Pyramid Schemes

 

I don’t know if it’s the skeptical side of me coming out as I grow older or if I’m more maturing and getting wise to the ways of the world, or I’m just becoming a bitter old man, but recently I’ve been theorizing that almost every aspect of my life is a pyramid scheme. If you’re not familiar with a basic pyramid scheme, the most basic formation is an initiator who gets 3 other people to buy something, where these 3 people will get “benefits” if they get new people themselves to buy into whatever the activity/product/way of life is, and those new people will get benefits (monetary or whatnot) if they themselves get new people, and so on and so on. The whole premise being that that the activity/ product/ way of life itself isn’t as glorious as it seems so much as a vehicle for distribution and getting everyone else interested. It is not good to be at the bottom of that pyramid.

Well, recently I’ve been feeling at the bottom of a lot of pyramids. Consider sports- Football, basketball, and baseball are fun games, but are they really even THAT great of games? The rules of baseball are so arcane and complex, I’m not sure why people really like it in the first place. Dodgeball and some other sports seem (and are) much more fun to play (and safer, don’t tell me a hard baseball traveling at speeds of 100MPH between players 60 ft away is safer than a soft rubber foam dodgeball traveling at tops 70 MPH between players about 60 ft away. Why did baseball even become so big? Because people profilerated, made it seem cool, and the TV stations bought into it, stadiums were built, and people encouraged other people (friends, family, children) to buy into it, and now it’s one of the most stable institutions in the world, a billion dollar industry, spawning other subindustries like fantasy baseball and whatnot. I, as a fan and consumer of that, am very much at the bottom of that pyramid- I was encouraged by others to buy into baseball as an entertainment device, and I did, hook line and sinker, even though there are SO MANY other entertainment vehicles around.

Christmas is a giant pyramid scheme. The message being “Buy buy buy for your family and friends!” If you don’t buy, you’re an outcast! You’re not being loyal to your family!” Eh, not really, why do I have to do it at this particular day, or invest in the wrapping paper that’s been bought? Or watch Christmas-themed movies all day? This myth of the “Christmas spirit” sends the right message of giving and generosity but it can easily be just a life lesson that you always abide by, without the spritz and glamor of a Santa Claus and reindeer and spending on gifts.

I think I’ve already gone over how the law (law schools, law firms, the courts, the Bar Exam) all collude into one big pyramid scheme, where the Law pervades this general consensus among the people that lawyers are skilled professionals and a sophisticated craft, Courts set up rules that require the common person to have to get an attorney to represent them in court, attorneys work for fancy law firms that perpetuate the myth that lawyers are decorated members of society, and law schools recruit students and get students to enroll by showing off the image of successful attorneys with high salaries. It’s a HUGE rip-off for clients to massively overspend on attorney fees and is one of the best modern-day examples of a large pyramid scheme if I’ve ever seen one. I’m embarrassed to be a part of it.

Traveling is a pyramid scheme. The travel industry shows pictures of great places to visit that aren’t really that great and gets your friends to tell you about it where sometimes it’s better to just sit home and relax and not spend money. Billions of people in different countries rely on the travel industry, though, to support their industries, so the notion has to be put out there that “Traveling is fun! I love to travel! Look at me, I’m traveling!”

Finally, and perhaps most sadly, dating is a pyramid scheme. Sure, you can go on a few dates and meet the person and it’s important to establish chemistry and get to know someone, but you don’t really have to go “dating” to do that…….you don’t have to go to a dinner and a movie, you don’t have to go to an art museum to perpetuate the notion that you’re sophisticated (especially if you’re a lawyer), you don’t have to go to bars or clubs or sports games to “get to know someone.” That can all be done in the comfort of one’s own home, or in a park. The best way to actually find someone’s match, actually, is probably to be friends first, talk a lot on the phone, and then really get to know someone. Dating is really unnecessary, yet it’s become a bloodline of the dining and entertainment industry, so it has to stay. I imagine the inventor of “dating” going, “man people don’t really need this, but we might have something going here!” while peddling this concept to restaurants and movie theatres around the world to get royalties for his brilliant idea.

And yes, I’ve spent a lot of money on dates this year. I’ve also found that the person I’m currently most interested in lives far away and I haven’t even met in person, yet we’ve formed a pretty deep connection already. So I MIGHT be biased. But doesn’t mean that what I’ve put out here doesn’t have merit, and it doesn’t mean people have to be at the bottom of the pyramid schemes their entire lives. See what you like, evaluate if you like it for what it is or just because other people told you to like it, and make educated, informed decisions. Down with pyramid schemes.

Don’t get me started on weddings and foreign languages (if the world wanted to have a universal language, it might have already been done).

Fantasize on,

 

Robert Yan