Competitiveness (負けぎらい)

I recently came to the realization that a large part of the economy, or at least the sports economy, is built upon the unwillingness to lose. Makegirai is a special term in Japanese for people like me who are very competitive and hate losing, won't stop until they win. It literally means, "hate to lose."

I grew up, like many other boys, daydreaming (and dreaming normally) about hitting the game winning homer in the bottom of the 9th, or scoring the winning touchdown in front of the rabid home fans, performing on the biggest stage and proving that I was the best at the sport I was playing. (Later on these dreams turned into making the winning move in chess, spelling the winning word at the spelling bee, playing the winning hand in bridge, and some other nerdier pursuits, but the idea remains the same). It's the competitive drive in most people that I know to try to be better than others, to prove that they themselves are good, to become a champion, and they spend most of their lives pursuing that dream, chasing that goal to be the best .The problem, only so few people or teams can actually be the best, and they do their best to stay there.

The sports business is driven by this competitive drive (There is a brand of sports apparel literally capitalizing off this drive called "Champion" ; if it's not people searching for their own championship in the sport or activity they engage in, it's them vicariously living through their favorite sports team to seek victory. It's kind of a disease, this "desire to win."

Back in the medieval ages it was necessary to be the best to protect your family, to keep the invaders out, to survive. Nowadays, there's really no need to be the best, especially in sports. So what if your favorite sports team wins the championship? Are you that much better for it? So what if you've proven to the world you're the best kayaker in the world (unless you're pro and that's what you do for a living). Yet so many people abandon other facets of their lives in pursuit of that elusive chase to be the best; marriages have been disrupted, lives put on hold, etc.

I can't say I really judge those people with the makegirai disease though: it's very powerful, and always hungry, always wanting to be fed more information that you're superior, striving to be the best. It's what keeps those of us working, to motivate us to raise our energy level (MJ says I'm a high-energy person and she's a low energy person; I guess I get my high energy from competitiveness).

Sadly, what happens to people who have makegirai who never fulfill their dream of becoming champion, not meeting their goals, and ultimately, "losing?" Unfortunately, this weekend at the Ultimate Dodgeball Championship in Chicago, IL, my dodgball team will probably find that out at some point. Chances of winning are slim, but we've come so far, played so much dodgeball (6 years and counting for me!) and want this so bad that I think there's a chance we will ourselves to victory. Ultimately, I think the lesson is that as long as we tried our best to go for that goal of being champion, we have not "lost" but gained an experience of chasing after that championship that will live with us forever. At least, that's what those of makegirai can fall back on.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Deadline (締め切り)

I used to be so much more productive in high school. I had so many assignments back then and completed so many of them! I took like 6 subjects (not counting physical education) each semester and had homework every single day in every one of those subjects. PLUS there were tests to study for, papers to write. I somehow completed them all and turned them in on time, which seems like an amazing feat to my 30-year-old self now, considering I get worried nowadays about just one deadline, blow some deadlines including paying the internet bill.

Deadlines motivate people: the origin of the word is the very definition of motivation: during the Civil War there were lines drawn where if soldiers passed into enemy territory, they would get shot and die. If I were a soldier during those times I'd make darn sure I didn't cross over that line. Nowadays the motivation for meeting a deadline (and not crossing into being late) are not as extreme, mostly monetary for adults and (?) for high school students, maybe the shame of getting a bad grade, parents' disappointment/ criticism? Pride? Makes me really wonder what motivated me as a high school student, because even money, one of the more persuasive motivators, doesn't motivate me sometimes to make a deadline, like getting into a parking garage before early bird hour rates end. It must have been a blend of just always having gotten things done on time (that's just how it was in our household, you have homework, you get it done by the deadline, no questions ask).

America, and the world really, needs more deadlines. The recent Republican healthcare bill, for example, kept dragging on and dragging on, with Republican Majority Leader Mitch McConnell constantly extending time to get the votes needed to pass legislation, or even get the House together to debate the bill. There was no deadline in place to say, "hey, if it doesn't get done by this date, it's over." Sometimes deadlines will make people cranky and cause some minor mistakes due to rushing too much, but sometimes if something is not meant to be, no amount of time is going to allow it to be, and delaying is just wasting everybody's time.

Deadlines force me to be more proactive earlier, and in most cases where I don't plan ahead and wait until the last minute, at least it focuses me on the task at hand so my mind doesn't branch off into other directions with the idea that it'll get done at some point. In this era of short attention spans and a million other interesting things on the Internet, that happens easily, and it takes a real concerted effort or effort (damage, financial or otherwise) to get me and other "millennials" (darn those millennials ruining everything) to get things done.

Extreme idea, but it speaks to what's troubling millennials and the new generation nowadays: What if there were "deadlines" for people to accomplish certain things in their lives, like if you pass the deadline you don't get a chance to do it anymore? For example, college: if you don't go to college by age 24, you can't go anymore. If you don't go to graduate school by age 30, you can't go. If you don't get married by age 32, you're not eligible anymore. If you don't have a child by age 35.. (which is an actual biologically-influeced number, unfortunately for women). Millenials live longer, think they have all the time in the world, always think everything will eventually work out, marry later, continue living off their parents later (I'm a little guilty of this too, being hypocritical). But sometimes it doesn't, and there's no way to get some of these people to change their sluggish ways because there's just no motivation (and parents' nagging doesn't count). There is already a general idea of "societal deadlines" in life highlighted by "30 places to travel before age 30" articles and all that, but not much motivation other than "I'm getting old!" half-joking laments that don't get taken that seriously because people can always make their faces look young (except me, I look old for my age).

Just as an example of the magic of deadlines, in our fantasy baseball league (and in real major league baseball) there is a trade deadline every season about 60% of the way into a season where no trades can be done afterward, which forces teams to decide which players they want to keep for the rest of the season and which they don't and make honest evaluations about their own team, and go off need. One can argue that there doesn't need to be a trade deadline, just let trades happen any time, but there's really nothing like the trade deadline to ramp up activity, managers suddenly become very active and it engages everybody in the activity, creating a domino effect of "oh shoot everyone else is getting the good stuff, I gotta act!" Sure it causes stress and panic, but results-wise, it definitely greases the wheels and forces the action. (And in a fantasy baseball league, it's fun! I got Twins 2nd baseman Brian Dozier and Cubs quiet but deadly pitcher Kyle Hendricks today, looking forward to them working magic the rest of the way!) I think the world needs that results-oriented approach a little more (think global warming, demilitarizing, nuclear arms ban, etc.) We can all agree that the time is now; we just need a deadline to make us act.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Worlds 世界 [せかい (sekai)]

I love life. No matter how long I've lived and how many different tunnels and alleys I look into and how many corners I peruse, I always find something new, a new world of things to get into.

Finding new worlds can happen in daily life, whether it be watching Game of Thrones (the world if Westeros is back in the public consciousness this summer!) to opening up my Korean learning podcast (each language is a world of its own!), so exploring them can be thrilling in itself, like spending 3 hours random nights late at night learning all about YouTube phenoms), you can go deep deep down the proverbial rabbit hole. But nothing, nothing, opens my eyes up to the different worlds this universe has to offer than going on vacation, going to different places. Just when i feel like I have this universe figured out, MJ and I get on the carpet and go for a wild ride in a whole new world! (Cue Aladdin music)

So today in St. Louis, I was so surprised when we went to City Museum, an oasis in an urban jungle that looked straight out of a Harry Potter scene, with broken down buses on a rooftop, snake statues. Outside were tunnels, shutes, in a maze like formation reaching up to the top, with slides going down and ferris wheel at the top. A cross between Chuck E. Cheese and "Chutes and Ladders." Basically, a kids' paradise, and it was reflected in the populace, with kids jumping around and parents getting a well-deserved break on the sidelines while their kids rank loose. It was the kind of place you imagine as a kid but doesn't exist and you wish to build, and one of those kids with that dream was able to achieve it as an adult, finding just the right mix of nostalgia and pure unadulterated fun to attract both kids and their parents but also have be commercially viable. There was a hamster wheel that I tried and was getting good at, but isn't it everyone's dream to live the life of a gerbil/hamster? ( I never knew the difference between these 2) Genius, in my opinion, and allows people to escape the hustle and bustle of a typical urban setting to a kids paradise, if just for a few hours.  

I'm constantly amazed at how my life (and I'm assuming others' too) can transition so quickly from one world to another. One minute we were finishing up a lovely wedding weekend for my friends Jibraun and Sonya, a decidedly adult-catered activity full of formality and celebration, and the next we're stepping into kids' zone of frivolity and jolly. In the wedding activity kids don't really exist, and you almost forget about them, like they're not part of the equation, except you get reminded of it full-blast when going to a place like City Museum. It's one of life's many hidden joys, to be able to transition from one of these seemingly separate worlds to another so quickly. It's even easier with Iphones and Uber now. 

Handicaps....Also at City Museum, I observed a young girl (around 10 or 11) who had lost her hand for an unknown reason. She looked very healthy otherwise, though, and was having about as much fun as the other kids, except she couldn't use both hands to pull up the many ladders and tunnels, couldn't turn the hamster wheel to help her run on it. It's a sad world, those with disabilities and handicaps, and sometimes I just need to step back for a little bit from my complaining about L.A. traffic and high health insurance premiums and just appreciate the world of a young child with a disability, how they see other kids having fun and doing "normal activities" but can't fully appreciate the same for themselves, how their childhood is shaped by a disease/condition that they did not cause upon themselves. That world is difficult to imagine, and I sometimes hope that if only they could experience my world and how happy it is to fully experience the world, I could sacrifice something and allow those kids the ability to do that, find a little joy in their world since I can't fully empathize with people who are living those worlds. It's a very sobering thought, but that is the world we live in where people suffer every day from things and people like me can enjoy luck and prosperity in my own little world and turn a blind eye on those in their own, so that I was glad I was reminded of that world today. 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

Slouching- 猫背 [ねこぜ (nekoze)

I have a slouching problem. My mother has it, my sister has it. Our family, collectively doesn't stand up straight. Maybe if was hereditary, maybe it started at a young age, maybe I was watching my parents walk and emulated them, maybe I was ashamed of my acne and tried to hide my face as much as possible by slouching, maybe I just has no confidence and felt inferior to others, for some reason my back took the form of the "cat-like" shape that the Japanese language has used to describe this type of phenomenon, or disfigurement, or disease, whatever you want to call it. It's a problem because it tends to get worse, as gradually my shoulders droop lower and lower and my natural walk changes. They say that bad habits take 1 month or 28 days to correct, but how long does a bodily function or everyday activity take to correct? Hard to say, but gotta start now, especially with more and more pictures coming out, and videos of myself. I look at myself in pictures and kind of cringe when I see myself, I really don't notice it when I'm living my daily life, but I'm sure others do. I'm sure most people notice it, but only close friends/ MJ give me the heads up. Appreciated! 

I also brush my teeth too hard, or so my dentist told me a year ago when I last saw him. I didn't believe him until one day I found that I was gripping my toothbrush in a fist, like I was holding on to dear life on a roller coaster ride, white knuckle style. That's too hard and wears down the enamel on the teeth, apparently. Just small, light strokes are the key (kind of like dodgeball, it's precision + accuracy over power). 

Slouching and brushing too hard are examples of "Lifestyle demerits"- these are what I call these minor things in life that add up over time cuz we do it every day, to the point of not noticing it and letting the problem fester, finally resulting in it snowballing it into big problems. They're glossed over in the media/ general society because there's more pressing things to address like not doing drugs or shaving, but very underrated. We know about obvious ones like biting ones fingernails, but some are just involuntary and almost impossible to detect. (For some reason, I grow these tiny things called boogers in my nose all the time. Gross but true).

Not blinking enough is a serious one- most people don't count how often they blink, but over a long time it adds up, ones guys get dry, become sore, and eyesight gets worse. Eyesight gets worse is my most feared lifestyle demerit- I wore glasses before laser eye surgery and it was not the best time; I wouldn't want to revert back anytime soon, and I check my vision once in a while to make sure I'm not regressing (probably exacerbating the problem by wearing down the vision). 

earwax building- one day you just wake up and your ears are clogged. Happens ALL the time.

Shaking my leg while sitting- just a nervous tick, but MJ gets really upset at me cuz it's related to the myth of "shaking all the good luck out of the body." I need all the luck I can get.

How do I deal with these lifestyle demerits? Just got to commit myself to reminders all the time, write it in this blog, email myself, take videos of myself all the time and look at it.

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan 

蟹 (Crab)

MJ and I recently went to a Chinese seafood restaurant in Los Angeles Chinatown area, hoping to get some of their dim sum but finding that dim sum is not served at night. (Who knew?) I then had to confront one of the more daunting moral questions that's bothered me since I was a kid dining at Chinese seafood restaurants: Why are the live fish/ seafood displayed in the tanks? And is it worth it for the super-fresh seafood to have the deep feeling of guilt of eating those live sea creatures?

For a society that's so obsessed with Disney creatures, we sure do eat a lot of meat/ seafood. I've seen no fewer than 3 Disney movies about sea creatures in my life (Little Mermaid, Finding Nemo, something else I'm forgetting) which feature cute, adorable main characters in the form of crabs and fish, but then we go ahead and consume those things quickly as soon as the popcorn fades and hunger hits after getting back from the movie theater. Circle back to Friday night, MJ and I ordered the crab, and then the waitress came out to show us the live crab they were about to kill and stop the life of, asking if "This one was OK," as if we were some sort of death panel sentencing a living creature to death. And it's even worse than a death judge, it's like we are judging this crab as "suitable for our luxurious tastes" to take the life of, and if this crab's life wasn't worth it we could always take a different life. Ethically, that seems a little mortifying and at a certain level it definitely turns me off to eating live animals. Then the cook went back into the kitchen, put the crab into a boiling pot of water I'm assuming (or fried it in a sizzling hot pot), ending the crab's life horribly, all while MJ and I were talking about what we might do on Saturday to indulge ourselves. The horror doesn't end there, though, as we're eating the crab (admittedly very delicious due to the freshness of the meat), the other crabs left in the tank were crawling around, as if watching us eat their comrade/ family member. One crab was almost crawling out of the tank, as if to say, "you will pay for this, if not in this life then the next life!"

This is bad, but usually the queasiness of the event is covered up by the time meat hits the table, like there's a reason the kitchen is separated from the dining area at most restaurants, you don't have to witness the ending of life in order to wet your palate. But with the addition of the crab tank, it puts it back into play. So to answer the question, since I'm 3 days removed from eating that little crab fella and still feel bad and a little traumatized about it, I'd say it's NOT worth it to have the tank out in the open to indicate freshness. Would you have live chickens at a fried chicken restaurant or live cows at a hamburger place to remind us what we're killing to have a meal? I think not.

Aside from the ethics of eating crab, eating crab is a bit of a hassle. (Probably due to evolution, if you believe in that sort of thing). You need to crack the shell, you need to poke the meat out. Sure, when you get to the magical insides the meat is pretty nice, but anyone who's done it knows it sure does take quite a bit of effort. My 91-year-old grandfather refuses to eat shrimp, crab, or lobster because of the pure convenience of eating these things, whereas his tastes are dulled enough now that he doesn't care about the juiciness or tenderness or savoriness of what he's eating, just that it's food and he can get to it quicker. I gotta say, he has a bit of a point. You gotta clean your fingers after snapping the crab, which means eating other stuff is hard, you don't want to be eating crab when you're hungry cuz you don't get too much nourishment in one bite, you can stab yourself on one of the claws (even in death, some zombie crabs can do some damage to you. Maybe the revenge of being eaten......man evolution has really given these guys a leg up on other animals!) so hard that I've bled form eating crab before.....you might get a piece of shell mixed in with the juicy meats, you feel guilty about wasting that tiny piece of meat that you couldn't get to within the joints of the crab......so many things that make eating crab just that much more tedious than a ham sandwich.

I clearly haven't gotten over the traumatic experience of Friday night and need more time to collect my thoughts.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Sugar ( 설탕)

When I was a kid, there was a program called "DARE" (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) that came to our school regularly to put on programs about why drugs are bad for you, including tobacco, alcohol, marijuana, harder drugs (including stuff that I had never heard about, which if you know kids actually makes them more curious about those things and want to know more, but I think the intention was right). It really scared me to use drugs and I never did, but I think they went a little overboard in saying "we're not here to scare you with this program," which made me realize there was a possibility they were here just to scare us with the bad effects of drugs like going to jail, getting sick, or even dying, becoming a delinquent, etc. Anyway, I appreciated the DARE program, but beyond alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana, there was one other "drug" that they didn't warn us about.......sugar, or "seoltang" in Korean.


Recently I listened to a Freakonomics episode that listed with might qualify as a drug, with "addictive quality" being a primary factor in determining that it is. Studies have shown that sugar activities the brain's pleasure centers more than cocaine does. If that's not scary enough, although it'd be absurd to think of exposing children to cocaine, we expose children to sugar every day, through candies, juices, sweet treats, etc., etc. Sugar, unfortunately, is in almost everything, but we can at least be knowledgeable about it without ignoring it like the sugar companies do like a big pyramid scheme (and start young, with kids).


My parents, despite being scientists (!), don't appreciate the risks of sugar, in my opinion. They allow my sister and I to have cakes and doughnuts and other sweet things for breakfast, which just starts the day off on a bad foot......you're ALREADY on sugar and want more as the day goes along. It's part of the reason both my sister and I had weight problems, we both consumed lots of sugar before reaching adulthood and finally understanding the negative effects of sugar and making our own choices.

When I have something juicy/salty/fatty, it's certainly not good for me neither, but at least I can lay off of it for awhile and just savor the juiciness, have good memories of the food without needing more. Sugar, there's inclination of getting more.

Sugar also leaves a bad taste in your mouth, literally. Most sugars make your breath sour and cling on there for awhile. It's like 5 seconds of pleasure eating a chocolate bar but then hours of after

My personal experience is that with sugar, if I have a little bit of it, I am inclined to get more, like the "once you pop, you can't stop" mentality. Especially the after-lunch candies and snacks, those are just empty calories sitting there.

Sugar has been associated with other diseases like diabetes, cancer.......there are no "hidden value" myths like wine which give health benefits, neither....it's just purely bad.

Sugar water does not re-hydrate someone...if anything, it makes you more thirsty. So when you're at the beach on a 85 degree + day, you're not going to want to crack open an ice cold Coca Cola like on the commercials, water is the way to go to quench your thirst. Ask anybody.

The worst is sodas. Sugar in water is worse than solid foods because you need more sugar to make it sweet. I still remember the first time I had Sprite in China as a 4 year old and thought it was the best thing in the world........and realize now that it was just sugar water. Sodas are being banned in many schools to save the exposure to kids. Sugar does not "help a growing boy grow" or "build strong muscles" like milk. Gatorade, Pepsi, Coca Cola, etc., I'm sorry but I will never buy those stocks as not only do I not endorse their products (having been jaded by the reliance on them as a kid and now swearing off of them), but I don't think they have a future now with other liquid products and most adults' realization that water is better.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

Tofu (豆腐)

I recently picked up on the joys of eating tofu (it's one of those magical words that I cherish every day, believe me, that's pronounced in essentially the same way in Korean, Japanese, Chinese, and English! It spans all languages!) mainly because there's 2 go-to restaurants that MJ and I go to nowadays: a Korean spicy tofu place called "BCD Tofu" that serves sundubu jigae (순두부 찌개), and a Chinese traditional cooking place called "Yunnan Restaurant." Both make a spectacular tofu dish that we always order because......it tastes really darn good, and because we don't get the guilt of eating meat. Oh, and don't forget about fried tofu ("agedashi tofu" in Japanese), oden, miso soup, and my favorite since a very young age, mapo tofu. (麻婆豆腐)


Part of this tofu phenomenon was fueled by the recent viewing of the movie "Okja," a movie about a genetically engineered pig called Okja that was created to taste great, but then develops a friendship with her owner, a Korean girl living in the wilderness. It ranks up there with "Charlotte's Web," (by E.B. White), "The Jungle," (by Upton Sinclair), and any number of exposees about the meat packing industry and the unsanitary and terrible conditions animals are put through so we can eat them as making me (and many others) want to eat no (or at least less) meat. But then there's the whole question of "if you're gonna spare some types of meat like red meat (beef, pork), but you eat white meat (fish, etc.), are you being hypocritical just because some animals can have human emotions? Don't white meat lives matter too? So like then I start getting worried about shrimp, tuna, fish, etc., etc. Tofu is a safe alternative in that it comes from beans, and it can taste just as juicy and texture-rich as fat meat (without the animal oils). Certainly it's not fat-free, there's still some health risks depending on what you put into it, so not perfect, but you can definitely try to trick yourself and your brain that it's meat.


Other than just tofu, I'm not usually  a big "alternative foods" guy, but I'll consider other options before going for the hot, overhyped item. Instead of cake, I like cupcakes, for example, because........you don't need a knife and plates and fork for cake. Seriously, cake is just too many steps and surprised in this age of low attention span and less hastle and efficiency that society hasn't made it obsolete. I think cupcakes are where it's at, and should be considered instead of the hefty "cutting fee" weddings charge for cakes. I mean, seriously, a 3-year-old knows how to cut a cake.


Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

보스 ( 3 bosses)

I now have 3 bosses to answer to in my life.

1.) Work boss- works in same office, see her every day, say hi, have to be nice to each other, has her own rules imposed by HER boss, but otherwise pretty laidback, no deadlines, allows us to eat in the office, allows for pretty flexible hours, sometimes forgets to tell us scheduled off days at work. Consequences of getting this boss upset: awkward running into each other while going to the bathroom, get bad job evaluations, worst case get fired from job, lose income.

2.) Mom boss- have lived under her rules for 30 years now and pretty used to it, but still can get tiring if spent too much time with her. Can get very bossy to the point of "micromanaging," but knows she means well. Consequences of getting this boss upset: get guilty for making mom upset (probably trumps everything else), a VERY awkward dinner, and possibly less Christmas/ birthday gifts. Also my dad and other family members would possibly get upset

3.) MJ boss- still learning a lot about her rules, but no I will be spending the longest time of the 3 with them so have to route the rules to long-term memory, like studying for a test that lasts forever. Will not be super bossy about rules but the sheer number of rules makes me "slip up" sometimes which leads to a complaint. Consequences of getting this boss upset: lots of complaints about my behavior and "I told you to this why didn't you do it!"'s , the silent treatment, heavy sighing (I am guilty of this too), worst case an argument will break out that involves other inherent issues. Luckily MJ USUALLY tells me what's troubling her instead of having me have to guess what's wrong.

Bosses usually are associated with a negative image, from "Office Space" or "Horrible Bosses," "The Office," or any number of bad movies, but luckily I've been somewhat lucky in avoiding some crazy bosses. Bosses are important as a motivator to keep everyone on track and so everyone enjoys (a nice home or getting paid at real jobs), but sometimes can forget or just not realize the effect on their subordinates. I've always been someone who tried not to be too bossy, to delegate tasks liberally and let others employ their methods to solve their task (a very American way of bossiness) so I sometimes get irked or angered when I'm too heavily bossed around since it's not my preferred away of taking orders, but part of being a good "subordinate" is to adjust to the bosses' ways and hope that they will accommodate you later on ( doesn't always happen but hopefully bosses are where they are for a reason and can be considerate of others who they supervise since bosses at one time weren't bosses and know what it feels like).

A lot of people go their whole life wanting to be their own life so they can "be free," but I think whatever you do, there's gonna be someone "bossing" over you, whether it's the police watching your speed while driving or the government "bossing around" your income or the moral police telling you you should donate. Whatever is, we all have numerous bosses, and how we handle being told what to do can define how smoothly our life runs. Sometimes, you gotta be the subordinate first before you become the boss.

Cutting Nails (つめきり)

Nails, nails, nails everywhere. Ever since we moved in to our apartment together, MJ finds special "surprises" from time to time in the house, to magical stains on the seat cushions, to loose hairs in the bathtub (I'm starting to lose head hair, oh no! The beginning of hair loss), to spots I missed in the dishes I just washed (she's earned the nickname "Quality Control" for her efforts), but the thing she gets grossed out the most about are nails. MJ gets VERY UPSET about loose nails that I trimmed but went flying out of range of the cover I used.

 It's the weirdest thing: these nails look perfectly stable when I start cutting them but they're like self-destructing devices that detonate upon detachment from the mothership, and they have a mind of their own: they don't follow a distinct pattern of flight, just go everywhere in the apartment. Our apartment floor is gray and the walls are white and the nails are (for the most part) white, so the detached nails are harder to find than me in a Shanghai subway. They always reappear at the worst time though, MJ will gasp, reach for something small in a corner (WAY far away from where I originally cut my nails) and I'll know I'm in trouble. And don't get me started on toenails, those things are like bigger, stronger brothers of the fingernails. I've conceived of some cockamamie schemes to track the nails such as painting the nails a different color (rainbow), etc. to find them easily, enclose myself in a small room with no openings to enclose the nails, etc. They just have a mind of their own.

I do like cutting nails, however, because they're an easy way to change one's mood a bit, a common theme in Asian cultures, apparently, except they usually get a haircut, or do a big clean-up effort, etc. (much more productive). it's called 気分てんかん, Kibuntenkan, and cutting nails does help........I get a fresh cut feeling when I touch things, or when I run I can feel the freshly cut nails digging into the shoes and feel less weighed down or more free, if only psychologically. If only cutting nails could result in significant weight loss! That would be awesome. 

This summer, I'm really excited about 2 things: 1.) My team's return to the Ultimate Dodgeball Championship (trampoline dodgeball), this year in Chicago (cue "I'm Coming Home" music and Lebron-like highlight montage) where we will fight with 31 other teams for a chance to ascend to the throne of the dodgeball world (with ESPN2 coverage along the way, which honestly is more appealing to me than a medal/trophy and cash prizes, although cash prizes would be nice the way wedding costs pile up) and 2.) the less realistic, but much more intense, battle for the throne on the hit series Game of Thrones, where the end is coming soon. How fitting would it be for August 6, the Sunday of the Championship, to be the same day as Daenerys Targaryen finally ascends to her rightful place atop the Iron Throne! Ah one can only dream. 

血拼 (Shopping)

Back to Chinese for one post! Just learned this word watching a Chinese movie called "Bride Wars" (新娘大作战) and is one of those "English-sound Chinese words," where Chinese kanji are used for their sound, not their meaning, to form an English word, here the 2 words would normally mean "blood bath" or "bloody conflict," but instead their sounds create "shopping." Pretty funny considering many people (myself definitely included!) probably feel this way, where shopping is just a slow bleed from many cuts of swiping the credit card and spending money. Every time I go shopping I have to ready myself to absorb minor cuts to my wallet and metaphorical financial well-being, and everything I pull out my credit card, I feel the money being sucked out of my bank account or like someone cutting my hands to pry cash out. It's not a great feeling. 


Luckily, MJ is an EXCELLENT shopper and gets great deals. I used to always wonder if I was getting bled out unnecessarily and being "slaughtered" for the lack of a better term by the commercial stores and tricked by the pushy salespeople (by the way, July 4th weekend apparently is a big shopping holiday and salespeople we met with were in FULL pushy mode to get their commissions), but MJ knows all the tricks of false discounts, which stores offer a student discount, return policies, etc., so that we can have a fighting chance of getting a good deal. It's like going to Vegas and not just expecting to lose money at the tables anymore, I have a blackjack expert telling me when to stay or double down. 

Shopping for a suit is REALLY difficult. Everything looks the same! Grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, light grey.......how do people differentiate the colors? And the size of the suit, what happens if you're between a 38 and a 40 and there's no 39 sizes? I would suggest bringing a white dress shirt to wear underneath the suit to get the full trying-on experience, by the way. I didn't know there was such a thing as having to "open up a fitting room," which I was pretty sure was a ploy to get you to feel indebted to the salesperson in some way like "oh gotta buy something now, he/she was so nice!" Personally, there was nothing as gratifying as getting done with the suits, leaving them in the fitting room, and tiptoeing past the salesperson who helped us and silently end the relationship. That must be how the guys who just break up with girls via silence and unresponsiveness feel. Clean break. 

There's a lot of Chinese words that were created just for their sounds to combine together to form an English word, the funniest of which I think is 补肥, which means (regain the fat), but also phonetically sounds like "buffet," and it's true, at buffets you can easily regain fat. NOT what MJ and I want for now. It's a brussel sprouts and salad kind of season for us, especially summer when people don't get that rain-hungry or cold-hungry (when you get that extra hunger from the weather). It also makes shopping 血拼 for clothes harder if we gain too much weight! 

Fantasize on, 

Robert Yan