Bob the Not-Builder

 Bob the Builder is a British (never knew that) TV show first aired in 1999 and somehow got super popular even in the U.S., so popular that it became one of the many nicknames for Roberts like myself everywhere (except mine was like "Bob the House-Builder" for how many bricks I created in basketball); Bob the Builder's catchprase was "Can we fix it?" due to his proficiency with renovations, construction, and repairs. 

I'm like the opposite of Bob the Builder. I've always thought that there's some professions people are born into...construction was not one of those for me; even though my grandfather worked on building houses (not sure if he designed them or coordinated building projects or actually got down to work with his hands). I got confused with Lego directions as a kid. I got a C in Home economics and always needed help from the teacher in "woods" class (or was it called carpentry?) where we would build clocks and pen holders out of raw materials; I was lost. I'm still lost. MJ ordered a shelf from Floyd (apparently a high-quality furniture company) yesterday and the guy delivered the boxes in 4 neat packages, so seemingly doable project; I asked him before he left if it was easy to assemble; he gave a dismissive nod and left, assuming reasonably that I'd have an adequate amount of competence around assembling things as a 7th grader. He was wrong. I REALLY considered offering the guy $20 or more to assemble it for us right then and there, but he seemed busy and in a rush, and well......20 dollars is 20 dollars. Later that night, with me in a cold sweat and pieces of furniture strewn eveywhere, I realized I had made a bad decision. 

I think of other things that I'm decent at: solving math problems, learning languages, responding to emails from my bosses.... what am I doing wrong with assembling things? Some people just seem to have a natural affinity and a general sense of what they're doing, like just inserting pieces in where they go logically and not even looking at the manual. I hate the feeling where I'm 10 minutes into building and I realize I've just opened the box and taken out the materials......still on step 1 (or worse, 0). Or as MJ's worst nightmare sets in, I've made a scratch on one of the pieces, without having made any progress. It's kind of like watching some chess Youtube videos where an adult just has no idea how to play chess...it's comical but sad at the same time, to see obvious moves that they should make but they just don't get it. I feel the same way if others were watching me trying to assemble a desk, except I get nervous and psychologically affected if my dad were watching and judging (likely why I'm actually a decent cook nowadays experienting with different recipes and ingredients at home with no judgment, but with my parents they always were eager to take the spatula away from me and do it their way, and I also kept feeling judged all the time and would screw it up). Maybe that's why Montessori schools exist too....let the kids learn on their own and try everything! Not that it's all my parents' fault or anything, I definitely shied away from any type of assembly or construction projects as a kid, much rather lying on the carpet or couch on a sunny day and read a book, dreaming of Bob the Warrior being a hero in a battle or Bob the Detective cracking the puzzle to solve a crime, or Bob the baseball player coming up to bat in the bottom of the ninth. Being Bob the Builder was never really on my mind. I also have like no muscle memory of doing physical tasks (I need like a Google "save my password" function to automatically enter in the steps to build things, I think). The other day I went to fill up the tire in my car (PSI was low) and realized I wasn't putting any air into the tire.....I had to google the right way to use the tire pump. It's a good thing I live in a society that values other skills besides working with my hands, because otherwise Bob the Not-Builder would be screwed. 

And now the real Bob the Builder is in the Mattel franchise and probably will appear in the Barbie movie franchise at some point (if he hasn't already- waiting for Barbie to come out on HBO Max!)