Danse macabre (死的舞蹈, 死的舞蹈, 죽음의 무도 )

 I feel like I'm late to a meeting; the writing of this entry was delayed 15 minutes due to looking up old blog entries from 2013: from my 26-year-old self, indeed a pivotal year as I predicted back then; too bad I only wrote 31 entries, which makes sense considering the monumental nature of moving into my new career, beginning my long journey to find a partner. The posts aren't too bad, actually, and with some work and editing I could become Amy Schneider, Jeopardy superchamp and trans activitist and now writer; quite an awesome story of how she got to where she is now. She's also very humble and realistic about her own abilities and some of the breaks that she's gotten (as well as setbacks) so it's a refreshing take contrasting with some actors and celebrities' memoirs that have some arrogance and "of course I made it in this world, I'm just that good!" underlying their stories of their own life (I understand MJ's boss kind of has that attitude now too, unfortunately). I'd like to think IF (and when) I become that successful I would also be able to keep a level head about it like Amy; all I need is to win like 40 games on Jeopardy and get to be as famous as her. 

The "Danse Macabre" is a famous classical music masterpiece by Camille Saint Saens, a French composer who was a genius in his own right but just had the misfortune of coming just a few decades after Mozart, Beethoven, and all the most famous classical composers that became household names, and perhaps accordingly his pieces don't get their proper due (as you might gather from some of my posts, I'm a big fan of people who don't get their due from the public eye). Last night MJ and I went to a "Halloween fusion musical concert" with classical music intersperced with other forms of music like rap, pop music, ("Uprising" by Muse was somehow prominently involved in a Shostakovich Symphony No. 5 Finale piece. Whether you agree with the decision to have "fusion" music can be debatable (I persoanlly liked some of the pieces but thougth others were jumbled excessively to become cacophony) it reminded me how much I like classical music and how many movies, songs, operas, cultural events, etc. is shaped by classical music. I was proud to have once by a classical musician again; I often am when I go to any classical music concert, but especially where there's a long violin solo or prominent violin parts. That's my jam; those violinists are my people. 

Danse Macabre is a piece that most people wouldn't be able to place, but you've probably heard somewhere before. (Google it now). For MJ, she was immediately reminded of a Yuna Kim skating program in 2009 (Yuna Kim is the most famous South Korean figure skater of all time, the GOAT really). It has like a 2-minute violin solo at the beginning where the first violinist can just go crazy as a "Macabre Dancer" would....and at our concert the soloist definitely did. I was never that expressive when playing violin, and I never had a chance to do a solo at a concert, which suits me just fine, I was always one of the "backup violins" towards the back who just tried to make sure I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. It reminded me, though, that I once played Paganini's No. 24 Caprcie as part of a solo competition and did it.....OK, especially for a high school violin player. It's one of the trickiest violin parts in history, and Paganini really proved that violin is the devil's instrument; he created music that only he could get through and his rivals wouldn't be able to play due to just how hard it was. (For bonus points, listen to "Paganini's La Campanella," which I have humming in my head all the time now because it's the beginning of a Blackpink song called "Shutdown." More pop music songs should try to use some classical music if only to throwback to an earlier time and hook some classical music lovers; instead we get Doja Cat and "Paint the Town Red." Sigh. 

But yea, anyway, 2013, 2023, 2033, whatever comes my way, classical music will always be my jam. I was embarrassed to tell peopel as a kid when other kids asked me what my favorite type of music was (I think in 7th grade I HAD to say Eminem in order to not be bullied) but the great thing about being an adult is that things deemed uncool in middle school are flipped and become really cool........classical music, learn it! Also it might come up on Jeopardy (Jeopardy writers get it). 

Egg Retrieval (取卵)

 I've learned a lot about the female reproductive system through the process of trying to get pregnant, and a big lesson is that there's a lot going on in the uterus and vagina, fallopian tubes, etc. Thanks to the wonders of science, I've been in the room to watch as MJ's doctors inserted ultrasound devices into her reproductive system to check out "what she has going on down there." One of those things going on in the uterus is that egg cells are being developed each cycle after a period, and eventually they turn into follicles that get really big in size (doctors can somehow measure it on the screen to the precise millimeter) and determine when they are ready to be fertilized by the sperm (this would normally be where I would come in). However, thanks again to the miracles of science, there are other options now to try to fertilize those eggs, and the one that MJ and I have tried once already was to retrieve the follicles through a sort of vacuum or suction cump, artificially inseminate them with sperm in a lab, and then let them develop into fully fertilized embryos. Hopefully, one or more of these embryos are deemed ready to go and sent for testing, where it's determined whether they have the right number of chromosomes, look good in appearance and shape, etc. For a truly miraculous process like childbirth, the egg retrieval process sure sounds more like making dumplings on Chinese New Year for the Yan family (gotta be in the right temperature with the right amount of ingredients, and must look good in apperance and color). 

Egg retrieval, unfortunately, is NOT an easy experience for MJ, and I imagine not a great experience for most potential mothers out there. I've learned over this process in order to feel sympathetic to what MJ is going through, I actually need to be experience what it's like to be in the room, (kind of an empiric style of observation) so I've followed her to the medical clinic, and luckily the fertility clinic has allowed the big, bad man to go into the examination room with MJ. The "operating table" that MJ lies down on is unique for expecting mothers or wannabe-mothers in our case, where there are leg posts up high and apart so that MJ can rest her legs while the doctors inspect her reproductive system, and the doctors physically insert a tube up through her vagina into her body. I can't imagine the tube is very warm and comfortable, and although the doctors are nice about going in and trying to do their best I can't help but compare it to an unwanted guest coming into your most private areas and rustling around trying to find the best angles to take a look inside. I can only imagine how it feels if someone were to push a tube into my reproductive system: probably one of a man's worst nightmares. 

It's sad to think that this is just the BEGINNING of the journey of childbirth: if we do somehow succeed at egg retrieval and egg deposit and implantation and getting a blastocyst/ fetus/ eventually a baby, that's where the real fun starts of doing testing, etc. All for the chance to add a person to one's family who you don't even know what he or she will be like: life is like a box of chocolates, you don't know what you're gonna get, you could get a well-behaved angel kid....or the opposite. 

Statistics show that people who believe in religion tend to be happier than those who don't. That's just on average over a cross section of like 9 billion people, but one side effect of religion is being involved in a community and seeing the same people week after week. That's what I miss about being part of human society now; the community aspect of it. The closest I come to believing in religion, ironically, is being in a room of science, the examination room, seeing those follicles that the doctor pulls up: somehow, women were born with those eggs inside them, and the only way to create more humans is to have trust and love enough to have someone with sperm to connect with those eggs. It's really the closest I come to beliving in religious forces, no matter what the science says that it is just part human evolution/ how the human body works. I'm sure egg retrieval is probably not looked on fondly by religion, maybe relying too much on science and man-made techniques? Well, maybe we can just give the religious forces a little bit of a boost to help with this baby-making! (and with a little less pain for MJ, please). 

Echoic Memory (回声记忆, 반향기억, エコー記憶)

 The Proust effect is the effect that smells have on memory; appraently the writer Marcel Proust's works including "In Search of Lost Time" theorized that smells can help people access their childhood memories. I agree on a certain level; certainly the first things people think of when accessing memories is a visual memory of seeing someone's face, or a particular color, or seeing an event take place, but smell definitely plays a big part when I go back to childhood places like going into a school, my parents' closet with the same smell of old clothes, the aroma of dumplings and other Chinese goodies being cooked. Sometimes I crave the smell of chocolate that permeated downtown Chicago when I worked there oh so many years ago now because there was a chocolate factory nearby; everytime I drive down to Camarillo and pass the fertilized fields the familar smell of manure and whatever else is in the fertilizer reminds me that I'm back in Camarillo (It's not all bad; I do like the green grass, abundant flowers, and fresh air smells of Camarillo as opposed to the smog and urban city of L.A.). Not to be hentai (perverted) but I also like the smell of new books, and often crack open a new book partly for the scent. 

However, I think at least for me sounds are more memorable than any other non-vision senses; probably has to do with my good sense of hearing. Even with earwax constantly stuck in my ears most of my life, I hear pretty well; my mom used to marvel that I could hear her conversation with my dad despite being several rooms away and upstairs. (Chinese people call it having "sharp ears.") I don't actively think about it when I go back somewhere I've been before, but I do get a jolt of recognition of familiarity every time I start heading towards a dodgeball gym and hear the balls thudding against the wall, or turn on a baseball game and hear the dim murmur of a buzzing crowd; there are a lot of sounds I appreciate, which is probably why TV shows all employ a catch theme song at the beginning of each episode, or commercials create musical jingles to be memorable like Kit Kat Song or the State Farm ad. There's a ton of sounds from my youth I just don't hear anymore, like ring tones from a non-smart cell phone; old radio shows, the dismissal bell signaling the end of class; echoic memory is important. 

Which is why America has to improve some of the sounds that its country represents. When I went to Japan, getting on the subway was a joy a.) because the trains run on time, b.) because the subway stations and cars themselves were clean and organized, c.) the people riding the subway were generally disciplined except maybe during rush hour traffic, and d.) the spectacular chime that Japanese trains lead off with before their announcement. It's a very soothing sound that is just what you need when being in a high-stress environment like a train where you're worried about your surroundings, you're surrounded by strangers, you might be late for an appointment and in a hurry to get somewhere......the little jingle just makes everything OK. Contrast that with any metro system I've ever been in the U.S., from L.A. to Chicago to NYC to DC.....not very welcome at all, just announcing the next stop and if there are any delays; and "beware of the closing doors...." I know subways are for mid-to-lower-class society people, but at least act like you actually want people to use the service (we did actually pay for it!) Without that magical chime that Japan and some other Asian countries have, the lasting impression of the American trains are just garbage, the smell of marijuana (constant on L.A. trains), the sound of train rushing by, and people talking loudly (MJ got annoyed the other day on the subway listening to a fellow passenger carry on about her personal life while the rest of the car had to listen in). Even arriving at the airport in American cities, I don't really feel welcomed, just a bunch of corporate signs and PA announcements about Flight so-and-so departing in 5 minutes or final call looking for a passenger who hadn't shown up at the gate yet, or "This is Mayor Karen Bass. Welcome to L.A." Give us some tunes! Something to welcome us to the city! 

MJ and I crashed a wedding on Saturday night; not really crashed but witnessed a boathouse wedding from a public bridge that we were passing by; a perfect way to see joy and harmony as well as listening to piano music as the bridesmaids, groom, and finally bride walked down the aisle. A perfect harmony of memories ranging from visual (great sunset after a rainy morning that cleared up), smells of autumn and falling leaves in an urban park, (relatively) fresh air filling our lungs, the sounds of a wedding going on nearby reaching our ears even through the occasional gusts of wind blowing through, and of course the collective wonder and celebration of the wedding guests at the boathouse but also other uninvited guests who had stopped on the bridge to witness the occasion. An unforgettable scene. 

Bob the Not-Builder

 Bob the Builder is a British (never knew that) TV show first aired in 1999 and somehow got super popular even in the U.S., so popular that it became one of the many nicknames for Roberts like myself everywhere (except mine was like "Bob the House-Builder" for how many bricks I created in basketball); Bob the Builder's catchprase was "Can we fix it?" due to his proficiency with renovations, construction, and repairs. 

I'm like the opposite of Bob the Builder. I've always thought that there's some professions people are born into...construction was not one of those for me; even though my grandfather worked on building houses (not sure if he designed them or coordinated building projects or actually got down to work with his hands). I got confused with Lego directions as a kid. I got a C in Home economics and always needed help from the teacher in "woods" class (or was it called carpentry?) where we would build clocks and pen holders out of raw materials; I was lost. I'm still lost. MJ ordered a shelf from Floyd (apparently a high-quality furniture company) yesterday and the guy delivered the boxes in 4 neat packages, so seemingly doable project; I asked him before he left if it was easy to assemble; he gave a dismissive nod and left, assuming reasonably that I'd have an adequate amount of competence around assembling things as a 7th grader. He was wrong. I REALLY considered offering the guy $20 or more to assemble it for us right then and there, but he seemed busy and in a rush, and well......20 dollars is 20 dollars. Later that night, with me in a cold sweat and pieces of furniture strewn eveywhere, I realized I had made a bad decision. 

I think of other things that I'm decent at: solving math problems, learning languages, responding to emails from my bosses.... what am I doing wrong with assembling things? Some people just seem to have a natural affinity and a general sense of what they're doing, like just inserting pieces in where they go logically and not even looking at the manual. I hate the feeling where I'm 10 minutes into building and I realize I've just opened the box and taken out the materials......still on step 1 (or worse, 0). Or as MJ's worst nightmare sets in, I've made a scratch on one of the pieces, without having made any progress. It's kind of like watching some chess Youtube videos where an adult just has no idea how to play chess...it's comical but sad at the same time, to see obvious moves that they should make but they just don't get it. I feel the same way if others were watching me trying to assemble a desk, except I get nervous and psychologically affected if my dad were watching and judging (likely why I'm actually a decent cook nowadays experienting with different recipes and ingredients at home with no judgment, but with my parents they always were eager to take the spatula away from me and do it their way, and I also kept feeling judged all the time and would screw it up). Maybe that's why Montessori schools exist too....let the kids learn on their own and try everything! Not that it's all my parents' fault or anything, I definitely shied away from any type of assembly or construction projects as a kid, much rather lying on the carpet or couch on a sunny day and read a book, dreaming of Bob the Warrior being a hero in a battle or Bob the Detective cracking the puzzle to solve a crime, or Bob the baseball player coming up to bat in the bottom of the ninth. Being Bob the Builder was never really on my mind. I also have like no muscle memory of doing physical tasks (I need like a Google "save my password" function to automatically enter in the steps to build things, I think). The other day I went to fill up the tire in my car (PSI was low) and realized I wasn't putting any air into the tire.....I had to google the right way to use the tire pump. It's a good thing I live in a society that values other skills besides working with my hands, because otherwise Bob the Not-Builder would be screwed. 

And now the real Bob the Builder is in the Mattel franchise and probably will appear in the Barbie movie franchise at some point (if he hasn't already- waiting for Barbie to come out on HBO Max!) 

The Last Honest Businessman in the U.S.

 Amazon prime, Netflix subscription, trial membership, Costco executive membership, health insurance, skyrocketing car insurance premiums, on and on and on.....almost all business nowadays is trying to get the consumer to pay for things he or she doesn't need, or pay more for things that the consumer does need, like add-ons every time you want to purchase just a laptop, or asking to pay tip at any restaurant, not just sit-down restaurants anymore (the tip options are now all 20 percent- 22 percent-25 percent, an uncontrollable rise of tip inflation). Even podcasts and TV shows are complicit in the "bundling" and bait-and-switch schemes, advertising their products in the middle of the show and taking money from advertisers. It's a bleak time to be at the bottom of society and fitting under the term "end consumer," aka the sucker at the end of the pyramid scheme who has to pay for all the graft, add-ons, litigation, and cost of business associated with any kind of business. 

It's refreshing, then, when once in a while I meet the rarest of breeds: an honest businessman, especially a small business owner who isn't just trying to get my money and take advantage of my lack of knowledge about their industry. I fear going to car repair shops, dentists, and other routine places that can easily mark up their prices without fear of repercussion or minimal risk of me leaving the shop and comparing prices somewhere else: the auto shop knows it's got you and you're willing to pay almost any price to fix your car. MJ works for a type of small business owner at her hospital that works in that fashion: sign up any patients that she can convince to join a study, make money from the study, not give patient the best medication (sometimes they get the placebo, which basically does nothing for their health but does help the hospital earn money for the study). However, when I went to a car wash business called "Sammy's Car Wash" the other day to get my car seats cleaned (some blood had been left on the sheets), Sammy, presumably the owner of the car wash, came over to the car, I rolled down the window, and he took a quick glance: "I'm not a thief," he started (good to know). "I'm not trying to steal your money by having you pay for something you don't need." Apparently, my car was not dirty enought to need an interior car wash or in the parlance of the car wash business, a "detail," which sounds expensive but really is just doing a thorough cleaning of the carpet, upholstery, inside parts of the car, maybe with shampoo or some other cleaning product. He did suggest a wax job for the outside of the car to prevent rust, which is fair because I've never applied wax to it and I've had the car for 10 years (just passed my anniversary with the car!) but allowed me to think it over as I just left. 

What a luxury to be able to leave a business without having to come up with excuses about not doing business with them! Usually businesspeople will do their best to have you stay on the line or do high pressure tactics like making you worried about not getting the product ("you don't want your car to have an accident, do you?") and weak-willed people like MJ and myself are so used to being nice that we'll cave at some point and just agree to it even though we don't want to, or they'll appeal to our natural inclination to please people by trying to relate to us and being our friend, making us feel like we'd be doing them a favor if we helped them out with the sale, which is true I'd be doing them a favor but in reality I barely know them and don't owe them a thing. Even restaurants now are preying on good-hearted people to feel bad for the waiter/waitress serving them by making the customer pay for the service at the counter while the employee is standing in front of you, and they're literally looking at the same screen to see whether you tipped or not, and give you instant reaction if and when you tip. NOT tipping feels like I'm screwing the person right in front of me, and the button saying 20% tip in big bold letters is staring right at me with the "no tip" or "custom tip" option (usually for a lower % or like $1) hidden way below in an inconvenient place. As long as they're trying to guilt trip, they might as well have a pop up that says, "Are you sure?" if you click "No tip." Even just the whole idea of having to select "No tip" is so crazy. It implies that the default option is NOT "no tip" and you're actively taking money away from employees, when in fact I'm just trying to buy a Subway sandwich or Chipotle burrito (yes, even these places now have option to tip).

I think there has to be a system for rewarding Sammy of "Sammy's Car Wash" for being an honest businessman: usually the financial incentive is to be the exact opposite of honest: you're likely not to see the customer again, so might as well get as much out of them as possible. At some point the threat of losing customers should take over if they continue to screw us and make us buy things we don't need. Another incentive used to be through Google and Yelp reviews, although I'm not sure they're as reliable anymore due to businesses catching on and getting bots to write reviews or encouraging customers to write 5-star reviews for some sort of reward. So for now, I guess the only way to reward Sammy is with repeat business, or at least the spiritual reward of being able to look at potential customers in the eye and give a straight answer, putting one's ethics and conscience ahead of profit and money. A rare breed nowadays indeed. 

Iron (铁, 鉄, 철)

 Iron is a chemical element with the symbol Fe and atomic number 26. It is the reason why I was rejected the last 3 times I've tried giving blood. I can't give my blood away now! Apparently the American Red Cross's acceptable range of iron is from 13-17 (gm/dL). I was below that level each time. I don't feel any different than when I was consistently in the 14-15 range, but apparently all of my iron levels have been trending down recently (ever since I've become semi-vegan in sympathy with MJ). I'm not saying my iron levels are down BECAUSE of that necessarily as correlation does not equal causation, but eating meat does help the body process foods into iron, which I'm lacking. Every nurse I've talked to about my low iron count has given my a different explanation, from 1.) eat some leafy greens, 2.) you need iron supplements, 3.) your diet lacks iron sources, and the last one, which is very interesting: 4.) you give blood too much. Never considered that, but yes I have given platelets quite a lot in the last few months.....maybe the taking of platelets was the final straw in an overall decrease in iron count? Oh and I'm a little skeptical of one of my donations when the nurse saw the iron number (the moment of truth after pricking one of my fingers and squeezing some blood out) and said, "your iron is good" without telling me the number.......did he just round up from 12.7 or something to 13.0? Who knows now. 

This new iron deficiency issue isn't that concerning for me, I'm not too worried, but it does highlight the importance of getting different opinions from different medical professionals. It reminds me of when I went to different dermatologists in my late teens/ 20's due to my acne problems. The explanations for my acne ranged from 1.) I didn't use the right soap, 2.) I needed to take antibiotics, 3.) I drank too much milk, among other suggestions, and sometimes different theories FROM THE SAME DOCTOR. Sometimes I guess medical conditions just can't be explained by one specific thing, there's a combination of different facotrs, or the most concerning scenario, the medical professionals themselves don't really know and they're just guessing. I heard recently that anesthesiologists don't really know why people go to sleep from anesthetics, they just know it works. Some things are just unexplained; makes you wonder about how much we should have been listening to Anthony Fauci and all the health professionals at the beginning of the pandemic. 

The most frustrating thing right now about lack of explanations is our fertility issues; I guess part of me is brought back to all those years of visiting dermatologists for my skin problems even though all of my peers had outgrown acne issues and moved on with clear skin, yet I was still growing them at an alarming rate. The fertility issues are kinda the opposite (we're not still growing acne, we just can't grow a baby) but the frustration of not getting what I want while everyone else is feels the same; we're being left behind. It's a lonely feeling, seeing a lot of friends who I went to high school/college/law school with showing off their babies, sometimes 2nd or 3rd babies. Much like acne, it makes me wonder, "Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What can I do to stop it?" (until recently, my way of trying to get good karma was to donate blood.....and I can't even do that anymore!) 

And the worst thing is, we don't even have a clear answer for why we have these issues. Much like trying accutane, which was the last step for doctors to try getting rid of acne, which I almost resorted to before ultimately not donig it because it required blood work, etc, MJ and I have tried taking further steps and it still hasn't worked, and our doctor has given us a vague answer of "maybe you guys are in the 10-15% of people we just don't have a good answer for why you aren't getting pregnant." Well that's not a very helpful answer now, is it doctor? Hate to be critical of doctors, a lot of them are good and doing their best and have good intentions, but there's a reason why people get 2nd or 3rd opinions, and this seems to be one of those times. Hey, maybe it's because I don't have enough iron? (doubtful but another reasno to get my supplements up!) 

Deciduous (落叶的, 落葉性の, 낙엽)

In SoCal there's a shortage of them, but thank heavens for deciduous trees, or the ones where the leaves fall off, (literally meaning "falling off at maturity" because otherwise we wouldn't have fall leaves season, which is absolutely delightful for people like me who like to a.) take lots of road trips for long distances at a time and b.) have time to travel during the fall season, traditionally one of the slowest travel seasons of the year due to kids going back to school, people getting back to real life after the long summer travel season, etc. Deciduous also comes up very often in Jeopardy clues, either as the answer or as a well of narrowing down to get to an answer, like knowing that maples are deciduous trees (others are all the ones you'd expect like beeches, oaks, pines), Latin for "falling off," opposite of "coniferous" tree or "evergreen.' 

I recently discovered that driving is a therapeutic experience for me, allowing me to relax in a car while driving down wide and straight roads without worrying about all the other things in life and having a destination in mind. It's even more so when fall leaves are lining both sides of the road; early in the season they're be mainly green leaves everywhere, but just a few orange, yellow, and red trees playing off the green nicely......it's a gradual changing of the color, but a sudden burst at the climax when seemingly every tree turns at the same time. That's when you want to be out in the world experiencing that, especially with the cold air starting to blow in marking the definite end of summer (even in the current climate) and the coming of winter. 

MJ and I also recently got into sculpture gardens and visited Storm King Art Center for the second time: because once is just enough, and also because it was rainy and damp the first time. We like the vibes of large, vast parks that are miles wide and feature sculptures on mountains, in the fields, in the valleys, on a lake, just dotted all over the park, blending a mixture of some of my favorite things: being outside, sunlight, walking around, art, sculptures, and enjoying the fall foliage outside during running weather (not too hot and sweaty, but not enough to put on a jacket). Sculpture parks (not just gardens, these places are huge!) are like giant zoos except the exhibitions are sculptures, giant expressions of art, not animals held against in captivity against their will (how MJ sees it and I begrudgingly now kind of see it) and you're not waiting for the lion to wake up to do something; the art's always there and present. I was impressed with the symmetry, the style, the careful design, the format of the sculpture park; the structure of the park itself is art, much like an art museum isn't just artistic because of the paintings or artwork they display, but in the way that they display it: hanging collages in certain places, the sloping interior hallways, and the design of the musem itself: I say that if the human race eventually gets wiped out (a matter of time, but how much time?) and aliens or some other sentient species discovers the remants of Earth, they'll be appalled by all the pollution and waste and the captivity of other living creatures, but then maybe they'll come to a structure park and understand at least we're a sophisticated species, we were able to appreciate more than just the carnal things in life like football or shopping malls, we had a little bit of aesthetics in us after all. That could be the legacy of sculpture parks: a reminder of our humanity. Oh and blogs like this one: ordinary human beings able to express themselves. 

As living proof of my developing interests and changing preferences as I age, I used to want to go to all the MLB baseball stadiums in America, then go on a college campus tour across America (still kind of want to do that), then an art museum tour.....now that's even changed a bit to all the famous sculpture parks in America. Preferably during fall foliage (deciduous leaves) seaosn. 

Cookie (曲奇饼, クッキー, 쿠키)

 Fun fact: the word "cookie" orginiates from the Dutch word koekje meaning "little cake." Or is it? According to wikipedia there are a bunch of etymological theories including Scottish words being involved. So I guess not so much a fun fact as a fun theory? The Chinese translation of cookie has the character for "strange" in it, and that's exactly how to describe that translation: never seen that before in my life. And oh by the way the British don't call it a cookie at all, they call it a biscuit. 

Despite all the confusion surrounding the language of cookies, most people agree that cookies are good. When I go to a reception or lunch meeting or law school event, there's always some sort of cookie there. Chinese people love almond cookies. When I was a kid, Subway day was on Tuesday and almost always had a sandwich (of dubious quality meat), a bag of chips, and a cookie. Cookies don't go bad, they don't require a fork to eat, they are usually bristling with sugar so kids love it no matter what: the perfect treat. No wonder I tried to bake cookies as the first cooking experience of my life, passing the test rather easily by taking the dough out, putting it in the oven, and waiting until it turned into a cookie; so easy a fifth grader could do it. Then I started liking uncooked cookie dough more and started just eating that despite all the warnings by my junior high school teachers...but that's a different story. My favorite would probably be peanut butter cookies as the chocolate chip cookies get a little bland and predictable after awhile, sugar doesn't have the same blend of flavors peanut butter does, and macademian nut is not always available. Oatmeal raisin in a different universe would be good if chocolate didn't exist (kind of like Cain would be nice if Able didn't exist) but alas it's always going to be the redheaded stepchild of chocolate chip, and often mistaken for one. 

I mention cookies as an example of all the good desserts there are in the world and the reason why I never order dessert at a restaurant unless it's already pre-packaged in (and I suspect why restaurants DO want you to spend extra money to buy the dessert): no dessert is bad; you're ALWAYS going to like the dessert, especially after a regular meal of other non-sweet foods. Any fifth-grader can make a tasty sweet thing, so why go to "professional" cooks and chefs to make it for you? Cookie dough tastes just as good as any ice cream, fondue, teramisu combination I've ever had. There is something to be sad for using natural ingrediants and not getting that artificial-tasting sugar (I read somewhere that the Pumpkin Spiced Latte at Starbucks has the most scoops of sugar of any drink in the world).....fair point, I'm not a fan of sugar, or any other food that makes me addicted to it the more I have of it. So MJ and I tried to create our own dessert tonight, the super-trendy (at least on Vegan Instagram which MJ patrols dutifully) Peanut Chocolate Date Bark, which literally lists almost all of its ingrediants in the title, mixing together pitted dates (a nice dessert in its own right that has allowed me to get that sweet aftertaste after lunch meals to stay away from fattier sweets), peanut butter, peanuts, and chocolate chips. (And sea salt optional, but MJ is as allergic to extra salt as anyone can be who's not actually allergic to salt). Real easy process (I like pitting dates, actually, it's like the opposite of shucking oysters as you're opening up a date but instead of taking out the edible part, you're removing the unedible part and leaving the cannoli, er, the fleshy fruity part of the date. Spread the date apart, spread peanut butter like you would butter up a roll, sprinkle peanut butter (organic, unsalted, healthiest peanuts in the world straight from George Washington Carver's peanut lab if need be) and then finally pour on melted chocolate.....cool in fridge or freezer for a little bit and voila! (Voila sure is a useful word for recipes and cooking instructions) and it turns into pieces of bark.... or at least the chocolate does. Really, though, you could just scoop peanut butter and chocolate straight from their respective jars and insert directly into mouth and it's the same taste: you can never go wrong with that, so who are the dessert shops, candy creators, and producers of any sweet food kidding? 

The date bark's texture is pretty similar to a cookie. Did I mention that the Peanut Chocolate Date Bark is also VEGAN!!! (Super important nowadays, and worth an extra buck at checkout for restaurants just for the vegan tax that society imposes). No milk chocolate needed! I feel like I should get a Boy Scout badge for dessert-making now. 

Only Strangers in the Building

 Finishing up Season 3 of "Only Murders in the Building" on Hulu and just embracing the feel-good nature of the murder mystery TV show: I guess I'm just a sucker for well-decorated gardens, baseball facts and figures, Szechwan-style tofu/fish/any food, and a good ol' who-dunnit mystery. With all the options out there in TV, movie, and entertainment land nowadays and the ubiquitous usage of the skip button (see previous blog entry), it's sometimes nice just to sit back and let a TV series entertain you for awhile, and that's what Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez have been doing for 3 seasons now (more of the writing crew really who insert the little jokes, puns, and witticims), but the show definitely made me crave living in a building like the Arconia, a fictional-but-based-on-a-real-apartment-building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I'm guessing MJ would love living somewhere like that, near Central Park, in a stylish neighborhood of coffeshops and Levain cookies, within walking or subway distance of Lincoln Center, Carnegie Hall, and some of the best entertainment venues in the world, just a Central Park (the short way) trot away from the Metropolian Art Museum.....and only $4000 a month in rent for 700 sq.  glorious feet (just making up a number, but the real number might be higher). What charms me about the Arconia, though, is the different characters who make up the residents of the building: they all seem not necessarily nice, but with character: there's the guy with the cat who always wears sweaters that are stuck full of cat hears, the old lady who blames our heroes for messing up the Arconia, the doorman, the former actors and actresses....everyone seems to have a story. Oh and don't forget the secret passageways that make the building seem legendary! 

My condo building pales in comparison to the Arconia, but at least it has 2 elevators! (Very necessary when people are moving in or out, and when there's an emergency in one of them like someone spilling yogurt everywhere without cleaning up,which happens more often than one would think). I've been living here for 2 years, but since I moved in during the pandemic, haven't really gotten to know anybody. There's always an awkward 30-second elevator conversation when sharing with someone, but sometimes I don't know how to break the ice, and the other resident just looks down at the phone, the easy way out and the universal symbol for "I'm not talking to you buddy." There's the 2 blind ladies who live down the hall from me whom I want to get to know their stories better, but never seem to be able to bump into them......one of them takes the train to work every day back and forth and walks back from the train station. Amazing! There's the old dude who likes hockey and I always make a hockey comment if I run into him, the lady on the second floor who goes to trivia nights on Wednesday nights, the head of the condo association who organized a nice outing for everyone but only a minority of residents came in and out of, and the older couple of which the man walks back and forth in halls of the building as part of his daily exercise ritual. It's a pretty quiet, anti-social building; MJ and I have never really been able to make friends in new buildings we move into, as much as I fantasize about having a Seinfield-like relationship or something equivalent with neighbors. It'd be much easier to actually meet up, as opposed to my hometown friends who live in a different city. I guess I may have been scarred from law school when my 21-year-old self in search of friends knocked door-to-door at the "law school dorm" 1L year and tried to befriend people, and some people seemed rather standoffish and not willing to engage. Then again, some of my best friends from law school came from our law school building, so I take that back, that was the epitome of my "friends living cozily in the same building phase," now I'm just in a building without much connection to any of the other residents, very much a "only strangers in the building" experience. Alas. 

Apparently my iron level has been rather low lately affecting my ability to donate blood; kinda weird that I'm changing my lifestyle and eating habits just so someone can stick a needle in my arm and take one of the body's life forces away from me, but yup I'm taking iron supplements to give an artificial boost to iron. Never thought I'd be starting to get iron deficiency at such a young age! Darn! 

Battlefield (战场, 戦場, 싸움터)

 I often pontificate about being born in the time I was born in Earth's history rather than just a few centuries ago, and nowhere is that more evident than when I visit a battlefield. Especially in a battlefield where thousands of soldiers died, including most of the East Coast like the Civil War battles of Antietam, Gettsyburg, and various others that were the most devastating wars fought on American soil. I can only imagine the carnage of 20th century wars like WWI and WWII (and Korean War and Vietnam Wars after that), but once guns and other weapons were created, it just seems inhumane to have humans fight in wars. Even in the Civil War, when soldiers from both the Union and the Confederacy had guns to fire from far away and cannons to fire death missiles into crowds of enemy soldiers, human beings are just being slaughtered by these scientific innovations; human life becomes so valueless on a battlefield; it just becomes about statistics, damage control, and the whims of the commanding officers. I am even more saddened by the fact we still have wars waging in various countries throughout the world, most famously in Ukraine between the Ukranians (led by their exalted leader Vladimiar Zelenskyy) and the invading Russians (led by Vladimir Putin). I'd hate to be a soldier in one of those armies being sent to the front line for what? It's the 21st century where multiple countries have the capability to blow up metropolitan areas with just one missile, advanced drone technology that has facial recognition capabilities and doesn't need to be fired by a person on site, not to mention the now old technology of death machines tanks, artillery, and automatic guns, and yet I'm being sent to fight as a human being as just a number to in a war that's became stagnant and has no end in sight. 

MJ and I were both moved by the Gettsyburg Battlefield museum we visited today, especially since MJ was affected by the Korean War and how many had to die from South Korea defending the nation. The mechanics of the 3-day battle (July 1- July 3, 1863) were not that important for us, but the exhibits depicting the aftermath of the war were really telling: how many people lay dying on the battlefield even after Lee's forces had retreated, where some of the wounded were picked up to be saved, but some were so severely wounded they were just left to die there among their fallen comrades. The kind of rudimentary medical equipment used to try to help the men: no anesthesia, only some crude form of chloroform, "quinine" was used to treat any minor ailments, and saws.....to amputate legs, without sterilizing them. Untrained nurses and "surgeons" got good at what they did just by repetition on so many wounded combatants. It's like going to a party except you only show up after the party has ended and everyone at the party needs immediate attention from what happened at that party, and you only have a lancet (small surgical tool). 

Just as the movie MJ and I watched today at the battlefield said, families just pray that their son did not die in vain, but in almost wars, AT LEAST one side's efforts will have gone in vain, if not both sides' efforts. And for what? The leaders of both countries needing to act tough and retaliate so that their threats are not taken as empty threats, so that they can get more leverage at the barganinig table in settlement negotations? War is absolutely the worst thing possible in human society where thousands of people (nowadays, possibility of millions) can die within an hour, almost genocide-like number,s but it gets justified for a "good cause." I noticed that none of the generals in the wars lose their lives on the battlefield (well, I guess Stonewall Jackson got shot by friendly fire and died a few days later) but Robert E. Lee stayed alive long enough to surrender to Ulysses S. Grant, Jefferson Davis was around to surrender for the Confederacy, Abe Lincoln was killed (but not as a direct cause of any fighting, he died watching a play at Ford's Theater called "Our American Cousin." Zelenskyy and Putin are not the ones having any risk of dying, it's all these soldier who are mere pawns (and there a lot of these pawns with a living breathing soul encapsulating each one) who are thrown into battle like they're playthings. I played chess earlier in the morning and I used a lot of pawns to progress the game and try to win, and each time I "killed" a pawn or had a pawn taken I didn't really think too much about it; it seems like that's the attitude that an army general had to take, except there were lives behind each of those pawns. Apparently, Robert E. Lee was told by the general under him Longstreet that "Pickett's Charge" as it was called would not work; Lee just ignored (maybe pride, maybe just wrong information, bad intuition, whatever, like blundering a piece in chess) and just forged ahead and had 12,000 (!) Confederate soldiers just march onto the fields and let cannons fire into them like bowling pins. Devastating. 

Sorry for another "war is bad" piece but I think society is a little desensitized about battles; I know I certainly was growing up just reading about these wars without any consequences or understanding of soldiers fighting in the battles.