DINK

 No, Dink is not one of those new slang words Generation Z is flooding the internet with, like something is "drip" (in fashion) or IYKYK, bussin', low-key, "symp," etc., no DINK is actually a creation of the 1980s, I know, a long long time ago when people were actually born in years that started with "1" not "2" and it's an acronym for Double Income, No Kids, which was inspired by the yuppie culture (young urban professionals) but then accentuated during the Great Recession of 2008/2009 when people couldn't afford kids and just chose to go it without them. And it's increasingly popular now, with terms like "child free" instead of "child less" highlighting the joys of having no kids. MJ and I take the joys of DINK even further because we're DINKNP, no pets neither, no cat, no dog, no obligations. We have spent most of our relationship as low-responsiblity as possible, and even then it feels like life can be overwhelming at times and there are not enough days in the week (I'm writing this on Sunday night before a Monday where I'm going to work on Christmas Christmas Eve). As jealous as I am of seeing my friends' and co-workers' kids and creeping on Facebook, I think quite a few parents are probably jealous of MJ and I and our DINK lifestyle...until we eventually do have kids, of course. 

Some features of being a DINK: 

1.) wake up generally of your own accord, have fixed sleeping schedules. SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT! I've done that all my life with no breaks, so I guess I've been living in luxury. Just the other night I dreamed I was a pitcher for a major league baseball team making my debut in the big leagues. Ah what a night. And I generally wake up refreshed, don't need coffee, sleep is my caffeine. 

2.) I save up a lot of money. I'm not a gambler, I don't have crazy expensive hobbies, I don't get into trouble with lawsuits, I don't have a million relatives I need to buy presents to for Christmas. Money is passed through efficiently from my bank account to a savings or stock account, funneling through of course Middle (Wo)man MJ who sometimes has some needs (not crazy amounts!) but it's not a leaky bucket with lots of different holes, it's just the usual mortgage and tax, HOA, health insurance holes. Out of all those risky behaviors I listed, the biggest hole in the bucket would be the kid bucket because you're supporting a whole nother human being who doesn't bring in any income but instead only soaks up money, so water going through that hole only goes one way. 

3.) I have free time. I complain that I don't, but I do. I still have enough time to watch Jeopardy every time, subscribe to premium subscriptions to "stream my favorite shows," but also READ. Time! is mine to control. 

4.) MJ and I can drop everything and go anywhere in the world quickly. This is probably the best part of DINK, where I know some parents are just resigned to staying at home for the rest 18 years. 

5.) Not forgetting where the kids' stuff is. I forget things all the time and forget to do little tasks during the day, like leaving my phone in my pocket, forgetting the keys to the house, leaving chess sets at chess club, etc. It's like my brain has too many tabs open and I forget to close them all out and leave tabs open (I saw that on a sticker today and thought it's apt for what everyone does nowadays). The problem is, when having kids, you can't just leave the kids in the car, or forget to take them with you when they're needed. They become No. 1, and the keys and mail and phone and extra sweater will be forgetten even more than now. 

These are the things I think about when taking the plunge and preparing for a child... taking the plunge and making huge sacrifices to all 5 key things above......that sounds like a lot. And rationally, why do people do it? From an objective viewpoint it's a pretty low cost-benefit analysis.....high, high risk of personal detriment to yourself in committing to a lifestyle that's irreversible (at least for 18 years or so) as opposed to just continuing this rather luxurious lifestyle of being an adult and enjoying all the good stuff of being adults (my own decisions, financial freedom!) and little of the bad stuff of having to take care of other people. Why do all my friends do it? They're not crazy, right? I guess love makes you do crazy things, and that's the one thing that's missing as a DINK......love from a child, pretty much irreplaceable. It reminds me of one year towards the end of my dodgeball competitive career when I had built towards the UDC (ultimate dodgeball championship) all year, but then got onto an overtime project at a law firm that paid a lot per day, and taking time off to go to dodgeball would have cost me 4-digit figures.....so I missed the first day of the tournament, and I'll always wonder what will be. It seemed like a good decision to take the money at the time, but years later I would give more money than I earned to go back to that time and play that first day, just to find out what would have happened. I think a similar inflection point is nigh for me now: I value my free time, my extra cash, my extra sleep, but I think at the end of my life I might look back to this point and be willing to give up all those extras to see what it would feel like to have a child of my own. That's the downside of being a DINK.