I've been to several weddings in my life. (I was going to post "a lot," but I actually haven't been invited to that many. Maybe it's something about me!) There's a lot of things I don't understand about weddings. I could list these all in some sort of order, but there's almost too many to choose from. Disclaimer: the following is not a complaint of any of the weddings I have ever been to, the bridge and groom and their families put a lot of work and money into the preparations and I now appreciate more than ever all the effort that goes into it, I'm more ranting at the whole idea of a wedding and what is "expected" and "traditional" about a wedding that makes it a good time for people.
1. Wedding dress: why does it have to be white? Does it have to be white? (Apparently not all white). What's better, flowery designs or a straight, traditional solid design? Why do wedding dresses hang way down so that parts of it are dragging on the floor, or one of the unlucky bridesmaids has to hold it up? MJ and I recently went to a Macy's in Chicago that has a bridal salon where one family was trying out wedding dresses......MJ might have liked it, but it was excruciating for me to watch the bride-to-be try on dress after dress while the Macy's employee tried to fit her with whatever the family was trying to achieve, some unattainable dream of the perfect wedding dress no doubt, while the bride was just excited to be getting married, and the family was making assessments like "oh we need something lower," or something that sounded like me to be purely nitpicking but I'm sure was of utmost importance to the bride's family. After all, a wedding is that one time (besides splurging on everything of course) to be nitpicky about everything and get everything perfect, or so says wedding taglines everywhere.
2. Why do grooms have to go under the bride's dress and pull out the....what is it called, "garter?" Isn't that a little too PG-13 if kids are invited to the wedding? What kind of message is it sending to the kid?
3. Wedding cake.....what if guests don't want cake? Especially in the summer, wouldn't guests prefer ice cream? Maybe an ice cream cake? Why does the wedding cake have to be so tall? Isn't it tougher to slice that way? No wonder some married people complain afterwards that their servers "served" the top layer first; I would be so confused after trying to cut such a tall cake I wouldn't know what to serve neither.
4. Are drunken-stupor pics of people at a wedding with silly masks and costumes on really something that we should cherish? Sure, take a picture with the bridge and groom looking nice, but squeezing into a small booth with 7 other people who are sweaty from dancing and stinking of booze so that you can be in a tiny corner of the shot because the photobooth-hog of the group insists on being in the middle.
5. Are all those groomsmen and bridesmaids necessary? Seems like a lot of extra work for everyone involved, including the groomsmen and bridesmaids themselves, to like get the same suit or dresses, etc. There's also the matter of these groups of people tending to order shots at the end of the night and getting everyone really wasted, adding up costs if it's not a complete open bar (o, btw, didn't know there was a 2-hour open bar, rest of the time cash bar option at weddings). Of course, "is all that extravagance necessary?" is probably not the right question to ask about a wedding.
6. Speeches- I actually think speeches are super cool, and deserved for the people getting married for everyone to learn about that them, it's their day after all, I'm not sure why everyone complains about them all the time, especially when they're accompanied by cute baby pictures and other embarrassing pictures through a powerpoint or video or something.
7. A photographer AND a videographer? Oy vey, there's really no time to pick your nose, is there?
A lot of these traditions seem to take root the same reason why lawyers are needed and legal procedure take hold: to make money off of tradition and what people's expectations are. It's quite a......you guessed it, pyramid scheme. But ultimately, I do recognize that it is a time to gather as many friends and family together as possible to recognize the union of 2 people, it's really one of the few times almost no one can make a "gotta-be-somewhere-else more important excuse," it's a way to make one day out of one's lifetime stick out more than others (even though, yes, it is EXORBITANTLY excessive and expensive to put into just several hours of one day). and it's a way to make one feel special. Therefore, deciding all that, I am ultimately not against weddings and having them. Just don't ask me to be that excited about wedding dresses.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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