I'm actually not in a bad mood, I just feel like I should set up my happy posts by yielding some depressing ones.
Why the the Cleveland Cavaliers will not win the NBA Finals this year:
Not enough talent. Wait, hold on, before you forever swear off reading my blog, lemme explain: their team is just not that good without lebron.
Exhibit A: tonight, Lebron scores a whopping 49 points tonight on 20-of-30 shooting, which is sick, but his teammates let him down. He just doesn't have a robin to his batman on that team. Zydrunas Ilgauskas? Uh-uh. Delonte West? Catwoman at best. Andersen "Carlito" Varejao? Like his hair....Wally "Where's Waldo?" Szczerbiak (they should spell THAT name at the spelling bee, like Szcerbiakian, or something) ? Don't make me laugh. Mo Williams is the closet thing to another threat, but man was 6-19 tonight with only 17 points, and let's face it, he doesn't complement lebron like a scottie to michael, like a tony to tim, even a pierce/allen to garnett. Lebron's just on an island by himself, and he won't get it done w/o flying in some reinforcements.
Exhibit B: The lakers. Destined to win this year's championship. Written in the stars, no matter how much you dislike Kobe, the logorrheaic Lamar, or the Machine.
Why Sidharth Chand won't win the 2009 National Spelling Bee: I hate putting down any kids, but in this case it's not anything personal: it's just a sort of hex over contestants like him, almost like a "Madden Curse," if you will. Traditionally, the runner-up at the NSB never comes back the following year and wins it (does the only thing that can be considered improvement). This could simply be because from year to year there are so many contestants and really well-prepared ones at that that the one person in the place of 2nd place has a long shot anyway, but i think there's something to it. It's almost as if by gettin to 2nd place, as a speller you've used up all your luck in not getting the one word you didn't know: you've navigated through the lower rounds and wound up in the last few, which takes a lot of skill but a suprisingly big chunk of luck, Sidharth got that last year, traversing through the field and funneling through the maze, primarily through his own orthographic prowess, but also with a tinge of the fairy dust, and that dust does not side with him this year.
The "Runner-up" curse has plagued many spellers in recent years: 2005, Samir Patel, tied for 2nd as a sixth-grader, was an all-star speller, but was never the same again: went out early in 2006 and even earlier in 2007. Prem Travedi in 1997, as documented by James Maguire.
Why "Pushing Daisies" will not rise from the dead: Because the major TV networks like ABC refuse to keep great shows that happen to struggle w/ ratings on the air. Shame.
Why Victor Martinez will not bat .400 this year: No one will ever bat .400 ever again......baseball is dictated by the law of averages, and eventually with the at-bats adding up, you just can't keep up hitting like that: you line out to guys, you don't get lucky breaks, your deep fly balls turn into outs instead of home runs.
Why I will never trust Ian De La Rosa again: After 10K and 11k performacnes in his last 2 outings, he prodded me into starin him with confidence tonight only to not have any command and give up this line: 3.2 IP, 5 H, 5 BB's, 7 ER's, 1 measly K. Couldn't even strike out the pitcher. Urg.
Why I will never watch another "sisterhood of the traveling pants": because I'm not sure why I even saw one of them in the first place.
Why I will not make law review at my law school: this writing competition is hard, and I'm having trouble sitting down and doing it. Alas, it hurts.
That's it, folks: hope that dampened your mood enough so that the next post will seem like winning the lottery. And then you'll be hooked on my blog forever.........
Fantasize on,
Robert Yan
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