So the NBA regular season almost halfway done, and some Hoopie awards need to be handed out for some worthy performances, with the award names ripped straight out of the 2009 news headlines:
1. Tiger Woods Award (for biggest fall from grace):
Caron Bulter. There have been some other disappointments in the first 20 draft picks, but Butler's been the only one who's been healthy. Coming in, it looked like he could build on a solid resume of good STL's, pts, rebounds, and assists with great FT%, but the numbers are down across the board with the parasitic Gilbert Arenas hogging the ball all the time.
2. Balloon Boy Award (for being full of hot air):
Gilbert Arenas. Speak of the devil, Gilbert was all about talkin' big comin' into the season, about how the Wiz would make a playoff run and GA would lead his team back to the glory days, but what little I've seen of Gilbert has seen a 12 TO game, him missing crucial FT's down the stretch, and getting stripped by rookie Tyreke Evans in the final seconds in a loss to the Kings. Fitting that his 3rd-round draft status has only lived up to 8th-round value.
3. Ben Bernanke Award (Time's Fantasy Basketball Man of the Year): Still Gotta be LBJ. Like Bernanke's ability to save the economy with a single interest rate cut, the King can save your fantasy team from getting demolished with one single game of dominance, something to the tune of 48 pts, 9 rebs, 10 asts, 3 stl's, 2 3's, 1 blk. Man can do everything, and this season he's done it while shooting 50%. Wow.
4. The Joe Biden Award (for having the best position in the world): Many say the vice president is the best job because he gets none of the pressures of being president while still having "president" in his name. That distincition in fantasy belongs to Channing Frye, who averages 12.6 pts a game and 2.1 treys a game because he receives passes from no other than Steve Nash. 'Nuff said.
5. The Healthcare Bill Award (for the most hated AND most loved player): Like the healthcare bill stirring up raw emotion in different ways depending on which side of the aisle in which you sit, I have never seen such controversy about a fantasy player than what Dwight Howard does: You can LOVE, LOVE, LOVE his 2.5 Blks, 13.3 Rebs, and 60%+ FG, but he poisons you just as much with the 60% FT% and 3.3 TO's. What to do? Unlike the healthcare bill, though, most of us can afford to ignore Dwight altogether and "go a different direction."
6. The Sarah Palin Award (for Big Time News in 2008, still relevant in 2009): The meteoric rise of Kevin "Tarantula" Durant was well documented in fantasy circles as well as here, but Kevin's still putting up huge numbers this year, just much more expectedly so, and the next 10 years really bodes well for him, and really, for the Alaskan Sensation as well.
7. The Twilight/ New Moon Award (for catering to a younger audience): Barely out of his teens (turned 20 in September), Tyreke Evans has caught fire in the NBA in his first season. Like a blood-sucking vampire with superpowers, he's behaving like a cold-blooded beast who doesn't sleep and roams free during the night in Sacramento.
8. The Sonia Sotomayor Award (for the wisest Latino): Brook Lopez, whose father was from Cuba, has been one of the few bright spots on the Nets and defied the Guru's expectations of him (thought he would do bad). Especially like the Yao-like 83% FT percentage from a big man.
9. The Kanye West Award (for "Imma let you finish") I'm not sure where Z-Bo Zach Randolph's gonna end up, but he sure has been intriguing. Ranked #18 in Y!, his numbers don't seem all that impressive (probably why Kanye interrupted Taylor to draw attention to the more impressive Beyonce), but Memphis is doing wonders for Randolph as his FG% is at an all-time high. Will this continue? I say no, Z-Bo's got a lot of brick-laying left in him, but that's why Imma let him finish.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
1. Tiger Woods Award (for biggest fall from grace):
Caron Bulter. There have been some other disappointments in the first 20 draft picks, but Butler's been the only one who's been healthy. Coming in, it looked like he could build on a solid resume of good STL's, pts, rebounds, and assists with great FT%, but the numbers are down across the board with the parasitic Gilbert Arenas hogging the ball all the time.
2. Balloon Boy Award (for being full of hot air):
Gilbert Arenas. Speak of the devil, Gilbert was all about talkin' big comin' into the season, about how the Wiz would make a playoff run and GA would lead his team back to the glory days, but what little I've seen of Gilbert has seen a 12 TO game, him missing crucial FT's down the stretch, and getting stripped by rookie Tyreke Evans in the final seconds in a loss to the Kings. Fitting that his 3rd-round draft status has only lived up to 8th-round value.
3. Ben Bernanke Award (Time's Fantasy Basketball Man of the Year): Still Gotta be LBJ. Like Bernanke's ability to save the economy with a single interest rate cut, the King can save your fantasy team from getting demolished with one single game of dominance, something to the tune of 48 pts, 9 rebs, 10 asts, 3 stl's, 2 3's, 1 blk. Man can do everything, and this season he's done it while shooting 50%. Wow.
4. The Joe Biden Award (for having the best position in the world): Many say the vice president is the best job because he gets none of the pressures of being president while still having "president" in his name. That distincition in fantasy belongs to Channing Frye, who averages 12.6 pts a game and 2.1 treys a game because he receives passes from no other than Steve Nash. 'Nuff said.
5. The Healthcare Bill Award (for the most hated AND most loved player): Like the healthcare bill stirring up raw emotion in different ways depending on which side of the aisle in which you sit, I have never seen such controversy about a fantasy player than what Dwight Howard does: You can LOVE, LOVE, LOVE his 2.5 Blks, 13.3 Rebs, and 60%+ FG, but he poisons you just as much with the 60% FT% and 3.3 TO's. What to do? Unlike the healthcare bill, though, most of us can afford to ignore Dwight altogether and "go a different direction."
6. The Sarah Palin Award (for Big Time News in 2008, still relevant in 2009): The meteoric rise of Kevin "Tarantula" Durant was well documented in fantasy circles as well as here, but Kevin's still putting up huge numbers this year, just much more expectedly so, and the next 10 years really bodes well for him, and really, for the Alaskan Sensation as well.
7. The Twilight/ New Moon Award (for catering to a younger audience): Barely out of his teens (turned 20 in September), Tyreke Evans has caught fire in the NBA in his first season. Like a blood-sucking vampire with superpowers, he's behaving like a cold-blooded beast who doesn't sleep and roams free during the night in Sacramento.
8. The Sonia Sotomayor Award (for the wisest Latino): Brook Lopez, whose father was from Cuba, has been one of the few bright spots on the Nets and defied the Guru's expectations of him (thought he would do bad). Especially like the Yao-like 83% FT percentage from a big man.
9. The Kanye West Award (for "Imma let you finish") I'm not sure where Z-Bo Zach Randolph's gonna end up, but he sure has been intriguing. Ranked #18 in Y!, his numbers don't seem all that impressive (probably why Kanye interrupted Taylor to draw attention to the more impressive Beyonce), but Memphis is doing wonders for Randolph as his FG% is at an all-time high. Will this continue? I say no, Z-Bo's got a lot of brick-laying left in him, but that's why Imma let him finish.
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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