I have a "mental trigger" in my mind where if I think of a certain image, I'm reminded of my mortality, that one day it will all end, etc. It's very sad and I shiver and try to shake away the nasty thought,
When do I start to "get old?"
Warning signs for me:
1.) hairs popping up in the drain after I shower, meaning some hairs are falling out of my head, possibly foreshadowing partial balding in later years. I want my hair!
2.) some grey hairs popping up in my otherwise jet black hair (at least none are white yet that I can see)
3.) wrinkles forming in various places
4.) loss of acne! Finally!
Quick aside on acne: I was worried so much about acne throughout my late teens and into my twenties, and I'm just now discovering the side affects of having it for such a long time: I don't make consistent eye contact with people because I was always ashamed of how I looked, I still have concealer packets popping up in my car, I used to touch my face a lot to see how bad the acne was which compounded the problem, and I didn't stand up straight because I didn't want to attract more attention to myself. It was really, really horrible, no wonder I had self esteem issues, etc. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially in an appearance-dominated society we live in today, esp. America. I see people in the street who have it and feel their pain and also give them a "get well soon" silent message. I see Jorah Mormont on Game of Thrones with greyscale and feel his pain, labeled as a leper and cast off from society (but then spoiler alert: being cured of it again and being welcomed back into his former role!)
5.) Farting more: it's true. As one ages the ability to hold them back decreases, the colon or whatever organ controls the farts decreases. You just gotta hide them and disguise them better.
6.) Possible bladder problems: haven't scientifically measured this, but feel like I need to pee more than I used to. Not great especially for someone who doesn't like wasting time for fruitless activities like me, wonder if there are pills to do this. However, holding it for a while isn't a big problem......yet.
But also signs that I'm not getting old:
1.) I still heal quickly: I get a bruise or a cut and new skin comes in almost immediately
2.) I don't get sore much from playing sports (yet). I think all these things need to be qualified under yet, counting my blessings so far.
3.) I'm still learning and retaining information! Lots and lots to learn and brain is still absorbing like a sponge!
4.) hair still grows back very quickly and in all the right places: no patchiness.
5.) Dodgeball and other activities: Still got it. I still plan on doing one more marathon in my life to prove my vitality, but I'm still playing dodgeball at a high level and feeling like I'm getting better. That's what an athletic man's worst nightmare is: peaking in the sport they love and never being able to get back to that place, get that same feeling of invincibility back. Maybe that's what that mental trigger is, presaging a future where I lose my powers and feeling sad about it and trying to reminisce about the present times (which would be the old days when that future hits). That's why I got use it before I lose it, and take advantage of the peak years and make tons and tons of memories to draw back on so that when I do get old, I can say, "man look at when I was in my prime, I did a lot of great work back then." To fight off old age, you gotta do as much as you can in the present.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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