Once one is in a relationship, one is doomed to contract a dangerous disease that affects both partners equally. It can come strike at a moment's notice without warning, and it can last indefinitely and be a source of considerable pain: Lover's quarrel. Known by different names, Lover's quarrel can also be described as lover's tiff, lover's spat, but it describes minor arguments before a couple over petty things that won't ultimately break off the relationship, but is pretty difficult to get through and painful. MJ and I are a very loving couple, but we are also prone to the lover's quarrel. Here are some observations I've noticed.
1.) Like a bad car accident, it's also tempting and often entertaining to watch other people have a lover's quarrel (same with fighting, name-calling, etc.) but much less entertaining and actually painful to have one oneself. It's also so easy to see what the issue is with other couples and to diagnose/fix the issue with other couples, but difficult to see it in oneself.
2.) Calm down, calm down, calm down. Nothing is going to get accomplished when both members of the relationship are in a bad mood, tensions are high so try to ease them a bit to get at least one member thinking coherently. Did I mention calm down? It's easier said than done.
3.) Identifying who's at fault is not productive. Maybe later dissect what the underlying issues are to avoid future outbreak, but putting the blame on one person during the fight further fans the flames.
4.) It can happen at anytime, anywhere. I've tried to keep a chart of the number of times MJ and I have a tiff, where we do it, how often, on what days, the horoscopes for those days, etc., etc., but it doesn't need that much of a trigger, sometimes something just strikes the wrong nerve.
5.) One side has to just admit they're at fault sometimes even if they're not. Not gonna say who that is in our relationship.........
6.) Saying "I love you" as much as you are reluctant to do so at the time (through gritted teeth) helps.
7.) Stick to the issue. Lover's Quarrel can very easily get out of control and you get started talking about every little issue that's wrong for both sides. Don't branch out that much, just put out one fire first.
8.) Try not to raise voice. Some of us are programmed with a loud voice or to raise it involuntarily, that raises tensions unfortunately so control voice projection as much as possible.
9.) The more you despise the partner, the more you have to love them. Gotta love someone at their worst, cuz that's when they need your love the most. At the highest peak of infuriating each other, try to find a picture of you guys doing something fun or any reminder of happy times and try to channel that energy and remind yourself of the happy times.
10.) If none of this stuff works, consider consulting a relationship counselor. I'm not Dr. Phil, not even a doctor.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, August 28, 2017
Friday, August 25, 2017
Oversleep (寝坊した)
Today I overslept again!
Various observations related to oversleeping:
1.) It feels really, really good to wake up on your own. Mind seems clear, body feels chipper, everything seems to move freely.
2.) It happens much more often when I'm in a pattern of ignoring my alarm, hitting snooze a lot. Cuz one of those times, you don't actually hit snooze, you cancel the alarm.
3.) Because you overslept, do you skip or have breakfast? Many studies have shown that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but skipping has some weight-loss benefits because it extends the fasting period.
4.) The time you oversleep until is probably the time your body WANTS to sleep until if there was no stress, timelines, and life that was in the way. Or your body just gets accustomed to being lazy and wants to sleep more and more (probably true)
5.) On the days I oversleep, I don't fall into a food coma after lunch and almost fall asleep at my desk ( Cuz I got enough sleep).
6.) I never oversleep before a big test or big game that I'm eagerly looking forward to, so it's nothing like those movies where you oversleep on the day of the big test and show up late to the game. My body is usually so full of adrenaline and hyped up that it was hard to sleep in the first place and a light sleep at that, and wakes up much earlier than I want to.
7.) I'm one of the lucky people that can sleep on the plane. GLORIOUS time to wake up after a long nap to the sound of plane landing. I once almost overslept the landing, getting up just as people were unbuckling their seatbelt and getting out of the plane.
8.) That first feeling when you see what time it is after you wake up is not pleasant because I know I'm late for something, but at least it triggers me into action and necessity, as opposed to sluggishly pulling on clothes, thinking about nothing for a while and slowly get to work.
9.) The first 2 hours of being awake is the prime time for learning new things (aka language, new skills, etc.). Brains is so fresh fresh fresh, like an icy mint.
10.) Probably tons of ways exist to prevent oversleeping like setting 2 alarms, resolving to get up at the first sound of an alarm, but more importantly: go to sleep at the same time every night. Your body will thank you, as opposed to the gradual slide deeper into the night on a day by day basis until it comes crashing to a halt.
11.) Especially on the west coast, a lot has happened in the world by the time you wake up from oversleep. You learn about your stocks dipping lower and have less time to do stuff about it, sports games are already going on, colleagues at work have already done their early morning routine around water cooler or their coffee is wearing off......you miss quite a lot, and if you get to work after 10AM it's not a good look to go to lunch at 12PM or 12:30PM, and even if you do you got a WAY longer day in the afternoon to get through. Not great.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Various observations related to oversleeping:
1.) It feels really, really good to wake up on your own. Mind seems clear, body feels chipper, everything seems to move freely.
2.) It happens much more often when I'm in a pattern of ignoring my alarm, hitting snooze a lot. Cuz one of those times, you don't actually hit snooze, you cancel the alarm.
3.) Because you overslept, do you skip or have breakfast? Many studies have shown that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but skipping has some weight-loss benefits because it extends the fasting period.
4.) The time you oversleep until is probably the time your body WANTS to sleep until if there was no stress, timelines, and life that was in the way. Or your body just gets accustomed to being lazy and wants to sleep more and more (probably true)
5.) On the days I oversleep, I don't fall into a food coma after lunch and almost fall asleep at my desk ( Cuz I got enough sleep).
6.) I never oversleep before a big test or big game that I'm eagerly looking forward to, so it's nothing like those movies where you oversleep on the day of the big test and show up late to the game. My body is usually so full of adrenaline and hyped up that it was hard to sleep in the first place and a light sleep at that, and wakes up much earlier than I want to.
7.) I'm one of the lucky people that can sleep on the plane. GLORIOUS time to wake up after a long nap to the sound of plane landing. I once almost overslept the landing, getting up just as people were unbuckling their seatbelt and getting out of the plane.
8.) That first feeling when you see what time it is after you wake up is not pleasant because I know I'm late for something, but at least it triggers me into action and necessity, as opposed to sluggishly pulling on clothes, thinking about nothing for a while and slowly get to work.
9.) The first 2 hours of being awake is the prime time for learning new things (aka language, new skills, etc.). Brains is so fresh fresh fresh, like an icy mint.
10.) Probably tons of ways exist to prevent oversleeping like setting 2 alarms, resolving to get up at the first sound of an alarm, but more importantly: go to sleep at the same time every night. Your body will thank you, as opposed to the gradual slide deeper into the night on a day by day basis until it comes crashing to a halt.
11.) Especially on the west coast, a lot has happened in the world by the time you wake up from oversleep. You learn about your stocks dipping lower and have less time to do stuff about it, sports games are already going on, colleagues at work have already done their early morning routine around water cooler or their coffee is wearing off......you miss quite a lot, and if you get to work after 10AM it's not a good look to go to lunch at 12PM or 12:30PM, and even if you do you got a WAY longer day in the afternoon to get through. Not great.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, August 21, 2017
Sticking up for the Weak (Trying to be a 活雷锋)
It's easy to love someone when they're at their best, but Sometimes the hardest thing to do is love someone when they're at their worst.
When I was a child, I read a lot of books, and I remember distinctly a bunch of Chinese concept emphasizing that of supporting the weak, those who can't help themselves. Help the poor; tend to the sick; listen to the old; when you see the rich, cruel landlord/ restaurant owner being nasty to the poor sick person, you should know who to help. There seemed to be a bunch of deeds in Chinese textbooks about this hero named 雷锋, or Lei Feng. Later on, I found out that this Lei Feng was a fictional character based on a real person used by the Chinese Communist Party to spread propaganda and boast about Mao, the Communist leader. Still, the acts by Lei Feng and other Chinese heros personified the altruistic, selfless person that I wish to be and don't come close to fulfilling, but at least I try sometimes.The term "活雷锋/Huó Léi Fēng" (literally "living Lei Feng") has become a noun (or adjective) for anyone who is seen as selfless, or anyone who goes out of their way to help others. (According to wikipedia). Lei Feng apparently died in service to his country at the age of 22. I feel like it's pretty cowardly of a government or leaders to use propaganda of young people dying in the line of duty to justify their own actions. Sometimes military celebrations, while worthwhile to remember those who passed away defending the country, are abused by governments in this manner (ahem, US government).
Because of Lei Feng, I dislike trying to get into the "popular group" that looks down upon the loners and outcasts of society. Even when it's popular to get on the bandwagon and join the cool crowd, I've always try to go the other way and befriend the weakest in society, the guy isolated in the room by himself looking for a friend. To me, this was always second nature, partly a.) I'm one of those isolated people too, so I'm looking for a partner in crime, and b.) I find the popular people already have enough friends and plenty of people waiting to talk to them, so there's more utility for everyone involved to go talk to someone who doesn't have anyone's attention yet. Seems logical to me, but this is actually not the case in regular society: At parties, everyone gravitates towards the center of attention (or the hottest guy or girl at the bar/ club) despite everyone else wanting the same thing. People don't want to be seen as the loser or (almost as bad) the guy talking to the loser, and it becomes a chain reaction of events.
I find that relationship goes by the same concept. Most people are really fun and easy to get along with at their best (they've had alcohol, they're in a great mood, or they're trying to put on their best face at a party to impress other people). Whatever the reason, most people have good times in which they're the best version of themselves, but then they become insufferable when they are at their bad times. For most people we don't have to deal with that, we just go our separate ways. But for family and people you know very well, and especially significant other, it becomes imperative that you get to know their worst times, and be able to weather the storm, get past the obstacle, whatever you want to call it. That's real love, is not just being there at the really nice times, anyone can just go and try to fit in and be in the popular group, but it takes real love and dedication to be there when someone is at their weakest. The popular person doesn't need any more reinforcement that they're liked, but the loner by himself is in need of someone, anyone, to give them a boost, and the utility is so much higher to try to improve that person's mood. Same with someone who's at the worst time in their life: They need that love and attention much more when they're the crankiest and hardest to deal with, much more than when they're easy to deal with. It's a hard paradox to overcome, but we should all keep that in mind.
Other situations of sticking up for the weak:
1.) taking care of parents when they get old and sick- the ultimate measure of a successful human people, the familial loyalty.
2.) having faith when you're on a team with a player who's struggling, confident that they will break out of their slump and be great again.
3.) politics.... very common (as you see with current American politics, Communist politics, and basically every government system in history) to align with the weak because there are simply more people who are at the bottom of society and more fire to try to get into the top part of society or get back ta them then vice versa.
4.) Picking where you sit at the school lunch cafeteria and essentially "marking your colors" whether you're in the popular crowd or the loser crowd. It really takes some courage to talk to the person who's by themselves with NO crowd around them.
Some guys in fantasy baseball who are weak who you should pick up for the September stretch run:
1.) Scooter Gennet.....started with limited playing time this season but still already has 22 HRs, 76 RBIs, and a .290 avg? At 2nd base? In a great home ballpark?
2.) Charlie Morton......he's old, he's in the AL, he doesn't have a history of success.......but he's just been a different, excellent pitcher this year in a down year for pitchers. Get.
3.) Aaron Hicks.....batting in 2nd spot in loaded Yankee lineup......a huge run is coming, I can feel it.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
When I was a child, I read a lot of books, and I remember distinctly a bunch of Chinese concept emphasizing that of supporting the weak, those who can't help themselves. Help the poor; tend to the sick; listen to the old; when you see the rich, cruel landlord/ restaurant owner being nasty to the poor sick person, you should know who to help. There seemed to be a bunch of deeds in Chinese textbooks about this hero named 雷锋, or Lei Feng. Later on, I found out that this Lei Feng was a fictional character based on a real person used by the Chinese Communist Party to spread propaganda and boast about Mao, the Communist leader. Still, the acts by Lei Feng and other Chinese heros personified the altruistic, selfless person that I wish to be and don't come close to fulfilling, but at least I try sometimes.The term "活雷锋/Huó Léi Fēng" (literally "living Lei Feng") has become a noun (or adjective) for anyone who is seen as selfless, or anyone who goes out of their way to help others. (According to wikipedia). Lei Feng apparently died in service to his country at the age of 22. I feel like it's pretty cowardly of a government or leaders to use propaganda of young people dying in the line of duty to justify their own actions. Sometimes military celebrations, while worthwhile to remember those who passed away defending the country, are abused by governments in this manner (ahem, US government).
Because of Lei Feng, I dislike trying to get into the "popular group" that looks down upon the loners and outcasts of society. Even when it's popular to get on the bandwagon and join the cool crowd, I've always try to go the other way and befriend the weakest in society, the guy isolated in the room by himself looking for a friend. To me, this was always second nature, partly a.) I'm one of those isolated people too, so I'm looking for a partner in crime, and b.) I find the popular people already have enough friends and plenty of people waiting to talk to them, so there's more utility for everyone involved to go talk to someone who doesn't have anyone's attention yet. Seems logical to me, but this is actually not the case in regular society: At parties, everyone gravitates towards the center of attention (or the hottest guy or girl at the bar/ club) despite everyone else wanting the same thing. People don't want to be seen as the loser or (almost as bad) the guy talking to the loser, and it becomes a chain reaction of events.
I find that relationship goes by the same concept. Most people are really fun and easy to get along with at their best (they've had alcohol, they're in a great mood, or they're trying to put on their best face at a party to impress other people). Whatever the reason, most people have good times in which they're the best version of themselves, but then they become insufferable when they are at their bad times. For most people we don't have to deal with that, we just go our separate ways. But for family and people you know very well, and especially significant other, it becomes imperative that you get to know their worst times, and be able to weather the storm, get past the obstacle, whatever you want to call it. That's real love, is not just being there at the really nice times, anyone can just go and try to fit in and be in the popular group, but it takes real love and dedication to be there when someone is at their weakest. The popular person doesn't need any more reinforcement that they're liked, but the loner by himself is in need of someone, anyone, to give them a boost, and the utility is so much higher to try to improve that person's mood. Same with someone who's at the worst time in their life: They need that love and attention much more when they're the crankiest and hardest to deal with, much more than when they're easy to deal with. It's a hard paradox to overcome, but we should all keep that in mind.
Other situations of sticking up for the weak:
1.) taking care of parents when they get old and sick- the ultimate measure of a successful human people, the familial loyalty.
2.) having faith when you're on a team with a player who's struggling, confident that they will break out of their slump and be great again.
3.) politics.... very common (as you see with current American politics, Communist politics, and basically every government system in history) to align with the weak because there are simply more people who are at the bottom of society and more fire to try to get into the top part of society or get back ta them then vice versa.
4.) Picking where you sit at the school lunch cafeteria and essentially "marking your colors" whether you're in the popular crowd or the loser crowd. It really takes some courage to talk to the person who's by themselves with NO crowd around them.
Some guys in fantasy baseball who are weak who you should pick up for the September stretch run:
1.) Scooter Gennet.....started with limited playing time this season but still already has 22 HRs, 76 RBIs, and a .290 avg? At 2nd base? In a great home ballpark?
2.) Charlie Morton......he's old, he's in the AL, he doesn't have a history of success.......but he's just been a different, excellent pitcher this year in a down year for pitchers. Get.
3.) Aaron Hicks.....batting in 2nd spot in loaded Yankee lineup......a huge run is coming, I can feel it.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
二部合奏 (Violin Duet)
Nibugassou (二部合奏)
MJ and I are planning on doing a violin duet for our
wedding. Not the most novel of ideas, but a bold one that we hope to enliven
our wedding pictures and our guests’ experience of our wedding, which on all
other points is pretty cookie-cutter, a typical affair without much pomp and
pizzazz, which is just how MJ and I like it. I’ve actually never done a violin
duet, even throughout my junior high and high school years, I either only did a
string quartet (with violas, cellos, other string instruments) or violin solo
because I was both not that interested in music but also a little too
competitive to try to collaborate with my closest violin-playing friend (and
kind of rival) to engage in a duet. A duet, though, is really suitable for a couple
to bond and find ourselves. Couples do so many things nowadays like first
dances, run races together, but playing
a whole song together, in my opinion, is truly a melding experience to
intertwine two people together, and what better way to do that than at a
wedding celebrating the intertwining of lives already?
Imouto (
My sister is an odd creature. I see so many differences
between her and my life, like being obsessed with anime, joining taekwondo as a
college activity, playing piano but hesitantly, making sarcastic jokes about
Asian stereotypes (she loves reciting jokes like “I got an A-! the Asian F!”).
I get frustrated about how unmotivated she is sometimes, her bad habits and
getting angry at certain things, and I wonder, “Was I like this when I was 20
years old?” (She’s 9.5 years younger than I am).
But then when I consider it, I realize how similar she is to
me, and the reason I get so frustrated by her mannerisms and habits is because
I was similar to that when I was her age. Being obsessed with anime? I wasn’t
into anime, but a whole host of other insignificant things in media that I got
really into for a short period of time, like A Teens music, reality TV (think
Survivor, the Mole), so much so I dedicated my life to watching videos and
following and thinking about it all the time. Joining taekwondo is a good
activity that she proactively found herself, which I did with tennis and
extracurricular activities in college. Sarcasm? I was one of the most sarcastic
people I knew in high school, I was able to reign it in a little bit and cut
out some of the more negative and inappropriate stuff, but I still have use
sarcasm. I realize that a lot of my frustration with her is that she does the
same thing I did, makes the same mistakes, has the same failures, which if I could
get to do life over again I would learn not to do. But I don’t go the extra
step of realizing that Emily has never gone through that process of making
mistakes and failures yet, and that those experiences will be helpful for her
life down the line. I just have to watch her grow and try to hope she turns out
as well (or even better! Than I did.) Also, today she was in a very good mood
and let her human traits come out and seemed like a very cool person (even down
to earth!) that I would actually want to hang out with, so I wanted to praise
her. But who knows what new frustrations I will have tomorrow!
Bachelor party-
Not sure about Koreans, but neither Chinese nor Japanese
cultures have a set “bachelor party.” Despite very specific ideas like “NEET”
(young people not in education, employment or training) or Narita Rikon (a
shotgun wedding) are in the Japanese wedding, the idea of a “bachelor party” is
curiously missing. America, for some reason, sells the idea of a huge party to
celebrate the end of one’s bachelorhood before getting married, and just to
allow gender equality in wasting a grandiose amount of money for silly
activities, there’s also developed the idea of a “bachelorette party.” (Much
like blackjack and complimentary rooms, I feel like bachelor parties were
organically a scam perpetuated by Las Vegas, or some other party society.
(Amazingly, Nashville is a huge scene for bachelorette parties).
Alas, I participated in a bachelor party this weekend with 5
of my closest friends. We started off with some “pre-gaming,” which when
everyone in the party is over 30 like it was for us, we just sat around at my
apartment at a table drinking and talking about the good old times, without
energy to get up and move around or do anything youthfully crazy. We then went
to an assortment of establishments in Los Angeles that served alcohol to imbibe
ourselves, on top of the alcohol that we had already consumed. Between that we
are able to indulge in pre-planned activities like “L.A. Horror Escape Room”
(Got out of another one! Now 2 for 3 success rate in escape rooms!) and going
to a video arcade (that served alcohol) to beat the Simpsons arcade game (a
20-year long term dream of mine to beat the game! The final boss is surprise!
Mr. Burns), followed by going to just a normal bar with alcohol. Suffice it to
say, everywhere we went we had alcohol, despite my pleas to take it easy on the
alcohol. I seriously challenge the premise of “alcohol makes everything better”
(perpetuated by the alcohol industry I imagine, which is my 2nd on
my list of likely culprits for wasteful spending.
All in all, I enjoyed the night, I enjoyed the camaraderie
of my fellow man, and even challenged myself intellectually with escape room
and video games. But did it have to involve so much alcohol?
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Thursday, August 17, 2017
老いる (Getting Old)
I have a "mental trigger" in my mind where if I think of a certain image, I'm reminded of my mortality, that one day it will all end, etc. It's very sad and I shiver and try to shake away the nasty thought,
When do I start to "get old?"
Warning signs for me:
1.) hairs popping up in the drain after I shower, meaning some hairs are falling out of my head, possibly foreshadowing partial balding in later years. I want my hair!
2.) some grey hairs popping up in my otherwise jet black hair (at least none are white yet that I can see)
3.) wrinkles forming in various places
4.) loss of acne! Finally!
Quick aside on acne: I was worried so much about acne throughout my late teens and into my twenties, and I'm just now discovering the side affects of having it for such a long time: I don't make consistent eye contact with people because I was always ashamed of how I looked, I still have concealer packets popping up in my car, I used to touch my face a lot to see how bad the acne was which compounded the problem, and I didn't stand up straight because I didn't want to attract more attention to myself. It was really, really horrible, no wonder I had self esteem issues, etc. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially in an appearance-dominated society we live in today, esp. America. I see people in the street who have it and feel their pain and also give them a "get well soon" silent message. I see Jorah Mormont on Game of Thrones with greyscale and feel his pain, labeled as a leper and cast off from society (but then spoiler alert: being cured of it again and being welcomed back into his former role!)
5.) Farting more: it's true. As one ages the ability to hold them back decreases, the colon or whatever organ controls the farts decreases. You just gotta hide them and disguise them better.
6.) Possible bladder problems: haven't scientifically measured this, but feel like I need to pee more than I used to. Not great especially for someone who doesn't like wasting time for fruitless activities like me, wonder if there are pills to do this. However, holding it for a while isn't a big problem......yet.
But also signs that I'm not getting old:
1.) I still heal quickly: I get a bruise or a cut and new skin comes in almost immediately
2.) I don't get sore much from playing sports (yet). I think all these things need to be qualified under yet, counting my blessings so far.
3.) I'm still learning and retaining information! Lots and lots to learn and brain is still absorbing like a sponge!
4.) hair still grows back very quickly and in all the right places: no patchiness.
5.) Dodgeball and other activities: Still got it. I still plan on doing one more marathon in my life to prove my vitality, but I'm still playing dodgeball at a high level and feeling like I'm getting better. That's what an athletic man's worst nightmare is: peaking in the sport they love and never being able to get back to that place, get that same feeling of invincibility back. Maybe that's what that mental trigger is, presaging a future where I lose my powers and feeling sad about it and trying to reminisce about the present times (which would be the old days when that future hits). That's why I got use it before I lose it, and take advantage of the peak years and make tons and tons of memories to draw back on so that when I do get old, I can say, "man look at when I was in my prime, I did a lot of great work back then." To fight off old age, you gotta do as much as you can in the present.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
When do I start to "get old?"
Warning signs for me:
1.) hairs popping up in the drain after I shower, meaning some hairs are falling out of my head, possibly foreshadowing partial balding in later years. I want my hair!
2.) some grey hairs popping up in my otherwise jet black hair (at least none are white yet that I can see)
3.) wrinkles forming in various places
4.) loss of acne! Finally!
Quick aside on acne: I was worried so much about acne throughout my late teens and into my twenties, and I'm just now discovering the side affects of having it for such a long time: I don't make consistent eye contact with people because I was always ashamed of how I looked, I still have concealer packets popping up in my car, I used to touch my face a lot to see how bad the acne was which compounded the problem, and I didn't stand up straight because I didn't want to attract more attention to myself. It was really, really horrible, no wonder I had self esteem issues, etc. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially in an appearance-dominated society we live in today, esp. America. I see people in the street who have it and feel their pain and also give them a "get well soon" silent message. I see Jorah Mormont on Game of Thrones with greyscale and feel his pain, labeled as a leper and cast off from society (but then spoiler alert: being cured of it again and being welcomed back into his former role!)
5.) Farting more: it's true. As one ages the ability to hold them back decreases, the colon or whatever organ controls the farts decreases. You just gotta hide them and disguise them better.
6.) Possible bladder problems: haven't scientifically measured this, but feel like I need to pee more than I used to. Not great especially for someone who doesn't like wasting time for fruitless activities like me, wonder if there are pills to do this. However, holding it for a while isn't a big problem......yet.
But also signs that I'm not getting old:
1.) I still heal quickly: I get a bruise or a cut and new skin comes in almost immediately
2.) I don't get sore much from playing sports (yet). I think all these things need to be qualified under yet, counting my blessings so far.
3.) I'm still learning and retaining information! Lots and lots to learn and brain is still absorbing like a sponge!
4.) hair still grows back very quickly and in all the right places: no patchiness.
5.) Dodgeball and other activities: Still got it. I still plan on doing one more marathon in my life to prove my vitality, but I'm still playing dodgeball at a high level and feeling like I'm getting better. That's what an athletic man's worst nightmare is: peaking in the sport they love and never being able to get back to that place, get that same feeling of invincibility back. Maybe that's what that mental trigger is, presaging a future where I lose my powers and feeling sad about it and trying to reminisce about the present times (which would be the old days when that future hits). That's why I got use it before I lose it, and take advantage of the peak years and make tons and tons of memories to draw back on so that when I do get old, I can say, "man look at when I was in my prime, I did a lot of great work back then." To fight off old age, you gotta do as much as you can in the present.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
不採用 (You're Fired!)
Recently there's been a lot of news events including the Charlottesville alt-right rally and the disturbing reaction by President Trump to the killing of Heather Heyer. Trump initially failed to condemn white supremacy and the alt-right movements for their role in the accident, then days later finally condemned, then today again backpedaled and went back to saying both sides (alt-left anti-fascist protesters) and the alt-right were both responsible. (He's like a reverse John Kerry, flip-flopping but actually flip-flopping BACK to the unpopular position and one that gets him into more trouble). There's justifiably been a ton of backlash to this, so much so that even people like me who don't usually take strong opinions are being called out for not being outspoken about this.
It's become increasingly obvious that Trump is not qualified to be president. It doesn't matter what political affiliation people have (many Republican senators like Marco Rubio and Orrin Hatch have spoken out against Trump's actions), it's clear that Trump does not act as a President should in terms of addressing the media, handling his staff, his stance on social issues and symbol of what America is about, and that's not even delving into his alleged Russia connections and lack of political experience. It is really unfortunate that America, a country that is blessed with the ability to pick its political leaders, something so rare in the history of the world (world political history is just like Game of Thrones: ambitious rulers overthrowing each other and proclaiming themselves dictator/king) but that the abundance of choices led to this disastrous result. Because pretty much ANYBODY could become president, ANYBODY did, and we're all suffering the results, whether that's increased tensions between North Korea, uncertainty about healthcare, hostile racial and gender gaps in America, etc. It made me wonder, how can we fix the system not to have this disaster happen again (and continue to happen for another 3 and a half grueling years?)
Most businesses (and America can very aptly be considered a gigantic corporation) have a hiring process, and America does too with its election, but then a lot of companies have a "training process" where a candidate for the position tries their hand at the position, see how they fit in, get evaluated by the organization, and at the end of the training process it's decided whether the candidate should be hired. My Japanese school does this before they hire a new teacher, public school teachers do this. It makes sense: see how someone does in a real work environment, hire if they seem ready. Typically for the American presidency the candidates all have some political experience (senate, gubernatorial) so you get an idea about what their policies are but more importantly how they would hold up in the most powerful office in the world, but it's a new era with new rules: Donald Trump is proving the exception. The world did NOT know on November Election Day 2016 what Donald Trump would be like as the President of the US, as much as we could extrapolate information based on his past leadership (on the reality/celebrity TV show The Apprentice and bankrupting some casinos), nor a perfect idea of what Hilary Clinton would be like as the President (although, I'd argue we had a much better idea given her previous stay in the White House and other political accomplishments). I fear that many Americans cast aside their worries about how Trump would be as a President and leader of the country and just voted party line (which is increasingly becoming more common, a worrying trend of dividing the country apart). I think America used to vote for Presidents based on who they thought would do the best job (which is the most important criteria in my opinion) and not on party line and what policies they would implement.
That's why I propose a "training period" of 3-6 months, at the end of which you can give the proposed President a "yay" or "nay." In Japan, a term called "Fusaiyou" is when a job applicant is considered, usually after a training or trial process, and ultimately not selected to be hired on. Look, people make mistakes. Referees make mistakes calling dodgeball games (happened last night). Drivers make mistakes and cause accidents. Voters make mistakes as to who to vote for President, especially due to the nature of our process where we're force-fed 2 Party-driven candidates and told to pick 1 of 2 considering all of about 150 different factors like trustworthiness, issues, commander-in-chief abilities, etc., etc. Why not allow a trial period for the President to prove his readiness and if at the end of that period (sometime like right about now) we could decide whether to make him or her a full-time President. It would avoid the mistake of allowing someone 4 years to mess up the country and further dig a hole that's increasingly harder to climb out of. Again, this is not about politics, of course it sounds like liberals are just getting sour grapes because their man Obama is out of office now, I would say this if Trump was a Democrat (he once was). Have a trial process, and at the end of that process allow the American people to reassess Trump's (or some future president who blunders as much as Trump cuz this would have to be added as an amendment to the Constitution) various mishaps, "Mr. Trump, although we appreciate your efforts to help our country, your services are no longer required. You're fired." America, as a country that has the rare gift of being able to select their own leaders, should put something like that in place.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
It's become increasingly obvious that Trump is not qualified to be president. It doesn't matter what political affiliation people have (many Republican senators like Marco Rubio and Orrin Hatch have spoken out against Trump's actions), it's clear that Trump does not act as a President should in terms of addressing the media, handling his staff, his stance on social issues and symbol of what America is about, and that's not even delving into his alleged Russia connections and lack of political experience. It is really unfortunate that America, a country that is blessed with the ability to pick its political leaders, something so rare in the history of the world (world political history is just like Game of Thrones: ambitious rulers overthrowing each other and proclaiming themselves dictator/king) but that the abundance of choices led to this disastrous result. Because pretty much ANYBODY could become president, ANYBODY did, and we're all suffering the results, whether that's increased tensions between North Korea, uncertainty about healthcare, hostile racial and gender gaps in America, etc. It made me wonder, how can we fix the system not to have this disaster happen again (and continue to happen for another 3 and a half grueling years?)
Most businesses (and America can very aptly be considered a gigantic corporation) have a hiring process, and America does too with its election, but then a lot of companies have a "training process" where a candidate for the position tries their hand at the position, see how they fit in, get evaluated by the organization, and at the end of the training process it's decided whether the candidate should be hired. My Japanese school does this before they hire a new teacher, public school teachers do this. It makes sense: see how someone does in a real work environment, hire if they seem ready. Typically for the American presidency the candidates all have some political experience (senate, gubernatorial) so you get an idea about what their policies are but more importantly how they would hold up in the most powerful office in the world, but it's a new era with new rules: Donald Trump is proving the exception. The world did NOT know on November Election Day 2016 what Donald Trump would be like as the President of the US, as much as we could extrapolate information based on his past leadership (on the reality/celebrity TV show The Apprentice and bankrupting some casinos), nor a perfect idea of what Hilary Clinton would be like as the President (although, I'd argue we had a much better idea given her previous stay in the White House and other political accomplishments). I fear that many Americans cast aside their worries about how Trump would be as a President and leader of the country and just voted party line (which is increasingly becoming more common, a worrying trend of dividing the country apart). I think America used to vote for Presidents based on who they thought would do the best job (which is the most important criteria in my opinion) and not on party line and what policies they would implement.
That's why I propose a "training period" of 3-6 months, at the end of which you can give the proposed President a "yay" or "nay." In Japan, a term called "Fusaiyou" is when a job applicant is considered, usually after a training or trial process, and ultimately not selected to be hired on. Look, people make mistakes. Referees make mistakes calling dodgeball games (happened last night). Drivers make mistakes and cause accidents. Voters make mistakes as to who to vote for President, especially due to the nature of our process where we're force-fed 2 Party-driven candidates and told to pick 1 of 2 considering all of about 150 different factors like trustworthiness, issues, commander-in-chief abilities, etc., etc. Why not allow a trial period for the President to prove his readiness and if at the end of that period (sometime like right about now) we could decide whether to make him or her a full-time President. It would avoid the mistake of allowing someone 4 years to mess up the country and further dig a hole that's increasingly harder to climb out of. Again, this is not about politics, of course it sounds like liberals are just getting sour grapes because their man Obama is out of office now, I would say this if Trump was a Democrat (he once was). Have a trial process, and at the end of that process allow the American people to reassess Trump's (or some future president who blunders as much as Trump cuz this would have to be added as an amendment to the Constitution) various mishaps, "Mr. Trump, although we appreciate your efforts to help our country, your services are no longer required. You're fired." America, as a country that has the rare gift of being able to select their own leaders, should put something like that in place.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Monday, August 14, 2017
決勝戦 (Finals) aka Further Ramblings on the Unfairness of the Playoffs
If you've ever read this blog, you know how I feel about a playoff system: It's like McDonalds or Taco Bell, a necessary evil to get to what the people want (an undisputed winner), but certainly not the highest quality to get there.
Playoffs, while exciting for fans and add a degree of luck into the picture: exactly what "fairists" as I call them don't want. The finals, or championship game of a playoff structure, is often not what it's billed as: the best 2 teams of the league facing off against each other. Certainly TV ratings and drama artists will try to push it as such, but inevitably it's usually just the last 2 teams who happened to last until the final round have a match. The fairest system for determining a winner is truly a round robin, have everyone play each other, tally the results, and whoever beat the most opponents wins. That way everyone gets a chance to play everyone, and the best team wins. The playoffs: sometimes the best team wins, or the best team (usually) wins.
What the complaint about elimination playoffs is that, it's so concentrated on one game, one event, that luck plays a heavy factor. You're not feeling your best at that exact moment, or a ball bounces a weird way, or the weather is not advantageous that day, any number of factors can contribute to a flukey event that allows the inferior team to win, and the eliminated team has no chance at redemption, and despite having an excellent body of work over the course of time, they're judged based on that one mistake or mishap in the playoffs. That's the unforgiving nature of sports, and a playoff system plays right into that.
Quickly, fantasy playoff observations:
1.) Middle relievers (non-closers) often get overlooked in fantasy, but they can be plenty helpful! Last year it was Chris Devenski/ Andrew Miller as the super-reliever who put up elite WHIP and ERA, K's and vulture occasional wins or saves, I'd rather have them than a non-strikeout, high contact closer like Brad Ziegler or Fernando Rodney.
2.) Or even some starters for that matter. Starters can do wonders for a team, but they can also quickly incinerate the ratios, have the highest potential for negative value (ahem, that's you, Bartolo Colon). Use wisely and don't deply if you're going conservative until the late stages of a matchup. High risk, high reward.
3.) Giancarlo Stanton is having an amazing year with 42 homers and possibly will become the first player since 2001 to get to 60 homers, but his .280+ avg. and lack of steals still makes him less valuable than a 5-category guy like say, Elvis Andrus? That's correct. It's better to be well-balanced than elite at one thing.
4.) Kenley Jansen is routinely underrated because he's a closer. (Depending on the format) But he's on a ridiculous Dodgers team that wins in bunches and usually are in low-scoring games due to the comfy confines of their home stadium. Elite player, elite strikeouts, elite team, always predictably good, really a top-30 player in my opinion.
5.) Continue riding talented guys under age 30, no matter how many times they get thrown in the waste basket and derided. Mike Moustakas is the shining example, I remember talking about him before I even got my law degree, he was such a great prospect. Finally, six long years of lawyering (and Moustakas struggling) later, he's finally producing. Up to 34 homers with a .280 average? Wow.
6.) Offense is up (see Moustakas, Stanton). MLB has started juicing their balls instead of juicing their hitters (yea, I said it, it's pretty obvious that MLB manipulates their game from year to year). Makes owning stud pitchers that much more valuable because the replacement value is so high (difference between Chris Sale and average pitcher on the waiver wire like RA Dickey or Mike Foltyniewicz is super high).
Sometimes I wish life had a definite "finals game" for everyone, or a defined event where you win the championship or not. Sure, there are definitely landmarks and significant events like marriages (better get that one right!), tests (to determine your future), job interviews, etc. etc. But winning one of those events doesn't just get you a championship, you live happily ever after knowing you're the best, nor does losing one of those events necessarily mean you're doomed for life (although, from what I've heard about marriages, doomed for life is a possible scenario). That finals game also won't have screaming fans yelling your name, waiting for your autograph, immortalizing you on TV. You have a silent fist pump with yourself, an adrenaline rush hearing your name be called, or some great news relayed, or a large amount of money given out. In essence, every day is a "finals" day, where you win the small battles (getting to the bus stop and subsequently work in time, finishing up that report, being nice to others who care about you, etc.) that allow you to keep living life enjoyably. Life, fortunately, is predominantly a round-robin format that weighs one's complete body of work, and one down day or moment won't cost that person forever. In that sense, life is pretty fair, and the best team (your true self) almost always wins. (Unless it's a fatal mistake, in which you lose on the spot, don't get any chances at redemption, etc., and life is actually very unfair).
I think I won the finals of life because I met MJ!
Fantasize on,
Robert
Playoffs, while exciting for fans and add a degree of luck into the picture: exactly what "fairists" as I call them don't want. The finals, or championship game of a playoff structure, is often not what it's billed as: the best 2 teams of the league facing off against each other. Certainly TV ratings and drama artists will try to push it as such, but inevitably it's usually just the last 2 teams who happened to last until the final round have a match. The fairest system for determining a winner is truly a round robin, have everyone play each other, tally the results, and whoever beat the most opponents wins. That way everyone gets a chance to play everyone, and the best team wins. The playoffs: sometimes the best team wins, or the best team (usually) wins.
What the complaint about elimination playoffs is that, it's so concentrated on one game, one event, that luck plays a heavy factor. You're not feeling your best at that exact moment, or a ball bounces a weird way, or the weather is not advantageous that day, any number of factors can contribute to a flukey event that allows the inferior team to win, and the eliminated team has no chance at redemption, and despite having an excellent body of work over the course of time, they're judged based on that one mistake or mishap in the playoffs. That's the unforgiving nature of sports, and a playoff system plays right into that.
Quickly, fantasy playoff observations:
1.) Middle relievers (non-closers) often get overlooked in fantasy, but they can be plenty helpful! Last year it was Chris Devenski/ Andrew Miller as the super-reliever who put up elite WHIP and ERA, K's and vulture occasional wins or saves, I'd rather have them than a non-strikeout, high contact closer like Brad Ziegler or Fernando Rodney.
2.) Or even some starters for that matter. Starters can do wonders for a team, but they can also quickly incinerate the ratios, have the highest potential for negative value (ahem, that's you, Bartolo Colon). Use wisely and don't deply if you're going conservative until the late stages of a matchup. High risk, high reward.
3.) Giancarlo Stanton is having an amazing year with 42 homers and possibly will become the first player since 2001 to get to 60 homers, but his .280+ avg. and lack of steals still makes him less valuable than a 5-category guy like say, Elvis Andrus? That's correct. It's better to be well-balanced than elite at one thing.
4.) Kenley Jansen is routinely underrated because he's a closer. (Depending on the format) But he's on a ridiculous Dodgers team that wins in bunches and usually are in low-scoring games due to the comfy confines of their home stadium. Elite player, elite strikeouts, elite team, always predictably good, really a top-30 player in my opinion.
5.) Continue riding talented guys under age 30, no matter how many times they get thrown in the waste basket and derided. Mike Moustakas is the shining example, I remember talking about him before I even got my law degree, he was such a great prospect. Finally, six long years of lawyering (and Moustakas struggling) later, he's finally producing. Up to 34 homers with a .280 average? Wow.
6.) Offense is up (see Moustakas, Stanton). MLB has started juicing their balls instead of juicing their hitters (yea, I said it, it's pretty obvious that MLB manipulates their game from year to year). Makes owning stud pitchers that much more valuable because the replacement value is so high (difference between Chris Sale and average pitcher on the waiver wire like RA Dickey or Mike Foltyniewicz is super high).
Sometimes I wish life had a definite "finals game" for everyone, or a defined event where you win the championship or not. Sure, there are definitely landmarks and significant events like marriages (better get that one right!), tests (to determine your future), job interviews, etc. etc. But winning one of those events doesn't just get you a championship, you live happily ever after knowing you're the best, nor does losing one of those events necessarily mean you're doomed for life (although, from what I've heard about marriages, doomed for life is a possible scenario). That finals game also won't have screaming fans yelling your name, waiting for your autograph, immortalizing you on TV. You have a silent fist pump with yourself, an adrenaline rush hearing your name be called, or some great news relayed, or a large amount of money given out. In essence, every day is a "finals" day, where you win the small battles (getting to the bus stop and subsequently work in time, finishing up that report, being nice to others who care about you, etc.) that allow you to keep living life enjoyably. Life, fortunately, is predominantly a round-robin format that weighs one's complete body of work, and one down day or moment won't cost that person forever. In that sense, life is pretty fair, and the best team (your true self) almost always wins. (Unless it's a fatal mistake, in which you lose on the spot, don't get any chances at redemption, etc., and life is actually very unfair).
I think I won the finals of life because I met MJ!
Fantasize on,
Robert
Sunday, August 13, 2017
27 Dresses and the Joys of 撮影
27 Dresses was a movie I saw in 2008 (seems like so long ago!) about a wedding planner who had gone through 27 dresses due to all the weddings she had been a bridesmaid at. Back then I wondered, "wow those are some fancy dresses, thank god I don't have to worry about that!" And now I DO have to worry about them. 27 Dresses is an apt summary of the whole wedding planning process, a rite of way that encompasses picking out excessively gaudy items out of other gaudy and spectacular things. Going wedding dress shopping is similar, having to go through so many different dresses and have an opinion on each one that sounds unique even though I have no idea what I'm talking about, like "that looks more urban," or "that looks more sleek," or "you're very classy in that," even though real experts probably have the exact opposite opinion. Ultimately, the dresses were designed to look good on most people, so they're generally going to look good, IMO. Unfortunately unlike Katherine Heigl in the movie we can't keep all 27 dresses, so just picking one out of those that looks passable is probably an accomplishment in itself. (Same with picking out linen colors, shoes, ties, menu decisions, hors d'oeuvres, etc.) In general they're going to be nice anyway, chances are we're gonna get a pretty nice one. (is my uneducated, wholly un-artsy amateur opinion).
Due to the lavishness and general nature of the upcoming wedding, I've been levelheaded about wedding planning: not unabashedly excited, but not filled with dread and misery neither. Weddings are complicated affairs with many minute details and ever-escalating costs memorialized by someone informing you (politely, the wedding industry wouldn't want to put a damper on the leeching/ bloddletting event that is the wedding) "that'll be extra." I've been OK about the costs despite normally being a Scroogey, tightfisted guy who doesn't like spending money (also known in today's society as "cheap") by justifying the costs as necessary, once-in-a-lifetime, and comforted knowing that my friends and family will be attending and it's one of the only times you can get everyone together for an epic celebration. I'm reminded sometimes, though, that it IS a fun process, and wedding photography is one of them.
The engagement shoot has all the thrills of a wedding (getting dressed up, getting in front of great scenery) but none of the stress of meeting guests at a wedding, having to come up with clever things to say, dealing with wedding dresses, etc. An engagement shoot is just a nice stroll in the park, it seems, with your photographer, whose only job is to capture us in the best light possible and make us look good, and if any click doesn't yield those results, he/she can just dispose of them. It's really a no-lose process, and done at the right time, can be very joyous. We chose Sunday afternoon at Walt Disney Hall in downtown Los Angeles, and the heavens really burst upon us with a soothing cool breeze, an excellent sunset, and all the typical colors of a summer day in Los Angeles. I can imagine how tedious it could be if it was any other type of weather, but we did not sweat at all, our photographer made sure to position us generally under the shade, and as we were posing we could enjoy the natural scenery and just being outside in the wonderful Los Angeles daytime. In other words, I would have been out there anyway even if given a choice as to how the afternoon would go.
I have trouble smiling. Many times I forget to smile (violating my own "laugh twice a day" rule), or my smile seems forced, or I don't like opening my mouth to smile, or I have resting "mean" face. Whatever the reason, I've never been told, "you smile a lot" or "I like your smile" (except on a dating website where a lady was probably really desperate or just sending out generic messages to everyone to get a response, I wasn't even really smiling in my online dating profile), so I was worried about having to smile for 2 straight hours and holding it. Seemed like a bit of a chore. Turns out, I like smiling! And every time I looked into MJ's face, I found something to smile about, whether it was the way she was smiling back at me, the wind blowing her hair aside to make it just a little messy but still cute, or just the sheer amount of makeup that she had put on (done professionally) to look nice that day. I was able to find something to smile about each time I looked over and was asked to smile. And really, my dreams really came true to find a beautiful person to be with, living in one of the best cities in the world, taking photos in one of the best photogenic locations in that city, with fountains rising up behind us (yup, we timed it so that even fountains were flowing today, that's how serendipitous today was) for a photoshoot that we can enjoy the fruits of (that would be the pictures) for years to come, and really, the rest of our lives. There was certainly enough to smile about, and I hope my happiness shone through in the pictures. We got introduced to these different poses called the "walk as you look at the floor, the "almost-kiss" where you get super close to kissing without actually kissing, and having my hand in my pocket but only a thumb exposed. Really important poses for the camera, I'm sure.
Made me wonder if it was easy being a model and just enjoying the view, doing different poses, etc. And then I realize models have to always be a certain weight (starve themselves), go much longer than a wedding shoot does, be forced to smile and do other facial expressions, and aren't always in the most comfortable places (dank, stuffy warehouses, etc.) and I think I'll pass. And they have to actually look good, which, with my problems of smiling, probably isn't best suited for me.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
Due to the lavishness and general nature of the upcoming wedding, I've been levelheaded about wedding planning: not unabashedly excited, but not filled with dread and misery neither. Weddings are complicated affairs with many minute details and ever-escalating costs memorialized by someone informing you (politely, the wedding industry wouldn't want to put a damper on the leeching/ bloddletting event that is the wedding) "that'll be extra." I've been OK about the costs despite normally being a Scroogey, tightfisted guy who doesn't like spending money (also known in today's society as "cheap") by justifying the costs as necessary, once-in-a-lifetime, and comforted knowing that my friends and family will be attending and it's one of the only times you can get everyone together for an epic celebration. I'm reminded sometimes, though, that it IS a fun process, and wedding photography is one of them.
The engagement shoot has all the thrills of a wedding (getting dressed up, getting in front of great scenery) but none of the stress of meeting guests at a wedding, having to come up with clever things to say, dealing with wedding dresses, etc. An engagement shoot is just a nice stroll in the park, it seems, with your photographer, whose only job is to capture us in the best light possible and make us look good, and if any click doesn't yield those results, he/she can just dispose of them. It's really a no-lose process, and done at the right time, can be very joyous. We chose Sunday afternoon at Walt Disney Hall in downtown Los Angeles, and the heavens really burst upon us with a soothing cool breeze, an excellent sunset, and all the typical colors of a summer day in Los Angeles. I can imagine how tedious it could be if it was any other type of weather, but we did not sweat at all, our photographer made sure to position us generally under the shade, and as we were posing we could enjoy the natural scenery and just being outside in the wonderful Los Angeles daytime. In other words, I would have been out there anyway even if given a choice as to how the afternoon would go.
I have trouble smiling. Many times I forget to smile (violating my own "laugh twice a day" rule), or my smile seems forced, or I don't like opening my mouth to smile, or I have resting "mean" face. Whatever the reason, I've never been told, "you smile a lot" or "I like your smile" (except on a dating website where a lady was probably really desperate or just sending out generic messages to everyone to get a response, I wasn't even really smiling in my online dating profile), so I was worried about having to smile for 2 straight hours and holding it. Seemed like a bit of a chore. Turns out, I like smiling! And every time I looked into MJ's face, I found something to smile about, whether it was the way she was smiling back at me, the wind blowing her hair aside to make it just a little messy but still cute, or just the sheer amount of makeup that she had put on (done professionally) to look nice that day. I was able to find something to smile about each time I looked over and was asked to smile. And really, my dreams really came true to find a beautiful person to be with, living in one of the best cities in the world, taking photos in one of the best photogenic locations in that city, with fountains rising up behind us (yup, we timed it so that even fountains were flowing today, that's how serendipitous today was) for a photoshoot that we can enjoy the fruits of (that would be the pictures) for years to come, and really, the rest of our lives. There was certainly enough to smile about, and I hope my happiness shone through in the pictures. We got introduced to these different poses called the "walk as you look at the floor, the "almost-kiss" where you get super close to kissing without actually kissing, and having my hand in my pocket but only a thumb exposed. Really important poses for the camera, I'm sure.
Made me wonder if it was easy being a model and just enjoying the view, doing different poses, etc. And then I realize models have to always be a certain weight (starve themselves), go much longer than a wedding shoot does, be forced to smile and do other facial expressions, and aren't always in the most comfortable places (dank, stuffy warehouses, etc.) and I think I'll pass. And they have to actually look good, which, with my problems of smiling, probably isn't best suited for me.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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