2 sides of the human condition. I’m a walking contradiction.
Today we look at 2 sides of how I reflect the human condition: Benevolence and
Jealousy.
When I go to bed at night, I don’t always, but I try to
remember to wish for good things to happen in the world. I’m not religious, but
I am spiritual (a term that Match.com uses to pair people up, coincidentally)
in that I think there is something of a higher power, but not necessarily what
the organized religions is. I could be wrong, I could be right, I don’t stress
about it, but if there is any miniscule chance that my wishing something good
happens to someone else out there will help, I’ll take that time to send out
happy thoughts. I hope that other people find the success they’ve been searching
for, that the world is strewn of evil, crimes, injustice, and corruption, that
those who are desperate for something find that something, I hope for
happiness. I usually focus on hoping that those who don’t deserve to be
evicted, harmed, damaged, or stolen from don’t, usually working on those that
are less fortunate than me. OK sometimes I do hope that my fantasy baseball
team does well or I’ll have a good dodgeball game the next day, but I would
sacrifice that if something really good happened to someone else or the world
in general.
On the contrary, despite being fully aware that I am one of
the more privileged members of society and that I’ve lived a life of luxury and
gotten very lucky in the things that matter the most, during the daytime I have
a lot of selfish thoughts. Jealousy comes in. I wish all the time that I could
be, for one month or one week or for
even just a day, someone who is wanted. I think how it’s not fair that really
attractive people get all the love, whether they deserve it or not. And it’s
not like those guys get some attention, and I get attention from others. It
doesn’t work that way. Really attractive people get attention from everyone
because the world’s objective view of what is attractive is very similar. I
understand sometimes that I get the hand that I’m dealt, but even in bridge or
hearts you play one hand and get dealt a different one. I don’t’, I never wake
up one day and have better skin or have double eyelobes or look like Brad Pitt
(who’s the hot trending stud for women nowadays? Ryan Gosling?) I want to be a
catch for someone, to be the best for someone that someone can be proud they’re
with. That might happen one day, but it’s gonna take a lot of work.
Two sides of myself. Two sides of the human condition. Benevolence
and Jealousy. A walking contradiction.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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