.) Lot of time to follow trending news stories, like the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings in the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee. Plenty of drama, and ironically those senators seem to be in the same dilemma as us, trapped in the same room and repeating the same pattern over and over every day for many days, straight. Working overtime and sometimes walking out (happened today before the vote to confirm Kavanaugh) to air out their frustrations.
9.) Lots of pondering about one's life and how it's led to this point. Is sitting here worth it? Comes to mind a lot, as does, "what will be my future be like?" "is this what I'm doomed to do for the rest of my time?"
10.) need to grab a nice chair for good posture, need a good mouse and good equipment, need to bring extra clothing in case the building gets cold or warm, basically have to take care of oneself because I'm at this building and in this space more than any other place in the world for now. This is my life now.
11.) I will think twice about taking on any jobs or assignments that require being in the same cramped space for long periods of time without ability to get out, like an astronaut, security guard, etc. Unfortunately most of the world's professions require staying in one place all the time, but at least for most there are breaks to do something else just to keep one's sanity. (Being a parent now seems even more difficult because YOU CAN'T QUIT your job as a parent.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Friday, September 28, 2018
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
記名セリフ (Trademark phrases)
I love trademark phrases because they're so unique and fresh and demonstrate how one feels at the time; the really good ones stay with me for a long time and I chuckle or burst out laughing each time I hear them, or at least after I haven't heard them for a while. Best example is a co-worker whose daily routine was to complain about things, and when he really worked up a routine he called them "dreadful." Dreadful is definitely a word in the English language, but most people say they don't like something, or that it was "terrible," or "regrettable," or some other form, but "dreadful" is rare enough and kind of exaggerates the situation because every time I hear the word I think of someone welling up with dread. I chuckle every time I hear it, and my co-workers and I have caught on. Doesn't hurt that the guy who kept saying that uses the twitter handle "undertaker0818," which is totally against that gentleman's character but evokes images of doom and "dread" as well as the Undertaker from the WWE universe.
I wish I was original enough to come up with original phrases that other people repeat to this day and have a legacy, but alas I use too many cliches to be quoted. I actually quite dislike cliches like "it just wasn't his day," or "he came out of nowhere" or "I have no idea" (REALLY dislike this one because most of the time the person DOES have an idea!) because these phrases or oft repeated and show no artistry, no skill in using the language, no original thought, and for someone who likes the use of language (foreign languages included) and artful use, I try to stay away from cliches like the plague (there, I just used one there).
I don't think the power of unique phrases can be understated. Sure Donald Trump has a number of things he can be quoted about, but even presidents, when they've retired and years have gone by, will be known by, and can be summed up by, some memorable quotes. "I am not a crook." "Read my lips, no new taxes." Sometimes the only thing a famous person is known for is what they said. Derek Anderson, an otherwise underwhelming and forgettable QB, is famous for saying, "I take this SH*T serious!" when someone questioned his dedication. "I'm a man! I'm 40!" is from a Oklahoma State football coach. Some of these become viral sensations and are aided by the internet, but the words themselves and the strangeness of the soundbyte and how it characterizes what that person believes in is what makes the phrase stand out.
MJ and I have plenty of phrases that we'll say when we're in a good mood (and I try to say when we're fighting to try to lighten the mood, with mixed results).
"Uncomfortable!"
"Chincha nice!" ("Chincha" means "really" or "extremely" in Korean, and it's a funny Korean-English mixed word that some Koreans say.)
"It's collapsing!" - originally about a chocolate cake that we were all eating but I messed up, and I explained why I wasn't eating it anymore: "It's collapsing!" even though I was the one who made it to collapse.
"Micheosseo???" Are you crazy? in Korean.
I find that the more time I spend with someone, the more likely it is to come up with phrases. My co-workers and I have so many that we sometimes keep a list and email back and forth adding them periodically as new ones come along.
Favorite phrases:
1.) He thinks he's all that.....AND a bag of chips (to mean someone is full of himself)
2.) The goggles! They do nothing!- Simpsons quote
3.) Heyyyyyyyy Roooooobert, do you want a batch? I can get you a batch.
4.) "It is what it is."
5.) INSTANTLY stops hitting- a quote I uttered in complete dejection while studying for the bar in 2011 but also managing my fantasy baseball team, as one after one each player that I picked up to help my team instantly stopped hitting.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
I wish I was original enough to come up with original phrases that other people repeat to this day and have a legacy, but alas I use too many cliches to be quoted. I actually quite dislike cliches like "it just wasn't his day," or "he came out of nowhere" or "I have no idea" (REALLY dislike this one because most of the time the person DOES have an idea!) because these phrases or oft repeated and show no artistry, no skill in using the language, no original thought, and for someone who likes the use of language (foreign languages included) and artful use, I try to stay away from cliches like the plague (there, I just used one there).
I don't think the power of unique phrases can be understated. Sure Donald Trump has a number of things he can be quoted about, but even presidents, when they've retired and years have gone by, will be known by, and can be summed up by, some memorable quotes. "I am not a crook." "Read my lips, no new taxes." Sometimes the only thing a famous person is known for is what they said. Derek Anderson, an otherwise underwhelming and forgettable QB, is famous for saying, "I take this SH*T serious!" when someone questioned his dedication. "I'm a man! I'm 40!" is from a Oklahoma State football coach. Some of these become viral sensations and are aided by the internet, but the words themselves and the strangeness of the soundbyte and how it characterizes what that person believes in is what makes the phrase stand out.
MJ and I have plenty of phrases that we'll say when we're in a good mood (and I try to say when we're fighting to try to lighten the mood, with mixed results).
"Uncomfortable!"
"Chincha nice!" ("Chincha" means "really" or "extremely" in Korean, and it's a funny Korean-English mixed word that some Koreans say.)
"It's collapsing!" - originally about a chocolate cake that we were all eating but I messed up, and I explained why I wasn't eating it anymore: "It's collapsing!" even though I was the one who made it to collapse.
"Micheosseo???" Are you crazy? in Korean.
I find that the more time I spend with someone, the more likely it is to come up with phrases. My co-workers and I have so many that we sometimes keep a list and email back and forth adding them periodically as new ones come along.
Favorite phrases:
1.) He thinks he's all that.....AND a bag of chips (to mean someone is full of himself)
2.) The goggles! They do nothing!- Simpsons quote
3.) Heyyyyyyyy Roooooobert, do you want a batch? I can get you a batch.
4.) "It is what it is."
5.) INSTANTLY stops hitting- a quote I uttered in complete dejection while studying for the bar in 2011 but also managing my fantasy baseball team, as one after one each player that I picked up to help my team instantly stopped hitting.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Temptation (誘惑 유혹)
One of the biggest things about becoming an adult for me is to avoid temptation, or at least try to stave it off as much as possible. In the world I live in, there is no shortage of temptations concerning food, games, entertainment, scenery, relaxation, etc., etc., lots and lots of things that promise to make us happy and increase our enjoyment. It's gotten to a point where I can probably spend the rest of my life doing those tempting things, but there would be severe consequences. So like any normal human being, I have to manage the temptations, enjoy them moderately,
The last few weeks in Chicago have been heavenly, full of unbelievable weather for a city that is known for unpredictable weather patterns. 60-70 degree days, not a cloud in the sky, late summer weather, some humidity but not suffocating humidity...perfect for any tourist or person who enjoys the outdoors. Yet I'm stuck indoors at my job for 12 hours a day, unable to reach out and grab that great weather, take full advantage of it. Resisting temptation is having to
Chicago, as a city, kind of reflects giving it to temptation, the most obvious one being food. This place is known for some famous foods like deep dish pizza, italian beef, and Chicago-style hot dogs, but while delicious those foods are also known for being extremely unhealthy and disastrous for one's waist line (MJ and I have been experienced this firsthand). Other cities definitely have their own temptations as well, but LA might have some other non-weight gain temptations like drugs, thrills, etc. Chicago's citizens on an average basis seem to have given into to the temptation based on the outer appearance of some people (and I'm not slender by any means, but some people can really seem pretty big). Food is the biggest temptation, because the joy is so instantaneous and the taste buds so easily reflect our desires, and we feel hunger every few hours or so, or about 3 times every day. When feeling really hungry, it's really hard to convince yourself to eat something healthy, I get it. Your body and overall health, though, is very dependent on you convincing yourself not to give in to temptation. What helps is "rewarding" oneself with a temptation after doing some rigorous discipline for awhile, that way you can have it on the horizon as a target and work hard towards it (eat healthy breakfast with hard boiled eggs and fruit and salad for lunch, THEN eat something zesty and tasty for dinner), otherwise there's no incentive for you to settle for the nutritious stuff.
Recently I've found that the same philosophy towards food applies towards one's thoughts and how our mind works: Our minds are working every second of the day but they're easily distracted by temptations like instagram, facebook, and other social media, plus all the random videos and ads and basically everything on the internet. We want those things badly, and instead of 3 times every day/ every 5 hours or so for food, brain wants those things EVERY SECOND. Which is why smartphones are bad, but anyway it's even tougher to control oneself from checking the internet every minute or so, to feed ourselves something that we're convinced is good. Same strategy: gotta come up with a reward system NOT to look online for a specified period of time or NOT UNTIL I finish studying for this test or write this paper. You can use your NEED for the internet and social media by diligently working for the opportunity to get those temptations, but only if you do the "healthy" stuff of real tasks and necessary stuff too. But in this era of millenials and smartphones, just like looking around a train and seeing the body weight of the people in the population, the giving in to temptation is demonstrated by how many people are just on their phones all the time, always distracted, not looking at each other, needing to feed off the internet. It's kind of sad and we all need to work on being more disciplined.
Top 5 worst feelings after succumbing to temptation:
1.) OH NO! I wasted 3 hours scrolling through internet articles and didn't really accomplish anything!
2.) Oh no I just ate this chocolate bar and now I want more! Too much sugar!
3.) Oh no I watched TV while consuming a lot of unhealthy foods and I feel even more sluggish and want to sleep and/or watch more TV and not do anything productive (MJ is very adamant about not eating and watching TV at the same time, it's a fair point because your body doesn't register how much food you're actually consuming and doesn't know when it's full)
4.) Oh no I wasted a whole day waiting in line to go to a sports game/concert!
5.) Oh no I was supposed to be studying for my test but then got wrapped up in idle chatter with my friend and complaining about things!
The last few weeks in Chicago have been heavenly, full of unbelievable weather for a city that is known for unpredictable weather patterns. 60-70 degree days, not a cloud in the sky, late summer weather, some humidity but not suffocating humidity...perfect for any tourist or person who enjoys the outdoors. Yet I'm stuck indoors at my job for 12 hours a day, unable to reach out and grab that great weather, take full advantage of it. Resisting temptation is having to
Chicago, as a city, kind of reflects giving it to temptation, the most obvious one being food. This place is known for some famous foods like deep dish pizza, italian beef, and Chicago-style hot dogs, but while delicious those foods are also known for being extremely unhealthy and disastrous for one's waist line (MJ and I have been experienced this firsthand). Other cities definitely have their own temptations as well, but LA might have some other non-weight gain temptations like drugs, thrills, etc. Chicago's citizens on an average basis seem to have given into to the temptation based on the outer appearance of some people (and I'm not slender by any means, but some people can really seem pretty big). Food is the biggest temptation, because the joy is so instantaneous and the taste buds so easily reflect our desires, and we feel hunger every few hours or so, or about 3 times every day. When feeling really hungry, it's really hard to convince yourself to eat something healthy, I get it. Your body and overall health, though, is very dependent on you convincing yourself not to give in to temptation. What helps is "rewarding" oneself with a temptation after doing some rigorous discipline for awhile, that way you can have it on the horizon as a target and work hard towards it (eat healthy breakfast with hard boiled eggs and fruit and salad for lunch, THEN eat something zesty and tasty for dinner), otherwise there's no incentive for you to settle for the nutritious stuff.
Recently I've found that the same philosophy towards food applies towards one's thoughts and how our mind works: Our minds are working every second of the day but they're easily distracted by temptations like instagram, facebook, and other social media, plus all the random videos and ads and basically everything on the internet. We want those things badly, and instead of 3 times every day/ every 5 hours or so for food, brain wants those things EVERY SECOND. Which is why smartphones are bad, but anyway it's even tougher to control oneself from checking the internet every minute or so, to feed ourselves something that we're convinced is good. Same strategy: gotta come up with a reward system NOT to look online for a specified period of time or NOT UNTIL I finish studying for this test or write this paper. You can use your NEED for the internet and social media by diligently working for the opportunity to get those temptations, but only if you do the "healthy" stuff of real tasks and necessary stuff too. But in this era of millenials and smartphones, just like looking around a train and seeing the body weight of the people in the population, the giving in to temptation is demonstrated by how many people are just on their phones all the time, always distracted, not looking at each other, needing to feed off the internet. It's kind of sad and we all need to work on being more disciplined.
Top 5 worst feelings after succumbing to temptation:
1.) OH NO! I wasted 3 hours scrolling through internet articles and didn't really accomplish anything!
2.) Oh no I just ate this chocolate bar and now I want more! Too much sugar!
3.) Oh no I watched TV while consuming a lot of unhealthy foods and I feel even more sluggish and want to sleep and/or watch more TV and not do anything productive (MJ is very adamant about not eating and watching TV at the same time, it's a fair point because your body doesn't register how much food you're actually consuming and doesn't know when it's full)
4.) Oh no I wasted a whole day waiting in line to go to a sports game/concert!
5.) Oh no I was supposed to be studying for my test but then got wrapped up in idle chatter with my friend and complaining about things!
Thursday, September 20, 2018
To live (살다) (生きる) 活着
Once in a while between the mountain of movies you're thrown at by the media like Avengers, the latest Disney movie (Coco was actually a really good movie so it's an exception) I see one that inspires me, changes the way I view the world. The 1994 movie "To Live" (活着) is one of those movies. Background: a historical look at a family's life from 1940 on, it's modeled like "Forest Gump" in that it reflects the historical background of the country back then, except instead of the U.S. it's China. You think the 1900's was tough on the U.S. with 2 world wars and civil rights and political movements, it's child's play compared to the brutality of China during the 1900's. I didn't live through that and wasn't taught that as a child, so it's rather eye-opening. Oh and the Chinese government censored "To Live" due to its portrayal of the Communist party (what else is new?) so I hadn't heard about it until now, but it is stunningly well done.
The lesson from "To Live," without giving away anything, is that life is tough. In the whole history of the Earth, the last few decades (or around the time I've lived) has probably been some of the most prosperous and easy on certain populations of the world. Sure, there are still third world developing countries that haven't experienced that, and there's still war and people dying every day, but in some societies life is greatly enhanced by medical advances, technology, and knowledge. We are, by comparison to 100 years of human history ago, SO SO SO much more well-off and lucky. (It's very possible in the miracle of me being able to live on this world that I would have been born much sooner and in a totally different world, without waking up to sunlight and good weather, without being able to use a computer, check my phone, see my family a lot of the time, have running water, etc., etc.) Chinese people have this idea of "just living," kind of like surviving, living life without complaints, don't expect too much. It's born out of environments like those depicted in "To Live," where just living the bare essentials of life (being with one's family) seems like a luxury, that you get sucked into a war and the risk of dying for what seems like no reason (how many wars in the history of the world have been fought for some king's pride or in the name of someone who doesn't care about the soldiers who die as a result?) In the movies that we get to watch over and over in the safety of our homes nowadays ON DEMAND, whenever we want, for however many times we want, the main character always lives, but we see hundreds, thousands of other people dying. Well in real life, those other people who die would most likely be YOU. You don't survive the war, you don't continue living and living out one's life. You just die, that's it. So living the bare essentials of life is treasure enough (forget about dodgeball, fantasy baseball, trips to exotic islands, marijuana stocks, fancy weddings, etc.) Living is enough for the people in "To Live," and that very easily could have been (and still could be me).
Also, I wished I would have watched the movie before college because a big theme is "Don't gamble," so much so that the main hero of the story gambled so much that his wife named their son "Don't gamble" to make sure that he didn't. Gambling is a terrible waste of time and I regret doing it when I was younger, it's super addictive and can ruin people just as much as other addictions can. I'm happy that I lost at gambling and never succeeded and got super unlucky at poker/ other gambling because it made me get out of it (I love money more), and it made me realize how lucky I am in other parts of life. Why do I need to win at a random game of chance to prove how good I am or that I can make money? I can do that in other ways.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
September (구월)
September in Korean is called "Kuwol." September has a nickname in Japanese called "the long month," (長月) supposedly because night becomes longer than daytime after the Autumn equinox. Maybe purely concidentally, September in Chinese also means long month because the kanji letter "nine" has a homonym meaning "long month," which was the inspiration for MJ and I to hold our wedding on September 9, meaning "long long."
It certainly has felt like a long month. I started the month in the Bay area catsitting for our friend, then back to Los Angeles, then off to Chicago for what has been an awesome 2 weeks weather-wise in Chicago. Between those trips I've also taken 2 red-eye flights from LA to Chicago (not recommended in close quarters) and attended a wedding where the groom was Chinese and the bride was Korean (it's trending!) and spent a lot of time at work. But wrote in this blog! Yay! Stocks are also traditionally choppy in September and historically it's been one of the worst months, including the Sept. 19, 2008 day where the market crashed and fortunes were lost, a day I'll always remember sitting in the law library during first year of law school watching the stock tickers go down and my future as a potential corporate lawyer crumble with them (granted, my own faults were more a contributor there, but the economic crash didn't help). This month as been no different, with the Dow dropping large amounts in a single day on a few occasions, only to rally back the following few days, so it hasn't been horrible, and for anyone who owned Tilray this month (and didn't sell too early like me), it's been a wild and lucrative ride. After IPO'ing at 20+ just a month ago, today it hit 300!!!!!!!!! before falling back down and its stock stopped trading for a few minutes due to the large drop, something I've never seen from an individual stock. It's so tempting to get back in, and maybe I'll just dip a toe in with 5 shares or so, but my major holdings have to be with stocks with proven fundamentals, history of success, and bona fide business models.
September for whatever season also seems to be the month of new beginnings, whether it was the first full month of school for the new school year, starting a new job (my first job out of law school after passing the bar), moving to a new address, the start of the football season, the start of the fantasy baseball season, September's an action month, unhindered by too many holidays like December or January and not bogged down by the dog days of summer. "Summer has gone and passed."- Green day song. So true, when summer ends, suddenly you realize that a majority of the year has passed you buy, pretty soon it's going to be the holiday season, and days are getting shorter, gotta get something done! Let's end the year on a great note!
"Wake me up, when September ends!" -
It certainly has felt like a long month. I started the month in the Bay area catsitting for our friend, then back to Los Angeles, then off to Chicago for what has been an awesome 2 weeks weather-wise in Chicago. Between those trips I've also taken 2 red-eye flights from LA to Chicago (not recommended in close quarters) and attended a wedding where the groom was Chinese and the bride was Korean (it's trending!) and spent a lot of time at work. But wrote in this blog! Yay! Stocks are also traditionally choppy in September and historically it's been one of the worst months, including the Sept. 19, 2008 day where the market crashed and fortunes were lost, a day I'll always remember sitting in the law library during first year of law school watching the stock tickers go down and my future as a potential corporate lawyer crumble with them (granted, my own faults were more a contributor there, but the economic crash didn't help). This month as been no different, with the Dow dropping large amounts in a single day on a few occasions, only to rally back the following few days, so it hasn't been horrible, and for anyone who owned Tilray this month (and didn't sell too early like me), it's been a wild and lucrative ride. After IPO'ing at 20+ just a month ago, today it hit 300!!!!!!!!! before falling back down and its stock stopped trading for a few minutes due to the large drop, something I've never seen from an individual stock. It's so tempting to get back in, and maybe I'll just dip a toe in with 5 shares or so, but my major holdings have to be with stocks with proven fundamentals, history of success, and bona fide business models.
September for whatever season also seems to be the month of new beginnings, whether it was the first full month of school for the new school year, starting a new job (my first job out of law school after passing the bar), moving to a new address, the start of the football season, the start of the fantasy baseball season, September's an action month, unhindered by too many holidays like December or January and not bogged down by the dog days of summer. "Summer has gone and passed."- Green day song. So true, when summer ends, suddenly you realize that a majority of the year has passed you buy, pretty soon it's going to be the holiday season, and days are getting shorter, gotta get something done! Let's end the year on a great note!
"Wake me up, when September ends!" -
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
자살 (Suicide)
In the ongoing saga of the upward path of Tilray, the stock continues to soar "sky high" (marijuana joke), gaining 29% today to get to $150, after it IPO'ed at like $25 just a short month ago. So if you had the foresight to insight even just a speckle of funds, you sextupled your money in just a month. Sigh. I didn't hold on to Tilray even though I "messed around" with it last week, ultimately selling with a small profit before the big gain today. I'm not a very good trader apparently.
Apparently the fellow dodgeballer who passed away last week died as a result of suicide, which is really sad to hear. I hear about suicides in the news especially celebrity suicides (Anthony Bourdain being the most recent one) and I go, "they have so much going for them, why did they take their life?" I often wonder, "if I lost all the things important to me, I lost my family, I lost my wife, I lost all the precious money I've accumulated in my life, lost the ability to play sports, learn languages, would I commit suicide? I think the answer I've always had is "probably not" because I've had so many positive experiences in my life that I'd believe in myself to start over and recreate positive experiences and personal achievements eventually, but not everyone has been lucky enough to have those positive experiences I've had, they've NEVER had things go right in their life, and that's where I try to understand it from their perspective.
On days like today, after I had very little sleep the night before and went to bed early and got a full 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I feel like I'm on top of the world. I'm thinking clearly, I fear less about money, I appreciate everyone and everything, I really enjoy life. I wish everyone had days like today in their life to appreciate the full quality of life, even a mundane Tuesday where I woke up and stayed at the office for 12 hours. I enjoyed a good breakfast with a sweet apple (apples aren't usually known for their sweetness, I usually go for grapes oranges or peaches for sweetness but this apple was different), walked around one of the best downtowns in the world (Chicago), talked about various topics with my colleagues, watched the stock market rebound after yesterday's dip, made money while doing a job that I kind of enjoy. And had 10 hours of sleep (probably the most important thing about being in a good mood). Sleep affects mood, I have almost no doubt about it and especially for people like me who get hangry, get upset after not sleeping much, very reliant on satisfying the basic human needs. I wish everyone who considered suicide literally "slept on the decision," got the best sleep of their lives for the night and then wake up to make the decision. I bet many would think better of it. According to a study, most suicides occur after midnight, from the midnight-4AM period. Makes total sense to me. Nighttime is probably the most synonymous with death and darkness, you're more likely to be drinking or had a long day of turmoil and stress accumulation, body feels physically tired. I know so many times I've personally gone to bed upset or nervous about something and woken up either totally forgetting that problem or mitigating its effect by thinking about something else, "clicking refresh" on life like on a computer.
I used to really dislike or even take it personally when people said they would commit suicide because I felt it was a waste of life to take one's own life and how can anyone consider doing that to themselves when I personally would never even consider it? Since then I've become more aware that other people think differently, that people are built differently genetically and hard-wired for different things, just like I don't like to drink alcohol, some people are pre-disposed to alcohol and also depression, etc. But still, that doesn't mean that suicide is the correct step. I feel like society has watered down suicide to where it's more commonplace or that it's even an accepted thing to do, like "oh I guess he bought a Hummer. That's cool. Oh he declared bankruptcy. It's fine." But death is not like any of those things, it is literally THE END, there is no coming back from that. It's the most drastic decision any person can ever make, and there is ZERO room for regretting that decision. People who commit suicide don't regret the decision because they CANNOT regret that decision, but I bet many would if they lived out their lives instead of committing suicide, or like if they give themselves just one more year to live than when they plan to commit suicide, just to see how bad it is for that one year and then do it anyway if it's still bad, I bet many during that time would reconsider. At least it would give them time to see if they'd regret it or not.
Again, I don't know much about suicide, perhaps my views are very naive. I do know people who do it are suffering from mental health problems, and it's a very real thing in America and around the world, and it's worth taking a while to acknowledge the problem and understand it rather than just condemning people who commit suicide.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thursday, September 13, 2018
たいま 大麻 (Marijuana)
I purchased some marijuana today. And it felt good.
No, I did not go to a marijuana distillery and purchase with a marijuana card or go to Venice Beach and do it the old way (before it was legalized in California), go get a "checkup" with a faux doctor in a "clinic" with a green cross in front. I purchased marijuana stock in the form of Tilray, a Canadian marijuana company whose stock has reaped huge benefits just this month, quadrupling its share price. It's been on a one-way trip up the stock charts, and I was probably pretty late for getting in on it, but I bought some just for fun, almost for the symbolic value of it, not relying on any fundamentals of the company or stock charts but just from the pure reputation of marijuana.
Marijuana has always been one of those things among my peers that's openly talked about as nonsensically prohibited, something that is technically illegal but can be found almost anywhere one looks and isn't even that strong. It's a recreational drug, for people to relax, and it became kind of "cool" to do drugs, almost as common to use as inviting someone to your home and offering some coffee or tea. Easy to see in hindsight, but it was inevitably going to be legalized just from the sheer pervasiveness of the drug and the almost cavalier attitude towards its enforcement. Also, now that it's legalized the proceeds aren't going to just the drug dealers and other criminals, now it's being controlled by legitimate businesses like Tilray, and the term "pot stocks" has become the hot buzz word in the stock market nowadays. Ultimately it seems like pot stocks will prove to be just a fad like social media stocks, bitcoin, and give way to fundamentals. But for now, it's a fun, recreational stock to own. (And kind of volatile, stock went up 20% during the trading day but down almost that much after hours).
On a serious note, one of the players I play dodgeball with in my dodgeball league unexpectedly passed away this week. I didn't know him very well, nor talked to him much, but it's still pretty shocking. No forewarning, no sign of illness, nothing. Seemed like a very normal guy with body healthy enough to play dodgeball. Another grave reminder that life is short. I guess plenty of people die every day, but just to think that the fellow dodgeballer was playing dodgeball just a month ago, enjoying himself, obviously not thinking he would die a month later and never be able to play another game, never throw another ball, never run, never do anything anymore makes me consider how lucky I am. Just the thought that he had his last dodgeball game without even knowing about it, that it could end anytime and there's really no way to prevent it, it makes me sad very often. Unexpected death is really, really, the worst way to die, I think, because you don't even get to do the things you would do if you knew life was ending. For example, now would be a terrible time for me to die because I just worked a lot of hours to save up for the future with the the assumption that I can enjoy it later on in life. Who knows, I might have played my last dodgeball game, bought my last pot stock, died without ever smoking pot or smoking a cigarette (I like trying new experiences, but smoking up is not a curiosity to me for some reason), and just wrote my last blog article. Hopefully not. That's why as part of "life insurance" I sometimes go outside to enjoy the city that I'm in, have a good lunch (instead of another $5 Subway sub) and live a little bit, and why I should take a vacation soon. Whatever the case, I hope the fellow dodgeballer was able to enjoy his time and live his life to the fullest (as full as one can have with not knowing about unexpected death).
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
No, I did not go to a marijuana distillery and purchase with a marijuana card or go to Venice Beach and do it the old way (before it was legalized in California), go get a "checkup" with a faux doctor in a "clinic" with a green cross in front. I purchased marijuana stock in the form of Tilray, a Canadian marijuana company whose stock has reaped huge benefits just this month, quadrupling its share price. It's been on a one-way trip up the stock charts, and I was probably pretty late for getting in on it, but I bought some just for fun, almost for the symbolic value of it, not relying on any fundamentals of the company or stock charts but just from the pure reputation of marijuana.
Marijuana has always been one of those things among my peers that's openly talked about as nonsensically prohibited, something that is technically illegal but can be found almost anywhere one looks and isn't even that strong. It's a recreational drug, for people to relax, and it became kind of "cool" to do drugs, almost as common to use as inviting someone to your home and offering some coffee or tea. Easy to see in hindsight, but it was inevitably going to be legalized just from the sheer pervasiveness of the drug and the almost cavalier attitude towards its enforcement. Also, now that it's legalized the proceeds aren't going to just the drug dealers and other criminals, now it's being controlled by legitimate businesses like Tilray, and the term "pot stocks" has become the hot buzz word in the stock market nowadays. Ultimately it seems like pot stocks will prove to be just a fad like social media stocks, bitcoin, and give way to fundamentals. But for now, it's a fun, recreational stock to own. (And kind of volatile, stock went up 20% during the trading day but down almost that much after hours).
On a serious note, one of the players I play dodgeball with in my dodgeball league unexpectedly passed away this week. I didn't know him very well, nor talked to him much, but it's still pretty shocking. No forewarning, no sign of illness, nothing. Seemed like a very normal guy with body healthy enough to play dodgeball. Another grave reminder that life is short. I guess plenty of people die every day, but just to think that the fellow dodgeballer was playing dodgeball just a month ago, enjoying himself, obviously not thinking he would die a month later and never be able to play another game, never throw another ball, never run, never do anything anymore makes me consider how lucky I am. Just the thought that he had his last dodgeball game without even knowing about it, that it could end anytime and there's really no way to prevent it, it makes me sad very often. Unexpected death is really, really, the worst way to die, I think, because you don't even get to do the things you would do if you knew life was ending. For example, now would be a terrible time for me to die because I just worked a lot of hours to save up for the future with the the assumption that I can enjoy it later on in life. Who knows, I might have played my last dodgeball game, bought my last pot stock, died without ever smoking pot or smoking a cigarette (I like trying new experiences, but smoking up is not a curiosity to me for some reason), and just wrote my last blog article. Hopefully not. That's why as part of "life insurance" I sometimes go outside to enjoy the city that I'm in, have a good lunch (instead of another $5 Subway sub) and live a little bit, and why I should take a vacation soon. Whatever the case, I hope the fellow dodgeballer was able to enjoy his time and live his life to the fullest (as full as one can have with not knowing about unexpected death).
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
復習(Reread)
One of the small "life hacks" I tell people (like going to departures and avoiding the busy arrivals terminal at the airport, or watching television shows in the language you want to learn (very effective) to get both enjoyment and results at the same time (and make you enjoy learning), another life hack is to reread things, multiple times if necessary!
As adults we think we're infallible and not kids anymore, we don't need to reread things since we understood everything the first time. This might be true, but just being able to understand everything doesn't mean you absorb everything, and definitely doesn't mean you will remember everything. I can read a vocab list of 20 words, understand everything at the moment, and the very next day barely remember a single word out of that list of 20 words.
On a work assignment the other day, I made a mistake by not rereading a key passage of an email in Japanese and let my team down. Sadly the mistake was not caused by my inability to read Japanese (I've trained very hard to develop that skill) or that I didn't have enough time and was under a time crunch (I had plenty of time to retrace my steps!) or any other extingent factors. It was simply because my mind is trained nowadays to go through words really quickly, only look for keywords and the things I care about, and then move on once I think I've acquired those bits. The more I do this, the more it becomes a habit, and pretty soon I'm going way too quickly through the writing and don't get the main gist of the idea, lose crucial pieces and get yelled at by my boss. I find that rereading articles, as painful as it is to admit that you need one, helps to solve a lot of problems, in case you 1.) missed a key part entirely, or 2.) solidify your understanding of a portion of someone's writing in your mind so you can access it more easily later, 3.) think about the writing in a different way consider other possiblities of how to interpret. A very, very powerful tool that we don't need an app for: it's just the power of human ability and communication.
Contracts and agreements- make sure you read those again, as boring as they are. Or at least the part where it says how much money you owe, or like cancellation fees (nowadays so many hotels, airlines, and almost any kind of purchases you make have a cancellation fee attached and it's usually not in a very obvious spot, so read carefully and reread if you have to!)
Read emails a few times to make sure you haven't missed something the author of the email said, whether it's a key word here or instructions that can be interpreted multiple ways. Many times I've thought that an email was very confusing after the first time reading through only to go back and say "oh that's what he/she meant!" sometimes audibly so others could hear. The worst is to follow instructions on an email before you fully understand what the instructions, then have to retrace your steps all over later when you miss a key step.
Reread articles and fantasy sports blogs a year later! See how your perspectives and attitudes towards things have changed after reading the same article.
Reread your own diaries and works a few years after you write them! I constantly re-read and re-read blogs and am often astonished at how much of my past I've forgot, or how much I've changed.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
As adults we think we're infallible and not kids anymore, we don't need to reread things since we understood everything the first time. This might be true, but just being able to understand everything doesn't mean you absorb everything, and definitely doesn't mean you will remember everything. I can read a vocab list of 20 words, understand everything at the moment, and the very next day barely remember a single word out of that list of 20 words.
On a work assignment the other day, I made a mistake by not rereading a key passage of an email in Japanese and let my team down. Sadly the mistake was not caused by my inability to read Japanese (I've trained very hard to develop that skill) or that I didn't have enough time and was under a time crunch (I had plenty of time to retrace my steps!) or any other extingent factors. It was simply because my mind is trained nowadays to go through words really quickly, only look for keywords and the things I care about, and then move on once I think I've acquired those bits. The more I do this, the more it becomes a habit, and pretty soon I'm going way too quickly through the writing and don't get the main gist of the idea, lose crucial pieces and get yelled at by my boss. I find that rereading articles, as painful as it is to admit that you need one, helps to solve a lot of problems, in case you 1.) missed a key part entirely, or 2.) solidify your understanding of a portion of someone's writing in your mind so you can access it more easily later, 3.) think about the writing in a different way consider other possiblities of how to interpret. A very, very powerful tool that we don't need an app for: it's just the power of human ability and communication.
Contracts and agreements- make sure you read those again, as boring as they are. Or at least the part where it says how much money you owe, or like cancellation fees (nowadays so many hotels, airlines, and almost any kind of purchases you make have a cancellation fee attached and it's usually not in a very obvious spot, so read carefully and reread if you have to!)
Read emails a few times to make sure you haven't missed something the author of the email said, whether it's a key word here or instructions that can be interpreted multiple ways. Many times I've thought that an email was very confusing after the first time reading through only to go back and say "oh that's what he/she meant!" sometimes audibly so others could hear. The worst is to follow instructions on an email before you fully understand what the instructions, then have to retrace your steps all over later when you miss a key step.
Reread articles and fantasy sports blogs a year later! See how your perspectives and attitudes towards things have changed after reading the same article.
Reread your own diaries and works a few years after you write them! I constantly re-read and re-read blogs and am often astonished at how much of my past I've forgot, or how much I've changed.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Sunday, September 9, 2018
H Mart ( H 마트)
Today I found out there's an H Mart nearby my office in downtown Chicago. What a revelation! H mart has quietly permeated into my existence much like Korean culture has, from zero during law school (I grouped Korean and Japan into the same cultures in that they weren't Chinese) to having a much more detailed understanding of Korea, Korean American culture, Korean FOOD! (aw man, I was missing a completely different world) and Korean customs/ attitudes towards cleanliness from MJ.
The H in H Mart actually stands for Han Ah Reum, meaning an arm full of groceries/food, which makes sense. The whole concept of H Mart is similar to a grocery store except it caters to Asian people, with a lot of Asian dishes and treats (mochi, kimbap), etc. I used to go to 99 Ranch market due to its Chinese-influenced concept of a grocery store, but now I go to H mart when I go to a chance (and surprisingly, so does my mother, who likes making all kinds of Chinese foods, which goes to show how far H mart has come). The best things that MJ and I usually get are the pre-packaged Kimbap, which is like rice, vegetables, and some sort of protein wrapped into seaweed and cut into little rolls, kind of like Korean sushi. Those are VERY good snacks (well, for me snack, for MJ it can be a whole meal) and a pretty nutritious way to satisfy cravings. There's also hot food like Ttoekbokki, or spicy rice cake. And the H-mart around my office also has a restaurant-style area for spicy tofu soup, ramen (or is it ramyeon for Korean people) and all kinds of great stuff! Don't get me started on my love for good spicy tofu soup. It's one of the best things about getting converted into Korean culture!
I think my journey into the world of Korea matches my personality of liking new things: now well into my 30's, I don't really like the things I liked as a child and even in my 20's: things I thought were AWESOME back then I see as a waste of time or kind of immature, almost as if I'm turning into my parents who told me not to watch sports or play video games. My love for sports, although still kindled with some interest, has drastically waned to just a mild affiliation while stocks (and making money!) is now the new thrill, and learning cultures/ world events is slowly replacing fascination with movies/ TV shows. (Although, I do like those Korean dramas, I recently watched My Sassy Girl and fell in love with Jun Ji-hyun's character like many before me). Even dodgeball, one day, will become a memory. My tastes and interests evolve over time, but undeniably I get the most satisfaction out of new stimulus, doing things I haven't done before. No matter how much I love something, inevitably the 4th or 5th time I do them, they lose a little luster from before, that first hit of new feelings. (Then again, I just told MJ, coming back to a city like Chicago where I haven't been to before in a while, gets that renewed vigor and energy: unfortunately kind of like a smoker who hasn't smoked in a while smoking a cigarette: it's like my body yearns for that experience again and welcomes it).
Life is short, and there are still so many new things out in the world I haven't tried and might like. Who knows what I might get into next, but for now, going to H-mart and learning about Korea are right at the top of the list!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
The H in H Mart actually stands for Han Ah Reum, meaning an arm full of groceries/food, which makes sense. The whole concept of H Mart is similar to a grocery store except it caters to Asian people, with a lot of Asian dishes and treats (mochi, kimbap), etc. I used to go to 99 Ranch market due to its Chinese-influenced concept of a grocery store, but now I go to H mart when I go to a chance (and surprisingly, so does my mother, who likes making all kinds of Chinese foods, which goes to show how far H mart has come). The best things that MJ and I usually get are the pre-packaged Kimbap, which is like rice, vegetables, and some sort of protein wrapped into seaweed and cut into little rolls, kind of like Korean sushi. Those are VERY good snacks (well, for me snack, for MJ it can be a whole meal) and a pretty nutritious way to satisfy cravings. There's also hot food like Ttoekbokki, or spicy rice cake. And the H-mart around my office also has a restaurant-style area for spicy tofu soup, ramen (or is it ramyeon for Korean people) and all kinds of great stuff! Don't get me started on my love for good spicy tofu soup. It's one of the best things about getting converted into Korean culture!
I think my journey into the world of Korea matches my personality of liking new things: now well into my 30's, I don't really like the things I liked as a child and even in my 20's: things I thought were AWESOME back then I see as a waste of time or kind of immature, almost as if I'm turning into my parents who told me not to watch sports or play video games. My love for sports, although still kindled with some interest, has drastically waned to just a mild affiliation while stocks (and making money!) is now the new thrill, and learning cultures/ world events is slowly replacing fascination with movies/ TV shows. (Although, I do like those Korean dramas, I recently watched My Sassy Girl and fell in love with Jun Ji-hyun's character like many before me). Even dodgeball, one day, will become a memory. My tastes and interests evolve over time, but undeniably I get the most satisfaction out of new stimulus, doing things I haven't done before. No matter how much I love something, inevitably the 4th or 5th time I do them, they lose a little luster from before, that first hit of new feelings. (Then again, I just told MJ, coming back to a city like Chicago where I haven't been to before in a while, gets that renewed vigor and energy: unfortunately kind of like a smoker who hasn't smoked in a while smoking a cigarette: it's like my body yearns for that experience again and welcomes it).
Life is short, and there are still so many new things out in the world I haven't tried and might like. Who knows what I might get into next, but for now, going to H-mart and learning about Korea are right at the top of the list!
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Saturday, September 8, 2018
記念日(Anniversary)
Tomorrow is the anniversary of our wedding ceremony! MJ and I were super happy on the day of 9/9/2017 and it's amazing that a year has gone by. I've recently tested my "genkai" (review from last blog almost a month and a half ago! It means "reached my limit" when doing a 6-week work assignment in San Francisco. Worked 60 hours per week and 70 one particularly busy week! I've found that 60 is about the max my body can take before getting tired of working and wanting to live my life in some other capacity than sitting in front of a computer looking at a screen. Especially in a scenic city like San Francisco with great mountain and bay views and where the summers are extraordinarily temperate (No days above 70 degrees Fahrenheit even in the dog days of July and August!) it's tough to be stuck in an office building, ESPECIALLY one in the middle of the bustling tourist area know as the Embarcadero, right by everything. If I was stuck in Oakland, I feel like I could stay and do some more work. Just kidding Oakland, you're OK. I liked Lake Merrit.
70 has been my limit for number of hours worked in a week and that's really pushing it. I've had a chance to reach 80 before and it is not easy (yes there are as many as 80 hours in a week). The difficulty with 80 is that one needs to work ALL 7 days of the week (assuming 12 hours a day,
I've reached my limit with the recent phrase on everyone's lips, "Perfect." It's like this new thing that people say instead of "Understood" or "got it" or "Great!" when acknowledging something or confirming news of some kind, like if I schedule someone for 3PM on Monday, the other party accepts by stating, "Perfect!" It's fine if it's actually a perfect situation, nothing could be better, it's literally the best time in one's life or the best thing in the world, but I think people overuse "perfect" to the point of diluting its meaning. Perfect should be reserved for when everything aligns, there are no complaints, no flaws, nothing better. There's actually very few things in the world that are "perfect," and as a society we're taught that no one is perfect. The worst thing is to say "perfect!" and then 5 seconds later go, "Oh, actually, I have a problem......." I try to reserve my utterances of the word to avoid devaluation. No, someone giving you back your change when you pay for your coffee in cash is not "perfect." No receiving a routine business email from a co-worker is not "perfect!"
I'm at "genkai" with Netflix stock. It's been a great performer but definitely not in a straight line. It's a roller coaster and many times the dips are tougher to stomach than the rise up (much like an actual roller coaster). I'm the type that takes losing money a lot harder than making money through stocks, and the emotional hit I take when I wake up in the morning to see NFLX in the red and down 5% to double digit % (happens more than I'd like!) is just not worth it. It's like the psychological study where people were found to have much more profound memories of losing and the agony of disappointment than the joys of winning. Winning seems temporary and almost expected because that's what everyone's after, everyone's goal is, but losing is usually unexpected and shocking and triggers the memory cells.
Anyway, Happy anniversary! Make sure you celebrate once in a while the "perfect" moments in life (cuz there's not that many of them contrary to what everyone says)
70 has been my limit for number of hours worked in a week and that's really pushing it. I've had a chance to reach 80 before and it is not easy (yes there are as many as 80 hours in a week). The difficulty with 80 is that one needs to work ALL 7 days of the week (assuming 12 hours a day,
I've reached my limit with the recent phrase on everyone's lips, "Perfect." It's like this new thing that people say instead of "Understood" or "got it" or "Great!" when acknowledging something or confirming news of some kind, like if I schedule someone for 3PM on Monday, the other party accepts by stating, "Perfect!" It's fine if it's actually a perfect situation, nothing could be better, it's literally the best time in one's life or the best thing in the world, but I think people overuse "perfect" to the point of diluting its meaning. Perfect should be reserved for when everything aligns, there are no complaints, no flaws, nothing better. There's actually very few things in the world that are "perfect," and as a society we're taught that no one is perfect. The worst thing is to say "perfect!" and then 5 seconds later go, "Oh, actually, I have a problem......." I try to reserve my utterances of the word to avoid devaluation. No, someone giving you back your change when you pay for your coffee in cash is not "perfect." No receiving a routine business email from a co-worker is not "perfect!"
I'm at "genkai" with Netflix stock. It's been a great performer but definitely not in a straight line. It's a roller coaster and many times the dips are tougher to stomach than the rise up (much like an actual roller coaster). I'm the type that takes losing money a lot harder than making money through stocks, and the emotional hit I take when I wake up in the morning to see NFLX in the red and down 5% to double digit % (happens more than I'd like!) is just not worth it. It's like the psychological study where people were found to have much more profound memories of losing and the agony of disappointment than the joys of winning. Winning seems temporary and almost expected because that's what everyone's after, everyone's goal is, but losing is usually unexpected and shocking and triggers the memory cells.
Anyway, Happy anniversary! Make sure you celebrate once in a while the "perfect" moments in life (cuz there's not that many of them contrary to what everyone says)
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