JOMO

All throughout my twenties, I experienced severe cases of FOMO: Fear of Missing Out, wanting to be at every party, every wedding that I was invited to (not that many), every time friends got together, that I often tried to go to 2 Super Bowl parties at the same time (big mistake) because the friends realize at some point that you're going to another Super Bowl party, or another 30th birthday party, and you just can't be in 2 places at one time, and you have to commit to one or the other. Now in my thirties, though, it's been an opposite feeling: JOMO, or the joy of missing out, which according to Jeopardy and a cursory search of the internet, is actually a real thing: spending Friday and Saturday nights at home with MJ and not worrying about the world passing me by or whatever party is going on that I can't be apart of. With some rare exceptions, I end up being rather content, except if they are real friends who I haven't seen for awhile. Then I make my best effort to go. But JOMO is good for any clubs, bars, or any event that I'm not that comfortable at: lots of nigths "pissing the night away" (Tubthumping by Chumbawumba) that I now relish not having to repeat. MJ and I have gotten good at "missing out" on the big holidays too, just totally ignoring Christmas and Thanksgiving and visting my parents at different times instead of the usual holiday rush. It's great. Instead of putting pressure on making Christmas a bigger deal than it has to be, it's just been 2 days of rest and relaxation for us. The joy is most keenly felt in the wallet, where gifts don't need to be bought, no tickets to go see Taylor Swift, no European vacations with other people, no round of beers at bars to people who I barely know. In fact, our wedding marked a nice border line between my 20's and 30's, but also the FOMO and JOMO phases of life: after our own weddings we realize that life goes on after big parties, real friends will be friends no matter how many times you invite them to parties, going to events isn't always the huge thrill that my brain associates it with. I wonder if this is the case with pregnancy; are human beings all instinctively born with a FOMO chip of wondering what it would be like to be a parent? This would be a necessary part of maintaining the species. Or will it be a situation of JOMO and we have the joy of missing out on pregnancy and having kids even though everyone else seemingly is doing it? We'll find out! 

One other realization I've come to realize more recently: nails grown fast if you don't bite them. Sounds pretty obvious, but I've always had a habit of biting my nails, since probably 13 or 14 years old. It's my nervous tick, my go-to when I feel like I need to focus on something and get through it, kind of like me always rolling paper towels into a ball, it's just something I do as a habit, no utility to it or anything. Recently MJ encouraged me to stop biting as it's damaging my teeth (enamel has worn off the outer layer of my incisors, the 2 front teeth) and given that my dad wears a full set of false teeth now and needs them before eating, I should probably protect my teeth more. I'm Robert Yan and I'm a recovering onychophagist (nail-biter). I've been clean for about 8 weeks now. Will it continue? Hopefully; I have to stop myself sometimes as I instinctively just start biting when a stressful situation arises. Maybe I'm just lucky to not have an addictive personality, but I wonder if it's just a matter of willpower to quit doing something. If it's so easy, everyone should be able to quit drugs, quit alcohol, quit all the toxic elements of one's life, right? I don't think it's that easy and it depends on one's background, one's genes, what one did as a kid to develop an addiction, etc. I never drank coffee or ever got started with anything (except biting nails), so I never even had a taste of it. That's the key, I guess. Once your body is used to something, it can magically adapt to it and pretty soon you feel like that's how it's always been. (Maybe getting pregnant is like that too!)