Friday, September 22, 2023

What we Do in the Shadows of Anonymity

 The title is a "catchy" title that I just thought of playing off the hit Hulu TV series about vampires. It's one of those names that trivia people like to use for bar trivia teams, like "Forrest Grumps" or "DumbleDo Re Mi." Come to think of it, a lot of band names (and pretty successful ones) got their names form worldplay, like "Bowling for Soup," or "Avenged Sevenfold" or AC/DC getting their name from a sewing machine, "Death Cab for Cutie" was named for a newspaper headline about a woman in a taxi accident, "Motley Crue" was taken from someone calling the band "a motley crew of people." Names like that stick. 

Anyway, I'm still hung up on how some people get fame and with it the rewards of being rememberd in history with a good name forever, while others just live and die in anonimity and the memories of them die with the last person who ever knew them (the theme of the Pixar movie "Coco.") I read the latest Time Magazine article today (it's become a biweekly publication now, meaning it doesn't get enough circulation to be published weekly so it only does one magazine every 2 weeks, a far cry from the hay days of the Nineties when at I at least regarded them as the premier magazine for understanding the pulse of the country, back when being on the cover of Time magazine really meant something. Nowadays they rely a lot on doing features on famous people, you know the people who the general public cares about deeply and would actually pick up the magazine for, and it feels like every other edition is a "Top 100 people of young up and comers" giving them an excuse to write about already-famous people, thus making those famous people even more famous, and also allowing other famous people to write about their famous people friends, like Peyton Manning (football player) writing about young blossoming superstar Jalen Hurts, or Jamie Lee Curtis (from Everything Everywhere All at Once) writing about her co-star in that movie Stephanie Hsu, with predictable starts to their blurbs like "when I first met Stephanie Hsu, she was so engrossed in her work as to stop me in my tracks with awe and admiration." It really feels like fame is just a great big club that everyone aspires to, and once you get in the club the existing members pat you on teh back and act like they always knew you were going to be a star, but until then it's one big club and you're not in it. (George Carlin quote). The exclusivity of it all and the hierarchy of it and climbing the ladder makes me think fame is a lot like......you guessed it, a pyramid scheme. 

My grandpa passed away 2 years ago, and he was my biggest hero; he didn't need to be famous or recognized by others, he just lived his life quietly, without advertising himself like everyone in this generation so shamelessly does to market themselves...he thrived in anonymity. Every day (at least since I knew him) he woke up at 5AM to do his morning exercises, ate the same thing for breakfast, read newspapers for at least an hour or two per day, did math calculations for a few hours a day, just him and his numbers, had dinner with our family, and when I was a kid, taught me math, Chinese, made me recite Chinese poems repetitively enough that I still remember some poems from memory, and basically just shaped who I am today, teaching me to be humble, to value integrity and respect of others and have a hunger for knowledge. I'm pretty sure I was motivated to read so much by my grandpa also reading all the time. 

For everyone like my grandpa, there are plenty of people out there who are similar, living great lives in anonymity without having a camera guy around them to document every "good deed" they do or to post on social media something to make themselves look good or self-advertise. I live in a building with neighbors who are blind and some other neighbors who are also handicapped and need to use a wheelcahir, and another neighbor who is deaf. These are some of the people we should be hearing about more, or checking in on, or learning more about their lives to give ourselves perspective on life, not just seeing the newest fashions on social media and getting jealous of the supermodels. Everywhere I look are pictures of Beyonce in her visors doing the Renaissance tour, Taylor Swift's new boyfriend football player Travis Kelce, pictures like 10 million plus likes, at least. How about some love instead for the guy who works the night shift at the hospital, or single mother who provides for her children, the lonely elderly who fought in wars or had society-enhancing jobs during their working days but are now generally ignored by everybody in their old age? 

I recently read a memoir by a lesser-known NY Times writer, a very well written story of her life and the death of her father and eventual death of her mother during the pandemic. They were very poignant stories with real depth and compassion and room for me to feel like I was there too and participated in her life, and got emotionally invested. I guess I'm a sucker for these types of books because they're so personal but because they bring attention to people I didn't know about existed yet now feel a real connection to, people who otherwise would have been left in the shadows of anonymity but are allowed to leap off the page of the book into the spotlight for just a little bit and let their best moments be shared with the world, without having to advertise how great it was on Facebook. 

Shoutout to my grandpa, I both miss him already and still miss him after 2 years. I hope to see him again one day in one form or another! 

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