For the second straight year, the city that I'm currently living/working in is hosting the World Series. And if the 2016 Chicago Cubs was any indication, the millions of (newly indoctrinated, it seems like) Los Angeles Dodgers fans will be very very happy in less than a week. Living in a city that is part of a World Series is exciting, there is a buzz in the air every day that you can sense through conversations on public transportation, the amount of sports gear that people are wearing (still not very many in L.A., to be honest, people gotta be stylish), radio reports, lunch conversations at the company breakroom, mass quantities of people gathering at the stadium and blocking up traffic hours before the game even begins, and the amount of people stuffed into bars during game time to witness the event. I personally avoided all the hype in Chicago last year, but bars were charging $200-$300 cover just to get INTO the bars and be part of the festive atmosphere of rooting for the Cubs with other crazy drunk fans. There's really nothing like celebrating a World Championship though and the thrill of the victory parade embracing a city though. Dodgers fans, more than the spoiled Lakers fans who had many years of consecutive success that it got a little dull, deserve this: Dodgers haven't won the World Series in many fans' lifetimes, just like Chicago.
A World Series game or bar showing the game would be an excellent place to let go of a loud, unadulterated fart, or onara in Japanese. 65,000 screaming fans at Dodger Stadium, open air to the natural confines of Chavez Ravine so the fart wouldn't contaminate the air, etc. It's becoming a troubling issue for me, the increased occurrence of farts, or the need to do so. I used to have excellent "butt control" for farts to restrain them and force them back down, but recently they've become more widespread and dangerous, like wildfires spreading in the Southern California mountains.
Embarrassing situations recently where I've farted:
1.) While running: it's becoming the number 1 time when my body feels loose and ready to emit all the toxins and gases it's built up over the day. It's not fun, though, to be running and let out an audible "pfff" just as I'm passing a fellow pedestrian.
2.) In an elevator when I think I'm alone, but suddenly the doors open and in walks an unsuspecting fellow occupier of the building. There's only one real culprit: the secrecy and feeling of being alone backfires as a telltale sign that I'm the culprit.
3.) In an air conditioned car: at least you can roll the windows down.
4.) In the bathroom with no music playing, and you know other people are occupying the bathroom. (Louis CK the comedian did a funny skit about this). Everyone knows what's going on, but it's still awkward enough to avoid eye contact.
5.) I've gotten too used to MJ being around that I've let my guard down and farted in front of her too many times without trying to hold back. Every time I do it, I feel like a little bit of her ever-lasting respect for me dies. (As I write this, MJ farted while sleeping next to me. So maybe she can read my mine and subconsciously gets some revenge on me by doing the same).
6.) A couple times in my life I've had to restrain myself so hard to suppress a fart that someone asked if I was OK, and other times when I try to restrain the fart the stomach growls almost as loud as a fart, like an internal bomb going off that's barely covered by the outer skin layer.
7.) Getting up into an airplane can REALLY cause stomach queasiness and farting. I recommend not eating too much before getting on a flight, and it's the worst place to get caught farting: everyone knows it's you, and there's no where to escape the shame.
How to cure farts? Pretty obvious to avoid oily or fatty foods and eat more salads and such, but also not eating at random times: midnight snacking is REALLY conducive to "getting gassy," as MJ and I refer to it as.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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