There are many noises that the human body makes that are annoying, disturbing, distracting, grotesque, and even horrifying. Most of these are bodily functions including burping, farting, hiccuping, etc., some are voluntary (snapping, biting fingernails, singing very poorly, yelling), some are aided by other objects, like running one's nails through the blackboard, sound of people chomping down on food in their mouth, but the No. 1 ranked, undisputed world champion of bad human sounds is........(drumroll) snoring.
Snoring is involuntarily for those who do it as it happens while sleeping and everyone sleeps, but it's almost as if the snorer (offender who snores) is doing it purposely. It's paradoxic that the snorer never has to be subject to his own snoring, as he or she will stop snoring once they wake up to listen. That's what it makes it all the more irresponsible for a snorer to be in the presence of people, know that they themselves will snore, and not take any prophylactic action or remedial action about it. It's important for those close to these offending snorers (friends and family, loved ones, etc.) to inform them immediately of their transgressions and for the sake of humanity do something about the snoring.
Snores come in all different sizes, from small, rhythmic snores with a steady cadence to dissonant, cacophonous thundering that pounds into the very essence and being of the snoree (one who is subjected to other person's snoring). These snores can literally be heard outside in the next room, maybe the next county, and they resonate differently: it's a wave of sound with a rising action action leading to a climax of epic sound proportions, then drifts away, only to come back seconds later just as fierce, just as demanding on an innocent bystander's ears, like a wave slamming into the coast of the Pacific Ocean, drifting back, and then coming back harder than ever. I have no solid evidence to support this, just anecdotal evidence, but the loudest snores are large, heavyset men, with breathing problems. Sleep apnea, I've read, has something to do with it, but I'm never heard any women snore as loudly as the worst offending men.
There's really natural about the sound of snoring, neither, it seems primal, like that of an animal growling. I actually wonder sometimes if it's an evolutionary tactic passed on over the years to protect people from being attacked by wild animals/ enemies while sleeping, to ward them off pretending to be a dangerous being, even while sleeping. Many snores certainly have startled me awake,
Of course, as you might suspect, I've recently been subjected to some of the worst offenses of snoring given my sleeping situation. NOT my lovely gf MJ, who rarely snores but has a nice, cute snore that doesn't even raise the decibel level even if I'm right next to her, but some savages in a dormitory whose snores would wake the dead. It might be more frustrating too that I've been told I don't really snore, that the worst I get is a heavy breathing, so I'm not giving off any negative externalities, I'm being considerate of others. When I do get woken up in the middle of the night because of someone's snoring and I think of the deprivation of a good night's sleep and the forced abandonment of a great dream I was having, I certainly have murderous thoughts of the offender, or the thought of smothering their snores with a pillow, dumping a bucket of water over them, or at the very least waking them up from what seems like joyous slumber (given the heavy snoring) that they've just deprived me of. If only death stares at the general area of the snorer could stop the snoring, I would have had a lot more sleep and not cared as much about this epidemic gripping the world.
Snorers out there, I apologize, but please be responsible when you're in a room with other people. Do the right thing. Fix the snoring.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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