Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Going to the Dentist


Usually don't devote much energy to something as mundane as going to the dentist, but this particular visit needs to be mentioned.

I should have noticed the warning signs, but I guess I was oblivious: random Tuesday afternoon, first week of the year, I'd been going to this particular dentist all the time (twice a year) for the last 5 years or so......I was used to it.

However, today when I stepped into the patients' chair, I sensed a different aura. I expected Dr. Liu, the guy I'd been with for the longest time, to come any time now and get it over with. A visit with Dr. Liu, while never pleasant, wasn't the worst, and it was necessary: my teeth needs a good cleaning now and then. But today, something was different. Something was......off. Suddenly, a new face stepped into the room and rang out, "So how are your teeth doing?" The rest went downhill.

Even after meeting the new dentist, my spider-sense still didn't go off: I'm like, "eh, can't be too bad. She seems cool....I wonder what a substitute dentist is like....Let's just get this over with." I lay back, open my mouth, and close my eyes. BIG mistake. Like inviting an intruder into the house, that was asking for trouble. As the scalp/drill/torture device went into my teeth, it felt like my mouth was instantly on fire. The drill worked right into my gums, so as my whole mouth felt the pain. Nerve endings I never knew existed screamed for relief. My hands clenched. I opened my mouth to scream only to realize my mouth was already open. I didn't want to offend this new dentist, but HOLY JESUS she was making my life miserable. When will the pain end? O god finally she's done. One tooth down, 31 to go.

So yea, basically the ten longest minutes of my life. The substitute clawed into my gums over and over again, sending waves and waves of pain, distributing it evenly along ever corner and crevice. Half the time I wanted to ask, "Haven't you worked that corner enough already?" The other half wanted to use the submissive approach: "Please, anything......" I kept trying to go back to what a wise man told me once: "When in pain, try to think of a happier place and channel it." Uh, that wise man didn't know what he was talking about. I was thinking about ice creams and chocolate and ice water in the middle of summer, but like reading my mind, the substitute instantly crushed those thoughts with a sharp stab into the most tender of areas.

Afterwards, I felt like I was in a daze. Was I alive? Can I leave now? Are my teeth still there? Am I EVER coming back here again?

The lesson here is: NEVER take the substitute dentist! You never know what's gonna happen!!! Going to the dentist is kinda like getting a haircut or going to an interview: You don't any surprises.

Fantasize on,

Robert Yan

P.S. It still hurts, man. Collateral damage.

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